Chapter 21: Volatile

Mello turned the page idly, only paying half of his attention to the book he was reading. The other half was on Matt, who was sitting on the floor next to the couch, playing video games.

He got halfway down the page before realizing that he had no idea what he had just read. After trying a second time and making no more progress than the first, he gave up, folding the corner of the book over and laying it down on his stomach. He stretched out a little more across the couch, adjusting the throw pillow behind his head, feeling rather apathetic, not towards anything specifically but just in general.

Having nothing better to do, he watched as Matt played video games, focusing not on the TV screen, but on Matt himself. The amount of concentration Matt demonstrated was astounding. He stared at the TV, thumbs smashing the buttons vigorously as he played. A bomb could probably drop on the house and he wouldn't notice. He decided to try something, partially because he was bored and partially because he was curious.

"Matt?"

"Uh-huh?" So he was at least responsive.

"Why do you want to stay here so badly?"

"Whatever you want." That didn't seem like the right kind of response given how adamantly Matt had been campaigning to convince Mello that they should stay. He had apparently taken Mello's 'We'll talk about this later' as an open invitation to bring it up every chance he got.

Mello had thought that his explanation of why he didn't want to stay was adequate, but Matt, evidently, did not. Not wanting to fight about it, Mello had tried to evade his questioning. He knew that, although they had kept their conversations about it civil as of yet, if Matt continued, they would eventually end up arguing about it. But Matt was persistent, and Mello could only be patient for so long.

Matt would work reasons why they should stay into their conversations. It was clear that he thought that he was being clever doing this, but Mello thought otherwise. Clever, no; annoying, yes.

And yet, throughout all of the small things he mentioned in the hope of convincing Mello – how beautiful the snow looked outside, how comfortable they were in the house, etc. – he had never really said why he wanted to stay. There had to be a more meaningful reason, one that was not dictated by these simple novelties. Mello felt that whatever the real reason was, it would likely be more convincing to him than the pleasant, though non-unique, qualities Matt listed. They could find these attributes in other places; if there was something specific to keep them there, something that they could find nowhere else, he would consider staying.

But Matt never gave him such a reason, and now that he had actually asked him, he didn't seem to be paying attention. Since Matt's answer not only didn't make sense but also failed to answer the question, Mello decided to try a different approach. "I was abducted by aliens."

"Okay."

"I'm going to have one of the alien's babies."

"Sure." Clearly he was not getting through to him.

Mello looked at the TV; it appeared as though Matt was in the middle of some important boss battle. He looked back to Matt who was leaning against the side of the couch, easily within arm's reach. It would be so easy to destroy his game. He considered how mad Matt would be if he did something that would mess up his game and found that he didn't actually care. Feeling too lazy to get up and stand in front of the TV or try to get the controller away from him, he simply placed a hand tightly over Matt's goggle covered eyes.

Matt tried to move his head to look around the hand that was obstructing his view, but Mello wouldn't let him. "What are you doing? Stop it!" Matt said. Mello watched with amusement as he tried to continue playing without his eyesight to no avail; his character was quickly exterminated by the giant monster it had been fighting. Only then did Mello remove his hand from over Matt's eyes.

"What the hell is your problem?" Matt exclaimed, turning around to present Mello with a glare, "That was my last life and I was about to win the boss battle!"

"Is that so?" Mello said nonchalantly, remaining totally composed. Placing his hands behind his head, he stared up at the ceiling, barely even acknowledging Matt.

"Yes 'that's so' and you knew it. So I repeat: What the hell is your problem?"

"You weren't paying attention to me."

"I wasn't paying attention to you, so you sabotage my game? What is so important that it couldn't wait?" Matt was clearly very upset about this. Mello smiled internally, happy to get a rise out of him.

"Never mind." Mello picked the book back up off of his stomach and tossed it to the coffee table before rolling over, facing the back of the couch, away from Matt.

"No, I'm interested now. What is so important? I'm listening." It sounded as if Matt was trying to control his anger, but his voice was still strained, conveying his very obvious annoyance to Mello.

"Why don't you answer that, Matt? What is so important here?" His own irritation showed through in his voice, interrupting his otherwise stoic demeanor. With this, he realized how badly he wanted a confrontation, something to perhaps reconcile their differing opinions. He couldn't take evading Matt's utter persistence anymore.

Matt paused for a moment. "What are you talking about?" His voice had regained its ire, quickly dropping the minimally pretenseful calm that it had displayed.

Mello sat up to face Matt who let his animosity show freely on his face, arms crossed, standing over him. "You're the one who insists on staying here, but you won't say why. What is so great here?"

"Really? You want to talk about this now? What happened to 'it doesn't matter; we'll talk about it later'?" Matt jeered, mocking him openly.

"Fine. We don't have to talk about it now. I'm not the one who keeps trying to sneak the subject into the conversation."

"No, you just interrupt my game and start bitching about…about…I don't even know what this is about. One minute you won't even acknowledge my questions and the next you demand we talk about it. If you want to talk about where we are going to live, fine, let's do it then."

"Talking is going to require you to quit yelling," Mello said, his voice perfectly level.

"I'm not yelling!"

"Then you and I have very different definitions of the word." Mello looked up at Matt from his seat on the couch. He wasn't sure why exactly, but at that moment, he enjoyed seeing Matt angry. Normally he was the one who let his anger get the better of him, not Matt. This change seemed an interesting development to him.

But he had to make an effort to stay calm at this point as his original composure was starting to abandon him. He could feel his own anger building, not knowing how long he could keep up his calm façade before he exploded. The challenge that he had presented to himself to see how long he could stay unemotional had became a battle.

"We're going to debate the definition of a word? Why don't you stop these idiotic games and get to the point?"

"So you think I'm an idiot?" His voice quivered slightly, a crack in his otherwise calm exterior. He was losing the battle.

"That's not what I said! Stop putting words in my mouth!"

"But that's what you think, isn't it?" He stood up, his hands clenched into fists. He was glad that he was taller than Matt, although it was only by an inch or so. "You think I'm stupid and unreasonable because I don't see things your way." His voice had a sharp edge to it, beginning to rise along with his irritation.

"No, I think your being pigheaded because you won't even consider what I think," Matt shot back.

"I've considered it! I just don't understand what is so great here," he said, at this point blatantly yelling. He had lost his poised state. "Please, enlighten me," he added sarcastically.

"Why should I? You've never explained why you hate it so much!"

"Yes I have! We're stuck here! Or do you not understand that?"

"That's stupid! We-"

"There it is again. So you do think I'm being stupid."

"Yes, I do! Now would you let me finish? We're stuck here anyway, so why the fuck does it matter?"

"Of course it matters! Do you remember that hamster you had?"

A look of confusion clouded the anger that tainted Matt's features. "Yeah. It got out and Roger stepped on it." Though he was no longer yelling, he almost seemed more hateful, as if bringing up the unpleasant memory had brought on a new level of resentment towards Mello.

"Exactly. It got out; it wanted out."

"So you're going to leave, and then what, get stepped on?" His tone was harsh, mocking.

"I'd rather run the risk of getting stepped on than be stuck in this cage for the rest of my life."

"You're comparing yourself to a hamster. That has got to be the stupidest thing I have ever heard." His tone bordered on disgust.

"Matt, just shut up," he said, his voice becoming dangerously quiet. In the midst of his fury, a realization had hit him, causing him to reconsider his actions, but it was too late to take everything back now. If this kept up he would end up doing something he would regret.

"Don't tell me to shut up! You can't make me!" His words sounded like a challenge to Mello, and without thinking, he readily took the bait.

Mello drew his fist back and as he did so, for the briefest of moments, saw a flicker of fear in Matt's eyes before they reasserted their icy glare. He didn't back away or even flinch, instead he held firm, waiting to receive the blow from Mello. It was as if he was trying to provoke Mello.

Mello paused, fist still raised. He couldn't believe what he was about to do. He hated himself for wanting to do something that would hurt Matt and for starting their argument, because ultimately, it was his fault. Looking into Matt's hate filled eyes, he regretted everything. He was the one that had let his anger get the better of him. He was the one who had ruined Matt's game. It was ridiculous to think that this had been started by such a petty occurrence.

But it hadn't really started there. Not really. Although it was true that Mello had been the one who had exposed their hostility, bringing it out in the open, the underlying tension had been there for days. And what did it go back to? Matt's annoying tendency to badger him about staying in Biei. Mello would have been content with not reconciling their opinions until they actually had to make the decision, but Matt had been the one to insist they needed to decide then.

He could feel his anger build again as he stared at Matt, who still hadn't moved. It had been Matt's fault, or at least, it had started with Matt. The enmity he had felt returned almost as quickly as it had dissipated, this time almost verging on hatred. Because it was Matt's fault, or so he was convinced.

In spite of everything, he did feel a small amount of compassion towards Matt when he remembered the fear in his eyes. He had never meant to hurt Matt, yet he almost had, and if he didn't remove himself from the situation, he still might.

"I have to get out of here," he said, quickly moving away from Matt towards the door.

Matt stood in the same spot, staring as the blond walked away from him. It took him a moment to recover, to respond. "F-fine. Leave." His voice, weak at first, slowly regained its indignation as he spoke, until he was once again yelling as Mello grabbed his jacket and keys and threw the door open. "Get out!" Mello heard as the door slammed shut. He couldn't be certain, but he thought he heard Matt add "I hate you" to the end. A sharp pang of lamentation hit him with the realization that Matt was likely not kidding this time as he had been the last time he had said those words as they had left the grocery store.

But he continued to assert to himself that this was not his fault, or at least, for the most part not his fault. Therefore he should feel no remorse, and yet, he did. But he couldn't go back inside and apologize to Matt, his pride wouldn't allow it, and even if it would have, he wasn't entirely sure that he was sorry. Feeling more confused by his tangled emotions than anything, he chose to stay angry, for it was the easiest emotion for him to handle and the one that he had become most accustomed to over the course of his life.

He stomped across the snow covered yard to his motorcycle, feeling the heat of his anger course through his veins. He reveled in it, allowing it to consume him. He knew that he was taking the easy way out, and he didn't care. Starting the motorcycle with a quick, almost violent motion of his wrist, he pulled out in front of the house and took off down the street.

Despite the roads still being snowy from the blizzard, he took little caution, speeding down the road at a dangerous rate give the conditions. Matt was wrong. There was absolutely nothing good about staying in that town. He hated the town and he hated their house and he hated Matt for asserting that there was anything worth staying there for.

He was caught off guard when the front wheel of his motorcycle wobbled, slightly at first and then more violently, as it plowed through the snow, forcing him to grip the handles tightly in order to keep it straight. No longer feeling safe at the speed he was going, he was forced to slow down, but only did so minimally. Another thing I hate about this hick town: the roads stay shitty forever because they don't clear them.

As he stared down the white covered road, he realized that he didn't actually know which way he was going. In both directions of their house were snow covered fields with little defining characteristics. But he didn't care. He couldn't stay there any longer, sitting and waiting. He needed to be in motion, making progress towards something. And although he did not know where he was going, wherever he ended up would be better than staying at the house.

A/N: This chapter was particularly difficult to write, and I unfortunately don't think the next couple will be any easier. Regardless, I will continue to do my best to post regular updates.

A special thanks to the following reviewers:
kiki1070, LoveUntilWeBleed, JinxxMusicXX, Jeekey, CharizardCyndi, Kari Twilight Mist, TearfullPixie, MailxJeevasxFTW, xxFlutterStutterBOOMBOOMxx, ShadowQueen1996