It's been three months since I was reunited with my friends and the results have been astonishing. My physical health and my mental health have improved immensely. Plus, thanks to Johanna, my sleeping partner, I'm getting more and more sleep. She usually didn't seek me out every night but she has as of late. I know exactly why but I don't dare ask her. She climbs into my bed again and she seals herself to my side. She then runs her hand underneath my shirt and she starts to run her hands throughout my torso.

"Wow Peeta, you're putting on more weight. I don't feel your bones anymore." She runs her fingers along my ribs. She smiles provocatively. "And you're adding muscles again."

Normally I would laugh at her banter but lately my body has been responsive to other needs, meaning I'm actually starting to miss sex. After the torture I endured in the Capitol, the last thing I wanted was to feel anybody's hands on me, except Annie and Johanna of course. But that was because our soothing touches were the only remedy we had to our grueling torture. There was absolutely nothing sexual about it. So, when I feel Johanna begin to run her hands throughout my torso I yank them away.

She smiles knowingly. "What?" She giggles.

"Don't do that." I laugh.

"What's the matter, am I making you uncomfortable?" She proceeds to lay on top off me and the feel of her body on top of mine makes me feel like my whole body is flushing. I begin to feel warm instantly and I'm certain that I'm blushing. She begins to laugh again.

"You are relentless." I say as I try to pull her to my side again but she stays put.

"Do you remember when I stripped in front of you at the Quell? I took off my stupid tree dress."

I laugh because I have no memory of that. "No. When did you that?"

"It was the first time we met. All the other Victors were trying to embarrass you and Katniss, her more. But you had my undivided attention. So I wanted to test just how innocent you were, I figured I could unnerve a seventeen year old boy by stripping."

I try so hard to remember but I don't remember a thing. It's strange how I perceive the Quell now. It's only flashes of random memories, faces, places, objects, none of which tell me anything. I just know that I knew Johanna from then and then of course I remember mostly everything from my imprisonment. I remember the bond to Johanna and Annie. These bonds make me feel like they've been with me always. "How did I do?" I ask genuinely curious.

"You held it together Peeta, you didn't even break a sweat, unlike now." She stops to wink at me and I feel more uncomfortable. The thought of Johanna naked now only excites me more and I can't control my growing erection, which she undoubtedly feels and it only makes her smile smugly. "This is exactly the reaction I wanted to get out of you." She tells me in a calm and serious tone. Then I see a certain look in her eye. It's not a playful look, it's serious. I panic because she's relentless and I don't know how far she will take this. I never know when she's going to cross a line of playfulness and teasing to seriousness. As much as my body is responding, I'm not ready for sex and I'm terrified that my physical need will take over my better judgment. Especially with Johanna, I'm not going to cross that line with her. So I use the only ammunition I have at my disposal.

"Don't think I haven't noticed why you've been coming to sleep with me every night – I know Finnick left on an extended mission. Annie told me he'd be gone for six months." I stare at her seriously. Thankfully, it works, her eyes look wounded, and she stares off into the distance. Then she looks at me again and smiles only now she gets off me and lays next to me. I take a deep breath of relief and close my eyes.

"Interesting, last time you unnerved me by throwing Finnick in my face." She tells me thoughtfully. "Do you remember that?"

"No."

She then turns on her side and presses her head onto my chest again, the familiar feeling I'm much more comfortable with. "Is Ivy okay with our sleeping arrangement?"

I think about this because she's obviously inferring that Ivy could be jealous but I have no idea how she feels about me or where I stand with her. "I don't know." I say. "I don't know that she knows, if she cares or would care?"

"You're not considering picking up where you guys left off?" She asks.

I laugh. "I hope not because if we did, I'm pretty sure she'd punch me out after what I did to her." I nod remembering my broken promise, volunteering for the Quell. "I doubt I can go back to that. Besides – she's doing great – and I'm a mess. I don't want to disturb her. She's my friend and I'm lucky to even have that from her after what I did."

"What about you? You're avoiding talking about Finnick." I press on. "I'm worried about you."

"I miss him. And that's all I have to say about that."

"That's it?"

"Yes."

We lay there quietly and sleep begins to take over. I close my eyes and I can hear Johanna's steady breathing as well as feel it against my chest. It's soothing. Suddenly I feel her fingers tapping on my chest and I realize that she's tapping to the rhythm of my heart. I open my eyes and observe her hand and for some reason it makes my heart speed up. I close my eyes again and a flash of Katniss crosses my mind. I open my eyes again and look around. I stare at Johanna's fingers again, she's still tapping. I close my eyes and I see Katniss again. I force my eyes to stay closed so that I can make sense of the image, the memory. We're in a bed and Katniss is pressed against my side, her hand on my chest tapping the rhythm of my heartbeat as I played with her braid in my hand. I can hear a train, the Victory Tour train. I open my eyes again. I realize that was a flash back. I look at Johanna and she's fast asleep now.

I take deep breaths. Come on I can do this. I say to myself. I think back to the flashback I just had. What was the context, the Victory Tour. I take deep breaths and relax, just like my psychiatrist advised me. I think back to the sensation of Johanna's fingers tapping on my chest and it hits me the full memory. I can see it all play out clearly, not only that I can feel everything that went with that moment, only now this isn't the train. I can see Katniss talking to me with a gentle smile.

"And I want to make you happy." She says. I'm not sure what she meant by this. "What would make you happy?" she asked.

I smiled at her and said "To spend every possible moment of the rest of my life with you." My words took her breath away, I could see it. She smiles at me and pulls me towards her as she opened her bedroom door.

"Well then – come on in." and she pulled me into her bedroom.

We rushed to her bed and we climbed in. I remember feeling that sharing a bed with her was a comforting necessity that allowed us to find shelter from our traumatizing nightmares, and the suffocating pain left to us by the Games. The moment she found my body she wrapped herself with me and warmth began to radiate, and instead of setting us into a calm slumber it woke us up. I could tell she was awake because her fingers kept tapping the rhythm of my heart beat against my chest, the way Johanna was tapping, probably setting off these flashbacks. I tried to soothe myself into sleep by running my hand in circles across her back but instead of soothing me, I remember feeling a friction building between my fingers and her body and how impossibly good it felt, like waves of electricity that radiated from my fingertips to the rest of my being. She stopped tapping her fingers and instead began to run her hand across my chest, and that only intensified the friction between us. Through my shirt, she began to outline the lines of my defined torso, she began the trail on my chest and then ran the trail down to my abdomen over and over again. We stayed like this for hours until sleep finally consumed us, I remember that I was fighting it in order to keep feeling a building tension that left me with a piercing pleasurable unfulfilled desire.

I can't go back to that. I won't. Then sleep takes over as I hold on to Johanna tightly.

The next morning we are woken up by John.

"Sweet dreams you two?" He asks brightly.

Johanna sits up and glares at him. "I hate that you're so chipper this early in the morning." She tells him. He shoots her a dashing smile again which inevitably pulls a smile out of Johanna.

"Peeta, I have good news." He tells me and I'm surprised.

"Wow this early in the morning?"

He laughs. "Yes, you passed your last mental health evaluation, except for your psychosis."

"Why does that count against me, I literally have no control over it."

He laughs again. "Exactly, your psychosis does not count against you. You passed the other evaluations and I think we have a promising treatment, based on that syringe you gave me when we rescued you. The preliminary tests have been good and we are ready to administer it to you, it will be safe. At best, we will reduce your psychosis considerably, maybe all together…"

"At worse?" I ask.

"At worse, it doesn't work, and we continue with other forms of therapy." He tells me.

I look worried when he tells me this and he reaches out and puts his hand on my shoulder.

"Peeta – without medication you accomplished so much. You're so strong, you have so much will… since you reconnected with your friends, you've covered so much ground." I feel sad hearing him say this but I still muster a smile, I know he works so hard to help me. He continues. "Regardless of the outcome of this treatment Peeta I think you're healthy enough to move out of the hospital."

This brings on a real smile. "Really?" Johanna smiles and squeezes my hand.

"Yes." Then his smile leaves him. "It's my understanding that you agreed to join the rebels?" he inquires.

"That's true. Will I begin my training?" And I'm genuinely anxious to do this. He eyes me suspiciously but he smiles again.

"You will – however, if you don't feel ready I will build a case against you joining now. I mean, Lieutenant Boggs suggested that you at least begin the physical training…"

"That's great! I've been anxious to do more exercises you know that."

He smiles. "I know you have, and I'm worried about that too. Peeta you have a distorted body image of yourself." He stops to look me over. "When you are in your compartment, you will be required to make numerous weekly appointments here. Also, if at any point you feel overwhelmed by being out there, in District 13 you come right back here to decompress. You get me?" He's very serious.

I stare at him because I don't know how I feel about this.

"Peeta, you need to be honest with yourself and know this, if you are out there and you feel like it's too much you willingly coming here for a few days will not be a step back. If anything, it will show me and your doctors that you can make good judgments, more proof of progress."

I look at him again and I feel reassured. I nod at him. "Where will I live?"

He smiles at me. "You'll have roommates."

I eye him curiously. "Who."

"Hey buddy!" I look towards the door and see Nathan standing in the doorway.

"No way!" I say in disbelief. I look at John and he nods yes. I smile at my friend.

Nathan strolls in. "How often did we dream about you, me, and Silas living together?" I laugh at the thought.

"I don't know Nathan that conversation only happened when we were under the influence of alcohol or other substances. Never once sober." We both start laughing

"Who's your cute friend Peeta?" Johanna inquires. Nathan beamingly smiles at her and John rolls his eyes at her.

"Oh, John don't be jealous. I have a preference for the tall, dark, and handsome types." She winks at him and he shoots her an amused look and nods his head.

"Peeta let's meet in an hour and we can do the first round of medicine. I'm really hopeful about this." He smiles at me and walks away.

I look at Johanna who is eyeing Nathan as if she was going to have him for breakfast. "Jo, this is Nathan."

"Hi Jo." He tells her.

"Oh no, only Peeta gets away with calling me Jo, maybe Annie but she's too far gone to register my threats. To you I'm Johanna."

"Sorry." He says nervously.

"Don't mind her abrasiveness; she's not angry this is just her personality." I say to him. I look at him for a second. "Nathan, are you sure you want me to live with you, Silas too?" I say seriously.

He looks stunned to hear me say this. "Are you kidding me?"

"I'm serious. To say I have issues is a huge understatement."

"Peeta – I don't care. Silas and I don't care. We want you with us. Dr. Thrive already sat down with us and went over the risks." He laughs. "Let me tell you he left out a lot of stuff, but he wouldn't know that stuff since he doesn't know you like we do. We want you with us. Peeta we are all we have. You're our brother.." He stops and looks at me for a second. "Do I really need to go on."

"Nathan, I want you to consider this. I am not the Peeta you had before. Not the one before the 74th Games, not even the Peeta after the games!" Nathan starts to pace looking frustrated. I eye him curiously. "That says a lot. That Peeta is gone…"

He cuts me off. "Damn it Peeta don't you think I know that, we know that?"

"Nathan, I'm trying really hard to get him back…"

He cuts me off again. "Get who back?! You're here, this is you now. We know that, we accept that."

I'm speechless to hear him say this.

"This, you, we want him, we want this Peeta." He grabs my shoulders and shakes me a little. "Let me tell you something else, Me, Silas, Ivy, Delly – we are not the people you left. We're figuring it out too. I get that what you went through…" And he stops talking because I see the pain in his eyes. "The fact that you're here, breathing – is all that matters. You need us, and we need you." We stare at each other.

"Well then, you and this Silas, better be okay with me crashing the nights in your compartment because – Peeta and I are sleeping buddies." Johanna adds and both Nathan and I look at her and laugh. "I won't make Silas uncomfortable will I?" Nathan and I look at each other wide eyed. Silas and Johanna in the same room. We start laughing uncontrollably.

"What?" She asks annoyed.

I look at her. "Our compartment." I look at Nathan and he nods approvingly. "Is going to get really inappropriate." I say and Nathan and I start laughing again. She looks annoyingly at the two of us and jumps out of bed.

"I hate inside jokes." She announces and leaves without saying another word. Nathan and I laugh again.