Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. The song "Will I?" is from the musical RENT and I do not own it in any way.
Let Me Be Your Downfall
Chapter Twenty-one: Will I?
Will I lose my dignity?
Will someone care?
Will I wake tomorrow from this nightmare?
As the days turned to weeks, it became harder for Jamie to hide their secret. Soon after she had told Remus, they had informed their friends about the baby. The reactions couldn't have been more predictable - Lily was excited; Jaclyn pretended to be, but had an unmistakable "I told you so" expression on her face for days after she found out; Lauren didn't even bother to hide her pessimism; whereas the boys nodded, patted Remus on the back, and preferred to pretend the news hadn't been dealt. Adults they were - but that didn't mean they were mature enough to be so.
April showers began to bring in May flowers and the seventh years were rarely seen outside of their common rooms or the library. The only time they talked to fellow students was when they needed help on a certain point or to copy some notes. There were NEWT study groups that met everywhere - from the Great Hall to open classrooms; there was even one that had tried to meet in an open spot in the hallway until Professor Flitwick made them move on.
It didn't take long for cabin fever to set in and, as a treat for not only the seventh years, but the fifth years as well, who were going to be taking their OWLs, the teachers agreed to an impromptu Hogsmeade weekend.
"What do you mean you're not coming?" Jamie complained to Lily during Transfiguration as she tried to turn a butterfly into a moth.
"Just that," Lily shrugged, flicking her wand and missing the butterfly, as it kept flying away from her. "Damn."
"Just stupefy it," Jamie said offhandedly.
"That's not the point of the lesson," Lily replied, concentrating and trying again. "It's about aim and focus."
"Whatever," Jamie waved her hand dismissively. "Anyways, as I was saying, why not?"
"James has detention with Slughorn so he can't go - "
"Oh, so my company isn't good enough?" Jamie interrupted, slightly put off.
" - and I need to study," Lily sighed and put her wand down. "Besides, you have Remus, Jaclyn has Patil, Lauren has Peter, and even Sirius has Charlie - I don't want to be the third wheel."
"Come on, Lily," Jamie rolled her eyes. "That's the lamest excuse I've ever heard."
"It is not!" Lily insisted, picking her wand up again and returning to her Monarch. "I don't want to feel awkward. You've had Remus for so long that you've probably forgotten how it feels."
"Besides," Jamie continued, ignoring Lily, "the point of the weekend is to get away from studying."
"I need to study," Lily said in a frustrated voice, furrowing her brow as she watched the butterfly. "I'm failing miserably at this, after all, so that just proves - "
"Well, that's because you keep talking to me," Jamie sighed, flicking her wand and turning her own butterfly to a moth instantly.
"How did you do that?" Lily asked, her expression one of near insanity. "I've been trying to do that this entire class and you do it on your first try!"
"See, maybe you do need a day off," Jamie shrugged, opening the small box that McGonagall had passed the butterflies out in. "You're losing your touch."
"Maybe you're right," Lily sighed, flicking her wand again and missing the butterfly by a centimetre.
"Of course I'm right," Jamie smirked as Lily finally succeeded in transfiguring her butterfly. "I'm always right."
"I wouldn't go so far as to say that," Lily replied, catching the moth and pushing it into her box. She sat down, quite happy with herself and looked across the room. Jamie followed her gaze, seeing that she was watching James and Sirius, who were laughing at whatever Sirius had managed to transfigure his butterfly into.
"So, James got his Auror acceptance finally?" Jamie asked conversationally, absentmindedly bringing a protective hand to her ill-disguised growing belly.
Lily nodded, a proud smile playing on her lips. "He was among five that were accepted this year - including Sirius, of course."
"That's impressive," Jamie commented, already knowing as James had nearly tackled her when he had received the letter.
Lily only nodded again, letting the smile spread across her face. "I really love him, Jamie."
"I couldn't tell," Jamie rolled her eyes.
"No, see, you'd always tell me how much you loved Remus and all that lovey-dovey crap that made me sick to my stomach," Lily turned to face Jamie, crossing her arms. "But, well, I guess I finally know what you mean."
"Hypocrite," Jamie teased, looking back over to James and Sirius.
Sirius was preoccupied with a bite he had received from whatever it was he made out of the butterfly, but James was staring at Lily. When their eyes met, he sheepishly raised his right hand so his thumb, forefinger, and pinkie were sticking out. Lily grinned and returned the gesture before Sirius knocked James over with his hand, which was turning blue and beginning to grow in size.
"I'd like to marry him someday, I think," Lily mused, turning back to Jamie again, a questioning look on her face. "You know?"
"No idea," Jamie smiled, as the bell rang.
Before Jamie even had gotten to her feet, Sirius was running out of the room to, she figured, the nearby hospital wing. Lily and James beckoned her goodbye as they hurried to their next class. Not in any hurry, Jamie was soon the last person in the classroom.
"Miss Williams, may I have a word?"
Jamie jumped, surprised to hear McGonagall addressing her. Not wanting to upset her Head of House, she nodded, shouldering her bag and bringing her box to the front of the classroom to set on McGonagall's desk.
"Yes, Professor?"
McGonagall set down her quill that she was using to correct essays and looked up at Jamie over her bifocals. She gave her an appraising look before saying, "I have a few concerns I'd like to discuss with you."
"What?" Jamie asked, panicking. "Am I failing?"
"No, not at all," McGonagall shook her head, a smile pulling at the corners of her thin lips. "In fact, you're one of the top students in my NEWT class."
"No kidding?" Jamie asked, surprised. "And to think I used to just slide by before."
McGonagall looked amused, but pushed further. "What I am concerned about, however, is your attendance record as of the past few months."
"Oh, well," Jamie's face flushed. "I haven't been feeling very well and - "
"Normally I'd warrant detentions if a student missed more than two days in a short period, but Miss Evans and Mr. Potter have spoken up on your behalf as to just how sick you have been," Professor McGonagall continued, folding her hands on top of her pile of essays. "Also, as I said, you've been doing exceedingly well, despite your absences."
Jamie was speechless. She wasn't entirely sure as to what the professor wanted her to say. After a few silent moments, she managed, "Well, is that all?"
"I'm afraid not," Professor McGonagall shook her head and glanced at Jamie's left hand. "You and Mr. Lupin will be wed in a few months, correct?"
"September 9th," Jamie supplied, raising an eyebrow. Did she want an invitation?
"Yes, well, the two of you are obviously quite serious then," the professor nodded, suddenly looking very uncomfortable. "Well, as your Head of House, I'm only wondering if perhaps you should see Madam Pomfrey."
Jamie's jaw dropped. "What?" She lowered her voice as though the room was filled with her peers. "Who told you?" She thought about how hard she was going to have to hit one of her friends as anger flooded through her.
"Miss Williams, you need to realize that it is human nature to want to spread lies about our enemies," Professor McGonagall said sternly. "Sometimes those lies may have more truth to them than you would think."
Jamie swallowed hard. "I'm fine."
"Are you - "
"I'm fine!" Jamie insisted. "I apologize, but I'm late for a study group."
Professor McGonagall saw through her lie easily, but nodded nonetheless. "If you need anything, please don't hesitate to ask."
Jamie gave a sharp nod before hurrying out of the room. Anger was still surging through her body, her green eyes flashing angrily as she stormed down the hallway, nearly taking out two third years.
"Hey, Jamie!" Sirius greeted Jamie, coming out of the hospital wing, his hand back to normal, and trying to catch up with her. "Hold on!"
Jamie ignored him, her eyes dead set on a solitary blonde head in front of her, clad with the green and silver Slytherin uniform. Once she reached Narcissa, she put a hand on her shoulder, whirled her around and pushed her up against the stone wall. Jamie ignored Sirius's shouted protests down the hallway and hardly registered that they were the only three people in the area.
"Get your hands off of me, Williams," Narcissa spat, her pale grey eyes narrowed to angry slits as Jamie brought her wand up to her forehead. Narcissa eyes looked frightened as she glanced down to her bag that had slipped off her shoulder when Jamie pushed her.
"No wand, Black?" Jamie asked, her voice venomous as Sirius's footsteps grew louder. "That's too bad."
"What the bloody hell is your problem," Narcissa swore, struggling to break free of Jamie's grip.
"I think you know," Jamie managed, the tip of her wand setting off red sparks and making Narcissa jump.
"I'm afraid I don't," Narcissa replied, glancing from Jamie's face to her wand and back again. "Care to indulge me?"
"Why are you telling people I'm pregnant?"
Narcissa let out a tinkling laugh. "Are you trying to tell me that you aren't? You and your half-breed of a boyfriend sure have a lot of secrets, don't you?"
Jamie pushed her wand forward so it pressed hard against Narcissa's pale skin. "You really need to stop your filthy lying, Narcissa."
"Nothing I say is a lie!" Narcissa raised her voice. "In fact, I think it's my duty to show the rest of Hogwarts what kind of filth lies in the Gryffindor House - among Dumbledore's favourites!"
Finally, Sirius skidded to a stop behind Jamie and put a hand on her shoulder. "Let her go, Jamie. This smut isn't worth your time."
"Who are you calling smut, Sirius?" Narcissa accused, her eyes narrowing even further. "You and your lewd group of Mudbloods and blood traitors - "
"How dare you even - " Jamie started, raising her wand, which was sending out sparks again.
"Jamie, NO!" Sirius shouted, pulling back her wand hand as a blue stream left the end, hitting the ceiling and allowing some small pieces of stone to crack off and fall to the floor next to them.
Narcissa seized the moment and pushed herself out of Jamie's grasp. She quickly bent over and took her bag, clutching it to her chest.
"Be sure to invite me to the shower, Williams," Narcissa said, then spat on the ground where Sirius had an arm wrapped around Jamie's waist and the other taking control of her wand hand.
Jamie shouted after Narcissa's retreating back, not calming down until she had turned down another hallway. Eventually, Jamie slumped against Sirius's chest and her breathing began to slow, the anger flooding out of her. She allowed Sirius to wrap his arms around her and gently pull his fingers through her hair.
"Are you all right?" Sirius asked after a couple of moments.
"Yes," Jamie sighed, screwing her eyes shut and then opening them. "Well, no, I'm not, but I'm better than I was a few moments ago."
"So, if I let go of you you're not going to run after my dreadful cousin and hex the life out of her?" Sirius asked, unconsciously tightening his grip around her.
"Not anymore today," Jamie agreed, trying to pull away from him. "But I can't guarantee tomorrow."
"Let me know ahead of time and maybe I'll help," Sirius joked, allowing her out of his grasp. "What happened?"
"It's not important," Jamie muttered, fixing her robes and straightening her bag.
Sirius smirked at her before beckoning her to follow him into an empty classroom across the hall. "It sure seemed important when you nearly had your wand in Narcissa's eye."
Jamie glanced around the classroom, then asked, "You know, they have all of these extra classrooms that never get used."
"You're dodging the subject," Sirius said, hopping onto the top of one of the desks that littered the room.
"Why should I tell you?" Jamie asked, glancing behind her at the open door.
"Because I'm wonderful like that," Sirius shrugged. "Besides, if I hadn't saved the day - "
"Excuse me, she was wandless and at my mercy," Jamie cocked an eyebrow, but sitting on a desktop next to Sirius.
"She might have bit you," Sirius pointed out. "That could've been nasty."
"Oh, my hero," Jamie rolled her eyes.
"And once again you're dodging the subject," Sirius replied, setting his bag down. "I have all day, you know. I'm done with classes and know how to transfigure quills into Yorkshire pudding."
"Just quills?"
"Stop dodging the subject! Why were you trying to attack my cousin?"
Jamie swallowed hard and made an effort not to meet Sirius's eyes. "McGonagall stopped me after class and pretty much came out and asked me if I was pregnant and if I've seen Madam Pomfrey yet."
"No kidding?" Sirius asked, taking a sharp intake of breath. "That's no good."
"You think?" Jamie asked, giving Sirius an amused look. "Anyways, who else would give a care as to me being pregnant than Narcissa?"
"This is a good point," Sirius nodded. "So, you attacked her because…"
"She's telling people I'm pregnant!" Jamie exclaimed.
"But you are pregnant," Sirius pointed out.
"Oh, really, Sirius? I hadn't noticed," Jamie replied humorously.
"Okay, okay. I'm just curious, but have you seen Madam Pomfrey yet?"
Jamie flushed a little then said sheepishly, "No - do you think I ought to?"
"I know about as much about pregnancies as you do," Sirius snorted. "I wasn't old enough when my mum had Regulus to even remember. However, I'm pretty sure you need to go and make sure you and the baby are both okay."
"I suppose," Jamie sighed. "I haven't even told my mum and dad yet."
"Are you serious?"
"Yes - they're going to have my head on a platter when they find out."
"Maybe they won't notice?"
Jamie laughed. "That's what I was hoping but Remus seems to think it'd be a good idea to let them know before they're invited to the baby's first birthday."
"Well, that gives you just over a year, right?" Sirius joked.
"I really wish that were the case," Jamie admitted, rubbing her forehead with the palm of her left hand.
"It'll be fine," Sirius promised her, reaching over and putting his hand on top of her right. "Besides, you have all of us backing you up."
"That's actually quite reassuring," Jamie smiled at him.
"Of course it is," Sirius jumped down from the desk. "Now, come here."
Jamie gave a small chuckle before allowing him to wrap his arms around her in a tight hug. When Sirius tried to pull away, Jamie pulled him closer. Surprised, Sirius returned the hug and gingerly ran a hand down her bag comfortingly.
"What's going on here?" Remus burst in.
After the two pulled apart, Sirius recognized the Marauder's Map in Remus's right hand and gasped, "Moony, you have that in plain sight?"
"I cleared it before I left the dormitory," Remus replied shortly, causing Sirius and Jamie to realize how upset he was.
"Is something wrong?" Jamie asked, not fully understanding.
"Well, I received a letter from my mum," Remus explained brusquely, pulling an envelope out of his robe's pocket. "I grabbed the Map looking for you because I figured you would want to read it with me since I am sure it is about our news. I saw you and Sirius in this classroom and hurried down to fetch you and then burst in on this scene!"
"You're not using contractions," Jamie noticed, grimacing. "You're really upset."
"Uh, Moony, I was only hugging her," Sirius spoke up uncomfortably. "I wasn't going to go and shag her or anything."
"Are you sure?" Remus asked angrily.
"Remus Lupin!" Jamie gasped, taking a step back. "Sirius, you should go. I'm going to have a word with my fiancée."
Sirius turned to face Jamie, muttering under his breath. "He's only overreacting because the full moon's in just a week."
"I can hear you," Remus said heatedly.
"Then you'll realize how daft you're being!" Jamie replied, pushing Sirius out of the room. "Thank you for listening, Sirius."
"You're welcome," Sirius nodded. "Make sure you go to Pomfrey, all right?"
"We'll see," Jamie smiled, jerking Remus into the room and slamming the door shut. "I was hugging him!"
"You have to understand how I saw it," Remus swallowed, finally realizing how his own actions looked.
"Remus, if I broke in on you hugging Lily, d'you honestly think I'd scream like you did?" Jamie asked, crossing her arms.
"Maybe?"
"No, I wouldn't."
"Are you sure?"
"Positive."
"All right," Remus resigned, running a hand through his hair. "Sorry?"
"Yes, you ought to be sorry," Jamie glared. "I can't believe you!"
"What were you two talking about anyway?"
"It's a long story," Jamie waved her hand carelessly. "I nearly killed Narcissa - "
Remus groaned. "Jamie, we talked about that."
"She wasn't talking about you, though!" Jamie interrupted. "Apparently McGonagall heard through word of mouth that I'm pregnant - "
"Shit."
"You're telling me," Jamie rolled her eyes, leaning back against a desk. "Anyways, I saw Narcissa while storming around Hogwarts and, well, one thing led to another and Sirius basically kept me from hexing her face off."
Remus gave Jamie a guilty look but nonetheless said, "Jamie, you can't get worked up because of the things people happen to say."
"It just infuriates me, Remus."
"And you don't think it upsets me?" Remus asked, raising an eyebrow. "It got old fast. Besides, isn't it a bit flattering that people care so much about us that they're talking like that?"
"No."
"Yeah, well, my mum would try that on me when I would complain in letters and it never worked on me, either," Remus smirked. "Speaking of, would you like to see that letter about now?"
"Of course," Jamie nodded. "Do you think she's going to be upset?"
"It isn't a Howler," Remus shrugged, ripping open the letter and clearing his throat. "'Darling Remus and Jamie - ' isn't she sweet."
"Just read it," Jamie smiled.
"'While your letter was quite surprising, I couldn't be more excited by your news. To think - I'll have a grandchild! Thank you so much for alerting me as soon as you found out - at least I'm going to expect that it was as soon as you found out. Expect a beautiful nursery present by the time the two of you finish school.' Well, that isn't bad at all, is it?"
"I'd say," Jamie nodded. "Too bad my parents aren't going to be nearly as understanding."
"We should tell them," Remus smiled sadly.
"Sirius and McGonagall reckon that I should see Madam Pomfrey," Jamie bit her bottom lip.
"I've been telling you that for ages," Remus sighed.
"I know, I know," Jamie swallowed hard.
"Oh, come here," Remus stowed the letter in his pocket before stretching his arms apart to hold Jamie close.
Jamie realized how different Remus's embrace was than Sirius's. She could feel Remus's heart beat against her cheek as his arms took hold of everything - her emotions, mind, and heart. While he was holding her, she felt as though nothing could go wrong. As long as he loved her, nothing bad could happen. Despite her surging hormones and his weakness to the waxing moon, she felt safe.
"Are you going to be all right?"
Jamie pulled away and nodded. "I really think so."
"Good," Remus smiled, kissing her forehead. "And you're not upset with me for being a pissy little wanker?"
"I'll forgive you just this once, love," Jamie smirked, pulling herself onto one of the desktops where she had been sitting while she had been talking to Sirius moments ago.
Remus took a few steps closer to her before dropping to his knees in front of her. He was at eye level with her belly that seemed to grow more and more each day. She had done a charm on her robes to make them grow with her, but their secret was becoming a bit harder to hide with every passing day. Remus put his arms around her hips and leaned against the desk between her legs. He put his cheek against Jamie's belly, his eyes closed as though he was listening.
"Hello, Baby," Remus said as Jamie put her fingers in his hair. "D'you think he or she can hear me?"
"Yes," Jamie nodded, smiling down at him.
"Do you think I'm going to be a good father?"
"I know you will be."
The young parents were silent for a moment before Remus softly admitted, "I love you already, Baby. I love your mummy, too."
"I love you, too, love."
Author's Note: I had every intention of them going to Hogsmeade during this chapter, but it got quite lengthy and I just couldn't stop writing and..oy. My life is hard. I wanted to add more than just Jamie/Remus oriented stuff in this chapter, but I got kind of wrapped up in the Narcissa stuff and one thing led to another and, well, that's how it goes. I hope you all don't mind. If you do..too bad, haha.
About that not updating as often as normal clause? I figure that'll go into effect more once I start to get more homework later in the semester. Or as soon as I manage to take challenging courses..since I definitely am not taking any right now. :-)
Nicoley117: Mani isn't going to be a very loveable character, I'll tell you that much. As for Charlie, I think she's going to stick around for a while, but you'll have to wait and see how that works out. I'm so terrible, what can I say? I can hardly believe I made it to the 20th chapter..I was expecting to do this story in parts (I nixed that idea a while ago) and yeah. It's pretty crazy, what can I tell you. I have a feeling that this is going to end up being 40+. Yikes.. Thanks for reading!
LandUnderWave: Yep, the hat sure is getting me through some rough times. ;-) Thanks for reading!
RockStar Lover: I have a feeling any eighteen year old boy that just found out his girlfriend would be just as dense as him..and then Remus is a sweetheart, so that helps. He's so damn loveable. Hence why I couldn't go along with my original story idea where Sirius actually stole Jamie away..yeah. Glad that didn't happen. Anyways, thanks for reading!
dolly: How does everyone know that? Haha.. Thanks for reading!
radical-rebel: Not any more crazy than to talk to a usual book character..and we all know that we do that, haha. Anyways, thanks! The title is actually from "Downfall" by Matchbox Twenty, so you were most definitely correct in that assumption. Matchbox Twenty is pretty much my all time favorite band and I looove More Than You Think You Are. They're coming out with another cd..I don't think it's come out yet at least. I'm pretty excited about that because even though I love Rob Thomas's solo stuff, it's not the same as the band. :-) Anyways..yay music! I'm glad that we have amazing music taste! Oh, and thanks for reading!