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Chapter 21: Distractions?
Logan looked down at his watch. It was getting really late and Joanna wasn't home yet. Everyone was starting to get worried something was wrong. Jack was in with the twins trying to distract himself. Logan started to clean in hopes of keeping himself from worrying about Joanna. Cleaning was on of the few things Logan did to distract him self. While he cleaned he found him self counting things. He found him self memorizing how many tiles that there were in the hall floor. He counted the books on the book self in the living room while he dusted. Camille and James eventually got annoyed with his obsessive cleaning and kicked him out of the living room. Logan then made his way to the kitchen. He loaded the dishwasher and counted the pots and pans in the cupboard. He really needed to keep his mind off of Joanna. He was worried something had happened to her. Logan knew he would never forgive himself if she got hurt because of him upsetting her. He just wanted her to come home. He had tried calling her, bus she wasn't answering her cell phone. Logan now understood how she felt when he left. Logan stopped to take a few deep breaths and started to count the floor tiles in hopes of forgetting about Joanna for right now.
Logan was cleaning the kitchen counter when the phone rang. Logan looked over to the end of the counter where the phone was sitting. He stared at it for a moment before he answered it. He didn't look at the number before answering.
"Hello," he said.
"Hello this is St. Mary's hospital calling for Jack Diamond," a female voice said. Logan nearly dropped the phone. He knew what this phone call was about. His worst fear had come true. "Is he home?" the woman asked.
"Uh, yeah just a second," Logan said. He walked to the nursery. Jack was rocking a fussy Arianna. "Dad," he said getting Jack's attention. Jack looked up at him. "Phone, it's the hospital," he said his eyes wide. Jack stood up and Logan handed him the phone and took Arianna from him. Jack walked out of the room as Logan took over trying to calm Arianna. Logan heard Jack talking in the hall.
"Yes, this is," Jack said, "yes, what?" there was shock clear in his voice. Logan closed his eyes. He knew what had happened. Joanna had been in some kind of accident. Logan paced back and forth as Jack finished talking to the hospital. Arianna seemed to like to motion as it calmed her down. Jack hung up and walked back into the room.
"It's mom isn't it?" Logan asked scared of the answer he was going to get. Jack nodded his head.
"She was in a two car accident, she's in the ICU right now and it's not looking good," he said. Logan felt tears come to his eyes and he held Arianna closer. He couldn't help but feel responsible for this. Logan brought Arianna over to her crib and laid her down.
"This is all my fault," he said as his vision blurred with more tears.
"Logan it is not you're fault," Jack said moving over to him.
"Yes it is," Logan said through gritted teeth. "If I hadn't told her I hated her she never would have left like that and she'd be here with us," he said.
"Go tell James and Camille," Jack said knowing better than to argue with Logan right now. Logan walked out to the living room where James and Camille were.
"That was the hospital wasn't it?" Camille asked. Logan nodded more tears coming to his eyes.
"She's in the ICU," Logan managed to get out before he broke down sobbing. Camille and James both jumped up and hugged Logan. They knew what he was thinking. "This is all my fault," he said sobbing into Camille's shoulder.
"No it's not," Camille said, "things like this happen," she said.
"No this is my fault," Logan snapped, "If I hadn't said the things I did she would be here and not in the hospital possibly dying," Logan said.
"James, go see what dad plans on doing?" Camille said to him. James nodded and left the room. Logan stood there with Camille. He couldn't stop the tears now that they had started.
Logan was sitting in the waiting room down the hall from the ICU. They hadn't heard anything on Joanna's condition since they had arrived. All they had been told then was that she was in critical condition. Logan was sitting away from the others. He was curled up in his chair and hadn't said a word to anyone since they had arrived. Jack had only left the room once to make a phone call. Logan wasn't paying attention to anything around him.
There was only one thing going threw Logan's mind. He couldn't help but think that this was his fault. He had yelled at Joanna and said some mean things out of anger. He knew if he hadn't let his anger get the better of him maybe he could've apologized to Joanna. Logan hated how, when he got mad, he let his anger control him. He knew that was a big problem of his and he had to work on it.
"Jack," a familiar voice said. Logan looked up in time to see Jennifer, Katie and Kendall walk into the room. "I came as soon as I got you're message," she said.
"Thank you Jennifer," Jack said standing up.
"What happened?" Jennifer asked as she and Katie walked over to him and the others. Kendall walked over to Logan and sat down next to him.
"Why are you over here by yourself?" Kendall asked as he stood in front of Logan. Logan turned away from Kendall. He didn't want to look him in the eyes.
"I'm alone because it's my fault we're here," Logan said, "she wouldn't have been out driving in the snow if I hadn't yelled at her," he said fresh tears coming to his eyes.
"Logan, you were mad at her you always yell when you're mad," Kendall said quietly as he pulled Logan to his feet. Kendall then sat down and pulled Logan into his lap. Logan threw his arms around Kendall in a tight hug and he buried his face in Kendall's neck.
"This time it was different, the last thing I told her was I hated her," Logan said, "I never told her that before no matter how mad I got," he said into Kendall's neck. Kendall hugged Logan tight and did his best to calm Logan down. He hated seeing Logan upset like this. He rubbed Logan's back soothingly and pressed his lips to the side of his head. Logan just held onto Kendall and cried. He couldn't stop the tears. He was honestly shocked he could still cry. Logan eventually cried himself to sleep again and Kendall still held him.
Kendall looked over at James who was sitting in between Katie and Camille. James looked up and locked eyes with Kendall. They stared at one another for a moment before James stood up and walked over to him, with Camille and Katie following him. James sat down next to Kendall.
"What happened?" Kendall asked, "after he got home?" he asked.
"All hell broke loose," James said, "Logan came in guns blazing. He was pissed off and he wasn't listening," he said.
"He wouldn't let up," Camille said, "you know how he gets," she added. Kendall nodded his head.
"Anyways, Logan yelled and said some hurtful things. He told my dad he wasn't his dad and that he didn't have to listen to him," he said.
"And he told Joanna he hated her," Kendall said remembering what Logan had told him. Camille and James nodded.
"That was the last thing he said to her and now he feels guilty," Camille said. Kendall nodded his head and looked at Logan. He felt bad for Logan. He didn't need all this stress right now. He hoped Joanna was ok.
Dak was getting ready for bed. Jett was in the bathroom taking a shower. Dak couldn't help but think about Jo and Stephanie. He had kind of suspected something going on between them. He was just a little shocked that they had told him and Jett today. They had made them swear not to tell anyone though. Dak had agreed, and made Jett. Dak sat down on his bed and was deep in thought when Jett walked into the room wearing nothing but black boxers and a black wife beater.
"What's on you're mind, Dak?" Jett asked bringing him from his thoughts.
"Nothing," Dak said shaking his head. He climbed under the covers and held them open for Jett. Jett turned the light off and climbed into bed with Dak. In the month Jett had been living with him, they had gotten really comfortable together. They were really getting to know one another, and they were able to read one another like a book.
"You were thinking about Jo and Steph weren't you?" Jett asked.
"Why didn't Jo just tell us?" Dak asked, "I mean it's not like we'd hater her," he said.
"She has her reasons and I think they have something to do with Stephanie's parents who are against homosexuals," Jett said as he rolled onto his side so he could look at Dak.
"I guess," Dak said pouting slightly. He didn't know why Jo felt like she couldn't trust him. It's not like Dak was one to judge. He was gay himself. He could never hate Jo. She had been there for him when he was struggling with who he was and he would be there for her.
"You look cute when your thinking," Jett said as he placed his arm over Dak's waist. He pulled Dak closer and kissed his nose. Dak giggled and kissed Jett on the lips.
"Thank you, now let's get some sleep we have school in the morning," Dak said.
"So," Jett said as he pulled Dak closer. Dak laughed and pushed Jett away. Jett only leaned forward and kissed Dak's neck gently. Dak giggled again and pushed Jett back once more.
"I'm tired let me sleep, you goober" Dak said.
"Fine," Jett said, "Night Dak," he said.
"Night Jett," Dak said snuggling into Jett's embrace. Jett smiled and closed his eyes.
Jack was sitting in the waiting room with Jennifer at his side. It was the second time in less than two week he was in the hospital for a family member getting hurt. First James, now Joanna. It was taking it's toll on him.
"Jack," Jennifer said. Jack turned to look at her. "Look, I know you want to be here when she get out of surgery, but I think the kids should go home," she said.
"They're gonna want to stay," Jack said.
"They need to go home and get some rest," Jennifer said looking over at James, Camille, and Logan. Logan was still sleeping in Kendall's lap. James and Camille were almost sleeping themselves. "Look Kendall drove here on his own, and he can take them home, and he can stay with Logan. I don't think Logan's gonna want to be alone," she said.
"You're right," Jack said putting his face in his hands. He was tired himself. It was almost midnight and they hadn't heard a word about Joanna.
"I can stay with them too and take care of the twins," Jennifer said placing a hand on Jack's shoulder. Jack sighed and nodded his head.
"I'll call as soon as I hear something, and tell the kids they don't have to go to school tomorrow," Jack said, "but knowing Logan he'll still go anyways," he said. Jennifer nodded and walked over to the kids. She talked to them and convinced them to leave. Logan remained sleeping so Kendall had to carry him out to his car. Camille and James grabbed the twins and Jennifer walked over to Jack.
"If you need me or anything I am just a phone call away," Jennifer said. Jack nodded and watched her leave.
Jack placed his head in his hands. He finally let a few tears escape. He had been so strong in front of everybody else. He had to be. He had to hold them all together right now since Joanna wasn't around. Jack had never been good at that though. That was why Joanna was the one that talked to the kids. Jack didn't know how to. Jack was scared that Joanna wasn't going to make it out of this ok. He was scared of losing her. He lover her with all his heart and did not want to lose her.
Jack didn't know what to do. He was so scared of losing Joanna. She was definitely his better half. She had showed him what love really was. She completed him. She was his everything and he did not want to lose her. They had two kids together plus, James, Logan, and Camille. He needed her around. Jack didn't know what he would do if he lost her. She was what held him together all this time. Jack sat there for hours not knowing what was going on with his wife. He had been told she was in surgery and it didn't look good. He just wanted her to make it out of this.
Logan woke to Kendall carrying him up a set of stairs. Logan vaguely remembered hearing Kendall talking to his mom about going home. Logan also remembered being put into Kendall's car. He would have protested leaving, if he had been more awake. He looked up at Kendall and Kendall noticed he was awake and smiled softly at him.
"You're home," Kendall said softly, "and before you say anything I am staying here, my mom and Katie are too," he said. Logan nodded and buried his face into Kendall's shoulder. Kendall set Logan down in his room. They both walked over to the bed and laid down fully clothed. Logan curled into Kendall and Kendall placed his arms around Logan and kissed the top of his head. Logan closed his eyes and just breathed in a scent that was uniquely Kendall. Logan found everything about Kendall soothing.
"Kendall," Logan said softly.
"Hmm?" Kendall hummed showing he was listening.
"What if she's not ok?" Logan asked, "what if something happens to her?" he asked tears threatening to make themselves known again. Logan had cried so much these last few days he wasn't sure how much more he could do.
"She's gonna be fine Logie," Kendall said as he pulled Logan closer. He honestly had no idea if Joanna was gonna be fine or not, he just knew that was what Logan needed to hear.
"I hope so," Logan said, "I have to tell her that I don't hate her," he said. Kendall looked down at Logan. He hugged the smaller boy closer to him.
"Just don't stress it," Kendall said, "I am sure she'll be fine," he said.
"Thank you," Logan said as he pressed his face into Kendall's chest.
"For what?" Kendall asked confused.
"For being there for me when I needed you," Logan said, "for not leaving me when most people would, and for loving me," he said. He knew he probably sounded pathetic right now, but he had a lot going on. He needed Kendall now more than ever. Kendall was his rock, and the thing that was keeping him grounded at the moment.
"You're welcome," Kendall said smiling. He knew Logan was a little insecure right now, about everything. Kendall was just going to have to reassure him that everything was going to be fine, even if he had no idea how things were going to turn out. Kendall looked down at Logan who was already asleep again. Kendall smiled and kissed the top of his head. "I love you Logie," he said before he closed his eyes.
Carlos jerked away when he heard a tapping at his window. He heard it again. He walked over to his window and looked out. He saw Camille standing under his window. He opened the window and stuck his head out.
"Camille," he said.
"Can I come up I need to talk to you about something?" Camille asked, "I mean I know it's late but I need to talk to someone," she said.
"Uh, yeah I'll be right down," Carlos said. He shut his window and quietly left his room. He walked down to the front door and opened it. Camille was there waiting for him. He looked at her and she looked a mess. Her eyes were red and puffy, her cheeks were tearstained and she just looked up set.
"I'm sorry for this," she said looking down at the floor as she walked in.
"It's not problem," Carlos said, "come up to my room," he said. Camille nodded and the two made their way up to his room. Carlos shut his door and looked over at Camille who was standing by the window.
"My mom was in an accident," Camille said, "she was in surgery and in the ICU last I heard and that was about an hour ago," Camille said. Carlos walked over to Camille.
"Oh Cami," he said softly. "What happened?" he asked.
"Well, she and Logan got into a fight about something I can't really say right now, and Logan told her he hated her and she left to go on a drive to clear her head and there was an accident," Camille said tears slowly slipping down her cheeks. "It was snowing hard and she didn't see that other car coming," she said. Carlos walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her in a hug.
"I don't know really don't know what to say," Carlos said honestly.
"You don't have to say anything," Camille said turning to face him, "just let me stay here for a bit. I just need someone right now. I mean James has Katie right now, and Logan has Kendall," she said.
"Ok, let's lay down for a bit," Carlos said. Camille nodded her head and allowed Carlos to bring her over to his bed. They both laid down and Camille molded to Carlos' side. Carlos put his arm around her and just let her lay there. He knew she was probably going through a lot right now. He knew all she needed was a comforting presence. Carlos held her until he fell asleep.
James sighed as he lay awake in his bed. Katie was laying next to him. Jennifer had told her to sleep in Camille's room, but Katie snuck over into James' room through the connecting bathroom. Katie was snuggled into James' side. James couldn't sleep. He was thinking about Joanna.
He had come to think of her as a second mother. He had lived with her for most of the year for the last eight years of his life. He considered her a second mother. He also knew how Jack felt about her. He hoped she would make it through this. He knew Logan needed her to make it and so did Camille. They all needed Joanna. She was what held this family together and kept them all strong. She was always looking out for what was best for everyone else. She put others before herself. James didn't know what to do.
Then on top of worrying about Joanna he still had Katie and the baby to worry about.
"Jamie," Katie said.
"What Katie bug," James asked looking down at her.
"What's on you're mind?" Katie asked sitting up. James sat up as well and looked over at Katie.
"I'm thinking about Joanna, and you, and the baby," James said, "there is just so much going on right now," he said. Katie nodded her head and pulled James into a hug.
"Everything's gonna be ok," Katie said.
"What if it's not?" James asked.
"Don't think like that," Katie said hugging him tighter. They just sat there for awhile. Neither of them knew what to say. James was worrying about Joanna and Katie and Katie was trying to think of a way to calm James down. Katie knew James needed a distraction. She was glad to be just that.
Logan woke up early the next morning. He looked at his clock, it was only five thirty in the morning. Logan felt a pair of arms around him and someone breathing on his neck. Everything from last night came flooding back to Logan. Logan sighed as he untangled himself from Kendall. He knew he had school in a few hours. It would be a perfect distraction from everything that was going on in his life right now. Logan walked into his bathroom and started to take a shower. He just needed to forget everything right now.
After his shower Logan stepped out and grabbed a towel and dried off. He wrapped the towel around his waist and walked out to his room. He noticed Kendall was still sleeping. He didn't expect him to be up yet. They had had a late night last night. Logan moved about his room getting dressed and getting his things ready. Kendall woke to the sounds Logan was making.
"Logie?" Kendall asked groggily.
"Hey Ken," Logan said turning around. He walked over to his bed and sat down next to him.
"What are you doing?" Kendall asked as he sat up.
"Getting ready for school," Logan said, "it is Monday," he said.
"You can't honestly be telling me you still want to go to school," Kendall said looking at Logan like he was crazy. Logan nodded his head as he stood up. He then realized he had yet to put his contacts in. "Logan you're mom was in an accident I am sure people will understand if you don't go," Kendall said.
"I want to go," Logan said as he walked into his bathroom to get his contacts. Kendall followed him.
"Logan I am sure people would understand," Kendall said.
"I am sure they would," Logan said, "but I just need to get out of this house and spending the day at the hospital not hearing anything about my mom won't help me at all," he said as he opened his contact case. He grabbed the first one.
"Logan, why do you have to go to school?" Kendall asked. "I mean you're mom is laying in the hospital-" he said.
"Fuck," Logan said as he dropped his contact onto the floor. He got down on his knees trying to look for it. "I just have to go Kendall, you wouldn't understand," he said.
"Wouldn't understand?" Kendall asked slowly.
"I just have to do this," Logan said standing up and forgetting his contact. He closed the case and threw it back into the drawer he had pulled it from. He walked past Kendall and into his room. He walked over to his bedside table and dug in his drawer for his glasses. He pulled them out and put them on. "I'm not like you Kendall, I can't deal with this right now. I just need to get away and school is where I can do that," he said as he walked over to his drawer.
"Logan you're upset and going to school wouldn't be good for you right now," Kendall tried to reason.
"You can't tell me what's good for me or not," Logan said angrily. "I have to go, I can lose myself there and just forget the crap that is my life right now," he said.
"You life is crap?" Kendall asked.
"No, I didn't mean it that way," Logan said quickly, "Kendall you are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I love you," he said walking over to the blonde. "I just meant I am stressed out and going to school and focusing on other things will help me clear my mind," he said calmly.
"I'm not talking you out of this am I?" Kendall asked. Logan shook his head.
"Why don't you go see who else is up and get breakfast going," Logan said, "I need to find my contact," he said. Kendall nodded and left him. Logan walked back into his bathroom. He started to search for his missing contact. He eventually it and cleaned it. He then put it in his case. He didn't want to bother with them today. He sighed as he walked back out to his room. He finished gather his things when he heard a crash from down stairs followed by yelling. Logan looked to his open door that sounded like Kendall and James. Logan's eyes grew wide in shock as he realized just what might be going on. He then rush out the door.