Addiction

by gh0stb0y

Bella leaves behind a troubled past in Phoenix to start fresh in Forks. Fate has strange plans for her as she befriends self-destructive enabler Edward Cullen and falls head over heels for the mysteriously beautiful Rosalie Hale. Things can get better, but sometimes they have to get worse first. Rosalie/Bella.

21. Those Who Drown

Not more than five minutes passed before someone rang the doorbell. Rosalie swallowed and squeezed Bella's hand. For whatever reason, Bella wasn't nervous at all; probably because she had spent the entire day having a meltdown and nothing was quite going to top her shoving a knife through her own hand. She was so stressed out by everything that she had passed panicking and lulled herself into a state of anxious relaxation.

Carlisle and Alice went downstairs to welcome their guests. Edward was tense at first, but he relaxed and smiled once they heard the door open.

"It's Demetri and Felix," he said quietly.

Bella had no idea what that meant, but it seemed reassuring to the rest of the Cullens. They all relaxed slightly, as if a weight had been lifted off their shoulders. Whoever these vampires were, they were less dangerous than the ones that the Cullens had been expecting. Bella could just barely hear Carlisle's voice, though she couldn't make out what he was saying. She then heard the sound of footsteps as Carlisle, Alice, and their uninvited guests came upstairs.

Both of the Volturi guardsmen were quite tall and dressed almost entirely in black. The smaller of the two was tan and had long, black hair, and he was wearing a lot of leather. He had a short cloak draped over his shoulders, his hood removed, giving Bella a clear view of his angular features and scrutinizing gaze. He was actively surveying the room while his companion seemed less focused on the task at hand.

The other guard was just slightly taller than his friend and just as tan, with short black hair and much squarer features. He was extremely muscular; Bella's eyes went back and forth between him and Emmett, and she decided that both of them were around the same size, though this new vampire was maybe just a bit bulkier. While his companion looked quick and slender, he was massive and hulking, a confident gleam in his red eyes that told Bella he could handle himself in a fight. He didn't wear a cloak, but instead donned a jacket with a built-in hood. He was dressed much more casually than the other guard.

"I see a new face," said the slim vampire, smiling. He pushed his sleek hair out of his eyes. "And she's not a vampire… but not quite a human either."

"What is she?" the larger asked, stepping forward to inspect her up close.

Rosalie pushed Bella back and snarled at him.

"My bad," said the guard, stepping away from them and raising his hands. "I see the family beauty has placed her claim on this one."

"Felix," said the smaller guard, putting a name to the gigantic brute.

"Bella is… unique," said Alice, tipping her head to the side. "Carlisle can tell you more, but I think Aro will be the one more interested in hearing about this."

"Alice is right. We're not trying to hide anything here."

"No secrets," said Demetri, scanning the room once more.

"Of course not," said Carlisle.

"So, what is she?"

Carlisle looked at Bella, his eyebrows raised, then back at Demetri.

"That's a hard question to answer. Something… new, that's for sure. I've taken a lot of notes on the subject, but I'm still actively observing her condition. My research isn't yet ready to be presented, but I'm willing to share once it's complete."

"Yes, you are," said Demetri.

He stepped closer to Bella, fists on his hips, leaning down to get a better look at her. Rosalie glared at him but didn't snarl this time. She let him observe for a moment before he rose and turned away.

"Take it all in," Bella said, smirking.

Demetri grinned.

"Dead, yet very alive," he said. "How strange. How does one manage to create something so… unique?"

"A lot of hard to replicate circumstances," said Carlisle.

"Ghouls, I would assume?"

"Ghouls were involved, yes. I'm sure that's the reason you're here."

"Yes, it is," said Demetri, standing tall again and turning to face Carlisle.

"Word travels fast."

"It was more widespread than you think. Travelers who didn't even come close to this area came to us to report it. We've been here for a few days, but it seems like the problem has calmed down."

"Yes, it's very strange," said Jasper. "We've been monitoring the situation as well, and it's almost like they were never here at all."

"It's odd, but it looks like the issue has been resolved, so we're no longer worried about it," said Demetri.

"Resolved?" Edward asked, narrowing his eyes in suspicion.

Demetri turned to face Edward.

"Yes, resolved. It's over."

Edward continued to stare hard at Demetri, who remained unbothered. After a moment, Edward sat up and crossed his arms over his chest, looking frustrated, still squinting at the Volturi guardsman.

"Well, that's good to hear," said Carlisle, glancing at his son.

"Yes. We will be returning to Volterra promptly." Demetri turned his back to them, then looked over his shoulder. "We expect you will be visiting us soon. Aro will be very excited to meet… Bella."

"We will pay you a visit before the year is up," said Carlisle.

"And we will hold you to that."

Demetri began to head back down the stairs. Felix bowed his head to the Cullens and followed his fellow guardsman.

"Goodbye, Cullens," he said as he exited.

Carlisle followed them to the front door, where he watched them walk away until they were out of his sight. He let out a sigh of relief as soon as they were gone and walked back upstairs to his family.

"That was… stressful, to say the least," he said, wringing his wrists.

"They seemed pretty chill," said Bella. "But what about this visit? We gotta like… go to Italy?"

"Yes. Very rarely do Aro or his brothers venture outside the city of Volterra these days," said Carlisle.

"They send out the guard to do their dirty work while they sit in their castle gorging themselves on tourists and petrifying," added Rosalie.

"Demetri may have been a bit casual about it, but we have to go. If we don't, we could get in trouble. They'd probably send out the twins…" Edward rubbed his chin. "Well, we don't need to worry about that. We'll pay them a visit over Christmas break."

"Charlie should let me go. At least, I hope he will," Bella said, her brow furrowed.

"We could make a time out of it. Hit up Venice, Rome, Florence," said Alice. "There's definitely wineries in Italy."

"Yes, we make our imminent deaths more fun and exciting," said Edward, rubbing his hands together.

"We are not going to die," Carlisle said sternly.

"Right, right. Whatever you say."

Bella looked around nervously. "But like, we aren't going to die, right?"

"No, they're not planning on killing us," Alice said, exasperated. "Aro is just a very… interested person. Nosy, if you will, but for good reason. I think. That's debatable, actually."

Jasper rose from his seat and straightened his shirt.

"I'm going out to check over the woods again. What Demetri said was… rather suspicious. But we haven't seen any ghouls for the past couple days. It's odd, but he seemed to think like everything was over for good. I wonder what they did…" he said as he headed outside.

"I'm gonna take you home. This has been enough excitement for tonight. You should get some rest," said Rosalie.

Bella wanted to protest and say that she wasn't tired, but she decided it wasn't worth the effort. She just shrugged and followed Rosalie downstairs to the garage. Rosalie wanted to ask Bella how she was feeling, but she wasn't really sure how to go about it. Though she and Bella had been through a lot that brought them closer together, she still felt an awkward distance between them. They had gotten to know each other quite well, but at times it still seemed as if they weren't really comfortable with each other. It was ironic that the two people who had ended up being soulmates often didn't know how to act around each other.

Rosalie was envious of Bella's relationship with Edward. Things had been easy for them right from the start. They were naturally compatible, and they had so much in common.

Rose struggled to figure out what to say.

"Are you… Are you like… Are you good?"

Bella, who had been getting into the passenger's seat of Rose's BMW, froze in place, blinked a few times, and then burst into laughter.

"Am I good?" she said, wiping a tear from her eye. "Yeah, I think I'm mostly okay. At least, I'm not on the verge of another major meltdown. I think I just needed to get all that out. Talking to Jazz helped too. Sometimes you just gotta let it all out, man."

"Yeah. I get that. Just, maybe not with knives next time? Please?" said Rosalie as they both got into the car.

"I mean, it didn't hurt me or anything," said Bella, raising the hand she had sliced open. It looked completely fine, as if nothing had happened to it.

"I know. It's just… It makes me anxious."

"Right, right. That's fair." Bella leaned back in the seat as Rosalie backed out of the garage, arms crossed, staring at the dashboard. "Yeah, that must've really scared you. Sorry about that, actually."

"It's fine. You were going through a lot."

Rosalie turned off the Cullen's long driveway onto the main road, heading back towards Forks proper. She stared at the yellow lines running down the center of the asphalt, watching them roll past as she accelerated.

"Bella?"

"Hm?"

"This is weird, but… Do you ever feel like we don't really know what we're doing? In this relationship, I mean."

"Oh, constantly," Bella said without hesitation. "I think we established pretty early on that we're both huge idiots when it comes to this whole dating thing."

"Yeah. I mean, I have to say I'm still pretty scared of… Well, all of it. I have no clue what I'm doing at all. I feel like I've not really been a great partner, honestly. We keep falling into the same situations, the same arguments. I think we've spent more time yelling at each other and panicking about things than we have actually going on dates. I mean, to be fair, I didn't really start things off all that well. I guess what I'm saying is…" Rosalie's grip on the steering wheel tightened. "Do you honestly think we're really meant to be together?"

Bella looked up from the dashboard, her eyes rising to the road in front of them, and then slowly drifting over to Rose, who was looking ahead though her eyes were frantically darting back and forth between looking at where she was going and looking at her mate. Panic was present in her expression; it wasn't often that Bella saw her so clearly anxious.

"I, uh, I…" Bella stuttered, at a loss for words. She wasn't sure if she had an answer to that question, or if she ever would. "I guess? Fuck, dude, I don't know. It's not like we set this up or anything."

Rosalie took a deep breath as if it was going to relax her before saying, "It just doesn't seem like things are… working. I don't know, I think it might just be my fault."

"Oh, don't say that. I think we're both huge fuck-ups, no offense. But we also just haven't had a lot of time to figure shit out."

"But…" Rosalie didn't want to say it, but the thought wasn't going to go away any time soon. "You and Edward were such good friends right from the start. The two of you act like you've known each other for years. Yet, me and you, who are supposed to be destined to be together, can't even figure out how to properly be in a relationship."

"I think that's just it, though. Some fucked up force of fate decided for us that we should be together forever. I just accidentally met Edward in biology one day and found out that he was a cool dude who had a lot in common with me. There's nothing out there putting a mandate on our friendship telling us that we have to be friends because the universe said so. We get along because we just do. You and I… Rose, I love you, but sometimes I don't know what part of me is saying that. I know I definitely feel that way, but it's like something inside me is reminding me of it constantly." Bella clutched her chest. "There's this… weird stress on us because we feel like we have to be this perfect couple, like star-crossed lovers or something."

Bella looked out the window, not knowing what else to say. The small clump of dots of light that made up Forks was coming into view through the rows of pine trees. Silence hung over them for a few moments as Rosalie let Bella's words sink into her skin, absorbing the weight of the information.

"We don't have to be like that, though," said Bella, still looking out the window. If she had been breathing, there would have been a small patch of fog on the glass near her mouth. "Yeah, we're soulmates or whatever, but that doesn't mean we have to be perfect. It doesn't mean we have to have some kind of immaculate relationship that's all about true love and being perfect for each other. I don't even think we're perfect for each other. I think we're just us, and we need to let go of whatever notions we have of what we think we're supposed to be doing. We should just do what we want."

Rosalie remained quiet as she pulled into Bella's driveway. Bella got out to get her bag from the backseat while Rose ran a hand through her hair and stared long and hard at the center of the steering wheel, her mind a million miles away, thoughts racing.

We're just us, she thought. We should just do what we want.

When Bella started to walk to her front porch, Rosalie jumped out of the car and jogged over to her, grabbing her hand. Bella turned around, surprised, and barely managed to say Rose's name before the blonde pressed her lips against hers. It was a quick kiss, but Bella could feel the passion and intention behind it.

"You're right," said Rose. "Fuck it. This whole time I've been so scared. I've been thinking that there was something I was supposed to be doing, some kind of way I was supposed to be acting, that if I made one mistake it would fuck up everything. But fuck all of it. I could care less about some stupid magic soulmate bond or whatever. Fuck it!"

Bella laughed, pressing their foreheads together. "Yeah, fuck it. Like, you're hot, and I think I'm pretty okay sometimes. Fuck everything else."

"I love you, Bella, and I'm not just saying that because I feel like I have to. I'm saying it because I believe it," said Rose, smiling wide.

Bella smiled and gave her another kiss.

"Don't be scared of me, Rose," she said, playfully pushing her away. "I don't bite."

Rosalie laughed. She genuinely tossed her head back and laughed. And Bella laughed too. They laughed and laughed because nothing mattered anymore. There was no need to be serious now.

Bella gave Rose one last kiss on the cheek before saying goodbye and heading inside. Charlie was sitting in the living room, watching the news and relaxing for the first time in a long time. Work was slowly shifting back to its normal, dull routine for him, and he had free time again. Instead of heading straight up to her room as usual, Bella sat her backpack down by the stairs and took a seat on the couch. Charlie briefly glanced over at her but didn't say anything. He didn't feel like he needed to, so he didn't. Bella didn't say anything either. She just made herself comfortable and watched TV with him as if everything was normal, as if everything was okay.

And it was.

-X-

Bella couldn't sleep.

She felt tired, but her body had decided that she didn't need the rest right now, so she laid in bed, staring at the ceiling fan spinning above her. It was getting to be winter, and it had to be cold in her room for her to be able to fall asleep. The fall chill wasn't working for her tonight, though. It was one in the morning and she didn't feel like she was going to fall asleep anytime soon.

So, she texted Edward, who showed up at her window fifteen minutes after she asked him to come over. She wanted to go for a late-night drive, so she molded a bunch of blankets and pillows into a Bella-like shape in her bed and had Edward help her sneak out through the window.

"Where to?" he asked once they were in his Volvo, which he had parked further down the street so as not to arouse suspicion.

"Anywhere, I don't care. I just couldn't stay cooped up in there awake like this any longer."

"Why didn't you ask Rosalie? It seems like you two had a nice revelation earlier this evening," he said as he pulled off the side of the road and starting driving to nowhere in particular.

"We did, and I felt like asking her to come back and drive me around all night would've spoiled the moment. Also, keeping me entertained when I'm bored and can't sleep in the middle of the night is more best friend territory rather than girlfriend territory."

"True, true. So, you can't sleep because anxiety or because… dead?"

Bella snorted. "Because dead, I think. I kinda wish I could sleep right now, but it just doesn't seem like it's happening."

She reclined all the way back so she was lying horizontally in her seat, staring up through the moonroof. She had always loved staring at the stars, and they were particularly bright in Forks; they were way out in the middle of nowhere, so the light pollution wasn't too terrible.

"What was Rose doing when you left?" Bella asked.

"Oh, so now you wanna know what she's up to. Can't ask her yourself?" he sneered, taking a left turn to somewhere Bella couldn't see from her reclined position.

"No, that's not it, idiot. I'm just curious about what you guys do all night. Because you never sleep."

"Oh. Well, she was doing some kind of engineering homework thing earlier in her room. I think she was watching TV when I left."

"Is that what she usually does when I'm not around?"

"She does whatever. Works on her car sometimes. Plays music. Hangs out with us if she's feeling particularly inclined."

"What about you? What do you get up to in the nighttime?"

"Well, I usually just dick around. I work on my music sometimes. Read, play video games, all the good stuff. Anything, really. We have a lot of time to kill. Sometimes I'll do something productive. I've learned a few languages in my spare time. At first, you feel like you can be super productive because there's more time in the day. Infinite time, really. But after a while you run out of shit to do. Gotta find new hobbies. Sometimes I just lay in my room and stare at the ceiling."

"Thrilling."

The stars were flying by overhead so fast that Bella couldn't keep up with them, so she just laid there and let them flow over her eyes like a river of light. For the Cullens, every night was like tonight. Unable to sleep, they were forced to entertain themselves until sunrise. Before, she had viewed that in a positive light. Like Edward had said, it seemed like you could get a lot done when you didn't have to sleep, but after a hundred or so years, you probably ran out of things to occupy yourself with. What were you supposed to do with all that time? Was immortality really all it was cut out to be?

But she couldn't reject it now.

Bella felt the car slowing to a stop, heard the sound of gravel crunching under the tires. She slowly brought her seat back up to come face to face with the ocean.

"Are we… at First Beach?"

Edward nodded and grinned. "Can't keep us out anymore now, can they? This is… Well, this is the first time I've ever been here. It's… beautiful."

The sky was clear, and in the dead of night, the moon shone down bright as the sun on the waters of the Pacific Ocean. Dried out driftwood cast shadows on the sand, and in the distance, tall islands poked up out of the sea like the heads of giants looking out from under the waves. No one else was around. There was no sound but that of the waves lapping gently against the shore. The night was calm, peaceful.

To Bella's surprise, Edward backed out of the space he had pulled into. She thought he had decided to leave, but he just did a quick turn-around and then backed into the same parking space. He got out and opened up the hatchback.

"Come on back," he said through the trunk.

Bella unbuckled and got out of her seat, walking around behind the Volvo to see what he was up to. Edward had brought along several quilts and pillows and was currently laying down the back seats so that he could spread out the bedding.

"Oh, how romantic," Bella said, rolling her eyes. "Sometimes I think you're the one dating me instead of Rose."

"You wish," he said, hopping into the trunk and grabbing one of the pillows for himself. "I'm just really, really nice and considerate."

"Mhmm."

Bella grabbed her own pillow and hopped inside. She laid back beside him, staring out at the moonlit ocean waters.

"Staying up all night really sucks sometimes, but one of the good things is that you start to realize that people miss out on things like this when they're sleeping," said Edward, pointing at the scenery before them. "The whole world's asleep, and it's just us out here. It's all for us."

"I mean, I've always liked being up late at night. At least, when it's by choice. There's something special about staying up really late, especially when you're hanging out with someone else," said Bella. "It's kinda magical. You feel like you're in some kind of feel-good art film or something."

Edward laughed. "That's one way to put it."

They let the conversation fade out as they both sat wrapped in silence, taking in the view. Edward laid with arms bent, hands resting over each other on his chest, head propped up just enough to be able to see forward. Bella laid on her side, head propped up on the heel of her palm, her body on a curve. No one else was around. No one was there to interrupt, to disturb the natural peace of the world.

This had always been here, Bella realized. The world was always like this, even when no one was around to see it. Every night, the moon and the stars rose into the sky, replacing the sun, and they cast their gentle light down onto the water. Or maybe it would be cloudy and stormy, and the sea would be rising up and raging in the middle of the night, no one there to witness its fury. Maybe one or two people would come along and catch a glimpse, but, for the most part, people wouldn't see it.

"Do you ever wish you could go to sleep?" she asked Edward.

"Sometimes. It would be convenient. There are days when I really have no idea what to do with myself, so I'll just lay down on the couch with a pillow and a blanket and close my eyes and pretend. It never works, but it's the closest thing I can get to it. I just do my best to clear my mind and just relax for a while. I do get tired, you know. They say we don't, and technically we don't. We don't get, like, physically tired. But I get mentally tired. Just drained from having to exist, to keep on going."

"I feel that. I've felt that for a long time now."

"Yeah."

Edward sat up, leaning over his knees and running a hand through his hair, which was falling out of its neatly styled, hair-sprayed up-do. He rocked back and forth a few times before he reached down and pulled off his shoes and socks, tossing them over his shoulder. He got out of the trunk and began walking down the hill to the beach. For a minute, Bella watched him, mentally debating whether or not she wanted to follow. She did.

Edward wriggled his toes in the sand, feeling the shifting, soft texture of the grains beneath his feet. He pushed it around and dug his toes into it. Bella walked past him and went straight to the water. She could tell that it was cold, but she couldn't feel it. She rolled up her jeans and stepped in a bit deeper until it was up to the middle of her shins, daring to dampen the edge of the cuffed denim. She stared at the waxing moon, the thinning crescent hanging far above her in the sky and reached up to her neck and rubbed the moon pendant Rosalie had given her.

"It's always there," she whispered to herself.

Back on the beach, Edward had become preoccupied with finding weird pieces of driftwood. When Bella walked back over to him, he poked her with a stick and then kicked sand at her, initiating a play fight that sent them running all over the beach, throwing sand and stones at each other. It ended with Bella tackling him to the ground (Edward let her win). They laughed and laughed as they rolled around in the sand, the sound of their mirth the only noise in the night aside from the calm lapping of the waves against the shore.

-X-

"Things have been so stressful lately. We should do something fun. Like throw a party!"

"Alice, I really don't think that's a good idea," said Rosalie, glaring at her sister from the other side of the lunch table.

"Not like, a big party. Just one for us. And we could invite the puppies, too."

Alice smiled at Leah, who just closed her eyes and pressed her hand against her face, exhaling through her teeth.

"Lowkey, I think that would be kinda fun," said Bella. "I don't know, I've just been really stressed out lately with all the shit that's happened. If it's just something small and chill, I'd be down. Just to have a good time."

Rosalie looked at Bella for a second, then nodded. "If Bella's cool with it, I'm cool with it."

"It could be like a mixer! So we can get to know the pack better," Emmett said excitedly.

"I didn't want to get to know any of you in the first place," Leah growled. "I don't think anyone else wants to either."

"Well, they kinda have to," said Bella, tilting her head from side to side and clicking her tongue.

Everyone turned their eyes away from Edward, not wanting to address the elephant in the room. He sighed loudly.

"I mean, she's right," he said quietly.

"Listen, I'll just text Jake and see what he thinks," said Bella, getting out her phone.

She typed out a quick message asking him if he thought a small party with the Cullens would be a good idea, and he responded saying that he thought it was a great idea, and that he would ask the other guys what they thought.

"I like that my opinion is just getting completely annoyed," said Leah.

"You're just a grumpy buzzkill," said Bella, reaching over to pat her on the shoulder. "By the way, what are you up to this afternoon?"

"I'm helping Seth bleach his hair again. Why?"

"Well, I haven't really been able to hang out with you guys since all this ghoul shit started going down, so I wanted to chill or something. If that's cool with you?"

"Yeah, yeah, totally. We can do that," said Leah, her grouchy demeanor changing in an instant. "It has been a while. God, we said we were gonna hang out all the time at the start of the year and then… well, everything happened. You can come over whenever."

"Cool. Edward drove me, so I'll just get him to take me home and then I'll drive over," she said, nudging Edward with her elbow.

"So about this party," said Alice, leaning forward spreading her arms across the table.

Bella's phone vibrated with a text from Jacob saying that most of the guys would go as long as there would be booze and snacks. Alice snatched her phone from her and read the message, an excited "yes" escaping through her clenched teeth.

"I'll start planning it right away! We'll hit up the liquor store before we head home," she said, squeezing Jasper's bicep and pulling him away from the table as she stood up to go to her car. "Tomorrow night at nine!"

"Tomorrow night at nine," Bella repeated, typing that out in a message to Jacob.

-X-

Bella arrived at the Clearwater residence around two in the afternoon. When she knocked on the front door of the doublewide, she didn't know who she expected to open the door, but it was Sue who greeted her. It was Sue's house, so there was no reason for her to expect anyone else, but it still startled her.

"Hey, Bella," she said, forcing an awkward smile.

"Hey, Sue," Bella responded, giving her an equally awkward smile in return.

Sue was looking her over, trying to see what had changed. Bella realized that this was the first time Sue was seeing her since the incident, which she definitely had to have been told about since her children were directly involved in the whole ordeal. Once again, Bella was reminded that she was different now, even if it wasn't apparent on the surface.

Sue could see just a tiny sliver of scar tissue peeking out from under the collar of Bella's shirt. Her eyes locked onto that one spot until Bella shifted slightly and her shirt moved to cover it.

"Did you need something?" Sue finally asked.

"Oh, uh, I just came by to hang out. With Leah and Seth."

"Oh, right! She did say that. I forgot. Come on in. They're down the hall."

Bella nodded and stepped inside, walking past Sue, whose eyes followed her all the way down the hall until she disappeared through the doorway.

Music was blasting from a small, portable speaker, filling the tiny bathroom with an immense amount of sound. Jacob was sitting on the closed toilet, looking at his phone, while Seth sat shirtless in the bathtub as Leah coated his hair in bleach.

The last time Bella had seen Seth, his hair was quite long and his dark roots were showing, encroaching on the rest of his sandy blonde locks. She had no doubt it had grown out even more since then, since he was so busy helping with the patrols. Now, the pack had time to relax and return to a somewhat normal routine.

"Bella!" Jacob cried as she entered, leaping up from his toilet seat to hug her.

He wrapped her in his huge arms, and she sunk into the comfort of his natural warmth, burying her head in his muscular chest. She stayed that way for a minute; she felt at home in his embrace.

"How ya doin'?" he asked when she finally let go.

"I'm… doing," she said, smiling and shaking her head. "Actually, I'm okay. Things are feeling pretty good right now. I just need for shit to be normal, and it kinda is."

Jacob sat back down on the toilet and Bella took a seat against the wall next to him and looked at Leah. She was concentrating so hard on covering every strand of her brother's hair with bleach that her tongue was sticking out of the corner of her mouth.

"Whose music is playing?"

"Mine," said Jacob.

Bella reached up and took his phone from him without asking. He glared at her as she opened his Spotify and searched for something she wanted to hear. She searched Edward's name and follow him on Jacob's account, then picked one of his playlists for them to listen to before handing his phone back to him. "Dreams" by Fleetwood Mac started to play, the soft tones of the guitar floating into the air and drifting out of the tiny bathroom into the hall.

"How's finals coming along?" Jacob asked.

Bella groaned. "It is what it is. Obviously, I don't have a final for yoga. There's no written final for communications; I just have to give another speech, which I already finished over break. I also just have a final paper due for my history class, and it's halfway done. So, technically, I only have two finals for bio and English. I'm not worried about English at all, so I've just gotta crack down on studying for bio."

"College life sounds tough."

"It's not that bad, but like, it is kinda bad." Bella tilted her head back and looked up at the ceiling. "I love Stevie Nicks and all, but thunder doesn't only happen when it's raining."

"I mean, most times it does," said Leah.

"Yeah, but like, thunder happens at other times. You can have thunder snow. And sometimes it just thunders and then there's no rain because the sky is a little bitch."

Jacob snorted. "Are you really trying to say that you have a problem with this Fleetwood Mac song?"

"No, like, I love it, but that's just, like, a fallacy. Thunder happens at other times."

"Whatever, man," he said, waving his hand at her.

The song faded into "Mykonos" by Fleet Foxes, and Bella's train of thought changed with the music. Bella hadn't been in Forks for years before she came back, but the last time she saw Seth, she never would've pegged him for the type to do something so drastic to his hair. Leah was finished, so she had wrapped his head up in a plastic bag and was peeling the bleach-covered gloves off of her hands so she could set a timer.

"Seth, why did you bleach your hair?" she asked, her curiosity getting the better of her.

"Well… I guess I just wanted a change?" he said, scratching his neck. "It was about a year ago that I first did it. Maybe a little more than that. After dad died, I just… I don't know. I was really feeling… depressed, I guess. I was kinda wallowing in grief for a long time, and I didn't know what to do to get out of it. I even started to get frustrated with myself. It was hard. For a while."

Leah didn't turn around to look at her brother as he spoke, instead staring into the mirror at her reflection, focused hard on her own eyes.

"So, I decided I needed a change," said Seth. "I did a lot. I got rid of a lot of my old clothes and some other stuff. I painted my room a different color. I told mom I wanted to bleach my hair and she said it was fine, so I got Leah to do it." He looked down at his hands, nodding to himself. "Sometimes, you just have to get rid of something. Just let it go. If you feel like you're being held back, just change something. Something small, or something big. So I bought new clothes and I bleached my hair." He looked back up at Bella. "It's not like you're trying to ignore your problems or anything. You don't try to forget that it happened. You just change it. Get rid of it. And you move on."

Bella stared at him, nodding slowly. She ran a hand through her own hair, which had grown quite long; she hadn't had it cut since she was in Phoenix. It now hung just past her collarbones. She twisted her dead ends between her thumb and forefinger, and she looked up at Leah.

"Could you… Could you cut my hair?" she asked.

Leah blinked. "Like, today?"

"Yeah, today."

"You sure?"

Bella looked at her, inhaling deeply.

"Yeah. I'm sure."

-X-

Bella returned home late that evening. She had stayed at the Clearwaters' for dinner and spent time working on homework with the others. Charlie was sitting at the dinner table, reading the paper and eating what was definitely Campbell's chicken noodle soup that he had microwaved and poured into a bowl. When he looked up at his daughter, he dropped his spoon, splattering a bit of broth onto the page he was reading.

"You cut your hair," he said.

"Uh, yeah, I got Leah to do it. She's pretty good at it, actually." Bella ran a hand through her hair, which was now cut into a longer bob, the tips just barely brushing against her shoulders. "It's been really long for a while now, so I thought it was time for a change. Sometimes you just gotta let things go."

Charlie nodded and cleared his throat. "It, uh, it looks good. I like it."

"Thanks."

Bella walked behind him and into the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of Gatorade from the fridge before heading up to her room to finish her history paper.

When Leah had been cutting her hair, Bella wondered if it was ever going to grow back. She was dead now, but when people died, their hair and nails would still continue to grow for a while afterwards. Was she completely frozen now, or would her hair gain a little bit of length before it stopped?

After another hour of typing away at her paper about the Civil War, she wrapped it up with a sloppy conclusion and slammed her laptop shut, unwilling to put any more effort into the assignment for the time being. She picked up her phone and shot a text to Edward to ask him if he had finished working on his half of their study guide for biology. Instead of responding to her message, he poked his head in through her window about five minutes later.

"It's all done," he said, handing her a neatly stapled packet.

"Oh, dope. You know, I'm not super worried about this exam, but I still wanna be sure I know everything."

"You got a haircut," said Edward, ruffling her hair.

"Yeah, Leah did it."

"I like it. Fresh. Hip. You know it'll never grow back, though."

"I was thinking about that earlier, actually. Are you sure that it won't?"

Edward flopped down on her bed, making himself comfortable, and said, "I mean, ours doesn't. I actually cut mine about a decade ago, and it hasn't changed a bit since."

"You really cut your hair?" Bella asked, leaning forward in her desk chair.

He rubbed the back of his head. "I got Alice to do it. I used to have sort of longish hair. Not like, super long, but longer than most. She cut it because she wanted to give me a more modern look."

"I think it suits you."

"Me too," he said, winking and shooting finger guns at her. "Were you planning on going to sleep or were you gonna stay up later?"

Bella looked at the digital clock by her bedside, the bright red numbers showing that it was just past ten. Early, at least for her.

"I'll be up for a while," she said, getting up from her chair to join him on the bed.

"Good, 'cause I was bored."

"We can study."

Bella waved the biology packet in his face. He stuck his tongue out at her.

"No. But do you wanna hear what Alice has planned for the party tomorrow?"

"I don't know. Do I?"

"I mean, I can tell you the stuff you'll appreciate. First of all, we got a keg."

"Oh hell yes. PBR?"

"Of course. Only the best pisswater for us. I think we just got shitty party liquor though. Burnett's and whatnot. Can't wait to do shots of Montezuma all night."

"Hey, I think we can top that Halloween party that Jessica Stanley threw," said Bella.

"Speaking of that, I did manage to convince Alice to buy a box of Fireball," he said, winking.

"You didn't."

"Oh, I fully did."

"I'm completely ready to die tomorrow night now," said Bella, tossing the study packet on her desk so that it was out of sight and out of mind (the final wasn't until next Wednesday anyways).

"Can't die if you're already dead. Too soon?"

"I wouldn't be me if I didn't joke about my personal trauma too much for other people's comfort," Bella said, rolling her eyes.

"That's why we're friends."

Edward started messing with his phone as the conversation dropped off. Bella stared at hers, hoping some kind of notification would pop up so she could make herself look busy and shrug off the awkward pause. She tapped the screen with her thumbnail, then glanced back up at Edward, who was also searching for something to say.

Their awkward silences weren't as awkward as they could be; they both knew each other well enough to know that whenever they ran out of things to say, they weren't alone in their panic. Bella knew that Edward was struggling just as much as she was, which made it less of a struggle, if that made any sense. It was less stressful. She knew she didn't have to bend over backwards for him because he knew he didn't have to either.

Finally, Edward seemed to run across something in his phone that caused his eyes to light up.

"You and Rose got any plans soon?"

"What? I mean, I'm gonna see her tomorrow, obviously. Other than that, no. We haven't really said anything solid."

Edward didn't quite frown, but he twisted one corner of his mouth, expressing disappointment as he read something in an old text message.

"I've… I've been talking to her a bit, I guess. I don't know if you can really call it talking," he said. "I've been accidentally reading her mind sometimes and initiating very awkward conversations. But I think it's good for her. For us, and our relationship, actually. Anyways, don't think about it too much because sometimes it doesn't even have anything to do with you, but she has told me she's been trying to like… casually talk to you more. We talked about it again after the other night when you guys had your conversation. I'm just a bit… surprised? That she hasn't really done anything… yet?"

Edward looked to Bella for confirmation. He was now lying with his head hanging off the end of her bed, so he was looking at her upside down.

"Uh, yeah. No, nothing much has changed. But I wasn't expecting it to. At least, not right away. To be fair, I'm not making much of an effort either."

Edward stared at her for a minute, narrowing his eyes slightly. He finally looked away from her as he started to roll over onto his stomach.

"You're still scared of her," he said.

"What? I'm not scared of her. I'm not scared of you, so I'm definitely not scared of her," said Bella, almost laughing.

"No, I mean, romantically you're scared of her."

"Psh, no I'm not. We had that whole talk the other day."

"I know, and it helped, it did, but I can tell that you're still scared of her," he said.

"How?"

"Because she's still scared of you too."

A silence. Bella leaned down and reached under her desk, retrieving a bottle of vodka that she opened and poured into the Gatorade she had been drinking. It wasn't going to taste good, but she wasn't doing this for the flavor.

"Listen, you should just ask Jasper. He's been thinking about how he wants to be better friends with you anyways, now that he can stand being around you, at least. Here, I'll invite him over," said Edward, texting his brother. "Don't tell him I said that. Or do. I don't actually care. He knows I know."

Jasper arrived no less than ten minutes later, vaulting through Bella's window and landing gently on the wood paneled floor without eliciting so much as a slight creak.

Bella had noted that Jasper had a conservatively casual style of dress. Almost like a frat boy, but he never wore polo shirts. Always full-on button-downs. Years of being with Alice had definitely rubbed off on his sense of style. Tonight was no exception, as he had arrived wearing a floral, short-sleeved button-down and ripped jeans, cuffed at the ankles. He was also sporting a pair of dad sandals; Bella wondered how that unfashionable detail had slipped past his style-savvy mate.

He unnecessarily stretched his back before pointing at Bella's clothes-covered rocking chair and asking if he could sit in it. She nodded, and he sat down, making himself as comfortable as he could amidst her dirty laundry.

Bella wasn't sure what Edward had said to get him to come over, so she didn't know how to break the ice. She frantically searched the air for some opening topic of conversation and ended up settling on something that had been at the back of her mind for a while; Jasper's hair. It was long enough to be pulled back into a ponytail (that was sometimes put into a neat top knot), but it was shaved into a precise undercut around the crown of his head.

"Your hair wasn't always like that, was it? Doesn't seem super 1800s-y to me," she said, gesturing at Jasper with her bottle. "I've never seen you wear it down."

"Oh, no. Alice cut it… oh, few years ago. And I just like to keep it up for… reasons. I like it to be neat. Tied back."

Edward shared a knowing look with his brother. They seemed to have some silent exchange that Bella pretended not to witness. After a few seconds, Edward exhaled loudly to breach the quiet and looked up to the ceiling.

"Jasper has OCD," he said quickly and quietly.

"Oh. Oh. Sorry I asked," said Bella, embarrassed, waving her hand as if it would make the conversation disappear.

"No, it's fine. God, saying it like this always makes it sound so dramatic. I just… have to do stuff certain ways sometimes. I have routines I keep. I'm meticulous about stuff. I always thought it was just me being nitpicky… Way way back in the day, that's what my ma would say. She always told me I worried too much. It made me for a pretty fine soldier 'cause I was real precise with making sure everything was in order." He started to say something else, but he stopped, his mouth hanging open as his brow furrowed. He seemed to grimace a little before shaking his head. "Anyways, Carlisle noticed that something was up once I got to be with the family, and I actually went and got checked out by a psychiatrist. Can't really do anything about it, but I've learned a lot of good coping mechanisms and whatnot. Sometimes, though, I just gotta do what I gotta do. So I keep my hair tied up… for reasons."

Bella nodded and said, "No offense, but…" Sella ran her fingers through her own locks. "Why not just cut it all off?"

"Well, I thought about it once. That's how this happened," said Jasper, rubbing the shaved fuzz on the back of his neck. He reached up and pulled out the hair tie, letting his blonde locks fall loose. His hair almost reached the base of his neck, just a tad shorter than Bella's hair by an inch or so. "I wanted to get rid of it because it reminded me of… my past. Of who I used to be. I asked Alice to trim off half of it. It was like a weight off my shoulders, but it also felt like I was… losing something. Something important to me. So, I only let her do half. 'Cause it's good to let go sometimes, but not always. Sometimes you need to remember where you came from in order to move forward."

Bella nodded again, closing her eyes and running her fingers through her hair again, feeling the new, short length. It might never grow back, but that was okay. She liked it this way. It was lighter. She felt free.

Edward sighed loudly. "I guess if you won't bring it up, I will," he said, pushing himself up into a sitting position. "Jasper, please tell Bella that Rosalie is scared of her."

"Oh, yeah. She totally is," he said, laughing quietly. "Honestly, you two are real scaredy cats when it comes to being around each other. I mean, anyone in the house could hear your heart rate pick up when you so much as looked at her. Of course, that can't happen anymore…" He smiled apologetically. "But you really do give off a lot of fear whenever the two of your are together. So does she."

"But we talked about it," Bella whined. "We had a really great conversation."

"Talking isn't always the end-all-be-all when it comes to things like this. You can say you'll do better all you want, but at the end of the day, you actually have to do it," said Jasper, wagging his finger at her.

Sitting in her rocking chair, he reminded Bella of an old, southern grandfather sitting on his front porch lecturing his grandkids. Jasper's Appalachian accent came out thicker when he was conversing with people in private. It added a twang to his voice that made him seem less tense, friendlier, more approachable. Bella felt comfortable around him. She felt a nostalgia for rural southern living that she had never really experienced. She would even go so far as to say he was quite charming.

"You're right. I've got to do better," she said, threading her fingers together under her chin. "But… how?"

"Literally just… talk to her. Text her. Call her sometimes. I feel like you two just don't talk enough," said Edward. "Hang out together. Casually. Or go on more dates. I don't know. You just gotta stop being scared to ask her to do stuff with you. She's already dating you, for chrissakes. Just like… be her girlfriend, instead of someone who just happens to kiss her sometimes. God, I'm surprised you even managed to say 'I love you' to her."

"This mate bond is really fucking compelling sometimes," said Bella, touching her chest. "Like, I'm not sure how much of this is of my own volition."

"Then be sure," said Jasper, pointing at her. "Come up with your own ideas. Do what you want and do it. Put thoughts into action. You'll be more certain of yourself if you do things and stop letting your bond guide you so much. Relationships take work. You can't let some omniscient force build yours for you; you've got do it with your own willpower."

It was like Jasper had unlocked a door in Bella's brain that she hadn't had the key to.

"Jesus, dude, why do you give the best fucking advice?" she asked.

He shrugged. "Decades of feeling what other people are feeling gives you a lot of ideas about how to fix other people's emotional problems. Or, help them with them, at least. I've suffered and I've seen others suffer, and I've felt all of it more than anyone else."

"Empathy makes for good relationship advice. Who woulda thunk it?" said Edward, a sardonic grin on his face.

"Oh, shut up."

"Well, I think my job here is done," said Jasper, starting to stand.

As Bella watched him rise, she remembered what Edward had said earlier, and she said, "No, stay. Edward and I were just gonna hang out and dick around for a while. You don't have to leave."

Jasper blinked a few times as if he didn't believe her, then he let himself sink back into the chair.

"Alright. I didn't have any plans for tonight anyways."

Edward smiled at Bella and nodded slightly, happy that she had paid attention to him earlier. He knew Jasper wasn't the type to seek out friendships on his own.

They spent the next few hours talking. Bella asked Jasper about the ghouls, and he told her a few of his favorite war stories. Once it got close to 1AM, Bella grew tired and sent the brothers home so she could finally get some hard-earned sleep.

-X-

Bella didn't think she would find herself looking forward to this impromptu party so much, but when she woke up on Friday morning, it was all she could think about. She almost didn't want to drive over to the Forks site for her bio review session, but she knew Edward would chew her out if she didn't show up, so she forced herself out of bed and drove over. She tried to take notes, but she couldn't focus and eventually gave up, telling herself that she would copy Edward's over the weekend. She hadn't gotten this excited for a party in forever.

She could remember feeling the same thrill during the first few months of dating Chase. She could remember waiting desperately for the weekend to roll around, for Diego or Nick or someone else in their Phoenix party circuit to announce that they were throwing something in a trash house somewhere (hopefully within walking distance). She remembered pregaming in Chase's basement with some of their other burnout friends, getting shitfaced on cheap beer and shots of Aristocrat liquor before they made their way to the venue, always at 10:30, because Chase was very specific about when she made her entrance. The function was always in some shitty half-lived-in house that belonged to someone's relative's relative and the owner was always either out of town for the weekend or trying to sell it and failing. After Diego bought his house, more often than not, the parties were there. Bella had vomited on his shitty red carpet more times than she could remember.

And in the early days, it had been fun. It was a distraction. She felt like she was living free, having fun, being a rebellious teen. But it wasn't rebellion because Renee absolutely knew what she was doing and didn't care one bit. Still, it was enjoyable, but only for a while. It was a dangerous lifestyle, and it sent Bella spiraling once she had fully fallen into the deep dark hole that was her depression. The parties stopped being special. They were weekly occurrences, during which she would just do shots until she stopped remembering where she was or why she was there. Towards the end of her relationship with Chase, she had stopped going, and she would just get brownout drunk in Chase's basement and have breakdown after breakdown. All Chase would do to help was give her more to drink.

All this was fresh in Bella's mind as she drove back home after the study session, saying her goodbyes to Edward knowing that he was probably going to show up at her house in a few hours anyways. She was going to go back to sleep for another hour or so and then figure out what she was going to wear for the party that night.

As she laid in bed, she couldn't stop thinking about Chase. It was keeping her awake when her body was crying out for more sleep. She got out of bed and threw open the doors to her closet. Pushing past all the new clothes Alice had stocked it with, she found her old, worn out duffle bag crumpled up in the back corner. She opened it up and searched the inner pockets for that tiny orange bottle. She found it in a pocket full of other random trinkets: a free pen from her old high school, a few Bud Light Lime bottle caps, some paper clips, and a ticket stub from when she went to go see Deadpool with Chase.

Her anxiety meds. They were a fairly low dose of a non-addictive medication given to her by a psychiatrist she had seen for just three months and had never gone back to. He was a good guy, but she had realized that she wasn't accurately representing her issues to him and decided that therapy just wasn't going to work out. She didn't want to talk about anything and he couldn't make her, so it wasn't going to go anywhere.

At best, all the pills ever did was make her fall asleep, which was usually what she needed them to do. As she turned the bottle over in her hand, examining the label, Carlisle's words echoed in her mind: "Our bodies can't process any kind of medication."

"It won't hurt to try," she mumbled, twisting off the top and tapping out one tiny pill into her hand.

Bella put the pill on her tongue and washed it down with some of the Gatorade she had been drinking the night before, forgetting that she had added vodka to it. It tasted like flavored rubbing alcohol, but she drank it nonetheless.

Only time would tell if the meds would work, so she laid back down in bed and stared at her phone. She scrolled through her Facebook feed for a while, reading the thoughts and opinions of the people of Forks and catching some glimpses of what her old friends were doing back in Phoenix. When a picture of Chase popped up, she closed out of the app and groaned.

"This is fucking bullshit," she muttered, burying her face in her pillow.

Her phone buzzed. Bella expected a message from Edward, but it was from Rosalie.

"what are you up to today?"

Bella stared at the text for a while. Rose was obviously trying to gauge if Bella was free to hang out. There were several ways she could take this. She could tell her that she was trying to nap and that she would get back to her later. She could tell her that she wasn't busy and ask her if she wanted to hang out.

Or Bella could tell her the truth, and she could ask her to do what she wanted Rose to do. She wanted Rosalie to come over and lie down with her so she would stop freaking out about her ex and get some sleep. She thought about what Jasper had said to her the night before, about doing what she wanted, and she thought about the conversation she had had with Rosalie, about doing what they wanted.

So, Bella did what she wanted.

Rosalie came over as fast as she could, ecstatic that Bella had asked her over for once. She did her best not to let it show, though, because even though she was head over heels for the dead girl, she had to keep her composure. She had a reputation of being cool and collected, and she wasn't going to let her giddiness ruin that. Edward would never let it go if he found out, and he would find out.

Rosalie laid down with Bella, who slipped her arms around Rose's waist and let her head rest in the crook of her neck. Rose gently combed her fingers through Bella's shorter hair, admiring the new length.

Bella had no idea if the meds had actually worked or if it was Rosalie's calming presence, but she drifted off shortly after they cuddled up together, and she got two full hours of restful sleep.

-X-

Rosalie was still there when Bella woke up. Bella hadn't really expected her to be gone, but the anxious demon in the back of her brain always had her looking for the worst outcome in every situation.

She sat up, stretched out her back and yawned.

"Good morning," Rosalie purred, sitting up beside her.

"Yeah, it's like past noon, though," said Bella, checking her phone.

"It is. Did you have any plans for the day?"

Bella shrugged and slipped out of bed, stretching her arms behind her head.

"I mean, not really. I just need to kill time till the party."

Rosalie had an idea, but she hesitated to say it out loud. Bella excused herself to go to the bathroom and left Rose internally debating whether she should ask her if she wanted to spend more time with her today and maybe even go out to dinner before the party. It wasn't like either of them really needed the food, but it's the thought that counts, right?

She heard the toilet flush and started to panic. Should she ask? Should she keep her mouth shut? Goddammit, Hale, get it together! You're better than this!

The moment Bella stepped back into her room, Rosalie blurted out, "DINNER?" in a panicked voice that made it sound like she was more afraid of the meal than anything.

Bella froze in the doorway and stumbled backwards a bit, startled by the outburst.

"Y-yes? What about it?" she asked, eyes wide.

Rosalie placed a hand to her forehead and cursed herself under her breath.

"Do you want to… Do you want to hang out and get dinner together before the party?"

Bella stayed standing, staring at Rose, who was starting to worry that she had overstepped a boundary, that she had done something wrong. Maybe Bella was about to call it quits and break up with her because she was such a mess.

"But… you don't eat."

Not the response Rosalie had expected. She sighed and began internally berating herself again for being such a fool.

"No, I don't, but I just thought it would be fun. If you don't want to go, it's fine. I just though it would be… fitting."

"No, no, it is. I was just… surprised. Yeah, I'd love to get dinner somewhere. This is Forks, so we have like, two, three options tops, but it would be fun." Bella snapped her fingers. "And we could make it a double date!"

"With who?"

"Edward and Jacob. The two of them really need to start getting to know each other. I'm not one to play matchmaker, but I don't think the two of them have really talked since…" Bella trailed off, rubbing her scarred shoulder underneath her t-shirt. "Of course, if you just want it to be us, that's fine with me to. It was just an idea."

"No, I think that's just fine. He tried to stick his nose in how I handled my love life, so I'm happy to shove mine in his."

"That's the spirit! I'll text Jake if you'll text Eddie. We aren't taking no for an answer."

Bella sat down next to Rosalie, leaning her head on the blonde's shoulder as she tapped away at her phone. Nothing like a double date to bring a bunch of supernatural beings together in the most mundane setting possible.

-X-

Forks was a small town. You could count the number of restaurants on two hands, and one of them was a Subway. Bella didn't want to go to the diner, as it seemed to be one of the more popular spots in town, especially on a Friday night. Instead, she opted for a local Mexican restaurant. It probably wouldn't live up to anything she had eaten in Phoenix, but it would be something different, and that's all that mattered.

Rosalie left Bella's house to go home and get Edward and a car. Bella texted Charlie to let him know that she wouldn't be home for dinner and that she would be spending the night at the Cullen house. He responded by telling her to "be safe", which meant he was suspecting that Bella was now trying to do the do with Rosalie. It was definitely something that had crossed her mind once or twice, but sex wasn't at all something she was concerned about. That was, until now. What had once barely been a thought in her mind was now her prime focus and main source of anxiety as she drove her truck to Forks' only Mexican restaurant.

Should she be thinking about it? Was it something that was going to be important soon? Was Rosalie thinking about it? Dozens of questions raced through her head as she parked the truck. She spotted Rosalie's red BMW in the lot, as well as Jacob's Rabbit, which he was leaning against, checking his phone. He was dressed nicer than he had been for the past few months, wearing a pair of khaki joggers and a gray and black baseball tee.

"Too scared to go in?" she asked him.

Jacob pocketed his phone and frowned. "No, I just wasn't sure if they were here yet and I didn't wanna be the first one in."

"Well, that's Rose's car," said Bella, pointing a thumb at the BMW.

"Oh, of course. That makes sense."

Bella started to lead him inside, but she turned around abruptly and put a hand on Jacob's chest.

"Wait," she said, reaching up to grab a few locks of his hair. She quickly and expertly plaited several pieces, putting a few braids into his hair as she had done so many times before. "There. Now you look perfect."

"I didn't before?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"It's the little things."

Inside, Rosalie and Edward were waiting for them at a table in the back corner, the redhead already sipping on a margarita.

"He's 21?" Jacob whispered.

"Fake ID, but he is like, over a century old."

"Never really pictured myself being into older men."

Bella slid into the booth on the same side as Rosalie. Jacob did the same next to Edward, though he left a good half-foot of space between the two of them. Bella noticed this as Rosalie grabbed her hand under the table and gave it a comforting squeeze.

A third of Edward's jumbo margarita was already gone. Bella wanted to chastise him for drinking on his "first date" but didn't think she was in any position to be chewing someone out for drinking too much, and she definitely didn't want to do it at the dinner table. They had promoted the whole ordeal as being "super casual" anyways, so it wasn't like they were trying to turn it into a romantic evening.

Before they could get a conversation started, a waitress came by to take their orders. Bella got two beef enchiladas, with cheese sauce instead of salsa, please, and Jacob ordered a Burrito California, also with cheese sauce, thank you. Rosalie ordered bean dip for the table in place of getting a meal, and Edward bravely asked for another margarita.

"What? They mix them really well here," he said, putting his lips to the straw again.

Bella realized she had no idea if Jacob drank or not, so she asked him about it.

"Yeah, I've had a bit before. Not much more than beer and cheap vodka, and never a lot, but I'm not a baby," he said, flicking his balled up straw wrapper at her.

"Just checking. We never really talked about it, so I didn't know. You drove here, right? How are you getting home?"

"If I'm not sober, I'll just run back and get my car tomorrow."

Right, he could just turn into a giant dog and sprint home in a few minutes. Though she attained some form of immortality, Bella was still jealous of the superhuman strength and speed of her companions.

Bella wasn't sure how much Jacob knew about Edward, or if he knew anything at all. Most of their time together had been spent in crisis and chaos, and she had been unconscious for a good chunk of it. In retrospect, she probably should have done some reconnaissance on their relationship status before setting up a double date with her and Rose and their equally volatile and messy relationship. But, hey, maybe the mutual feelings would help ease the awkwardness. Or maybe they would make it worse.

There had to be something that they could all talk about easily that didn't involve death and destruction and monsters. Bella stared at past the two boys at the plethora of Jose Cuervo memorabilia decorating the bar. Her eyes drifted to the mural behind the bar, focusing on a painted man holding a guitar. Then it struck her.

"What kind of music do you listen to, Jacob?" she asked.

This was guaranteed to get Edward involved in the conversation. Even if he didn't share Jacob's preferences, he could talk about music for days.

"Oh, well, uh…" Jacob scratched his neck. "I try to listen to the radio sometimes. I'm not super up-to-date with contemporary stuff. Never been too big on pop music. If I had to say I really liked anything, I listen to a lot of classic rock, but that's just because it was what my dad always listened to."

"Any artists in particular you like?" Edward asked.

Bingo. He had taken the bait. Bella fist-pumped underneath the table.

"Well, I don't know. The Stones are pretty good, I guess."

"I saw them live back in '81. At Madison Square Garden! You went with us, didn't you, Rose?"

Rosalie nodded. "Name anyone, and Edward's probably seen them live in concert. If he wasn't blackout drunk, that is."

"Oh, c'mon, I don't think I was ever that bad when we went to shows."

"I once watched you mix Everclear with flavored water before we went to that Madonna concert."

Edward had no defense for that. Their conversation was interrupted by the arrival of the bean dip, a second basket of complimentary chips, and Edward's second margarita. The waitress asked Edward if he was sure he didn't want anything to eat, obviously concerned by the amount he was drinking. He said no thank you, and she left them alone.

It was at that moment that a very familiar saxophone intro started to play over the restaurant's speakers. Bella perked up, if only because she was so familiar with the memes surrounding Carly Rae Jepsen's "Run Away With Me". Rosalie remained unfazed, as she usually was, but Edward also sat up a little straighter and smiled. Everyone reacted just how Bella expected, save for Jacob, who started nodding his head along to the song and humming quietly. Bella stared at him, eyes wide, head tilted to the side.

"You… You know this song?" she questioned, smiling a little.

"Yeah… I do…" he said slowly, looking at her like she was asking him if he was hiding an extra set of arms somewhere.

"You listen to Carly Rae Jepsen?"

Jacob realized where this was going, and he was caught like deer in the headlights. Bella put her head in her hands and did her best to hold back her laughter.

"Oh my god, Jacob, you're such a stereotype," she said between giggles.

"Yeah, Bella, and I'm sure you've never listened to Tegan and Sara in your entire life," he spat back, embarrassed.

"I mean, she's like, an icon" said Edward, unashamed. "Her last album? A masterpiece, truly."

Good, they have things in common. This is working, thought Bella, still laughing a bit at Jacob, who's tanned cheeks had turned a darker shade since he had been called out.

Edward, true to form, launched into a discussion of the musicality of Carly Rae Jepsen's E•MO•TION, most of which was lost on Bella, who was not well-versed enough in pop music to contribute to the conversation. Jacob listened attentively, and Rosalie even had a few things to say. The conversation lasted until their food arrived, when Jacob began to devour the massive burrito he had ordered, and Bella dug into her enchiladas. As she expected, they didn't hold a candle to some of her favorite restaurants back in Phoenix, but they weren't bad. Edward and Rosalie continued to reminisce about artists they had seen in the past.

"Please tell me you guys were at Woodstock," Jacob said through a mouthful of rice and beans.

"Oh, you better fucking believe we were," said Edward.

"How? I mean, it would've put you guys out in the sun," said Bella.

"Sunscreen works wonders, if only temporarily. It actually covers up a lot of the glittering, so we can be out in the sun for a few hours. Of course, they didn't really have sunscreen back then, but we used lotions and shit. Slathered up till we were slipping all over the place."

"And all of you guys were there?" Bella asked, pressing further.

"Oh yeah. Alice told us we couldn't miss it for the world."

"God, what other major historical events did you guys witness?" Jacob asked, chuckling.

"I mean, we could go into it, but I think the waitress is bringing us our check."

Rosalie paid for Bella's meal despite her protests, while Edward and Jacob awkwardly agreed to pay for their own separately. It was eight before they were out of the restaurant, and they decided to head to the Cullen house early to help with the rest of the set-up for the party.

When they pulled up to the house, the glass windows of the Cullen mansion were already pulsing with vibrant, colored lights.

"Alice does not hold back," Bella said as she hopped out of her truck.

"Absolutely not," said Rosalie, leading them up to the front door.

Inside, music was already playing, which prompted Edward to run upstairs yelling something about not waiting for him to get back to hook up the sound system, leaving Jacob standing in the foyer with Bella and Rose. Bella was going to give Edward hell later for being such a shitty boyfriend (if she could even call him that, because it seemed like he and Jake were still at the "talking" portion of their relationship).

On the second floor, most of the furniture had been rearranged or cleared out to allow for ample space to move around. One entire room had been mostly emptied, and it was here where the speakers were setup, creating a dancefloor. The bar was located in the kitchen, where Alice had spread out dozens of bottles of liquor and mixers. The keg was sitting comfortable in a bucket of ice on the floor at the end of the island, and there were stacks of red solo cups on the edge of the counter beside it.

"Jesus, we should've invited more people. Can we drink all this?" Bella asked, gesturing to the spread of booze.

"Is that a challenge?" said Emmett, appearing out of nowhere and laying a heavy arm over Bella's shoulder.

"If you want it to be," she said.

Emmett stepped past her and started priming the keg. He plucked a cup off one stack and poured a perfect cup of beer, which he put to his lips and downed in less than five seconds. He crumpled up the cup and tossed it into the trash.

"You're one behind, Bells," he said, grinning.

"Fill me up then."

Jacob had split from Bella and Rosalie to wander around the second floor. He had spent a decent amount of time here after the incident, so he was now familiar with the layout of the Cullen house.

And he was pretty familiar with Edward. Still, there was something between them, something that neither of them had the courage to break down yet. It had taken a crisis for the two of them to come together, but now that it was over and things were back to normal, they had no idea how to act around each other.

Jacob stood at a distance, leaning against a wall while Edward bickered with Alice over a set of speakers.

"Look, you didn't hook this up right!"

"It's fine."

"No, it's not. I told you to let me do all this."

"And I told you I could handle it!"

Jake rolled his eyes. From what he had heard from Bella and seen with his own eyes, Edward Cullen was a bit extra, to put it nicely. He was melodramatic and anxious and seemed somewhat broken, but he was also capable of being loud and brash when he wanted. Jacob was sure alcohol had a hand in that. Bella drank a lot, and she made it seem like Edward drank more than her, so there must be a reason for it. Jacob wasn't sure if he wanted to know what it was, but his internal workings were making him upset because he couldn't do anything to help with it at the moment. He was in a very strange place; his body was telling him to care for this man, to love him, but he was still resisting, still adamantly against being with Edward. His emotions ran hot and cold at the same time, and he wasn't sure how to handle it.

But he seemed nice. And he cared a lot about Bella, more than Jake had expected. He had his passions, his interests. He had his problems. He was just as much of a person as anyone else, which had really shaken up Jacob's views on vampires.

Despite all this, Jacob wasn't ready. And that was fine, according to Edward. No need to rush. He wasn't going anywhere. And Jacob wasn't sure when he would be ready. And that was fine, except it wasn't, because how could he ever be fine with this?

Jacob was drawn out of his thoughts by Bella forcing a plastic cup in his hands. It reeked of tequila.

"What is this?" he asked, sniffing it. "Oh god."

"Just drink it," she said.

"No, no. I'm going to put more… is this orange juice?" He couldn't tell in the rapidly changing colored lights. "I'm going to put more orange juice in this. It's orange juice, right?"

"Yeah, it's orange juice. Weakling."

Bella stuck her tongue out at him as he walked back over to the bar. Sure enough, the container of OJ had been opened. He poured more into his cup and swirled it around a little bit before sniffing it again. The tequila smell had been dulled. He took a sip, and it tasted mostly fine.

"She was trying to kill me," he muttered under his breath.

"Who?"

Jacob looked up to see Rosalie standing behind the bar, leaning against the sink, cup of something-or-other in hand.

"Oh. Bella. You know how she is," he said.

"I do."

Jacob was still undecided on Rosalie. She seemed fine. Bella surely liked her enough. There was just something about her that he didn't like. She was so cold. He didn't know what Bella saw in her, but there had to be some warmth under all the layers of ice. If there wasn't, what was her appeal? Bella was the chill type, the kind of person who liked to relax and have fun. Rosalie was the most guarded and uptight person Jake had met since Sam, and even Sam knew how to have a good time every now and then. Dinner had shown him that there was a bit more to Rose, but she still felt closed off, and she definitely didn't like him.

"What's your problem with me?" he asked suddenly before he even realized what he was saying.

Rose was taken aback. "What? I don't… What are you talking about?"

Jake realized his wolf temper was getting the better of him; he was stressed out by the social situation he was in, and it was at times like this that he grew more irritable, that his anger ran hotter. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths.

"Sorry. I didn't… I don't know what I was thinking. I'll just leave you alone."

"No, stay," said Rosalie, surprising herself a little.

"Stay? What do you have to say to me?" He laughed.

"I mean, nothing, really. I just… wanted to ask you about Bella."

Jacob grew serious. "What about her?"

Rosalie looked into the very weak drink she had poured for herself. She wanted to ask him about Bella's life, about how she had been when she was younger, about what she was like before everything went to hell, but she realized now that she was probably overstepping her boundaries. She hardly knew Jacob. It would be weird.

"Nothing," she said. "Nothing important. Forget I said anything."

Jacob's brow furrowed as he turned and walked back to where Bella was leaning against the wall, leaving Rose to watch them from a distance. Bella asked Jake what he had been talking to her about, and he just shrugged and sipped his drink.

Rosalie looked into her drink again, swirling the liquid around. She drank sometimes. It was mostly by herself, and it was usually just a glass of wine late at night while she was curled up with a good book. Alcohol didn't remind her of Royce, not all the time. At first it did, and she despised Edward the minute she met him because of it. He was a man drowning in the drink with no desire to be saved. There wasn't an hour in the day when he didn't have a bottle in his hand. She avoided him like the plague for a full year, refusing to be in the same room with him for more than a few minutes. This distressed Carlisle to no end, but it was Esme who finally sat Rosalie down and told him about Edward, about his life, about why he was the way he was (even though she hardly knew the full extent of his troubles). It hadn't changed Rose's opinion of him that much; instead of hating him, she pitied the drowning man.

As time passed and the family grew, Edward got better. Carlisle was always working with him, doing everything he could to help him. Once Emmett had joined them, he improved quite a bit. By the time Alice and Jasper came along, he was a functional person for the most part. He was still drinking heavily, but in spurts, which was a drastic improvement.

Rosalie had realized that they would never be able to "fix" him, just as she would never be able to "fix" herself. That was the nature of this life they now lived, forever. Your problems, your troubles, your trauma; none of it would ever go away. Even if you could learn to cope with it, it was going to follow you to the ends of the earth in one form or another.

It took her decades, but Rosalie accepted Edward for who he was, and she even grew to like him in certain capacities. And she, who had abhorred alcohol for so long, sat down with him to have her first drink sometime in the 60s. It was in a bar somewhere, and they were headed to a concert, because going to shows had become something they did together, and she ordered a rum and coke, and he ordered a tequila sunrise.

Rosalie had a rum and coke in her hands right now, and she was thinking about Bella, who she had watched pour around three shots of tequila into her cup earlier. And she thought about Edward, and she remembered how he had looked when he was drowning, and she couldn't help but think about Bella drowning too.

-X-

The pack arrived as a unit around 9:30, because no one ever shows up on time for a party. You were either early and there to pregame, or you were late because you were pregaming.

The youngest members of the pack were not present, because a few of them weren't even in high school yet. Emily was present, though, brought along by Sam. She was the lone human in a room full of monsters, and she wasn't the least bit uncomfortable.

Bella was surprised that Sam had brought her. He didn't seem like the type to bring her into what she assumed he considered a "dangerous situation". From the way they were acting, she guessed that Emily was probably the one who had decided that she was going to come.

Seth showed up with his freshly bleached hair now sporting all the colors of the rainbow.

"Hair chalk," he said when he walked up to Bella, who had been staring at him curiously. "I wanted to try something new."

"It looks… awesome," she said, reaching out to touch it.

"Thanks! I spent like an hour coloring it all. Your new 'do looks good too." He shot finger guns at her and winked.

Leah stepped up behind her baby brother and clapped a hand on his shoulder.

"Little Seth here hasn't drank before tonight," she said.

"I still haven't decided if I even want to," he said, shrugging out of her grip. "I'm not super into the idea."

"That's all well and good. You don't need to be," said Bella, looking at her own cup. "In fact, you're better off not drinking."

"She's right," said Leah.

"Listen, you really don't need to be telling me this. I'm seventeen, I'm not a baby."

Leah and Seth descended into a sibling argument, so Bella slipped away. She hadn't seen Rosalie since before the party started, and she didn't appear to be anywhere on the dancefloor, so she ducked back into the kitchen. There was no sign of her around the bar or in the living room. She started to go upstairs when she caught a flash of blonde hair on one of the balconies.

"Hey, what are you doing out here? You okay?" she asked as she stepped outside.

Rosalie had been leaning over the railing, staring out into the trees. She heard the door slide open when Bella walked out but hadn't turned around to look at her.

"I'm… good."

"Really? Because you seemed super hype earlier and now you're just kinda… melancholy. Out here all by yourself. Is it the wolf smell?"

That got a chuckle out of her.

"No, no, the pups are fine. I'm just… in my head."

Bella came up beside her, putting her elbows on the rail and looking at Rose.

"Tell me about it. If you want. Or I'll leave you alone," said Bella. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

That warmed Rose's heart. It had been a long time since someone had said that to her; her siblings, used to her hostility when she was upset, had learned to leave her alone when she was brooding. She liked to be alone. Now, though, not so much.

"I think I'm just being dramatic," she said, taking a sip of her drink. This was her third; she had already had more than she planned to.

"Well, I'm gonna go back inside. You should come in and enjoy the party. People seem like they're having fun." Bella looked over her shoulder. In the distance, she could see Emmett and Jasper dancing with several of the pack members. Even Carlisle and Esme were standing in the corner, holding drinks of their own, smiling, and laughing. "It's high time we've had a bit of fun."

"You're right. I'll be in in a bit," said Rose before she finished her drink.

"Alright, I'll leave you be."

Bella went back inside, leaving Rosalie to stare out into the trees a bit longer. I should get over myself, she thought. And I need another drink.

When she returned to the party, Edward was doing a line of shots of Cuervo with Bella and Embry at the bar. Jacob was sitting on the stairs leading up to the third floor, watching them and laughing at his pack brother, whose face screwed up every time he knocked back the liquor. Rosalie surprised everyone by picking up Bella's last shot and throwing it down before the dead girl could get to it.

"Well, somebody's wild tonight," said Edward.

"I'm just having a good time." Rosalie could feel the alcohol. Her tolerance was nowhere near as high as Edward's or even her siblings'.

Paul and Emmett appeared, making their way towards the far end of the bar.

"It's kegstand time," said Paul, pulling off his tank top and throwing it to the ground in an extremely extra display of masculinity.

He put his hands on the rim of the keg and Emmett lifted him up by his ankles. Edward quickly swooped in to grab the nozzle. Once Paul was upside-down, Edward put the nozzle into his mouth and hit the trigger. Everyone around them began counting out the seconds as Paul guzzled beer like there was no tomorrow. He had to quit once he hit twenty-five seconds.

"Oh, I can top that easy," said Emmett as he let him down.

"Yeah, because you don't have to breathe. You could drink this whole fucking thing," said Edward.

"Me next!" said Bella. "It's been so long since I've done this."

Emmett waved her over with his fingers, and she went through the same process as Paul until she was at a sixty-degree angle from the floor, balanced precariously on top of the keg. Edwaard put the nozzle in her mouth and the countdown began anew, everyone gathered round shouting the seconds out as loud as they could. Carlisle and Esme watched from the dancefloor, shaking their heads.

"Kids will be kids," said Carlisle.

"Forever," added Esme.

Overall, the party turned out to be a huge success. Everyone was having such a good time that they didn't stop to think about the fact that they were supposed to be mortal enemies. Even Rosalie ended up getting quite drunk and having a good time, laughing and smiling more than anyone there had ever seen. The party started to wind down after midnight, and the guests started filtering out, heading back home to rest. Sam reminded everyone that they had patrols to run in the morning before he ducked out with Emily. Seth, still completely sober, was on this morning shift with his sister, who he had to drag home against her wishes.

The pack had entirely cleared out by 1AM, leaving behind only Jacob with the sleepless Cullens and Bella, who was not tired at all. Carlisle and Esme had retired to their room, leaving their adopted children alone to drunkenly do as they pleased.

"Anybody want another drink?" Edward asked his siblings, pointing at each of them as they passed. "Em? Jazz? Rose?"

"Give me one," said Rosalie.

Everyone was surprised that she had drank so much, but they were even more surprised that she was still going.

"You sure, babe?" Bella asked, squeezing her arm.

"I'm… sure," Rosalie slurred.

"Are you sure, though? Because I think I'm gonna cut you off. Don't fix her anything, Eddie."

"Alright, alright," he said as he stumbled over to the bar.

Bella pulled Rose aside and quietly asked, "You sure you're good? You've had, like, a lot. More than I thought I'd ever see you drink."

"I just wanted to… have fun," Rosalie said, brow furrowing slightly.

"No, that's fine, but you know you don't need to get plastered to have a good time, right?"

"Yeah, yeah…"

Bella stared at her, seriously concerned despite how drunk she herself was. Rosalie stared back, looking almost confused before her expression cleared and she leaned forward to kiss her. The kiss was deep and long, and Bella found herself having to push Rose away before one of her siblings started yelling at them about getting a room.

"Woah, babe, let's slow down," she said, patting Rose's shoulders.

"Can we go?" Rosalie asked.

"What? Where?"

"Up. Upstairs."

"Yeah, yeah we can."

Before Edward could finish pouring his drink and rope Bella into another round of shots, she hurried upstairs with Rosalie to her bedroom. Rose flopped onto the bed the moment they were inside, resting her hands on her stomach and staring at the ceiling.

"Seriously, babe, is something up?" Bella asked, drunkenly stumbling when she tried to shift her weight from one leg to the other.

"Come here."

Bella raised an eyebrow but shuffled over to the bed anyways. Rose grabbed her wrist and pulled her down on top of her, then flipped her over and pinned her to the bed. Bella's face would've been burning hot if there was still blood running through her veins.

"Rose…"

Rosalie's hands left her wrists and settled on the bed on either side of Bella's head. She stared at Bella for long time with an incomprehensible expression her face before pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"Sorry," she said softly, climbing off of her. "I don't know what I'm doing."

Bella sat up, touching her forehead where Rosalie had kissed her. Rose was now sitting on the edge of the bed with her back to Bella.

"Is this… about something?" she asked.

"No, no, I'm just being weird." Rosalie raised and arm and waved the question away, accidentally slapping the bed.

"God, I really don't understand you at all when you're drunk." Bella let herself fall backwards. "You wanna go back down?"

"No. I wanna stay here with you."

"Then don't sit there staring at the wall."

Rosalie looked over her shoulder, then turned around and crawled back over Bella to lay down on the other side of her. She rolled onto her side and let her chin rest on Bella's shoulder, staring at the pale skin on her neck. A light scar from where she had bitten her shimmered in the dim light, the silver lines of venom running in two jagged crescents that were half-hidden below the collar of her shirt. A desperate attempt to save her life. Rosalie stretched forward and put her lips to the cold skin. Bella shivered slightly at the sensation. Rose sat up.

"Take off your shirt," she said.

Bella shot upright. "Wh-what? Jesus, what do you mean?"

"I just want to see."

"See what?" Bella was too far gone to comprehend that Rosalie was talking about the scars.

"What happened,"' she said softly.

Gears turned in Bella's head as she started to understand. It wasn't like Rosalie hadn't already seen her shirtless, so she very slowly peeled off the black t-shirt she had on, laying it on the bed beside her.

Rosalie had seen all the scarring before, but she hadn't really looked at it at the time. Her entire left shoulder was marred by a massive swatch of scar tissue that reached down just below her collarbone. Rosalie's bites intersected with it, two sets of crossing crescents creeping up the left side of her neck. A mass of warped, muted silver skin. Rosalie reached out to touch it, but stopped, looking to Bella, who nodded, letting her know that it was okay. The scar tissue was rough and colder than the rest of her.

"It doesn't hurt, does it?"

"Nothing does."

Bella's hand replaced Rosalie's feeling her own skin, pressing into the scar. She sighed.

"I'm sorry," said Rosalie.

"We already had this conversation," Bella said, laughing a little.

"I know, I just… It's fine. I just wanted to see it again. I don't want to pretend like nothing happened or I feel like I'll forget about it."

"I know what you mean."

Rosalie saw that the crescent moon pendant was still dangling from Bella's neck, and she tapped the tiny charm.

"My moon," she whispered.

Bella's somber expression split into a smile.

"Let's just lay down, okay? I think I am getting a bit tired. And you need to sober up. Just lay down and close your eyes."

And Rosalie did. No sleep would come, but she would allow herself to drift away in her thoughts until morning came.

-X-

Jacob didn't really remember how he ended up on the roof with Edward, but that was where he found himself at 3AM. He hadn't had too much to drink, and everything he had was now starting to wear off. Edward was still decently drunk and still drinking. He was saying something he probably thought was very philosophical about the stars, but Jacob was hearing a bunch of drunken nonsense and laughing at him just a little bit.

"What? What's funny?" Edward asked, hurt.

"You," said Jacob, staring off over the treetops.

"I mean, yes, but…" Edward trailed off, taking a bottle pull of the gin he was holding.

"But?"

"I wasn't trying to be funny."

"Most people are funnier when they aren't trying."

Edward nodded his head from side to side. He couldn't deny that Jacob was right, so he took another swig of Tanqueray. He looked at Jake, who was still staring ahead, admiring his profile, his strong jaw, the curve of his nose, the shape of his lips.

"You're a pretty gorgeous guy, you know?"

Jacob couldn't stop himself from blushing. He looked at Edward as he asked, "What?"

"You… You look good," said Edward, sure that he had gotten his point across the first time he said it.

"I mean, sure. Whatever." Jacob turned his face back towards the horizon.

"I mean it."

I know you do, you idiot, Jacob thought. But do you? He was still conflicted over the imprint. He had accepted it, but he now he wasn't sure what he was doing anymore. How did he really feel? Was this just fate telling him what to do, or did he actually like this guy?

Edward was a stark contrast to Jacob. Where he was big and burly, Edward was lean and skinny. He was half a head shorter than Jacob, pale, and dotted with freckles. He was a redhead, for crying out loud. They couldn't have been more different. But hey, opposites attract, right?

And something about him was just off. He didn't seem all there. Sure, it was because Jacob didn't know him, but Edward was holding something else down. Almost beating it down with drink after drink. What was he drowning in there? Something Jacob wouldn't like?

Their time spent together after the incident was mostly filled with comfort. Edward had been an anxious mess, and as worried as Jacob was about Bella, someone had to help calm him down. He had thrown away all his reservations because he couldn't stand seeing him panicking like that. They bonded in their shared fear that Bella wouldn't wake up.

Now, though, everything was okay, and Jacob wasn't sure how to act around Edward at all. He glanced at him out of the corner of his eye to find the redheaded vampire still staring at him, just a few inches away from him now.

"What?" he asked again.

And Edward kissed him.

Jacob let it happen for a moment, almost enjoying it before abruptly scooting away from him.

"What the-! Shit! Fuck!" Jacob cried.

Edward's eyes grew wide. "Oh, fuck, sorry sorry sorry!" he said rapidly, waving his free hand. He sat down the bottle of gin and clasped his hands together. "That was all my fault, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to, I swear."

"You… you…" Jacob rubbed his lips. "I…"

"I'm really sorry. Fuck. I shouldn't have done that."

Edward put a hand over his mouth and turned away from Jacob. Though he had no heart to beat out of control, he could feel the nauseating sensation of anxiety building up in his stomach, the tightness in his chest. His mind was spiraling down now, sending him straight into overdrive.

Jacob could tell that Edward was having an anxiety attack because of the way he was wheezing, the way his shoulders were rising and falling so rapidly when he didn't even need to breathe. Of course, Edward's first response to this was to grab the bottle of gin and put it to his lips. Without thinking, Jacob grabbed it and threw it down into the yard. It shattered when it the ground, and both of them stared at the shards of glass as the liquor seeped into the dirt.

"I… didn't mean to do that," Jacob said slowly.

"No, it's… fine. I… didn't need to drink that anyway," said Edward, still staring at the glass.

"You don't…" Jacob started, but he had to take a deep breath and compose himself. "You don't need to freak out. It's fine. I don't want you to have a breakdown because I'm a piece of shit."

"You're not a piece of shit, I'm a piece of shit-" Edward started to say, though Jacob raised a hand to cut him off.

"No, no. I will say you probably shouldn't have done that, but I want to apologize for… for…" For what? He didn't know. He exhaled loudly, frustrated with himself. "For being… this way? I don't know, man. I don't know what I want."

"I mean, I don't either," said Edward. "God, I'm really in no position to be telling Bella to work on her relationship when I can't even begin to think about mine. I guess I'm being stupid, because I keep telling myself that it'll all work out on its own. Then I go and tell her she has to put the work in." He laughed sadly. "I'm an idiot."

"You are," said Jacob. "And I guess I am too."

Edward looked up at the stars.

"Do you wanna go out sometime? Like, for food or something? I can't eat, but we could just… I don't know. Go somewhere. It's a start."

Jacob didn't answer him right away. He laid down, eyes on the night sky. What do you want? he asked himself.

Edward was charming. He was fun. He was awkward, and kind of dorky. He was a pretty boy. He was a vampire. He wasn't Jacob's first choice, not in a million years.

But there was something about him. Something that made Jacob want to know more about him. He couldn't tell if it was in a good way or not. But he wanted to know him. And maybe it would lead somewhere. Maybe the river of fate would sweep them along as it intended. Maybe they would make their own path.

"Sure," said Jacob. "There's actually a really nice place in La Push that I like. We could go there. They've got good seafood."

Edward nodded. He looked down at the smashed gin bottle in the yard.

"We should go clean that up."

---

hey guys! it's been a while, but i'm back for the summer! as usual, this chapter ended up being longer and taking longer than i wanted it to. thanks for being patient and waiting through these breaks! hopefully i can finish this fic by the end of the year? no promises tho... i got a lot of awesome reviews over the past few months, so i just wanted to thank everyone who has ever taken the time to leave a review or send me anything on tumblr. every time someone sends me something about this fic it inspires me to get back to writing it! as always, thanks for reading!