Remember Me

Disclaimer: Divergent and its characters belong to Veronica Roth

Rated M for language and mature content

AN- In this chapter, dialogue that is italicized indicates a quote from the source I'll talk about in AN at the end.

Chapter Twenty-One

A soft, though annoyingly persistent chirping sound is what wakes me. Normally, it would be the sunlight pouring in through the windows, but I was in such a deep, pleasant sleep, it didn't seem to bother me enough, seeing as the room is already flooded with early morning light. Not when I can feel the weight of Tris' head still on my chest, as well as her one leg now tangled between mine.

I ghost my fingers along her back, up and down a few times. The motion brings me comfort in the gentle reminder that Tris is here, actually here, with me. After everything, she's still here...

The chirping doesn't stop, and it takes me a full minute to realize it's on a sequence, probably for an alarm. Reluctantly, I move to wake her up, squeezing the hand I've still got a hold of from last night. "Tris?"

She groans in her sleep, burying her face into my chest in protest. All I can see is her beautiful wild mess of hair, it's sweet scent laced with a hint of the fire that warmed us last night, and a scent distinctly her own. I want to just bury my face in it, take this moment all in and let it swallow me whole, but I don't know how important that alarm is, so I postpone the notion.

With another squeeze of my hand, I try again. "Tris? Are you awake?"

She makes another sound of protest, her leg squeezing around mine a bit tighter. It's impossible to hold back my grin.

This is how I want to wake up every day…

Had words like those drifted across my mind even yesterday, I would have fought them. I would have seen them as a threat and done what I could to put distance between us. I would have questioned my ability to ensure her safety and happiness with my presence. I would have doubted how much she cares for me. I grew up believing distance was safety, but in these past few days, I've grown to know better than to believe something so foolish. Distance is what nearly destroyed us.

After everything the two of us has been through, from the torment we endured as children, the comfort we sought and gave because of it, and the familiarity we've rediscovered now, pushing her away is like pushing away sustenance. I know I can only survive so long without her, and with every day apart, the more a part of me grows cold and lifeless. With her, I can be everything I've strived to be, which is everything Marcus was not.

She makes me believe it's possible, but I know, I know it's only her that could affect me this way.

While part of me admits it might be a little soon to think like this, a stronger, more dominant part of me is tired of overthinking everything. I just want to enjoy having her with me again, for as long as I can…

Tris hisses out a sigh against my chest before she turns, peeking out from behind her mess of hair. I can only see one bright blue eye, still heavy with sleep, but it's alight with peace. I can practically see the smile shining in it, a pure, unadulterated bliss.

"There she is," I tease as I brush her hair a bit more out of her face. "I thought you'd left me," I joke.

She lifts her head a bit, tendrils of hair falling down towards her shoulders and revealing most of her face as a result. "You're stuck with me," she says in a small, tentative voice, and as much as she looks content to be here, I can see the hint of apprehension and uncertainty starting to creep back into the back of her mind.

"As if I'd let you leave," I say with a wink. I hope it reassures her.

She visibly relaxes for a moment, before the chirping sound finally seems to grab her full attention. Her eyes widen for a millisecond before she quickly disentangles herself from my limbs and the blankets, crawling over everything to the foot of the bed. She dives quickly into her bag and pulls out a small yellow plastic packet that opens up like a clam shell. I can see a bunch of little pills inside, and she pushes on one to release it in her other outstretched palm.

"What's that?" I ask before I can think better of it.

She looks over her shoulder at me briefly, trying to bite back a smirk. "It's called Mononessa."

I frown, curiosity getting the best of me. "What is it for?"

She stashes the packet back into her bag before grabbing a small bottle of water she had tucked in her bag. She takes the pill and washes it down before she climbs off the bed to silence the chirping alarm coming from her phone on the dresser. Only when it's quiet again does she turn back to face me, observing me with an amused sort of gaze.

"It's a type of birth control," she says evenly, staring straight at me. I can feel my ears go red as the words sink in, which only makes Tris giggle. She quickly comes back to bed and settles beside me. She keeps her eyes on mine, a trace of a smile lingering.

I'm not sure what to say or what to think, so all I get out is a nervous, "Oh." Even though one of my best friends is a woman who talks candidly and openly about the ins and outs of her life, I still know very little about this subject.

Tris grins at my response. "It's to regulate my cycle," she clarifies, and I find I'm letting out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. This makes her laugh. "I get the other perks too," she adds, which only makes her laugh harder when my eyes widen in surprise.

Before I can say or do anything more, she leans in and kisses my cheek, a smile lingering on her face. There's a hint of blush, too, but it compliments her. I want to pull her back to me, but she's climbing back out of bed. "Can I make us breakfast?"

Shit. "I, uh, haven't gone grocery shopping. There's not really anything in the kitchen. We can go out, or I can pick up some stuff, if you'd like."

She twists her mouth in thought, her eyes squinting up at the ceiling as if it holds answers for her. When she looks back to me, she has a shy smile playing at the corner of her lips. "Is it alright if we stay in? This week has been so hectic, I kinda just want to take some time to be away from it, you know?"

I grin in understanding. "I know what you mean." I sit up, pulling myself to the edge of the bed and stretching. "It won't take long for me to run to a store and grab some food. I'll just keep it simple. Any requests?"

She shrugs her left shoulder casually. "I'm not picky, so I'll eat just about anything. Maybe just some cereal for breakfast, sandwiches for lunch. Whatever is easiest." After going over a few ideas, we come to a consensus.

I take a quick shower and get ready quickly before heading out, leaving Tris to get ready for the day without me being around. It's a five minute drive to the store, and it only takes me fifteen minutes to get everything on my list. It's probably more than we'll need, especially if Tris is only staying for the rest of today, but I'd rather be prepared than not.

As I head towards the checkout, I see a small stand with various little items, and my eyes catch on a deck of cards. On impulse, I throw the pack in with the food. I'm not sure if she'll be down for card games, but it can't hurt to try, right? It's not like I have much else to do back at the house. Marcus never even owned a television, so entertainment is pretty scarce.

On my way back to the car to put everything away before driving home, I pass a shop where a small, wispy woman on a smoke break complains loudly on the phone. I would've happily ignored her conversation if her voice weren't as harsh as nails on a chalkboard, stealing my attention. "-hasn't calmed down since the wench left. Wouldn't even buy no others, neither. She'd run Mr. Reyes through the ringer for them bulbs and up and ditches 'em after he told her they're in. I've never seen a person get so red 'fore this."

Just then, who I can only imagine is this Mr. Reyes, judging by the shade of his face, busts out of the shop and screams at the woman. "Your fifteen ended five minutes ago, Whitney!" He disappears back into the shop without another word, but I could hear his huff of annoyance from here.

"Shit, gotta bounce. Wish me luck, or better yet, maybe Johanna will be back. Talk to ya later, Lovey." The woman, Whitney, hangs up a moment later and retreats into a picturesque little shop called Amity Flowers.

The front windows showcase jaw dropping displays of flowers and other little plants. Even from here, I see the obvious and distinctive roses, bright sunflowers, dainty daisies, and brilliant lavender, but there are dozens of other blooms I couldn't possibly name, though I still recognize many of them. Something about the place draws me in, so I put my bags in the car and will myself to go inside.

I've not been one for flowers in the past, but with the way this place smells, I'm happily surprised. I find myself taking deep, refreshing breaths of the lush life lingering in the air. My eyes are just as pleased, taking in every color imaginable in so many different variety of flower.

Before I even have a chance to take more than a few steps in, a soft, but gripping voice catches my attention. "Good morning, and welcome to Amity Flowers." I turn to see a stout woman with a kind face, despite her dark hair covering one side of her face, bending over an arrangement of what I think are lilies. I've only seen lilies in white, while these are pink.

The woman straightens to her full height, though that couldn't be much more than five feet in total, adjusting her red skirt before she unrolls the sleeves of her yellow sweater so they take their place snug around her wrists. She walks out from behind the counter and comes to me. "My name is Johanna. How may I help you today?"

I'm about to introduce myself when she tucks her hair behind her ear, revealing a scar that goes from one cheek to the other. Though her hair had shielded most of it from view, shadow had obscured the rest of it. Words fall away for a moment, but I catch myself before the hesitation becomes rude. "Tobias," I say, offering my hand politely. She gives a modest shake before releasing my hand, clasping hers behind her back. "I, uh, honestly…" Embarrassment washes over me. Why was I here? "I just felt drawn to come in."

Johanna beams like I just paid her the best compliment ever. "Lovely! Hopefully I can be of help to you, today. I suppose my first question out the gate would be if you're interested in something for yourself or a gift."

My answer comes as naturally as breathing. "Gift." My thoughts instantly drift to Tris. I know she's waiting for me, but maybe the wait could be worth it...

Johanna gives me a knowing look. "Alright, tell me about this special person. Your eyes just light up, so that must mean they're pretty special."

Again, as if it's instinct, I nod in confirmation. "She's definitely special." Johanna grins happily, nodding for me to continue. Something about Johanna makes me feel at ease, so I offer up more than I'd do so otherwise. "We were best friends as kids for almost six years. She... moved away, so I didn't see or hear from her for a good sixteen… no, seventeen years."

"Wow," Johanna breaths, her eyes wide with surprise. Before I can continue, she asks, "After all this time, how'd you find her?"

I can't help but grin a little. "As crazy as it sounds, we ended up at the same bar when stranded at the same airport, waiting to get on the same plan to come home for the week."

Johanna gives me a challenging look. "No way."

"I'm not kidding," I say with a laugh. "I didn't know who she was at first, but we just got to talking and getting to know each other, only as adults this time. It wasn't that I didn't recognize her at all, because looking back, her eyes grabbed me right way, but… it took me a while to remember that this was indeed my first friend. Now that we remember, though, it only makes this time even more special."

She's shaking her head in wonder. "You should call up one of those big name Hollywood guys and get yourself some rights for a movie." I can't help but laugh a little at her teasing. "So, I'm certain I could find something here that'd make her smile. The question is, what exactly is it you'd like it to say?"

Her look is so expectant, I'm sure I've missed something. "What do you mean?"

She grins a little, noting how lost I am, and explains, "Every flower has a message it shares. You don't have to always go by their meaning, but I find that if you put the time to give the arrangement something to say, it will always speak for itself."

She begins walking to a counter that has many arrangements already made. She stops at the first and brushes her fingers along a pink carnation. "The woman who designed this arrangement picked these because they represent the love of a woman, or in this case, her mother." She moves to an arrangement down the line and laughs as she says, "Yellow carnations, however, mean disdain." She adjusts one said flower in the arrangement, shaking her head vaguely. "You'd be surprised how many people send flowers to people they never want to see again." She laughs at my raised eyebrows, but not at my expense.

Before we can continue, I hear a loud crash from behind a door that I'm sure leads to a back storage room of some sort before a voice booms, "GODDAMN TULIPS!"

Johanna scowls before her expression softens to apologize. "My brother's temper is not amusing in the slightest, but our day has started a bit sour. Certainly not nearly as perfect as the absurd amount of tulips now in our possession."

I'm reminded of the conversation the woman, Whitney, was having on the phone outside. "I overheard something about a cancellation?"

Johanna nods. "Unfortunately, yes. Now, we have more tulips than we know what to do with, and you know, they're not exactly a dime a dozen this time of year. Not here, anyway."

I'm not sure if I'd be able to pick out a tulip if my life depended on it. "Are they a nice flower?"

Johanna beams. "One of my favorites, especially the variegated ones." At my looks of confusion, Johanna's face softens in understanding and quickly goes to the back door. "Hold tight, I'll show you."

She disappears for a minute and returns with a bundle of assorted buds; purples, pinks, red, yellow, orange, white, all in varying shades, even dual toned. Some of them are bright, while others are more subdued. Something about them makes me think inexplicably of Tris.

"These beauties have such tender meanings," she begins, setting the flowers out so I can examine them better. "It is said tulips signify a declaration of love, or even a perfect love. Now, before you get all spooked like most men do, a perfect love can mean many things. So, ask yourself, 'What would I do if this person were taken from me forever?'"

My stomach drops, chest tightens, world tilts, all just at the idea of my life returning to what it had been before I found Tris again. Even in the midst of the screaming and hurt last night, the prospect of losing her was plaguing. Johanna must see my reaction, because she's nodding. "Yeah, I'm sure you know what that feels like better than most men do when they come in here. So, now, ask yourself this: Is there anything you wouldn't do to keep her a part of your life?"

Probably not.

It must read plainly on my face again, because Johanna just smiles. "Then you're in the clear," she assures me. "Now, different colors have different meanings, which always makes it more fun. You said you recognized her by her eyes?"

I nod. "They're beautiful, too. I've always found them fascinating."

Johanna rubs her hands together happily. "Oo, jackpot!" She scoops up a few of the buds with dual tones, the second color looking like watercolor against the base color of each flower. "These are those variegated tulips I mentioned. They have that precise meaning: beautiful eyes."

I'm immediately drawn to one particular bud. Its base color is white, but accented with what look like brush strokes of red paint along its petals. The stark contrast of the crisp, perfect white and the deep red is striking.

"Like that one? You could pair that with some solid red or white tulips and it'd be lovely. Or, you could partner it with some orange to complement the red."

I look at the respective tulips still in the bunch, and they're also beautiful. "What do the different colors mean?"

She hesitates, looking me over for a moment in thought, before she suggests, "Why don't you just pick what looks best. Listen to your gut, first, and see what it could say."

I'm a little unsure, but when Johanna assures me she'll tell me what the colors mean after I choose, I tentatively agree. To start, I look at each flower. I try to think what Tris would find most beautiful, or which ones seem to remind me of her most. Some catch my eye a bit more than the others, and soon, I've narrowed it down to three, excluding the red and white variegated one I picked out earlier.

I hold up the white and cream tulips in one hand, considering them both carefully. "I can't decide which I prefer. The white matches this variegated one, but something about the softer cream is nice." Something about the dilemma strikes me funny. "You know, it's kind of like her… At a glance, they're not much different, but they come across in different ways. And she's both this sharp and soft, depending on the moment."

"Well, with tulips, the white represents a clean slate, humility, honor, forgiveness and starting anew," Johanna explains. "A white tulip can also express regret and can be given when offering an apology. Cream tulips are slightly darker than white tulips and can represent commitment, eternal bonds and deep love. It's actually quite lovely to have the two combined, and if broken up with the red and the variegated tulips you picked out, it would probably be a striking arrangement."

I nod in understanding before turning my attention to the solid red tulip that matches the color of the variegated tulip. "And what does the red mean? Is it like roses?"

Johanna chuckles. "To an extent, yes. Red tulips signify passionate love and belief in love. Receiving a red tulip can be code for 'believe me' or 'believe in me.'"

Something about those words makes my heart swell. I must be pretty transparent today, because I get another knowing look from Johanna. "How about I whip something together, see if you like it?"

We quickly discuss price, which I wave off as a non-issue, for once a gift from Marcus. Johanna disappears back behind the door for a while. Whitney comes out from the back to work the floor, giving me a polite nod as she passes.

Some time later, Johanna returns with a work of art. In the very center of the bouquet, elevated more so than any other bud, is the red and white variegated tulip I picked earlier. Surrounding it are three of the bright white tulips. Surrounding is a small ring of solid red tulips. The next ring is comprised of the cream tulips, filling in the spaces between the red tulips. The final ring is of the variegated and red, alternating every other bud. Breaking up the buds are the bright green leaves, making the whole thing truly a vision.

"What do you think?" Johanna asks, though judging by the look on her face, she can already tell how I feel about it.

I indulge her anyway. "It's perfect." I spend several minutes thanking her as she finishes it off with decorative paper and a red ribbon. Once I pay and offer a final thank you, I take the bouquet and head for home.

By the time I get back to the house, I've been gone a little over an hour. It's a lot longer than I anticipated, but I hope it pays off. I grab all the bags of food, but leave the bag with the deck of cards and the flowers in the car, wanting to be able to really surprise her. I want to be able to focus on her reaction. I've never done anything like this for someone before, and while I'm sure she won't mind, she may be indifferent, which makes me more than a little nervous.

I find her perched on the island in the kitchen dressed in burgundy jeans and a loose black sweater that threatens to fall off her right shoulder, looking at her phone while absently nursing a glass of water. Her hair is in a loose braid that's pulled over her shoulder, exposing her slender neck as well. The exposed skin looks soft, almost glowing from the mid morning light sneaking in through the gaps of the curtains. A part of me wants to abandon all plans I've haphazardly put together in exchange for drowning myself in everything that's her, but the prospect of seeing her face light up with a surprise is too good to abandon quite yet.

Besides, it's not like there won't be time for that, if she's interested…

She must've heard me enter, though, because she looks up at me with a brilliant smile before I have much time to take her in. She slides off the island effortlessly and crosses over to me, taking bags from me to relieve the load without a word. When I get the rest of the bags set down, I tell her I have a couple more bags to grab before running out to get the last of everything while she starts unpacking the bags. I come back to find her putting away the milk into the refrigerator.

I stand there watching her for a lot longer than is probably socially acceptable. She moves effortlessly, humming to herself as she goes. I don't recognize the song, but her voice is warm and piercing, commanding me to listen. When she's standing in one place, she sways her hips in time with her song. The movement is effortless and smooth, second nature, making it impossible for me to find a reason to interrupt her.

It's only when the last bag of non-perishables remain that she turns enough to see me standing there, watching her contentedly. At first, she just smiles when she sees me. Then, her eyes fall upon my hands held behind my back, holding the last bag and the flowers from her view. She frowns curiously, taking a step forward in hopes of getting to look.

With a mischievous grin, I pull my left arm from out behind my back, offering her my first gift. I hold up the bag and say, "It's not much, but I figured we could make a date out of it."

She gives me a curious look, but thankfully her smile lingers as she reaches for the bag. Inside is a the deck of cards and a box of Lucky Charms. She gives me a surprised smile when she looks up at me. "Did you know Lucky Charms are my favorite?"

I didn't, but I quip, "Who's the mind reader now?"

That makes her laugh, which has easily become my favorite sound.

"There's more," I add after a minute, locking eyes with her briefly before revealing the other thing hiding behind my back.

The moment she lays eyes on the bouquet, she gasps, her hand flying to her mouth in surprise. "Oh," I hear her whisper in awe before she looks me in the eye, lowering her hand slowly. I don't intend for my smile to be so sheepish, but it only seems to affect her more.

"I saw this little shop and couldn't help going in," is all I say as I extend them to her more in hopes she'll take them.

I can see her eyes clouding with tears. "Tobias," she breaths, taking the flowers into her hands. Her eyes look over the "They're beautiful." She bites her lip, looking shyly up at me.

"The lady working there was really nice. She told me they all had meanings and let me look through all sorts of colors, telling me a little of what they meant. Then she put this together with the ones I picked out for you."

Before I can say or do anything more, she closes the distance between us and leans up to capture my lips in tender kiss. It's short and sweet, but speaks more to me than any sentence could communicate.

She pulls away, the flowers now clutched close to her chest as she smiles shyly again. My heart swells again, and I can't say I've had a more fulfilling moment than this, seeing such genuine, pure joy. While I wouldn't have admitted it to Johanna, now I'm willing to admit to myself that the meanings of those flowers bear more relevance than I'm letting on. I'm not ready to expand on it, not quite yet, but I'm sure that won't be the case for long.

I know everything will fall into place, sooner or later.

AN- I was originally planning on more to this chapter, but the Amity Flowers scene happened kinda last second and it seemed to be just enough for a little chapter of its own, so I split it off here. I figured you'd all rather have this little bit on time than have to wait several days/a week more for just one long chapter. It will still be decent length, so no worries there, but now the wait will be less. Besides, I think we all needed something light after that last chapter, right? I know I did!

My source for the tulips was mainly hunker dot com, which I referenced "What Do Tulip Colors Mean?" many times. (Yes, I spent hours researching. Was it worth it? I guess we'll see!)

Thank you to all to those who read, reviewed, faved and followed since the last update. It is always appreciated so much. I love hearing what you all have to say. I will have CH 22 up as soon as I have it finished, which hopefully will be Monday, but I apologize in advanced if the update is delayed.

-Willow