The next morning Lily woke up slowly, long before she was supposed to. She wrapped her comforter tighter around her, and silently cried, the tears streaming down her face, sideways onto her pillow.
Marlene must have heard her quiet sniffles, as she climbed into bed with Lily and wrapped her arms around her. Lily turned over and held Marlene back, resting her head on her chest. The pair of them held each other, quietly crying until the morning sun peeked through their curtains and signaled that they had to get up and face the day.
She got up, feeling like she was moving through wet sand. Every movement felt like it took a mountainous amount of energy from her. She got dressed and walked down to the Great Hall alone.
She sat next to Remus and Sirius at the table, and quietly served herself breakfast. They stopped talking and noticed her demeanor.
"Are you okay?" Remus asked.
Lily sighed, knowing that they were going to find out soon enough anyways. "There was an attack yesterday. Anna and a bunch of Muggles are dead."
Sirius coughed on his pumpkin juice and Remus' jaw dropped. Peter awkwardly hugged her, and she patted him awkwardly back.
"I'm fine. It was a shock. I'll be okay," Lily said, trying to wave them off. They all knew she was lying. She leaned onto Sirius and he rubbed her back.
"I'm sorry," he whispered. She hastily blinked back tears. Remus reached out and held her hand across the table. Marlene came and sat down next to him, and he put his arm around her. Her eyes were already red and puffy, and she started crying again.
The tears streamed quickly down her face, and Lily watched them hit her hair and fall onto the table in front of her. Further down the table, she saw Alice and Frank get up and leave, Frank pulling her close to him.
James came into the hall and headed for the Ravenclaw table. He saw Lydia and waved, then looked over at the Gryffindor table. He stopped.
He saw Lily leaned on Sirius, and Peter stroking her hair. It looked like Marlene was crying. Without looking back at Lydia he immediately turned towards the Gryffindor table.
He kneeled down behind Lily and tapped her on the shoulder. Sirius let go and she turned around. She saw his face, and he could see she holding back tears. Peter scooted over and James sat down next to her.
She reached out and hugged him, pressing her face into his chest. "Anna is dead, James."
James stomach dropped. He held her tighter. "What happened?"
"There was an attack on some Muggle shop. I don't know the details. The Dark Mark was there." Lily said, her low whispers muffled by his chest. He swore, and she looked up at him, still holding him tightly.
"I'm sorry," he said stupidly.
"I don't know what to do," Lily sobbed.
"You can't do anything, Lils," he whispered into her hair.
He felt her sob once, but she stopped and pulled away from him. "I'm sorry."
He pushed her hair out of her face and wiped a tear off. "You don't need to be sorry." She nodded and sat up. James looked out over the hall behind Lily, and immediately saw Lydia glaring daggers at him. Ah fuck.
She stormed out of the hall, and James thought he should follow her. He debated it for a second, but then saw Lily's face and immediately decided against it.
Lily didn't notice, and hugged him again. Sirius rubbed her back behind her.
"I'll take notes for you today, you don't have to go. The professors would understand," James offered.
Lily shook her head, and James could feel her nose press into his chest. "I couldn't just sit around the dorm all day. I need a distraction."
James nodded, understanding what she meant. He stroked her hair and let her lean against him for the rest of breakfast. Marlene and Lily held hands over the table, and Marlene leaned against Remus. She blinked back her tears, and leaned into James. He smelled like men's soap, musty and sharp. She breathed deeply, letting the scent calm her. She leaned into him more, closing her eyes and feeling his hand run over her hair.
She sat up, and smoothed out James shirt. She tried to laugh but it came out more as a watery choke. "Sorry." James shook his head. "Ready to go to Potions?" The three of them nodded and they all walked out together to the dungeon.
James held the door open for the three of them, and they all sat down quietly. Snape slipped into the room, and Lily saw him.
She stood up, and James tried to catch her wrist, but missed. She walked over to him and leaned down to his eye level, inches from his face.
"Was it one of your nasty little Death Eater friends that killed her? Or was it you?" Snape gave her a bewildered look. "You didn't know? Your sociopathic friends didn't come bragging to you about how they killed another Mudblood?" Her words were biting. "You disgust me." She looked into his black eyes and glared, hoping that he would feel her rage. "Understand this, Snape. You are a lowly little snake. You and every single one of your Death Eater friends is going to get exactly what they deserve."
"Are you threatening me, Evans?" He retorted. She could tell her surname felt foreign on his tongue.
"Yes." She rose to her full height and looked down on him. "So you better watch your back." She spat his words from earlier in the year back at him, then turned on her heel and went back to her own table, pulling out her textbook and acting like nothing had happened.
James looked at her in both fear and admiration.
"How are you doing, James?"
"I'm fine" He replied. He looked up at Professor McGonagall, who peered at him over her glasses.
"Were you two close?" She asked.
James shook his head. They had only talked two, maybe three times a term. He didn't actually know she was Muggleborn until Lily told him earlier.
"I'm sure it was still a shock though." He nodded. "Do you want to talk about anything?" He shook his head. She sighed. "James, I know that you and many other students have been under a great deal of stress this year. If it is affecting you, I encourage you to talk to me about it. You are not alone in this."
"I'm fine, Professor."
She looked at him, then nodded. "Very well. I'm going to tell you what I told Miss Evans."
He perked up.
"Anna's death wasn't the first, and it won't be the last. It was tragic, yes, but it is also a reminder of what is happening outside of Hogwarts. I hope that, when the time comes, you will fight and try to ensure that things like this don't keep happening."
"You know I will Professor. I would fight right now if you would let me join."
"Not yet, James. But I'm sure you will be needed greatly when the time comes." He nodded. "You're dismissed James. Remember, if you need to talk, I will be here."
James walked from McGonagall's office down to dinner. She had talked to each of the sixth year Gryffindors individually, attempting to be comforting. She had to know that all of that fluffy, "if you need to talk", stuff didn't mean anything to him.
He wanted to join the fight. He knew Dumbledore was doing something, and he wanted in. He wanted to stop this war before it got worse.
He was still deep in his thoughts when he arrived at the staircase down to the entrance hall. He saw Lydia up ahead. He called out after her and she turned back to face him, glaring at him.
"You could have had the decency to break up with me first."
James was confused. "What are you talking about?"
"You could have broken up with me before you decided to get together with Lily," She said, her voice cracking slightly.
"I didn't get together with Lily." He was still confused, until he remembered this morning. So much had happened that he forgot. "Lydia, her roommate Anna was killed."
Lydia was about to retort, he could tell, but her eyes widened and her mouth gaped like a fish. "I didn't, I didn't mean-" She stumbled over her words.
He walked up to her, grabbing her hand. "I'm sorry, I should have found you earlier to tell you. I was just trying to comfort her. We were all friends with Anna, and it was a shock. I would have behaved the same way with anyone else."
"I didn't know she was killed," Lydia said, looking down at the floor.
"That's okay. I didn't know until this morning." He said, also looking down. "I've told you, there's nothing going on between me and Lily. We're just friends."
"You keep saying that, but it seems everyday I find you guys touching each other and laughing and you drooling over her."
He tried to not get angry. This shit seemed so trivial. "Lydia, someone was killed." She looked up at him, surprised by his tone. "I'm sorry, I know that you're worried about me and Lily, but you have to understand the bigger picture here. There's a war, Lydia. We're trying to get through it." She narrowed her eyes, but then nodded. They walked down to dinner together. He understood where Lydia was coming from, but it just didn't matter to him at this point.
He spent just as much time hugging Marlene as he did Lily. He spent more time with Sirius than he did Lily. They're in the same grade, in the same house, of course they're going to become close.
Plus none of this mattered. In a year they were going to be thrust out into the world, having to watch their backs with every move. People were dying, and yet Lydia was mad he was hugging Lily too much. He grit his teeth and took a deep breath, trying to calm down.
He couldn't blame her, but he did. She was acting so juvenile, so petty. It didn't matter if Lily asked him out tomorrow, he wouldn't do anything until he broke up with her and gave it some time. That probably wasn't a good thought to have. When it came down to it, he would break up with Lydia in a heartbeat if he thought for a second that he might have a chance with Lily.
He was a terrible boyfriend.
But Lydia didn't know any of that. She just knew they were spending more time together. And again, none of this fucking mattered. She was getting pissy with him for hanging out with his friend, when absolutely none of this would matter next year. It probably wouldn't even matter in the next six months.
He looked down at her and she smiled up at him. For some reason that annoyed him. They entered the Great Hall and he told her he needed to sit with his friends tonight. She nodded and they split ways. He went and sat with the rest of the sixth years, hugging Marlene sideways when she sat down.
They all ate in silence, occasionally mentioning something about Anna that was funny or nice. James looked back at Ravenclaw table. Anna's boyfriend wasn't anywhere to be found. He couldn't imagine losing someone like that.
Mary spoke up. "Did McGonagall give you guys the 'don't let Anna's death be in vain' spiel?" They all nodded. "Are you all going to fight once we get out of here?" They nodded again.
"As soon as Dumbledore will let me I'm going to be hunting down Death Eaters," Alice said, matter-of-factly.
"Lily isn't waiting for that. She's threatening them in Potions class," Sirius laughed. Lily gave him a look. She hadn't told anyone about Snape being a Death Eater.
Marlene's head bolted up. "What?" She stared Lily down. "Lily, the only Slytherin in your class is Snape."
"Who said it was a Slytherin?" She said. They all rolled their eyes.
"Lily, what did you do?" Mary asked.
"Nothing!" They all gave her a skeptical look. "I didn't do anything. I just told Snape he should watch his back. He said the same thing to me last fall." She regretted saying that. She hadn't told anyone that.
"What?" They all yelled.
James looked at her. "He did what?"
"I don't think it was a threat, or anything. I think he was genuinely trying to warn me. Mulciber and Avery attacked me a little while after that."
"Oh, that makes it better. Instead of keeping his friends from attacking you, he just vaguely warns you about it weeks beforehand. What a gentleman," Sirius said, sarcastically.
"It's nothing. It doesn't matter. I'm sure Snape is scared of me now, and no one else has attacked me since," she said, trying to brush them off. "Besides, we can all protect each other, right?"
They all nodded, dropping the subject. James knew they weren't going to get anywhere with her.
Peter raised his cup of pumpkin juice, "To Anna. May your death not be in vain."
They all nodded and raised their cups, too. Lily set hers down and looked at James. He looked back at her. They smiled sadly at each other, and she squeezed his hand.
It was Saturday afternoon, three days after Lily heard the news. She was attempting to read her Charms book, but failing. Her mind kept wandering.
Her roommates were gone. She hadn't seen much of Mary at all since the break ended, and Alice had been spending all of her time with Frank. She didn't know where Marlene was.
She sighed and closed her book. She sat for a moment, then stood up and headed out of the door.
She walked up the boy's staircase and knocked on the Marauders' door. A voice from within said it was open, so she slowly stepped inside. She was expecting Remus, but James was the only one in the dorm.
She frowned. "Sorry, I don't know why I came in here. I guess I was looking for Remus."
"That's okay." She turned to leave. "You can talk to me, if you want," he offered.
She nodded and turned back to face him. He was sitting on his bed, his Charms book in front of him. She gestured to it, "I tried reading that chapter, but I couldn't focus."
He nodded, closing the book and setting it on his night stand. "Me either. Do you want to sit down?" He indicated the spot next to him on the bed. She hesitated for a moment, then nodded and sat down next to him.
"I don't know what to do with myself," she said.
"Me either," he said, "I don't know what to say, what to do, what to think."
"Can I say something?" He nodded. "You won't judge me for it?" He shook his head. She took a deep breath. "This whole time I've been thinking about myself. What if it was my family? What if it was me?" She sighed and leaned back against the pillows. "It's so selfish, but I just can't help but be afraid for my family, my friends."
"I keep thinking the same thing."
She looked up at him, relieved. "Really?"
"Everyday I'm scared Dumbledore is going to tell me my parents died, or that Remus' parents died. Or Peter's. Or anyone else." He also leaned back. "I'm so scared."
"What do you think is going to happen?" Lily asked, looking up at him.
He put his arm around her and pulled her close. "I don't know."
She leaned against him, her hand on his chest, her face resting against him. "I don't know either."
"I know I'm going to fight it, though," he said.
She chuckled. "Me too, James."
"I know Dumbledore has a group together that's fighting. I'm sure my parents are a part of it. We have to help them," he said. He was absentmindedly rubbing his hand up and down her arm. He reached up and grabbed the hand that was on his chest and held it.
"Do you think he would let us get involved before we graduate?"
"I don't know."
"I don't either."
"Maybe we can talk to him and McGonagall about something though. Not fighting on the front lines, obviously, but maybe we could start helping out someway, like we could try to get information on how Voldemort's recruiting Hogwarts kids."
"Even if they said no we could still do it," Lily suggested.
"Lily Jane Evans, are you proposing we break the rules?"
Lily laughed and lightly smacked his arm. "I don't think Hogwarts rules matter that much anymore."
"Well in that case, how about you join us on our next prank?"
She suddenly remembered what Marlene had said. "Hey, James?"
"Yeah?"
"Have you had anymore detentions since the one we had to do together?"
James laughed, about to say he had, but then he realized he hadn't. "No. I haven't." He scoffed. "I've gone soft."
"I prefer to say you've matured," Lily said, laughing lightly. She shifted against him, and James wrapped his arm around her tighter. They sat like that for a while, talking. Lily was absentmindedly tracing the lines on his shirt.
"What are you going to do when you graduate?" She asked.
"I have no idea."
"Me either."
"You said you wanted to do something with potions?" James asked, playing with a strand of her hair.
"I met someone at Slughorn's party that said that I should contact him when I graduate. He experiments with potions to improve them. Maybe I could work under him and become a potions master."
"You'd be perfect for that," he said.
"Do you think so?"
He laughed lightly, "I'm pretty sure you've made some kind of change to every potion we've brewed together, Lily. You'd be great at fixing new ones."
She smiled. "Thanks, James."
"I'll probably just live off of my parents money, help Dumbledore fight," he laughed. "I'm sure my parents will love that."
"If you're fighting for a cause you believe in, they can't be upset." She shifted again, looking up at him. "Do you know what your parents are doing?"
He shook his head. "I hear snippets of conversations here and there that tell me that they're involved, but I don't know what they're doing. I doubt they're fighting Voldemort or tracking down Death Eaters, since they're pretty old, but maybe they're finding information within the Ministry."
She nodded. "Maybe you can ask them, now that you're older. See what we can do to help." He nodded too, and they quieted. They sat there, lightly breathing, thinking about the future.
The door opened and Lily expected to one of the other Marauders coming in. She was glad; she wanted to talk to them about everything.
Instead it was Lydia, with her bag of school books. She stopped in her tracks when she saw the two of them.
James had forgotten she was going to come over to "study." "Lydia-" James began, but she stormed out and slammed the door behind her. He didn't move.
Lily sat up. "James, you should go after her."
He shook his head. "I don't want to."
Lily smiled discreetly, then laid back down. "I don't want you to either." James' heart felt like it was going to burst out his chest. He pulled Lily in close, and closed his eyes.
They talked for a while about their fears and what might happen in the next year, but eventually Lily drifted off to sleep, and James listened to the sound of her breathing. He closed his own eyes, but didn't sleep. He was going to enjoy every moment of this.
A while later Remus and Sirius came back into the room and saw the two of them, laying on James' bed, intertwined. Remus' eyebrows shot up and he mouthed something that James couldn't make out. He shook his head and waved them away. Sirius snickered, and they both left again. Lily stirred, and James kissed her forehead. She fell back asleep, and James stared at the ceiling of his four poster bed.
Just friends.