*fingers crossed*

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'Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.'

– Neil Gaiman

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Um...what?

She just stared at her, as if unsure as to whether or not her ears were deceiving her. I mean, seriously? Wasn't it kind of obvious?

"Erm...I'm sorry?" she asked quietly, voicing said confusion. Emily just continued to meet her gaze head-on, not faltering even in the slightest. The photograph of them both was still clutched firmly in her hand.

"Why am I here?" she repeated, enunciating this time. Naomi swallowed nervously as she simply stared right back at Emily. The redhead was still wearing both of their jackets over her slender shoulders and they made her look a lot smaller and more fragile all of a sudden. But she didn't really care about the jackets. She cared that Emily looked somewhat exhausted and cold and hence she really wasn't ready to deal with the bigger picture right now.

Nonetheless she still stood there, disarmed and blindsided, and feebly tried once again to see Emily – the look behind the look; to see whether the gears were churning as furiously in Emily's head as they were in hers.

She saw nothing. Emily's tired yet soft and gorgeous face held her safeguard and Naomi then realised that sleeping was definitely not going to be an option. Instead she would be forced to take another blind leap into the unknown. By herself this time...because Emily used to be able to help her. Emily used to be able to give her a nudge in the right direction when things became overwhelming and scary. When things became too much.

Except Emily wasn't that person anymore. And Naomi was the reason why.

So claustrophobia hit her all at once as Emily stared right through her. Saw her. A sudden urgency was pooling inside of her and she wasn't sure whether she should crush it down...or finally set it free. It was only natural in normal circumstances for her brain to go with the first option. She had done so her entire life. Dreams and goals became whimsical fantasies that could never be reached. Aspirations became jokes. Wants became fears.

And love became a dream and a fantasy so far out of reach that when she had actually been given the chance to seize it – to actually grab on to it and hold on – it put into question everything she'd ever known. That something as terrifying and impossible and unattainable as love...could also be something so warm and exquisite and there in the shape of Emily Fitch.

Naomi's eyes lowered as Emily's piercing gaze became too much. Emily had always managed to unravel her one layer at a time until she was left just a quivering mess...and the worst part about it was that Naomi would never even realise it at the time. By the time she came to her senses it would always be too late to repair the damage already done – because Emily would have knocked down that one wall and would then be moving on to the next one.

Yet in spite of everything, there was one wall left. One piece of the big puzzle that Naomi had always refused to part with – a piece she had clung on to for dear life because if she let Emily have that last piece then she would be done. "You're not even gonna tell me why you're doing this? You're not even going to try to fix this?" Emily had implored on that solemn day four years ago and it had taken all of Naomi's courage and strength not to hand over that last piece of her defences right then and there and shout out the truth.

But why didn't she? Why didn't she just lay down her arms like Emily had so bravely done time and time again during their relationship and just say, "This is me", like Emily had done that very same day?

Because she was young. Eighteen years old and a part of something that not even she could begin to comprehend. That's why she had always envied and admired Emily. Emily – so young, so naive little Emily – had constantly laid down her arms. She had braced and suffered as much as someone twice her age at the hands of love. She left herself open to attack time and time again and was still there to whisper "it's okay, it's okay" when Naomi's heart was pierced and bleeding and she was physically weeping "I can't stand it, I can't". She simply endured the pain because she held on to the belief that one day Naomi Campbell would just give in and want her back and just bleed. And at one point Naomi did just that...but then she fell even deeper than she ever would have imagined.

That's why she did it. That's why she cut off any ties to the one she loved – because she physically couldn't take it.

But that time of uncertainty and unrivalled fear had come and gone. She was almost twenty-two; four years older – and marginally wiser – and currently standing before a world-weary Emily Fitch, equipped with the knowledge that no one compared. No one held a candle towards Emily. Although the fear and the red still threatened to consume her right there, as Emily silently held her ground, she knew this moment was predestined. She already promised herself and more so to Emily that the piece must fall. Because Naomi knew even after all this time, despite the elusive veils she hid behind, that Emily craved that hidden piece of Naomi. She craved it so badly that she had put herself through hell and back to get it...but without success.

And as Naomi's eyes flickered upwards again to see the first beginnings of the morning sun creep across the room, she felt the piece literally crumbling away. She watched with scared and awed blue eyes as Emily placed the photograph gently back on her bedside table and looked back at her with a warm and open gaze. And then Emily pushed it one step further.

"Naomi..." she breathed, and it sounded so pained and so agonisingly expectant that Naomi's heart was in danger of bursting forth and covering them both in its grief and ache.

The last little nudge.

So she met her eyes with whatever courage she had left, terrified blue meeting soft brown, and silently begged Emily to give her an out – an out that Emily always used to provide to make things safe and neutral, because if Naomi were to start this domino effect now then she wouldn't be able to stop. I don't think I can do this, Naomi wordlessly pleaded. I'll only disappoint you.

In response, Emily smiled a ghost of a smile that whispered, I think you can do anything. Be brave.

She closed her eyes and exhaled a deep, shuddering breath. Okay. Don't say I didn't warn you.

She opened her eyes again and clenched her hands, holding up the last of her fortress which she knew she would need if she were to make it through this without falling into a sobbing heap. "Do you...do you remember the first day of Year 8? You know...with Ms. Lyons?" she started softly.

Emily's brow furrowed. "Parts of it...but not much" she admitted. Naomi nodded.

"Yeah well, we all got in there and she thought it would be a great idea to do some arts and crafts as a bonding exercise. Frankly, looking back on it, it was a bit of a twatty idea. I mean, we were twelve for fuck's sake not four and she just shoved some bloody paints and crayons in our faces and expected us to shut up–"

"Naomi" Emily interjected sharply, a disbelieving smirk on her face.

"Right, right sorry. Anyway so we were all painting our pictures or whatever and it was particularly awkward for me because it was my first day at a new school so I didn't know anybody. Then Ms. Lyons with her fucking ridiculous haircut – honestly, all I can remember about the woman was that she always had a bowl cut, fuck's sake – comes and jumps up in front of the form and decides that we should all take turns in standing up and introducing ourselves." She paused for a moment as Emily's smirk grew wider.

"I definitely don't remember that. I must've repressed it" she noted, laughing slightly.

Naomi smiled weakly. "Yeah. Well I definitely remember shrinking into my seat thinking 'don't pick me don't pick me' over and over and luckily she didn't at first." She sighed heavily. "But then she got to you..." Emily's smile fell at once at the serious look on Naomi's face. "Katie had just wrapped up her long recap of how her latest prepubescent boyfriend bought her an ice-cream the day before–", Naomi suppressed a giggle as Emily rolled her eyes, "–and then Ms. Lyons called on you 'cos she was like 'ooh twins!' and I was fucking snoring at this stage." She paused again.

"And...what did I say?" Emily asked self-consciously, her expression becoming apprehensive all of a sudden. Naomi merely shook her head as a large grin overtook her face.

"I don't know what you said to be honest, other than your name". Emily frowned so she continued. "Not because I wasn't paying attention – but because at that moment some stupid girl decided then would be the perfect time to get paint all over herself so that Ms. Lyons had to take her to the bathroom down the corridor to clean up." They both laughed at this, Emily's form becoming less tense by the second.

"Well I'm kind of glad then...saved me the need to stutter myself into an awkward silence until Ms. Lyons put me out of my misery" she said, a relieved smile overtaking her features.

Naomi returned the smile with a soft one of her own. "That was the first time I saw you" she continued. "And even then...I knew there was something different about you." She stepped a little bit further into the room, closing the distance between her and Emily somewhat. Every word brought them emotionally closer. "I never really spoke to you though. At least not until we were fifteen." Emily's eyes immediately flashed with comprehension and Naomi nodded. The redhead took a step closer as well.

"The party..." she breathed and Naomi nodded again. Her stance abruptly became far away – as if deep in contemplation and memory of what transpired that night. It didn't take long before she was back though; she came back to Earth with a loud chuckle. "That was one shit party" she said conclusively and Naomi couldn't help but join in laughing. "I didn't even know whose it was except that Katie invited me along...said I needed to–", she feigned Katie's lisp-addled voice, "–make some proper friends yeah? And maybe find some fit bloke so you can try to keep up with me. Loser". She rolled her eyes. "Needless to say neither went very well. I spent most of the night drinking some dodgy alcopops and standing in a corner."

Naomi's expression softened, suddenly feeling a lot more empathetic towards Emily. "I can't say I was having a very good time either, Ems. Some tosser kept trying to feel me up and I was very close to tearing him a new one if he came near me again except..." She hesitated and she could tell that Emily knew what she was going to say. "...Except then, I saw you. And everything became alright again. I'd never even spoken to you – just heard you speak in class or glimpsed you in the corridors but I never even thought of actually going up to you and saying hi. And suddenly there you were." Emily stepped forward again, her eyes a lot brighter all of a sudden.

"But you did" she reminded her and her voice was so soft and adoring that Naomi's unspoken resolve nearly faltered. The glow of a dawn sun was coating Emily's face, tinting her normally pale skin with a faint saffron shine. But she couldn't stop now, despite having just recalled how beautiful Emily always looked in the mornings. Word vomit. She had broken the gate.

"Yes. I did." She raised a hand and scratched ineptly at the back of her head. "I went up to you". She stopped there, because frankly she didn't need to give an account of what happened next since Emily had been there too. When they had been amicably chatting away and then next minute Emily just stopped talking and grabbed her firmly and kissed her. Swept her off her feet. And the look currently in Emily's eyes said that she remembered it just as much if not more than Naomi did. It almost looked like she cherished it actually.

"And then Katie had to go and ruin things by dragging me away from you" Emily interjected and her face screwed up with an unbidden frustration. She looked back at Naomi and her brown eyes looked unbearably soft again. Honestly, Emily really wasn't going to let Naomi finish this speech – her beautiful face and her laugh would destroy her before she would be able to. "She didn't realise just how much that moment meant to me" she whispered, looking down sadly. Wait, no. That was going to destroy her. That and the pain that crossed Emily's face as she remembered and voiced it.

Fuck it. Naomi closed the space and grabbed Emily's hand, stroking the back of it with sure yet delicate fingers. "It meant a lot to me too Ems. Trust me" she implored and her voice was filled with such unfaltering conviction that Emily smiled contently. Emily tugged lightly back at her hand. Naomi glanced away for a second in thought. "God, but do you remember the song that was playing when I was talking to you? Fucking 'You're Beautiful' by James Blunt. I fucking hated that song!" Emily grinned and shoved at her playfully, her touch making Naomi feel all jittery.

"Jesus Naomes, you always knew how to ruin a moment" Emily said disbelievingly. She let their hands fall as she strolled past Naomi and across the room, her attention suddenly focussed on their abandoned teacups. She picked one up and took a prolonged sip. Naomi could only watch as Emily stood there silently with her back facing her...although she didn't fail to notice how heavy the girl's breathing had become. She had no clue what time it was now, but daylight was making itself known with every passing minute; the sunlight, although still low, was pouring in through her window and gently coating her room in its dull orangey-pink tinge. Sun in November? Bloody unheard of. "Naomi..." came her barely audible voice a few seconds later and it's delicacy made all thoughts of sunny winter mornings fly from Naomi's brain as her heart rate climbed at once. Emily put down the cup and turned very slowly to face Naomi again, her expression bemused and fragile. If it were possible it made Naomi's heart clench even more. "Please Naomi...these memories are lovely but...", she blinked pointedly, "...what is the point?" She shrugged feebly, wordlessly begging for an answer.

Naomi hated to think that all Emily thought of her stories was that she was merely stalling – when in fact they had everything to do with it.

She swallowed heavily and looked at her feet, her tongue feeling too big for her mouth all of a sudden. You asked for it Ems. No more lies. She hesitated. "The...the point is Em..." she began, before taking a steadying breath. She set herself. "That you mean everything." She looked upwards again and saw Emily's eyebrows knit together. That was okay, she'd understand soon enough. The wait was coming to an end. "The point is...is that although I hated James Blunt with a passion, that bloody song was at the top of my 'Most Played' list on my old iPod mini for two years straight...until it got ruined in the wash 'cos I forgot to take it out of my jeans. 'Cos whenever I heard his sappy voice all I could see was red and all I could feel was you kissing me." She bit her lip. The piece was literally flaking away with every word now. "The point is that when you first stood up to introduce yourself to the class, with your wavy brown hair and your little green bow, I was the girl who spilled fucking paint all over herself because something hit me so hard and fast when I saw you that I saw stars. And it was painful and fucking amazing all at the same time but then next thing I know I have Ms. Lyons shoving a sponge in my face." Her tears began to sting now and she couldn't hold them back for much longer, but she was almost relieved to see that Emily seemed to be having the same problem as realisation finally seemed to hit her.

Naomi stifled a sob. "The point is that it wasn't a coincidence that I didn't talk to you for three years – it was on purpose, because I was so fucking terrified of you and what I was feeling. Because whenever I see you I still see stars and I can't breathe and my heart has been in agony for almost ten years because I haven't ever felt anything else for you for the entire time I've known you except love...and it killed the both of us because I just didn't know how to love you. The point is that when you actually gave me the chance to love you back I couldn't stand it because if you ever left me then my life would be ruined because you are it, Emily. You're it for me. You were the one person who could ruin my life. So I got in there first to protect myself."

Emily stepped forward then, crying freely as the tears poured thick and fast down her pale white cheeks. The sun bounced off her tears and Naomi couldn't even appreciate the aesthetic value of the sight because she could feel the moistness coating her own flushed skin as well. She met Emily halfway and stood before her. The fragile redhead reached up tentative hands, as if her fingers would break this moment between them, to clutch them around Naomi's neck. Holding them there. Don't run from me this time, Emily wordlessly pleaded. Finish this. But Naomi had no intention of going anywhere now. She was in too deep. The dominos were falling one by one.

"The point is Emily that when you asked me why I broke up with you before you left...I couldn't tell you why because it had taken all my effort not to tell you then what I'm telling you right now. The point is that I screwed that girl Sophia because I was angry...so fucking angry at you for having this hold on me and making me a slave to my own feelings." She was trembling now and Emily stroked her thumbs along the soft skin of her neck. She kept her eyes wrenched shut as the tears kept flowing. Her words were being choked out at this point. "The point is that even though I let you walk out my door...out of my life...I've regretted it every day since. Because no matter how far apart we were or no matter who I was with or what I was doing, my heart has had 'Emily Fitch' engraved on it for as long as I can remember–"

"Naomi..." Emily squeaked and it sounded so desperate that Naomi's eyes flew open to be met with red and puffy brown ones. Yet they were also dark and wide and pleading, as if she wasn't sure if this was all real or not. Like every word was killing her slowly. So Naomi couldn't help herself as she pulled Emily's hands away from her neck and kissed each one of her knuckles individually before holding them steady between their bodies and resting their foreheads together.

She continued to pierce Emily with a bright, wide-eyed stare and Emily stared straight back. "Always, Em. Always" she breathed out in a strangled whisper. "That's the point. I've loved you since the first time I saw you. Since I was twelve. Since before I knew what love was. And nothing's ever going to change that. I pushed you hard because I loved you even harder." She let out a shuddering breath and let her eyelids flutter closed. "I love you so much it's killing me."

Boom. Fin.

She let the sobs wrack her body freely then; her soul had just been set free at last. She was just a shell. The truth had finally been released into the air, into the world, and all she could do was collapse to her knees right then and there and just feel it and cry and cry and cry. She didn't even gauge Emily's reaction; relief simply coursed through her as her fortress finally came crashing down. No longer was she Naomi Campbell: cold-hearted bitch, or Naomi Campbell: slave to love.

She was just Naomi Campbell...who also just happened to be hopelessly and devotedly in love with Emily Fitch. And for the first time in her life she had admitted it. And for the first time in her life...she was okay with that.

But she didn't have much time to sob herself into a puddle – although she would've happily done that for a couple of hours or so – because next thing she knew she felt tender hands tugging and pulling at her arms and shoulders.

"I'm asking you for something" came a breathy whisper in her ear. It was husky and laced with something so foreign that it caused a violent shiver to swim freely through Naomi's body. She raised a limp hand to wipe feebly at her eyes before looking up shyly to meet Emily. She was met with eyes so bright and shining and adoring that she found it difficult to breathe with the weight of her stare. It was all red and stars again. "Stand up for me Naomes. I have something to say too." Like a good little girl Naomi obliged and rose to her feet – quite a hard feat considering her legs felt like jelly – and stood to face Emily head-on. The redhead gazed up at her, smiling a genuine and loving smile that made Naomi's heart swell tenfold. She's not running. She's still here, Naomi thought disbelievingly as Emily raised hesitant fingers and stroked them down the length of Naomi's wet cheek, wiping at her stilling tears.

But the blonde bit her lip apprehensively. She had forgotten that Emily had her own truth to tell – but she almost didn't want to hear it. This thought in mind, she made to excuse her for the time being. "Emily I–"

Lips. All thoughts and excuses flew from her mind at once because all she could feel were Emily's soft lips unexpectedly crashed against hers. White-hot fire burned all of her senses at the same time as Emily's body pressed up against hers and they kissed softly and passionately. Point made Ems. There was nothing forceful or frenzied about it; it was Emily letting Naomi know that all her fears and feelings had been understood and accepted...and reciprocated.

Yet Naomi still didn't feel close enough.

So she felt around blindly with frantic hands and ripped both jackets from Emily's body, wrenching the sleeves down her arms as the garments fell to the floor. She immediately clutched the svelte redhead to her with firm arms around her waist and held her there, kissing her time and time again as one hand drifted down to claw at that familiar patch of bare skin at the hem of Emily's halter-neck. At this intimately close contact, Emily let out a strangled groan. Her hands flew upwards and tangled through Naomi's blonde locks as she forced them even closer and their tongues finally met. It made Naomi dizzy; all she could taste was passion fruit and saccharine and Emily's distinct taste all over again. Needless to say the initial tenderness of the moment had worn off.

Emily hungrily invaded Naomi's mouth with her insatiable tongue as they struggled to get closer than physically possible. Naomi's arms moved from around Emily's waist so that one hand drifted down to graze over her perfect bum ("I wish those jeans would fuck right off") and the other came up to cup Emily's cheek, stroking her pale skin which currently felt rough underneath her fingertips from dry tear trails.

But before any more libidinous thoughts could be addressed (along with the fact that the fire between her legs from a few hours ago had returned full force) Naomi felt nimble fingers pull away her hand on Emily's cheek as their kiss slowed down and the redhead pulled away completely. Naomi stayed poised where she was for a moment, lips still pouted, while coherent thought and strangled breath returned to her body. Christ, her declaration of love must have killed her after all – because that was heaven personified.

"Naomi. Look at me". Vaguely hearing the saintly voice, the blonde's eyelids fluttered open and her sight fell upon Emily standing before her, her face bright with wonder and from the sunlight's sheen. Her own hand was still tenderly clutched between both of Emily's. Her normally brown eyes were almost black with desire and her breathing was ragged...but she also looked so sure and so overwhelmed and so – could it be? – in love that it caused another stray tear to slip down Naomi's cheek. At once Emily's hand flew out to catch the tear underneath her thumb. Her thumb stayed there as it began to stroke over soft skin. Huh...I guess I'm more alive than I've ever been, Naomi thought sedately as Emily's touch sent shivers through her body. Their eyes locked.

"I love you too" Emily whispered in a cracked yet utterly convincing voice.

Naomi's being threatened to shatter into a million pieces at her whispery words; she suddenly felt weightless, effortless in that moment. I mean, for three little words, they really can and do have a profound effect on the heart. All the fear and all the dread Naomi had been feeling up until this point was immediately wiped away with Emily's soft words and sincere beam. Not only had she finally confronted her own demons...but Emily had just put the big fat cherry on top of this whole thing. Emily Fitch loved her. Truly loved her. Her eyes said it, her smile said it...the blonde could see it all. Emily's guard was down at last. For the time being at least.

Nevertheless, no matter how much she wanted to embrace her little redhead and kiss her senseless just then, all she could do was watch in jittery silence as Emily's rosy bottom lip begin to wobble. "I meant everything I said toni– today" she continued softly, her brown eyes brimming with fresh tears. "I mean...how could I ever get over you Naomes? You're...you're just it for me too, you know? You're just you." Emily paused then to reach up and plant a soft, emphatic kiss on Naomi's lips before stepping back slightly. The sudden silence between them became resounding but all the while comfortable. Naomi's heart pounded erratically in the quiet room as their hands remained gripped together between them. Both brown and blue eyes sought each other out; those auburn pools continued to sparkle from the sun's glow and unshed tears. But also, Naomi was now assured to say – holy shit – from the glow of love. Emily was incandescent right now. Truly a sight to behold.

This thought was quickly disrupted however; Emily's head cocked to one side as she surveyed Naomi from between watery, hooded lids and a flash of something worrying crossed them. "God you...you scare the shit out of me though. It's all so hard and..." Emily breathed out quietly before trailing off. Naomi's stomach clenched as she observed the wonder dissipate from Emily's eyes to be suddenly shrouded with recognisable fear instead. Her hidden uncertainties. But then she shook her head as if to shake herself out of silliness and bit down on her now swollen bottom lip – a lip Naomi preferably wanted to have between her teeth right now. "I love you so much" she continued in a choked murmur. "And...and...if you were to hurt me again, I–"

Naomi's finger flew out to shush Emily as it rested gently on her moist lips. She knew where this was going, and she wanted to assure Emily that her anxieties weren't worthy of attention. "Never..." she simply whispered in a soft reassurance, before her shaken blue eyes glimpsed the bed a few feet away from them. Emily followed her line of sight and Naomi watched helplessly as the girl's throat worked to swallow a newly-formed lump down her throat. Naomi wanted to taste that neck, that salty skin underneath her lips and tongue. She wanted to breathe in Emily's smell and hear Emily's muffled groans in her ear and taste passion fruit again and...and...she just wanted Emily.

So without a word, Naomi tugged lightly on Emily's hand and guided the nervous, fragile little redhead unhurriedly towards the bed. Their bed. Because even after all this time, it had been missing a person. And for once she didn't even feel nervous as those looming prospects and thoughts unravelled in her mind...because she was free.

Finally free.

All she wanted was to soar with Emily at last. Here, in the morning light. A new dawn, a new day. Their new day. Nothing was left to be said; she simply wanted to show Emily just how much she meant to her and just how much she loved her. She loved her emotionally and with every ounce of her torn and broken soul...she just wanted to wrap Emily up in her physical love and make love to her and complete herself – them both – again. To put both of their damaged hearts back together; beating alongside each other as they should be. And it amazed her to think that that prospect had daunted her for years and years...when now it seemed completely possible. Completely natural. Completely inescapable.

No. Completely right.

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Sexytyms in the next chapter. I promise.

Um...so...*shuffles feet nervously* ...Review? x