Chapter 21

AN Enjoy. :)

Tony Dinozzo/Winchester POV

I let out a heavy breath as I flopped down onto the couch that was to be my bed for the night. It was a long day, we switched gears from looking for Dean to looking for the witch that whammied him. We got nowhere, it was like she just disappeared, like she wasn't there in the first place, and we still can't figure out where exactly to start looking.

Dean kept getting fidgety and I had to take him out to get lunch for everyone so he would stop complaining that research was boring.

Overall it was a pretty useless day, other than occupying Dean while Cas and Bobby work to try and figure out what exactly is wrong with him, we got nowhere.

Dean is now peacefully sleeping in the guest room, Cas picked him up to go grab his things from Bobby's house and then I took him to go visit Abby in her lab for a while so Gibbs could go through it to look for any alcohol or guns that Dean might have snuck in there.

I was hoping to talk some more with Dean today but he mostly stuck with Gibbs and Abby, almost like he was avoiding me. I think he was just embarrassed about his chick flick moment when I was freaking out, he was always very particular about that.

I let my thoughts float away as my exhaustion overcame my mind and pulled me into oblivion.

"Who the hell are you and why the fuck am I six?" I hear Dean screech, pulling me away from the blissful darkness of sleep.

"I'm Gibb's, and you got de-aged by a witch" I hear Gibbs say

"Where's Sammy?" he asks next

"He's not here right now" I answer him, hoping he believes me.

"Who are you?" he asks from the doorway of the kitchen

"It's me Dean-o, Tony" I tell him.

I saw his eyes go wide as he seemed to recognise me, he started to look around like he was debating if he should bolt or not.

"Why should I believe you guys, the last thing I remember is finishing a hunt in Colorado" he tells us, seemingly compartmentalising the fact that i'm here.

"Dean, how old do you think you are?" I ask

"27 why?" he says

"You were 32 yesterday, I mean, you were still stuck in a six year old body, but you were mentally 32" I tell him

"32? Huh, didn't think i'd make it that far" he says

I see Gibbs face contort slightly at that statement, and I know how true it is, when I thought I would be stuck in the life, I never imagined living past 30, at the most.

"How about we call Bobby and Cas and let them know what's going on" I say, already pulling out my phone.

As soon as the phone starts ringing I put it on speaker so that everyone can hear.

"Hello" Bobby answers sounding suspicious, and then it hits me, this is going to be my first time talking to Bobby in years, he was so much help when I was trying to raise the boys, and I was too chicken to talk to him when Dean called to check in. He helped raise me though, dad sure as hell wasn't going to, but he made sure to take care of all of us when dad left us at his place, he didn't leave me to take care of the boys, it was the only place that I really got the chance to be a kid.

"H-Hey Bobby" I say after a few beats of silence.

"Tony, I was wondering when you were gonna get the balls to actually talk to me" he says gruffly

I feel tears stinging the back of eyes as my mind is flooded with memories of Bobby's house, of him helping me do my homework to him teaching me how to play poker, and cooking dinner for the four of us and shoving me out the door when I insisted that I could watch the boys instead of going out with some of the boys who I went to school with.

"Yeah, um, something happened with Dean" I tell him, trying to get myself under control.

"What? Is he alright?" he asks

"Yeah he's fine, he is also mentally 27 as of today, Cas said something about this maybe happening, I thought it would help narrow down your research, and it might help if Dean could talk to you" I tell him.

"Balls, this narrows it down a lot, put the kid on" he says

I hand the phone to Dean, reluctantly giving up the connection to my past.

"Dean" he says

"Yeah, it's me Bobby" Dean says, staring at me, an odd mix of emotions flitting across his face.

"They aren't lying, but if i'm right, and I think I am, this will continue to happen until you are mentally six, at which point you could either stay like that, or it will automatically reverse the curse and you will go back to being 32" Bobby tells him.

"Well shit Bobby, how did this even happen?" he asks

"Um, you went out on a hunt and you got whammied by a witch, she ran off and you were six, Cas took you to my place but you were insistent on drinking and putting yourself in danger so we sent you to Tony's until we figure out what's going on with you." he sums up.

"Ok, but why Tony, I haven't fucking heard from him since I was 12 years old and he walked out the fucking door, so what happened in the last 5 years that you decided to send me to him" Dean spits out

"A lot happened Dean, and you were going to try and repair your relationship with him, you might want to ask him the particulars of what went on" he tells him.

"Fine, i'll talk to you later" Dean says as he hangs up

"Why?" he asks as he throws the phone at me

"Why what Dean?" I ask hesitantly, not exactly expecting his anger.

"Why did you leave? Why did you never answer the fucking phone? Why did you leave me to raise our baby brother? Why did you abandon me with dad? Why did you tell me that you would always be there for me, when you obviously didn't mean it? Why did you toss your family away like garbage? Why did you leave me you stupid motherfucker?" he yells, his face going red in anger, fists clenched by his sides, his chest heaving.

I was reminded of the time he yelled at me in the interrogation room, and it brought back every single feeling of guilt and shame.

"I-I I had to get away Dean, I couldn't live like that anymore" I say, still sitting on the couch so that I don't tower over him.

"And I could?! He got worse you know, when you left. He got angrier and meaner, and you weren't there to help me fix it anymore. And Sammy didn't understand, how could he? He was eight. And I had to try to take care of them, because you fucking left me you bastard! I had no idea how to do that, how to take care of Sammy or dad, we were falling apart when you weren't there, and I was the only one trying to hold the pieces together. After you left, all dad did was berate me for not being good enough, strong enough, brave enough, for not being enough, for not being you" he yelled, his eyes overflowing with tears.

With my heart breaking for the brother that I left behind, I open my mouth to try and defend my actions.

"I'm so sorry Dean, that fight was my breaking point, he wasn't ever going to get better, and I needed out. I needed to make a life for myself, and I have hated myself every day for what I did to you and Sam, but I needed to do it, I couldn't just stand by and let my life waste away before my eyes, I wasn't 16 before I knew that I was going to die young, and I was going to die bloody. It was the path that dad had set me on, and running was the only way I knew to get off of it. By the time you were twelve you were on the bandwagon, ready to spend your life saving people and hunting things, and you knew that you were going to die doing it, but you were so determined to be like dad, so that he would see you, and he would love you like a father should" I tell him, hoping to god he understands what i'm trying to say. He was in, and I was out, and I loved him, love him, but I couldn't be in that life any longer. It was driving me crazy.

"How would you know!? None of you ever asked me if I was on the fucking bandwagon Tony. I had dreams too! I wasn't just the perfect little soldier that everyone thought I was, I wanted to go to college, and find someone to settle down with, I wanted to become and engineer, and have kids, and I knew that it was never going to happen, because dreams don't come true for people like me. And maybe I was on the bandwagon for a while, because I thought that it was going to be the three of us against the world, but then you fucking left, and Sammy left, and dad left, and I got left behind, while you guys went and chased your dreams, I was left to pick up the pieces of our family, I was left to carry on the family business, I was left behind, because nobody cared enough to stay. So no, Tony, I wasn't the perfect little soldier, and I wasn't on the bandwagon, and I wasn't happy with where my life was going, but here we are, and I wouldn't change a thing, because I saved the fucking world, and I saved countless other people's lives, and if I went back and got to decide where I wanted my life to go, if I had run away to chase my dreams, they would all be dead. That's what makes my job worth it, saving people. So you know what, fuck you, because I had dreams too, I just happened to be the only one left behind to take on the responsibility" Dean spat at me, tearing down my defence and breaking my heart into little pieces.

Because he's right, I never asked, if that was what he really wanted, if he had dreams, if there was something else-something better that he wanted to do with his life.

"I'm sorry" I choke out

He just glares at me once more before bounding up the stairs, leaving me collapse on the couch and stare at Gibbs who I had forgotten was in here.

"I didn't know" I tell him as I wipe my face, trying to pull myself together in the wake of Dean's fury.

"I know Tony, I know" he says as he turns around and goes back into the kitchen to make breakfast.

AN Please read!

So I know that we went over some of this stuff in chapter 10, like basically everything that Dean told Tony in this chapter, but I also felt that this was a really important part of the story because these are things that Dean only ever brought up with himself, and they were things that I thought needed to be vocalised to Tony, also just because 32 year old Dean was willing to start to mend their relationship, doesn't mean that 27 year old Dean will, because he is still feeling those raw emotions from seeing Tony again after all this time. Sorry for the long explanation, I just wanted to explain what was going on for this chapter because I didn't want anyone to think that I was just repeating myself. Anyway, thoughts? Good? Bad? Meh? Lemme know what you think. Reviews are life. Also a huge thank you to everyone who has reviewed, it makes for a very happy writer. :)