Chapter 20: All Fall Down

"Olivia," Robert's voice was becoming increasingly familiar to me. It was an irritating fact of course, but I was doing my best to ignore it. That my brain so easily recognized it was a sign, to me, that I had spent far too much time in Chicago and really needed to take Casey home. After the first three days, the nursing staff had moved Casey's unconscious form from the ICU to the regular wards. I hadn't slept during those seventy-two precious hours while her life was literally being held in the hands of some very careful doctors. Casey hadn't stirred from her sleep or shown any signs that she would be pulling from her coma any time soon. I was only grateful that there was still brain activity. The bastard hadn't beaten her to a point of vegetation. When stimulated, she did react, though she didn't wake. At least she was stable.

The Chicago detectives had taken to Casey. I figured it was the national attention her case was receiving and the fact that only properly badged visitors were allowed into her room. However, it left an array of fresh roses, daffodils, violets, orchids, and countless other flowers scenting her room. The smell was strong enough to make me gag, but they were flowers of true concern. Yesterday, though, I had barked at the detectives to start putting their money to good use, like catching the asshole that did this. Of all the people arrested that day, Marcus had not been one of them. I figured he was already in another state, what with the charges he faced. But, I kept my hopes up that he would turn up in lock up one day and the poor officer who arrested him would recognize him. He had a warrant out for his arrest, too. Actually, two. One for Casey's kidnapping and the other for Amanda's murder.

"I brought some coffee for you," Robert offered as I looked up. I knew I had tired looking eyes. I had been spending every moment possible at the hospital. Once the nurses and doctors figured out that I wasn't going away, they finally let me stay with Casey well into the night. Granted, I went back to the Motel 6 I was staying at for a cheap forty bucks a night to shower and clean myself up. I catnapped at the hospital. I couldn't sleep unless I was with Casey. She had depended on me to rescue her. Now, I depended on her to keep me sane. I could feel myself already loosing it. We would both need a lot of therapy after this, her much more than I.

"Thanks," I said as I reached for the offered Styrofoam cup. It smelled exactly how I had come to associate life with smelling. I didn't used to be a big coffee drinker, but since working SVU, I'd become an addict. Even more so with Casey's kidnapping. I shuddered involuntarily. It was born of both the cold in the hospital and my imagination working on what might have happened to the poor woman. I barely tasted the coffee as it slid down my throat. With shaking fingers, I put it aside. Glancing over to Casey, I ran my fingers through her newly cleaned hair. She had two cracked ribs, her left arm had been broken and the wrist sprained, the laceration over her sternum had reopened on the way to the hospital and had required stitching. When the officer had put her on the gurney, I caught sight of the blood between her legs and had to swallow. A rape kit had been done, but I guessed it was all Steven's handiwork. Casey had lived one of the worst SVU cases I had seen or heard of and I'd be damned if she was going to die now.

Robert shifted uncomfortably behind me and I turned my attention to him. "Olivia," he started his voice slow and calculating. I realized that was how I spoke right before I broke bad news to the victims. I swallowed but found myself unable to say anything. "I sent the rape kit DNA samples to the lab and put a rush on it. I just received them back this morning." He paused as if to ask if I wanted to know the outcome. I simply stared blankly until he went on. "There were seven different DNA samples, and that was only in the past forty eight hours. If she was with this guy for longer, there's no telling how many men raped her. The suspect, Marcus Carnin, wasn't among the DNA samples identified, and, I checked, he's in the system. Three of the seven were also in the system. I asked a judge to issue warrants for their arrest and my officers are on it. The other four came back with no matches, but we'll keep looking."

I knew he was waiting for me to speak, but I was too busy struggling with the tears that threatened to spill down my cheeks. Finally, I relented and allowed them to fall as I turned my face back to Casey. Partially because I wanted to look at her, mostly because I didn't want him to see me cry. "He wouldn't rape her," I heard myself say, though I had no control over it, "he is so disgusted by her. She prosecuted him once, you know?" I laughed in an attempt not to sob, but the sob followed anyway. "She ripped him a new one in court. When he paroled, he changed his look and picked up an alias and started dating her. I shoulda known better, but I didn't. If I had, she wouldn't be here today."

His hand touched my shoulder. "It's not your fault, Olivia. You can't blame yourself for it. Carnin wanted something and he took advantage of both you and Casey to get it. Whether you want to admit it or not, you're as much a victim in this case as your friend is. She's stable now, she'll pull through. She just needs rest, nutrition, and your love. And, she has all three." Without thinking, I put my hand on her stomach over the sheet and the nightgown. I could distinctly feel her ribs beneath the wrap. With a sigh, I picked up her bony hand and held it in mine. All I wanted was for her to wake up. I wanted to hug her and feel her hugging me back. After an hour of sitting with her in silence, I had started talking to her, telling her how much I missed her, how glad I was she was safe, how much Branch missed her, how much the squad missed her, that things weren't the same when she wasn't around, that the other ADAs didn't really care like she cared, telling her over and over that I loved her and she needed to come home. She was like a sister to me and letting her go without a fight was not an option. It never would be.

"You hear that, Case," I murmured under my breath, "he says you gotta come through. I'll protect you no matter what, Case; you just gotta come back to this side of things. No matter what, got it?" There was no response, and, while not shocked, I was sincerely disheartened. I rubbed her arm. "Whenever you're ready to come back, I'll be right here waiting." I blinked another tear back and wiped my face with the back of my free hand. There was something so innately wrong about this entire situation, like it was some sort a very bad dream that I just needed to wake up from, as if this weren't reality and this was only my subconscious fears of loosing the people I was close to. But, if it were a nightmare, it was far too long and far too detailed.

I sucked in my breath as I heard footsteps thudding on the pristine linoleum flooring. Not daring to let go of Casey's hand, I looked up again. Robert had backed up a few steps and was waiting with his arms behind his back near the corner of the room like a protective guard. That's my job, I thought with unease. I knew I was being unreasonably territorial, but I couldn't help it any more. I'd never seen Casey so vulnerable as I had in the past six months and it was killing me. My attentions turned to the doctor standing nearby. "Miss Benson," he said, his voice kind. I wished it weren't a part of his training to make himself seem so trustworthy. I didn't trust doctors myself. Granted, some of them were honest in their sincerity. Others had to practice it. "I'm considering Miss Novak's condition stabilized, as we already discussed. I'm very impressed that she's functioning on her own, now. It was very touch and go while she was hooked up to the machines. However, I can't see any improvements on her comatose state and it seems unlikely that she will improve here in the next couple of days. Perhaps it will be best for you to go home yourself and get some real rest. I can give you a call when she wakes up."

Practically snarling at the man, I scooted my chair closer to Casey's bed. "I'm not leaving Chicago without her, Dr. Ferman," I snapped. I hadn't slept in forever and was liable to snap at anything that spoke. He just happened to be there when I crashed. "I'm here until she wakes up and is deemed capable of flying so I can take her back to New York and help her get her life back together after that fucking asshole tore it apart." I stood up, briefly pressing Casey's cold hand to my chest to help comfort myself. I felt my fingers subtly find her pulse. It was strong and steady. Now, I just had to call my Captain and tell him my plans. I figured he wouldn't order me back right away, but I also guessed he would put a time limit as to how long I could wait with Casey for her to pull through. But, I'd made her a promise and I would argue with Cragen over keeping it. I would win, too.

"I wish this were a fairytale, Casey," I whispered once both men had left, "since when did everyone fall down in fairytales without being able to get back up? I hate the real world." I brought her skinny fingers to my lips and kissed them, tears I hadn't even realized I was crying falling on her nails like glistening drops of dew. "Sleeping Beauty, where's your prince? I'll bring him here for you if it means you'll wake up and smile again so I know you're gonna be alright." I wasn't used to being the one about to break down. No, that was a lie. I wasn't used to being the one in the middle of a break down. It made me feel guilty that Casey was in such worse shape than me and all I could do was cry because she couldn't cry for her pain and because I felt so much pain. I wanted to be angry right now and release some of that energy by screaming. But, I couldn't be angry. I could only feel hurt and it was so draining. "Just smile for me, Casey," I heard myself beg as I leaned over my lips touching her cheek, my tears making a wet spot on the pillow beside her.