Genres: Everything there is. All of them. Ever.
Warnings: Too many to list anymore.
Disclaimer: Do I have to do this EVERY TIME?!
~Fic start!~
*Alis and Squall are outside, assessing the damage on the airship*
Alis: "We really need the airship to work."
Squall: "Well if you hadn't gotten into that drag race..."
Alis: "You didn't tell them who it was against."
Squall: "It doesn't matter if you were drag racing with the damn pope, it was still a bad idea."
Alis: "I did it to protect Ryoko. I had to do it, and I had to win."
Squall: "Looks like because he destroyed the thing, you lost."
Alis: *sigh* "I know... my sister is in danger. I..." *gets a lightbulb* "I have an idea!"
Squall: "We're fucked royally, aren't we?"
Alis: "Shut up! I'm gonna go back in time and steal the airship from myself before I even make that bet! That way Ryoko is safe from that idiot and we get to keep the airship!"
Squall: "...no, because if that would work, we would have it by now."
Alis: "Huh?"
Squall: "You don't understand time travel. Do not fuck with it. Hopping though different worlds in the multiverse is fine, because you're not fucking with the space-time continuum, but if you go back in time, there's something you could just mess up entirely!"
Alis: "Well what if I go to another world and swipe another airship?"
Squall: "Or maybe we could go to the used airship lot?"
Alis: "What?"
*Squall points behind the swim team's practice pool, where there is a used airship lot, much like a used car lot.*
Alis: "How did I not know that was there?"
Squall: "You've lived in Gariland so long, it makes sense that you don't know much about Igros."
Alis: "Yeah."
*MEANWHILE, in Warjilis Trade City...*
*Light and Ryoko are still searching for money to buy the tickets to ride the boat to Zeltienna.*
Ryoko: "Hey, look, over there! There's a pot!"
Light: "What do you mean?"
Ryoko: "If the Legendary Instruction Manual is correct, we should lift it over our heads and smash it!"
Light: O_o; "I thought we were supposed to search inside it?"
Ryoko: "that works, too! Come on!"
*they run up to the pot*
Light: *looks inside it* "Hey, look, it's 2 gold pieces."
Ryoko: *picks it up* "RAHH!" *smashes it on the ground* "Ha! A blue rupee!"
Light: "Well that was an out of world experience."
Ryoko: "I know. Two different currencies not even from this world."
Light: "Bahamut needs to go back to the moon! He's making all the worlds blend and blur together!"
Ryoko: "Yeah... let's keep looking for things to search in and smash! We'll get there!"
Light: "Good idea!"
*AND SO, back at the apartment...*
*Aria, Lynn, Firion, and Onion are playing Truco*
Lynn: "Envido."
Firion: "Quero."
Lynn: "Bam, 31!"
Firion: "Well damn. You got me there. I only had a 25."
Aria: *writes down the points* "And that wins you guys the game."
Onion: "We do make a damn good team."
Lynn: ^_^ Onion: "So, um, Aria, I thought you had to go meet Mateus."
Aria: "Yeah, you're right. It's just he's not expecting me for a few days."
Firion: "Isn't he still living in Lesalia?"
Aria: "That's the thing, though. He's on vacation right now in Bervenia."
Onion: "Ohhh."
Lynn: "How do you keep up with this?"
Aria: "I'm his friend on Facebook and on Twitter. I swear, this phone is a lifesaver!"
Firion: "Ha. So, how are we getting there?"
Onion: "Let's go rent some chocobos."
Lynn: *thinks for a moment, then gets out her Control-o-Matic* "After being on the charger for two whole seasons, this is sure to come in handy!"
Aria: "Yeah we really could have used it before."
Lynn: "It's a major reason as to why we got into so much trouble. That could have freed us from Jecht's machine and spared us the cancellation of Season 2."
Onion: "Let's do something else now."
Firion: "Dude, hook the Wii up, I totally want to play some King of Fighters!"
Onion: "DONE!"
*BUT THEN, in Bervenia..."
Golbez: "We're going home early?"
Mateus: "The sad fact is, my dear, I do owe the dancer a favor."
Golbez: "How she get YOU in her favor?"
Mateus: "Well, you see..."
*Flashback to a few weeks back, before the start of season three, but after season 2 was cancelled. Mateus and Aria meet in a dark alleyway. Aria hands him a paperbag with a devilish smile on her face. Mateus squees with glee. After Aria walks away, Mateus opens the paper bag. It's a video tape of a never-before-seen Back to the Future movie: "Back to the Future 4: Marty Done Fucked Shit up!"*
Golbez: "The hell?! Why?! HOW?!"
Mateus: "Aria has contacts all over the multiverse. In one alternate world, a 4th Back to the Future was made, and now... I have the only copy of it in existence. I do owe her a big favor for being able to get it for me, of course."
Golbez: "You're doing this for a horrible movie sequel?"
Mateus: "No, no, no, lovely. I'm doing this for my fandom! I know it's a horrible movie sequel that shouldn't exist, but it DOES, and now I have it!"
Golbez: "You're a Fanboy... I never knew that."
Mateus: "Very few things actually catch my interest like Back to the Future."
Golbez: "I suppose when this is all over, you'll have to introduce me to it."
Mateus: "You've never seen it?!"
Golbez: "You have to realize I'm from a world without any technology except airships."
Mateus: "So am I, but I still know the stories! In my world, they were printed as books. I found one when Firionel dropped it in my Dreadnaught saving a fake Princess Hilda! Oh I loved that trap! Anyway, I found the book and I fell in love with the story."
Golbez: "Uh... huh."
Mateus: "So let's get to packing. I will do as she asks, but... I'll still get my way."
Golbez: "What do you mean by that?"
Mateus: "Kuja thinks HE is the greatest fashion designer on this side of Ivalice. Now I will get the chance to prove him wrong! Firionel will wear my ultimate outfit and Kuja will have no choice but to bow down to my designing capabilities!"
Golbez: "Don't turn this into a conflict with Kuja. We all ready have enough issues with him."
Mateus: "Oh, no. Insulting me, calling me a Giant Yellow Lobster. I've never forgiven him and I never will!"
*a scary DUN, DUN, DUNNNNNNNNN plays in the background*
Golbez: "Whoa. What was that?"
Mateus: "My ringtone."
Golbez: "...why?"
Mateus: "Because it's fucking awesome."
Golbez: *sweatdrop*
*AND BACK IN WARJILIS...*
Ryoko: "We've come up with 60 rupees, 37 gold coins, 3 mesetas, an antiode, a cigarette made of echo herbs covered in Marlboro gunk."
Light: "What do you do with that... and why would Marlboros have it?"
Ryoko: "They were frat boys. Who knows what the hell they'd want with it."
Light: "yeeeeah."
Ryoko: "Let's go buy us a ticket now."
Light: "Sounds good!"
*they go to the ticket stand, where they see the line extends all the way to the outskirts of town*
Light: "Um."
Ryoko: *frustrated puffs appear above her head* "Oooh, I've had enough with this town. Light, dear, avert your eyes."
Light: "Why?"
Ryoko: "I'm about to do something completely illegal."
Light: "But, my beloved, you shouldn't-"
Ryoko: "My name is Ryoko Ronsenburg! Burn it in your memory!" *throws her hands up and starts a summon spell* "To the mighty guardian of the earth, I ask that you rip the ground asunder to swallow my enemies whole!"
Light: "Ryoko-"
*the ground opens up, and a gigantic man wearing nothing but a fur thong appears and throws everyone in the line into the whole. Then he looks back at Ryoko, gives her a wink, and goes back the way he came. Half of the port of Warjilis is destroyed.*
Ryoko: "There." *dusts her hands off*
Light: "Ryoko! That was uncalled for!"
Ryoko: "We don't have time to argue about a little collateral damage, Light! Bahamut is on the rampage in Zeltienna, and if we don't get there soon the whole world's gonna be a blur! A few sacrifices are might be needed, but who cares?! This is about saving the whole multiverse!"
Light: "Your nature is more chaotic than I gave it credit for."
*they go to the ticket stand now*
Attendant: *has a fat beer belly sticking out from under his armor and his hair is straggly, stringy, knotted and in a total mess. He stinks, too* "Wanna ticket?" *belches incredibly loudly for no apparent reason*
Ryoko: "YES!"
Attendant: "That'll be ten billion gil."
Light: -_- *is not amused*
Ryoko: "Hi, I'm a summoner and I'm trying to reach Zeltienna so the rampaging God of EVERYTHING IN EXISTENCE doesn't destroy the whole world, okay? Can you just accept this?" *throws what money they have on the table* "And then I'll kill the sea monster on the way there, too."
Light: "What?"
Attendant: "You'll kill the great sea snake?"
Ryoko: "Oh yeah I will. Just take me to Zeltienna all ready."
Light: "You don't know what you're getting into."
Ryoko: "Yes I do."
Light: "You're gonna kill a sea serpent?!"
Attendant: "Sure, get on the boat now!"
*they get on the boat*
Light: "Ryoko, this isn't gonna end well. Call the deal off."
Ryoko: "That poster had a sea snake that looks exactly like Leviathan! If it IS Leviathan, I can convince him not to bother the people anymore."
Light: "But what if it isn't?"
Ryoko: "Then you and I will have a job to do."
Light: *sigh*
*AND BACK IN IGROS, on the other side of the swim team's pool...*
Alis: "Wow, a used airship lot. Let's go buy one."
Squall: "Hmm."
*they walk on the airship lot, and are greeted by a tall, white haired man wearing a pirate's jacket with fluffy frills. He has scars all over his face and is holding up the Ace of Spades in his hand like he's gonna throw it at them*
Squall: "Well, it's been a while since I've seen that old buzzard."
Alis: "You know him?"
Squall: "Oh yeah. Let me handle this." *walks up to the Lot Attendant* "Yo, Setzer, the hell are you doing in Ivalice?!"
Setzer: "The same could be said to you, you anti-social prick."
Squall: "Whatever. We need to buy an airship."
Setzer: "What would you like?"
Squall: "Something that can stand to magic, travel through gates to other worlds, can survive dangerous drag racing, and has a radar in it that can detect magical artifacts."
Setzer: "That kind of baby, hmm? What about this First Edition Strahl?"
*points at an airship. It's an earlier model of the airship Alis stole years ago. but it's also covered in rust!*
Alis: "YES, that one is perfect!"
Setzer: "Do you have 20 billion gil?"
Alis: *sputter* "Excuse me?"
Setzer: "Do you have 20 billion gil?!"
Squall: "Mofo, we ain't gonna pay 20 billion gil for a fucking airship."
Setzer: "Well, if you have 20 billion gil, then you can buy a better airship than that."
*points at one right next to it. It's the Invincible from FF3*
Setzer: "That baby has quarters you could live in, a chocobo stable, a bar, a swimming pool, fuck... it's got everything."
Alis: "That would solve the bills problem at the apartment, and make it to where I could live with Ryoko and her party."
Squall: "If it has quarters to live in and a whole bunch of frills, it's like buying a house... a FLYING house."
Alis: "Yeah, exactly."
Setzer: "You want it?"
Alis: "I'LL TAKE IT."
Squall: "What are you gonna pay him with?!"
Alis: *hands Setzer a bag* "This pouch has an unlimited amount of coins in it. Every time you reach inside, you'll find 10,000 gil. Eventually, you'll have more gil than this thing costs."
Setzer: "SOLD!" *gives her the keys*
Squall: "How'd you get THAT kind of artifact?!"
Alis: "You don't know where I've been with Ryoko on our multiverse adventures."
Squall: "I don't even want to know at this rate."
Alis: "Let's go pick everyone up and find Ryoko."
Squall: "Sounds like a plan."