A/N: Some of you may hate me by the end of the next chapter... why? Well, you'll see tomorrow evening then. *Shifty eyes-Shifty eyes*

Hope you enjoy the chapter!

(Mello P.O.V)

Matt had told me to think about what it was that I wanted. He'd wanted me to make the honest choice between him and Near. And, if I was truly being honest with myself, I had no idea who to choose.

I sat on my bed, back against the headrest and a chocolate bar in hand. Thinking of all the pros and cons between Matt and Near. They were both a good choice, both caring for me in their own ways and proving themselves faithful in more ways than one. But it was the differences in them that I'd had to look at.

I sighed to myself, not even bothering to bite into my bar. I just needed it with me for when I needed it most.

"Matt told me I was evolving as a person." I said to myself. "But what am I evolving into? Am I better or worse than before?"

I growled at myself. There were times where I could absolutely hate the very person I was and everything I built around myself. And it didn't help that all I'd been was selfish since I was a tween. It hadn't been fair to Matt and it certainly wasn't fair to Near, L, and Light. So, now that I knew this, what did I do with the information? It was like holding a peg for a slot that I was unable to find.

"Matt had told me to take my time." I whispered to myself. "Maybe…"

I shifted on my bed and slipped into meditation position. When I needed my head to be clear I would meditate and find balance like my sensei had taught me before I became a black belt. I used to practice it daily but had stopped my daily regimen when I started getting more involved with cases. Now was the best time to utilize my knowledge of it.

I began to breathe softly, losing myself in the cold silence of my room. The point of meditation was to release all thoughts and to have them float by without relishing in them. To achieve this was to achieve perfect balance.

The first thoughts floated by. Thoughts of Matt and me when we were kids, how much fun we had together, and how I never left his side. Next were thoughts of Near confessing his feelings for me, the fuzzy memories I had while drugged, and knowing Near had the chance to get what he wanted but chose against it to save my innocence and his. With this in mind, would Matt have done the same for me? Would he have pushed me away to spare my innocence, even after he constantly asked me for sex?

Not to mention the pros and cons of both parties.

Near had a sweet side to him that he only showed to me, but he was not exactly a physical type of person. Personal displays of affection would be almost minimal in public, but would more than be welcomed if we were alone. There was also the fact that Near was a genius, the first place at Wammys, and was more than worth his merit. But he was also a child in more ways than one. He still played with his toys, twirled his hair, spoke almost robotic-like at times, and couldn't do much for himself if he tried. But, knowing how well he would treat me, knowing I would most likely be the dominant of the relationship… it wasn't a bad option.

And then there was Matt. The man I'd known since childhood as my best friend, the one person I told all my secrets to, and the one man I could trust to catch me when I fell… was also incredibly unclean, lazy, unmotivated, and made me want to tear my hair out sometimes. Not to mention his disgusting addiction to cigarettes and his utterly dry sense of humour. But, above all that, he was sweet, kind, caring and loving, and would help me out no matter what it was I asked of him. When I cried he wiped away my tears, and when I was hurting or scared he would make me smile again. He was my best friend, someone I'd loved since I was a child. But, did I love him for selfish reasons alone? Could it be that I was just so used to being taken care of that I mistook his kindness and willingness to do anything for me… for love? Could all I have fallen for be my own selfish reasons?

My messenger beeping on my laptop made me jump from my state and I hurried to answer it. On the other line was L, informing me that they'd be home by tomorrow at noon.

I nodded to him. "Alright. Nan, Sofu, and Auntie Sayu called and said that they will be here tomorrow evening for the holidays, so that works out fine."

L hummed a bit. "I shall tell Light this then."

Suddenly, a thought came to mind…

Before he went to log off, I stopped him. "W-wait! There's something I need to ask of you!"

He stopped his motions to turn off the laptop and relaxed back into his seat. "Go on, then. What is it you need to ask?"

I sat back in my seat before asking. "What was it that made you choose Light over anyone else? I mean, there must have been others more suited to you. Right?"

"Hey!" Came the unmistakable voice that was Light's from off camera. "Don't talk about me like I'm not here!"

I grinned a bit. "Sorry, Light. But it's something I need to know."

L didn't seem fazed by Light's frustration. "In truth, Mello, there probably were better people suited for me. People who, maybe, understood my love for all things sweet, or who shared my high IQ."

"You're pushing it, darling!" Light forced the pet name to let the detective know he was on thin ice.

L only chuckled. "Mello, the saying goes that there are plenty of fish in the sea. But the truth is, if you don't take the time to look for the right fish for you, you might get poisoned. When I found Light I knew he was the one for me because I felt it in my heart that he was what was best for me. He's handsome, kind, loves children, and would stop a bullet for me."

"Not true, actually, because if I have time to jump in front of a bullet for you, you have time to step out of the way. But I will happily make you cake when you're feeling down."

L gestured to Light who was still off camera. "See what I mean? He makes me happy, and I do my best to make him happy. Love is a two way street, same as friendship. If you aren't willing to meet halfway then you don't deserve the marvelous fish you caught. Throw it back in for someone else to catch who can appreciate it more."

I nodded to him. "I understand. You listened to your heart and it told you Light was who you needed in your life."

L nodded back. "That is correct. And I've never looked back. Love is about having no regrets… and I have no regrets with Light."

I smiled at the detective. "Thanks, I think I got all the information I need."

The man on the screen smiled back knowingly. "Then goodnight to you, Mello." And he was gone.

I closed my laptop and took a moment to breathe again. This time, however, I listened to my heart instead of my head. All the logical thinking in the world couldn't compare to what one felt in their hearts. In the end, I had to choose who my heart wanted more than anyone or anything. And I soon got my answer.

I stood from my seat and made my way to Near's room to speak with him. For the first time in my life, I knew exactly what wanted more than anything else. More than becoming L's true successor, or even more than becoming a famous writer. For the first time in my life… I wanted someone enough that I'd bend space and time for them. Enough that I would take the bullet for them, despite what Light had said.

For once in my life… I knew what I felt in my heart.

A/N: Them Cliffhangers, eh? XD

(Before you ask, yes I'm Canadian, we all say 'eh' none of us say 'aboot'. Any other questions feel free to ask in the message system.)