Chapter Twenty-One

I am all tied up… yards and yards of rope are binding me to the wooden cross. I cannot move, and Christian is behind me, pressing and urging - pushing my legs apart…

My eyes fly open. It's morning and there are no ropes, but I am all wound up - in the bedsheet. Christian, however, is not a dream. He really is behind me and really… needy.

"Mmmm…" I say, pressing back into him. I reach around and grasp him in my hand, feel the hard ridge of him. I work my way up his length and swirl my thumb around the tip. There's a small bead of moisture there. Wait, I know what this is… Well hello pre-cum, I believe we've met. You're the one responsible for my little passenger.

Christian lets out a moan and I smile, turning over to face him. I catch a glimpse of the clock - 7:58 - and bolt upright, and the spell is broken. "Christian," I hiss, "I have to be at work in an hour! And I don't have any clothes here." The past few weeks, I have been keeping things at the house and not packing an overnight bag.

"Relax baby," he says, "Taylor brought you some things. And I was just about to wake you… Well I did wake you," he smirks.

"What? When?" I hop out of bed and head into the master closet. There, alongside Christian's clothes, are half a dozen outfits… for me. Work clothes, casual clothes, shoes, a drawer full of undergarments… all my taste, all designer maternity, and - I am certain - all a perfect fit. Maternity lingerie? I didn't even know that was a thing. I pick up some underwear that resemble red dental floss and examine the tag - $275. Holy shit.

In a daze, I wander into the master bath and it's stocked with all of my regular toiletries plus an assortment of other, expensive-looking bottles and tubes. Out of time to gape, I get in the shower. Christian comes in behind me, and after a minute, I can form an actual thought.

"So Taylor brought me some things," I squeak. "When? While we were fucking or while we were sleeping?"

Christian chuckles. "Relax, Ana. He brought them over earlier this week… from home." He sighs. "It was supposed to be a surprise, but I had half of the closet converted - and filled - for you."

Oh. "Who bought it all? Taylor?"

He chuckles again. "I have a personal shopper, Ana. Her name is Caroline Acton and she works at Neiman Marcus. I had her send over a capsule of clothing and accessories for you."

"A capsule?"

"A... collection of clothing, all hand-selected for you. And basically you go through it, keep what you want, and send the rest back. And then she will send you new items based on that."

Hmmmm... "So basically I don't actually have to go shopping at all."

"Nope, not unless you want to."

Now he is washing my hair, and I can't help but relax. He really does have very capable fingers. And maybe I can get used to all of this...

By 8:57, Sawyer and I are walking into work with coffee and breakfast in hand. Whew! I feel a little... off balance. Maybe I should take Christian up on his offer of a personal trainer. I'm going to have to work on my stamina if I'm going to keep up!

The weeks pass, and we're in a new routine. Wednesday nights at Escala, Thursday nights with Kate at the apartment, the rest of the time at our family home. Christian introduces me to more of the basics - shackling me to the wooden cross and the bed, letting me feel the sting of the flogger and the crop. And with the help of our trainer, I am keeping up... for now. I am fitter and leaner than I've ever been, with the exception of my ever-growing belly. I can feel it move now - at first a tentative tapping, then more definite kicks and rolls.

One particular Wednesday in mid-August, I'm antsy and fidgety all day. Today's the day... this is it! We're finding out if it's baby boy blue or baby girl pink... Finally it's 2:50 and Christian is due to pick me up in 10 minutes. I shut down my computer, gather my things, use the bathroom, and head out into... rain. Oh well... it can't dampen my mood today. Christian jumps out of the SUV, opens my door, and I jump in... okay, maybe 'jump' is a hopeful exaggeration... But I feel like jumping...

He runs around to his side, he actually does jump in, and leans over to give me a kiss. We're wet and dripping... and we laugh. He's in a good mood too.

We talk animatedly the whole way to the clinic... I tease him and try to get him to guess. He won't. Fine, I won't either. Plus, I just have no idea! Co-workers have been taking bets all week. Carrying high, carrying low... craving this, craving that... heartburn, no heartburn. I meet half of the 'girl' criteria, half of the 'boy' criteria.

We pull in and I try one last time "Any last, last, last-minute guesses?"

"Nope," He says, leans over, kisses my cheek. "Healthy mom, healthy baby..." He shrugs.

Well, of course... Yes, priorities!

We walk in and sit down for the customary question and answer session. Doing fine... feeling good... baby's active... yep, all fine and good. Well, feeling huge... weight check: 118. Eek! But Megan and Christian look pleased... Fine. Let's get on with it!

We head back to the room with the fancy machines again. It's been eight weeks since our last ultrasound... is that possible?

I get on the table and Megan measures my bump "Right on track!" Yep, there's no question whether it's 'above my pelvis' this time! She squeezes on the gel, positions her wand...

And there it is again... our baby! It doesn't look that different, but it definitely fills more of the screen. There's the snub-nosed profile, but we can only see halfway down the torso before the image cuts off. Megan is chirping over it as usual as she measures the head, moves down - checks the heart, which is pumping away... she can even point out the blood moving in and out - she checks the spine, moving down... measures a femur. The legs are kicking... it's weird to see it and feel it... "It's all looking great! Measurements are good... now I'm going to take a peek 'down below' so if you don't want to know..."

"We want to know." I say quickly and she smiles.

She re-positions her wand... and there it is. Even I know what that is! That's a penis and testicles... front and center!

"Well, it's a BOY... no doubt about it!" She says.

I laugh and look up at Christian.

He's grinning like a fool and he pumps his fist. He actually did a fist pump! "Hold on..." I accuse, "You said you didn't care... You said 'healthy mom, healthy baby…'"

He can't stop grinning and I can't help but join him. "Ana," he says, "have you noticed that my family is slightly skewed toward the female persuasion?"

Oh! I never really thought about it... other than his brother Elliot, it's Grace, Connie, Molly, Marissa, Ellie... and me. Oh my.

And we all laugh.

Later that night, after we've called and texted everyone we know, we snuggle in and just enjoy the moment. Christian presses his hand against my side and is rewarded by a firm push against his hand.

"So," he says, "Marissa's birthday is next week..."

"Yes, what were you thinking of getting her?"

"I think I'm going to go ahead and get her an iPhone."

I sit up. She's been hinting about wanting a phone for weeks, but I didn't think Christian would take her seriously. "What? What does a nine-year-old girl need with an iPhone?"

He shrugs and looks a little sheepish. "Well it's how kids communicate now, isn't it? Texting and that instant picture thing."

I roll my eyes. "Instagram? I don't know about that, Christian. Sometimes people on there... aren't who they say they are. Are you going to follow her?"

"No," he says definitively. "Ana, I am not following a bunch of nine-year-old girls on Insta-whatever. Then who would be the creeper?"

"Fine," I say, "I'll do it then." But I don't like it.