A/N: You don't know how glad I am that people still remember this author (or this story). Special thanks to Iuterpi, Tear of Light, oncoming-traffic, zeitgeistx and many others. The other day I saw that ping on my phone for a new review, and I had the motivation to finish this chapter :)
Hope you guys enjoy it and don't hate me for the long breaks in between. The weather's starting to turn cold here, and it's feeling a lot like Christmas even if it never snows. Like hey, Starbucks is already breaking out those red, festive cups! I'm actually looking forward to the holiday break.
It was a familiar kind of cold. The kind that Natsuki had gotten used to, and would wrap it around herself like a cloak. It amazed her that for once, the cold was easy-going and acquiescing towards her beckoning, settling around her being like a second layer of skin. She closed her eyes, letting the ethereality of it consume her. It was like the translucent strings attaching her to the earth were stretched too taut, now snapping away one by one, letting her stretch her arms and float away.
Her pain receded and serenity flooded her senses – the cold could not hurt her any longer. Her heart knew no fear, while she glided through a light tunnel weightlessly. The fact that she could feel her heart, well. Her hand laid over her chest and her lips quirked up into a smile. She was alive, she had to be. And this was just one of those… things that she would experience but could not explain. It's all in your head, a part of her reasoned. And since when were you such a shrink? Another voice taunted. She shrugged, contented with wherever her thoughts led her.
As the light surrounding her became brighter, she slowly opened her eyes to a scene close to her heart. The white mansion overlooking the bay in the Hamptons. The last time she had been to this place to retrieve her father's hidden box, the house had all but crumbled into the earth, sadly forgotten by its former owners. As her bare feet descended gracefully on the well-kept grass of the lawn, she was suddenly aware that this was a setting constructed from the recesses of her mind. Long suppressed memories locked up but seeping through her defenses. Everything felt so real to her senses though, the dew from the grass gathering between her toes, the slight squelch of the earth beneath her feet. There was only the incongruous scent of pines and lavender in the air, which made her wonder if she was still back at the cottage in the woods with that strange man called Takeda.
Nevertheless, Natuski walked up the lawn slowly towards the mansion. This was something she had to see. Something that drew her in and called out to her. There was a slight commotion at the entrance. The door flew open, and a pale girl with light brown hair skipped out, laughing with such a carefree expression that Natsuki found her breath stolen away. She cradled a puppy in her arms, its fur ridiculously adorned with ribbons and other assorted accessories. Moments later, a short-haired girl whom she recognized as herself ran out, an angry whirlwind of defiance and petulance.
"Give him back!" Her younger self demanded, stretching out one hand towards the puppy, while a scowl knitted her eyebrows together. Natsuki sighed, even as her grin stretched wider. She remembered what it was like, even as she tried to be intimidating. The effect was always ruined by her rosy cheeks and wide, doe-like eyes. Seeing it for herself from the outside, she understood now why no one took her seriously. She was adorable, if she did say so herself. All bark and no bite.
As she expected, the taller brunette covered her mouth with her hand, hiding her even more gleeful smile. Young Natsuki bristled at what she perceived as a condescending smirk, her emerald eyes flashing fire. She stamped her foot in annoyance once. "Duran's a boy, so why are you putting all your… girly stuff on him! He doesn't like it, so give him back!"
The other girl spoke with a lovely lilting accent. "Even boys like to look pretty once in a while. See? He's not complainin'." And the traitorous puppy gave a happy bark and nuzzled her face as if to prove her point.
Natuski's curiosity was piqued, and she moved closer to the pair. Something about the brunette seemed so heart-achingly familiar… As she drew nearer, the amber eyes on the taller girl made her gasp in recognition. Shizuru.
"And I'll bet you'll look even cuter if you let me put a ribbon in your hair." The young Shizuru continued persuasively, holding Duran the puppy out towards her.
Oh right, Natsuki recalled, crinkling her eyes in amusement. She had assumed I was a boy.
It was why they hadn't recognize each other when their paths crossed again so many years later. She hadn't wanted to remember anything from her past, and Shizuru hadn't made the connection between the shorter-haired, spunky Natsuki with the grown-up, more reserved version of her. It wasn't the first time that Natsuki wondered at the significance of how their lives kept coming back to each other. Like a piece of fraying thread, pulling apart at the edges yet stubbornly remained entwined.
She turned her attention back to the scene unfolding in front of her. If at all possible, young Natsuki's blush had turned several shades redder. She reached out to snatch the puppy from Shizuru's grasp.
"Boys don't do pretty." She groused, feeling vexed and more than a little out of her league, dealing with the charming but foreign girl standing a few paces away from her. Every time their family visited her father, she always experienced a tummyache. Her stomach churned with a mixture of dread and anticipation. She was beginning to have a sneaking suspicion that much of the older girl's joy was derived from needling her and reducing her to a blushing puddle of goo on the ground. She just didn't know how to deal with all the teasing, and if Natsuki reflected upon it now, Shizuru was being borderline flirtatious even at that young age. Her technique was more refined in current times, she mused, but here, it seemed like she was a playground bully trying to seek the attention of someone she liked.
"Sure they do," Shizuru was insisting, twirling her finger around Natsuki's face. "Look. I think you're really pretty. There's always this really nice… green glow around you. I really like it. I dig your colour, really, I do!"
Oops, Natsuki gave her younger self a sympathetic look. That does it.
The compliment had completely disarmed poor, flustered Natsuki. And as all children did when confronted with something they felt helpless in, big, fat droplets of water welled up and wet young Natsuki's lashes, overflowing and rolling down her reddened cheeks.
"Oh my…" Shizuru breathed, at once contrite and ashamed. She leaned forward to wipe away the angry tears with the pad of her thumb. "Hey, hey… there's no reason to get upset. I was praising you."
Young Natsuki drew in a shuddering breath and hid her face in Duran's warm fur. Confused and embarrassed, she fled back into the house, leaving Shizuru alone on the marble steps. The older Natsuki shrugged and shook her head, amusement lacing her tone as she silently reprimanded the brunette, "See what you've done, you dork. You made me cry."
Of course, Shizuru couldn't have heard her as she crossed her arms and turned her pensive gaze skywards. "I dig your colour? What kind of person says that? Way to try and sound American, Shizuru. What was I thinking?" She murmured monotonously to no one in particular. "Maybe I should apologize…"
Natsuki took this moment to appreciate the younger Shizuru. Her hair was a darker shade of brown, but the same alabaster skin shone with innocence and youth. The face she so loved to trace was the same, but not quite. That mysterious amber eyes, as always, shone with mischief and intelligence. As though the edgier planes of adulthood were softened and mellowed, Natsuki felt a yearning ache deep in her chest for this fresh-faced teenager. She never really got the chance to know her. It was definitely weird, she nodded slowly, to see this version of Shizuru in between the awkward stage of transforming from a vivacious girl to the graceful woman she now knew. Nevertheless, watching as the breeze caught tendrils of her silken hair, Natsuki felt a sense of loss and loneliness, which made her reach out her hand towards the endearing face.
Shizuru, where are you now?
A sudden movement caused Natsuki to jerk her head to the side, her awareness homing in on a lanky teenager with spiky jet-black hair. He was creeping up on Shizuru from the corner of the mansion, armed with a rolled up tube of newspapers. Hmm… Natsuki thought with alarm. Make that a very thick, painful looking roll of paper. She tried to step in-between them to intercept the boy, but he passed right through her effortlessly like she was nothing but air.
Twack!
The blow bounced off the top of Shizuru's skull with the dreadful precision of a kendo sword, inciting an immediate loud and surprised exclamation of agony. "Ouch! Hey! What the…"
Shizuru's arm came up to deflect the second connecting blow, grabbing the makeshift weapon away from the boy, who had tripped forwards a few steps from the tugging momentum. Even at a young age, Shizuru was still half a head taller than the newcomer, and she didn't hesitate to stand a little straighter as she glowered and rubbed the back of her head in irritation.
"Who are you and what was that for?" She demanded in her entrancing accent, managing to look both regal and offended with a flip of her wavy locks.
"T-takeda." Stammered the boy. He tried to regain his composure by puffing up his chest. "I'm Takeda, and don't you forget that." Natsuki's brow arced upwards in surprise, mirroring young Shizuru's expression.
"Rrrriiight. And the second part of my question?" Shizuru calmly asked, the roll of paper now tapping sinisterly against the side of her thigh as she rounded on the boy.
"Y-you…" The boy's bravado seemed to deflate a little as he cast his eyes from side to side, not meeting the piercing garnet gaze of Shizuru's. "You're not allowed to… to bully my hime…"
"Hee-may?" Shizuru repeated slowly, puzzled. She brought her forefinger up to tap at her chin. "What's that? Some kind of horse?"
"He means Princess in Japanese, Shizuru." A woman with shoulder-length brown hair stepped out of the house, her features strikingly similar to her daughter's as she nodded to the boy. He scrambled to attention and gave a deep bow. Then he snatched the roll of paper from Shizuru's hand and made a run for it, scattering gravel in his wake as he rounded a corner.
"Princess?" Shizuru's expression continued to be dumbfounded as she shook her head and gazed in the direction of Takeda's fleeing figure. "Whoever in the world is he referring to?"
Natsuki watched as the older Viola brought her hand up to smother a giggle, recognizing the familial traits instantly.
"Ah, my dear. Apparently I have to brush up on your Japanese." Shizuru's mother intoned, before muttering under her breath, "I don't think I can correct your horrible sense of awareness though. You got that from your father's side."
"What's that, Mother?" Shizuru narrowed her eyes suspiciously.
"Nothing! Nothing." She waved her hands airily. "I'm just thinking that Natsuki is such a nice name for a girl, don't you think?"
"If you say so." The younger brunette shrugged, preoccupied with other thoughts. "But the only Natsuki I know 'round here is indeed such a girl. He cries so easily. I don't think boys are supposed to be like that."
Older Natsuki crossed her arms in exasperation. "Gee, I won't keep crying if you had let up on the teasing. You haven't changed one bit, Shizuru." She turned away from the pair, more interested in following the enigmatic Takeda, but her surroundings melted away into mist. The cold was back, swirling around her, bringing with it other sensory triggers.
Natsuki was starting to understand that her mind was unravelling and trying to tell her something. Even filling in the gaps for scenes she hadn't experience from a first-person perspective herself. But which parts of it were the truth, and which parts were just a figment of her imagination? She tried to be patient as images flashed like an endless film reel in front of her. Sometimes too fast for her to make out anything. Sometimes too out-of-context for her to understand anything.
There was one of her smiling shyly as she accepted an apple from a young Takeda, who had risked his safety to snag one from the taller branches. His eyes had lit up and a silly grin was plastered to his face. Then another one, where her father had kneeled down to her level, telling her that Takeda had lost his parents, and was going to stay with them and help to keep the house in order.
Then, a baby with wisps of light coloured hair, and her eyes so blue it reminded Natsuki of the cloudless summer skies that was so bright it hurt to look. The baby had gazed at her like it knew she was there, reaching out for her with her tiny fingers, the most exquisite, guileless smile on its face. Natsuki could not help but returned the expression with an affectionate smile of her own, surprised when she could feel the baby's grip on her fingers. "Who are you?" She asked in wonderment and delight as the baby gurgled a laughter. She was whisked away again, before she could find an answer.
Most were of her memories consisting of precious moments with her parents, but she kept gravitating towards the image of a girl with ruby eyes and an infuriating but captivating smirk on her lips. She kept wanting to see that face again.
She closed her eyes again, slightly dizzy from the sensory overload. She remembered him now, Takeda. The little boy in their household who used to follow her around, but hardly interacted with her through the years, even though she had tried to speak to him on more than one occasion. He lived together with them but was always the naturally brooding kind, even into their early teens. She always felt the weight of his gaze on her around the house, but it had never bothered her so much as she knew him to be a gentle soul. Takeda was like the reticent older brother who was always watching out for her. So, whatever happened to him? To them?
As if in answer, her visions slowed to a stop. She glanced about her and recognized she was in the opulent study of the mansion. The one that her father had always jokingly said was his fake study. His job as a lobbyist for Washington required him to show a glitzier and sophisticated side, which could not be further from the truth. Her father was downright humble and intelligent, the kindest person Natsuki had ever known. He was someone who would take in a filthy child like Takeda from the streets and raise him as his own. However, his façade was an end to his means; people tended to respond positively to the allure of old money and power.
The study was lavishly decorated. Red velvet drapes were drawn back from the French windows, and the walls were lined with gold damask, which nicely complemented the crystal chandelier hanging from the ceiling. Dark teak bookshelves lined one section, filled with classics and reference books that her father really did read.
However, it wasn't her father who stood behind the desk. A thin man, with high cheekbones and dark eyes ran his finger across the spine of the books that he was examining. His hair was gelled back to accentuate his angular features and he was wearing a tuxedo suit, clearly one of her father's party guests. Takeda stood at the door, slightly fidgety as he plucked at his sleeves. He couldn't have been older than sixteen at this point in time.
"You called for me, sir?"
"Ah." The man in the suit commented as he turned around, inspecting the teenager through his oversized wire frame eyeglasses. "Takeda, isn't it?"
Natsuki took a few steps closer. She didn't think she recognized this man, but he was vaguely familiar. Like she might have seen him before in some old photos of her parents. Or maybe a relative of someone she knew.
Takeda took a few steps forward. The man took a seat in her father's plush leather chair and crossed his legs. Reaching into his jacket, he produced a pipe. He glanced up at Takeda, and his mouth quirked up into a sheepish smile.
"Old habits die hard. This is my only vice."
Takeda hastened around the desk, opening up a drawer in an accustomed way to retrieve a box of matches. He lit one up, using his hand to shield the tiny flame and proffered it towards the gentleman. Nodding his thanks, the man allowed Takeda to light up his pipe, then leaned back into the chair to enjoy a few deep puffs, the embers glowing bright with his inhalation. Takeda stood back politely and lowered his head. The man regarded him thoughtfully.
"I've heard that Richard took you in many years back. And that you've served by his side since."
Takeda nodded mutely, probably wondering where the conversation was heading.
"I've also heard that the two of you met because you tried to steal his wallet." The man grinned, his dark eyes unfathomable.
Takeda's raised his head, surprised and more than a little embarrassed. "That was a long time ago, sir. And since Mr. Kruger has only ever shown me kindness, I am indebted to him. I've changed."
"Changed huh." The man continued to smile. "Please. Call me Naohito. Kruger and I go way back. We still work closely together."
"Well, obedience and loyalty are very good virtues in a man." Naohito continued, chewing on his pipe when Takeda remained silent. "Redeeming qualities indeed. Makes someone like yourself think that you can change. Be someone better."
Natsuki frowned. She couldn't read this person. His words were at odds with his mannerisms. A perfect gentleman, yet the choice of his speech left an undesirable aftertaste. Layers of meaning were veiled into positive praises that an unsuspecting person would not read into them. Who was he? And why would her father associate himself with such a character?
Naohito slapped his knee suddenly, as if coming to a revelation, making Takeda jump to attention. "Takeda, my boy! I have a proposition for you." He leaned forward in a conspiratorial way. "Why don't you come and work for me? I could use someone as capable as yourself."
Takeda paused, uncertainty clouding his eyes. "I-I…"
The older man stood up abruptly, and paced the room. "Yes, yes. I think you should. It's for the best. For you, of course." He paused, fixing his dark eyes at Takeda. "I've seen the way you've looked at her."
Takeda looked like someone had hit him with a sledgehammer between his eyes. "S-sorry, sir? W-what are you…?"
"Kruger's older daughter. I've seen how you looked at her. It's so… painfully obvious."
The younger man winced. "I would never… dream…"
"No, no! You should! Dare to dream, my young boy. Dream big! That's what I tell my son all the time. He's about your age, younger. I wished someone had given me the same advice." Naohito ruefully rambled on. He then tapped his right fist lightly into his left palm. "Sorry, but I digress. I wanted to point out to you. You'll never have a chance of climbing the social ladders, if you continue to work for Kruger as errand boy."
Takeda shrugged. It probably never crossed his mind to go for glory or riches. As if reading his mind, Naohito grinned. "You will see the need to, chump. If you don't, one day, the lovely, young Natsuki Kruger would just grow up and marry someone deserving of her status you know."
Natsuki choked in disbelief, as she swiveled her eyes to Takeda, wanting to ask him if he was actually listening to this bullshit. She was taken aback though, when Takeda appeared to consider the man's words seriously.
Naohito nodded, looking content. "I don't need you to leave the Kruger household in order to work for me. I need someone to help me… keep an eye on them. There's some strange talk… of shutting down the facility. I cannot let that happen."
Takeda cocked his head to the side. "I don't quite understand, sir."
Naohito went over and clapped his shoulders. His pipe hung precariously from his lips as he spoke through it. "Know full well, Takeda. I value your obedience and loyalty above all else. And with the obvious pride you put into it. That is all I ask of your service. Do we have a gentleman's agreement?"
Natsuki noted that throughout the conversation, Naohito had only buttered up Takeda with words of appreciation and praises. It was bound to boost the young man's self-esteem somewhat. But she didn't think it was enough to entice Takeda, even if her own name was used to dangle as a carrot.
Takeda hesitated. "You are not asking me to harm the Kruger family, are you?"
Naohito threw back his head and laughed. "Of course not! I need the Krugers. Both Richard and Saeko. Why would I want to cause them any harm?"
Shaking his head, he spoke reassuringly. "No, no. I just need information, Takeda. Be my eyes and ears. If you hear anything on Windbloom…"
Natsuki reeled in shock. The heart of the matter, the red garnet stone. What was Naohito's involvement in this?
"Windbloom, sir?"
"… and then, when you are ready to work in my corporation. I will give you a position, no questions about it." Naohito continued, as if Takeda had not spoken. "So it's a deal?"
Takeda looked confused. He really had no clue what he was getting himself into. "I'm not sure, Naohito sir. This Windbloom you are asking me to look out for. I wouldn't know what it is."
"Ah… ah yes. How silly of me." Naohito patted and fumbled within the linings of his jacket, his pipe still stuck firmly between his teeth. "Windbloom. Charming little thing. Rather addictive, I must warn you. Kruger is finding a way to stabilize it."
He fished out a small glass vial from his pockets. Natsuki moved closer to examine, and as recognition seeped in, she felt a sense of horror and foreboding grip her. Swirling in the glass vial like shimmering petals, was what Takeda had thrown at her in the winter cabin. What had he called it? Yes, he had referred to it as her father's monstrosity of a creation. She recalled that the red garnet stone had reacted to heat before transforming, but what Naohito possessed in the glass vial seemed to be the substance in its raw and purest form. Without the need for heat, Windbloom was already trapped in the glass vial in all its active, glittering beauty.
If Natsuki could have pushed Takeda out of the room, she would. But as it was, she could only look on in helpless rage as Naohito wrapped the vial delicately in his silk handkerchief and crushed it.
"No!" She heard herself cry out in futility. Takeda was still looking on in a mixture of curiosity and wonderment, as the crimson petals floated in the air. Naohito swiped his palm at the particles, like trying to chase away an irritating fly. With an awful sense of déjà vu, Natsuki watched the unfettered progress of Windbloom floating across the air before being absorbed by the unsuspecting Takeda.
It didn't take too long. Takeda dropped on all fours to the ground, clutching at his throat. He moaned, coughed and spluttered, and Natsuki had to close her eyes to his suffering. She knew first-hand how it was like. She didn't need to relive the physical pain that went with it.
"We are making soldiers with this, Takeda." Naohito's voice seemed so distant, Natsuki covered her ears and squeezed her eyes tighter. Enough, she repeated like a mantra in her head. Enough.
"Consider this as an insurance, that you will never defy me. Windbloom is like a drug that you will need. That only I can supply."
Natsuki sank to the floor on her haunches. She felt a well of irrepressible pity, sorrow and guilt. If her father was responsible for Windbloom… if Takeda became like this because of her… because he somehow coveted her in his mind… There were more answers that she sought, but she had had enough.
Take me away. Anywhere. Nowhere. It doesn't matter.
The cold surged around her, cocooning and buffeting her lovingly like an old blanket. At least she couldn't hear Naohito's voice any longer. His cruel words sugarcoated in falsities. There was a hollow ache in her heart. She wanted to be alone; she didn't want to feel anymore. But there was that whisper of yearning. The burgeoning longing to see her face; she, who could still her raging emotions with just a tender look and an indulgent smile. Just thinking about her made her experience a solacing warmth.
Natsuki let her thoughts drift. Not for the first time, she wondered aloud.
Where are you, Shizuru?
Shizuru was supposed to be on her way to Reito's, with every intention of being honest with him. It was only fair. It seemed to her that the both of them had just been cruising along, and truly deserved new beginnings. Chie had reminded her that life was too short. It was stupid not to have the courage to fight for the things she wanted, after all, there was much more at stake. Much more to lose out on. She wasn't aware of where her feet were taking her, until she arrived at her school campus, the School of Visual Arts. Their campus. Somehow, thinking about Natsuki after her chat with Chie had led her there after she took the subway. It was as if it were the most natural thing to do.
The campus wasn't the place where she first laid eyes on the dark-haired girl. That was in Maria's art studio. However, it was the venue that she now associated with the girl. This was where they had spent most of their time in, studying and learning the arts, making the most out of their youth and passion.
She remembered that there was an inner courtyard where Natsuki liked to hang out. It was a tiny bit of rectangular space, with an oak tree growing sadly in the middle. The tree had a lot of branches growing sideways rather than upwards. More than once, the academy folks had to send people to trim off the errant growth with chainsaws and axes before it grew itself into the windows of the classrooms on the upper levels. But Shizuru suspected that Natsuki loved the branches, for she was always found tucked comfortably in between them with a book, reading or not reading. Shizuru could never quite tell. Sometimes she had the feeling that Natsuki trained her gaze on the same page for a lot longer than was necessary. Not that she wanted the younger girl to know that she had noticed.
Actually, she loved it more when Natsuki was with her sketchpad. If she was drawing, she would then select a flatter, more horizontal bough to perch cross-legged above the ground, while she hunched over her paper and worked. It was beautiful, Natsuki in her element. That green aura that cloaked her would come to life, becoming Shizuru's personal illumination display. She could have become lost in the rich colours that Natsuki radiated, trying to commit those scenes into memory for her own inspiration later. And she also realized that it would seem weird to describe her delight to other people, hence it was a secret she kept close to her heart.
The courtyard was an open space, where you could sit and observe people coming and going from all four directions. One would always have to pass it in order to get from the east wing to the west side, or to the cafeteria nearer the campus entrance. It was probably the best spot for people-watching, and perhaps that was what Natsuki liked to do.
Whenever Shizuru passed by, her peripheral vision could not help but be attracted to the fair-skinned girl in stark contrast to the darker surface of the oak. And that strangely comforting green aura that emanated from the girl was like a beacon commanding her sights. Most times she would continue walking along. But even so, she doubted it was her imagination when the emerald gaze would silently and gently trace her progress as she passed by. She recalled there were instances, when she was in a good enough mood, where she would stop and strike up a mostly one-sided conversation with the girl, all the while being intrigued and entertained by the rosy hues of her cheeks and being the recipient of her shy, sideways glances and curt answers.
The campus was deserted at this time of day. Feeling nostalgic in the comforting quiet, she ran her hand across the rough bark, before leaning her shoulders against one of the boughs. The great oak had already shed its leaves with the onset of winter, its spindly branches still attempting vainly to reach for the skies. What would she say if Natsuki were here? Would she attempt to tease her, make light of things so that she could wipe away the serious frown which always seemed to adorn her face? Or would she drop all the pretenses when all she really wanted to do was to pull her into her arms and tell her that she missed her terribly.
And she did. Since awakening in the hospital, she had felt the ache of her loss. She had found something precious with Natsuki, and without her, a part of her was torn away too. It was useless to fight the feeling. The yearning was not something that would go away with time.
"Ikezu, Natsuki," she whispered as she closed her eyes, falling back to her native Japanese roots to give voice to the roiling emotions in her heart.
"I'm mean? What did I ever do to you?" Came the amused, low voice that had haunted Shizuru's dreams and every waking moment for a while. Just like that, Shizuru went very still, with her heart pounding loudly in her ears. It couldn't be, could it? She so desperately wanted to turn around but she was also scared witless of whom she might not find there.
"Shizuru? You can hear me?" The voice had become tentative, curious and tinged with a little hope. It's only when warm fingers tentatively touched her arms, did Shizuru dared to open her eyes, staring straight ahead. Her stance was rigid, she could hardly breathe.
Please, please, please…. Please let it be her… Please bring her back to me…
"Shizuru… Shizuru, Shizuru, Shizuru…" There was a half sob mixed into the heartbreaking chant, as a familiar warm body enveloped her from behind and clung to her. The intimacy brought back warm memories of that day in the snow, when she had relentlessly pursued Natsuki and caught her from behind.
She turned around in the embrace, not quite believing what she was seeing. Maybe she missed her so much that her sub-consciousness was conjuring up this life-like illusion. The girl pulled her closer still, nuzzling her tear-stained face into her neck. She tentatively rested her chin on the head of lush midnight coloured hair.
"Na-Natsuki?" She whispered, scarcely bold enough to disturb the specter in her arms. Something wasn't quite right. The girl in her arms. Her aura was still the same green. Yet, an undertone of black was flaring beneath the surface. She had seen it only once before, when Natsuki had stood in the burning house, liquid ink flowing from her eyes.
The girl finally raised her head after a few moments, and Shizuru relaxed visibly with relief. It was the face she knew, the somber emerald eyes that could speak depths of emotions to her. Shizuru's arms had hung limply by her sides, but she raised a hand now, to brush away silken strands of hair and cup Natsuki's cheek.
"You're here." She breathed in wonderment. "Natsuki is really really here. Please don't go anywhere now."
That brought a lopsided grin to the younger girl's face. "Stuck on you. You're not getting rid of me."
The both of them gazed at each other, eyes roving hungrily across each other's features as small flakes of snow fluttered down, dusting their clothing with frost.
"Are you hurt?" Natsuki was the first to break the silence. Her fingers made their inspection from Shizuru's arms to her shoulders and neck, before threading through her hair and to her face. Like a feline, Shizuru's eyes almost slid shut in bliss at the caress. She leaned forwards so that their foreheads were touching, and their breaths mingled in cold tiny puffs between them.
"No, I'm fine. My injuries weren't that serious." She relished the intimacy of the warm breath across her skin, but she pulled back and inspected the girl. "But Natsuki… Natsuki was hurt trying to save me."
On closer scrutiny, Natsuki didn't look so well. Her face was ashen, and she was in an oversized black sweater and tattered jeans. Shizuru gasped when she finally noticed the bandaged arm peeking out of the sleeves of the black sweater, dark specks of dried blood on her hand.
"Natsuki!" Her grip tightened on her hands, intending to drag the girl away physically if she had to. "We need to get you to a hospital!"
"Whoa, whoa, hold your horses." Natsuki was surprisingly calm as she tugged back at Shizuru with a reassuring smile. At least she didn't show any signs of pain. "This is gonna sound weird. But I don't think I'm really here. As in, here here." She pointed to the ground for emphasis.
Shizuru felt a sense of dread permeated through her being as her heart plummeted through her stomach. "I-I don't understand. I'm touching you, right here." She placed a trembling hand across Natsuki's chest. "I can feel your heart beating. You're telling me that none of this is happening?"
Natsuki shook her head sadly. "After the accident, I think I was in a coma for weeks, Shizuru. I woke up in a cabin surrounded by trees. At least I think I'm still physically there."
Shizuru forced a laugh. She could feel the panic welling up inside her again. "Are you sure? Maybe you hit your head a little too hard."
Natsuki seemed to sense her distress, and she held on to her hands a little tighter, intertwining their fingers in a familiar way. "It's a bit much to explain. I found Takeda, and he showed me how Windbloom is used. Unfortunately, he used it on me."
At Shizuru's puzzled but alarmed expression, Natsuki hurried to explain. "You remember the lockbox at Garderobe?" Shizuru nodded. Natsuki took a deep breath. "I never told you what I found there, because… because I thought I was trying to protect you. You know, in case you got too deep."
"Yeah well, it's a little late for that." Shizuru murmured with a wry smile on her face.
"There was a pouch full of rough stones Shizuru. They were ruby red, the same colour as your eyes. And that, is Windbloom."
Natsuki proceeded to fill Shizuru in on what she found out about Windbloom, and what Takeda had said it was used for, and that he had insinuated it had something to do with her father.
"But you said Takeda used it on you. What does that mean?" Shizuru queried anxiously. "Is it like some kind of drug?"
"No," Natsuki shook her head. "No. At least I don't think, I'm not sure if you can become physically addicted to it. Psychologically, maybe. Like in Takeda's case." The younger girl seemed to hesitate, trying to find the right words to convey something that defied the laws of nature. She slipped her hands gently out of Shizuru's grasp, and proceeded to find a spot on her favourite oak where she could swing her legs. It was easier to tell the story if she couldn't see the judgment or fear in those ruby eyes. "I can see death Shizuru. I've told you before. I'm not sure if I was born with the ability, but I only became aware of it when I was growing up in Japan."
Shizuru nodded, understanding the need to give her space.
"At first, I started to notice shadows around certain people, nothing too obvious. I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me. It was around the same period when I started to read a lot, write a lot, draw a lot. I thought maybe my passion for sketching and painting was making me see things that weren't there."
"And then one fine day, I made the connection while waiting for the subway. This young girl whom I happened to be looking at. Someone random who caught my attention. Well, she jumped in front of an oncoming train."
The taller blonde covered her mouth to muffle the sharp gasp of shock.
"The authorities said it was a suicide. But I clearly saw something dark swooped over her right before she went over." Natsuki gave a mirthless laugh. "I thought maybe it was a large animal or maybe even something supernatural that had pushed her over the edge. I told the police what I saw, or anyone else who would listen at that time. But the surveillance videos contradicted my recollection. There weren't any dark shadows captured onscreen. Everyone looked at me as if I had gone insane. That was the first day I learnt to shut up about it. But that scene… it's like something out of a horror movie. That image was burnt into my eyes, kept playing back in slow motion. I couldn't forget."
"That's when I started to sit up and pay attention, you know. To all the tell-tale signs. Okaa-san wasn't herself when I was experiencing all of these. So it was not like I could ask her if I had always been like this. You know, I couldn't remember much from before. Anyway, that's when I started to tell the difference. The shadows appeared way before the actual death occurred. The iciness that came with it… God, it sucked me hollow. You could say that it's the bane of my existence, but sometimes it acts as a good guide. To avoid those dark alleys that felt too unnaturally cold. To avoid people associated with it."
"Call me heartless, but I don't hang around for death to happen. Run like hell each time I notice it. Doesn't mean I don't get affected. That nice old lady round the block where I used to live. She used to look out for me when Okaa-san wasn't around. When the shadows came for her, I didn't even have the courage to tell her goodbye."
The waif-like figure seemed to shrink smaller from her perch on the tree. Her pretense at a nonchalant shrug was betrayed by tiny splatters of salt water onto her clenched fists. Instinctually, Shizuru positioned herself between the jeans-clad legs, placing comforting hands on the other's hips. When she craned her neck to look up at her with her earnest crimson eyes, Natsuki could not help but be captivated.
"I'm finally starting to understand a little why Natsuki is the way she is." Those full red lips curved into a soft smile. It was true, there was so much more to the fragile looking girl. The underlying steel in her character, the aloofness that was put up like a shield around everyone else. Shizuru was pleased that Natsuki was letting her in.
Even if she was normally slightly taller than the dark haired girl, she had to brace her weight by pulling her closer and stand on tiptoes in order to steal a kiss from the girl higher up on the tree. Her smile grew wider as she pulled away, admiring the full-blown blush that she had managed to trigger in those pale cheeks.
"Shizuru…" Natsuki admonished, as all words fled from her mind. Just like when they were children, Shizuru always had that effect on her. Reducing her speechless with her words and gestures.
"I'm not afraid of you, Natsuki. Just so you know."
"You might… want to reconsider that." Natsuki sighed, and continued with her explanation. "Windbloom amplifies your latent abilities Shizuru. I'm beginning to comprehend what that means. Stand back please."
As if to demonstrate, Natsuki held up her hands with a detached curiosity furrowing her brows. The artic darkness that used to be something only she could see materialized into Shizuru's sights. In that brief instant, Shizuru fell back a few steps, a powerful sense of unnatural chill spreading through her bones. As her lips parted in bewilderment, she watched Natsuki's aura become consumed by an onyx fire. Natsuki gently placed her palms on the tree branch that she was sitting on, and in the deathly stillness that followed, the living material in her hands corroded easily into black dust. The younger girl landed softly on her feet in front of her, while the ends of the oak branch that was severed splintered into pieces beneath her.
"I can project it out. The powers to see, became the power to be." Natsuki's voice held a tremor of sorrow. It was obvious she hadn't wanted this to happen. Cause and effect had turned into a paradox. It was unfathomable.
Death becomes Her. It was Natsuki's first few works of art. And now the subject of her creativity had become her nightmare reality.
"I think I can project a part of myself out. That could explain why I'm here. Some sort of self-induced astral projection." Natsuki was half rambling, her tone self-deprecating. Her head remained bowed, the dark curtain of hair blocking her emerald eyes from Shizuru. She knew it was a critical moment that Natsuki yearned for her reassurance, but the logical part of her mind was abruptly pitched into chaos, and words stubbornly refused to form.
Even the silence could be deafening.
"I-I understand." The dark head bobbed a couple of times. "I should probably go."
Shizuru shook herself immediately, hand outstretched towards her, only to have the younger girl side-stepped neatly out of reach. Hurt was perfectly mirrored in their eyes.
"Natsu—"
Natsuki raised a hand, as if to ward off her advance. "I don't want to cause you any harm."
Just as she finished speaking, she lifted her face skywards and cocked her head to her side, as if listening to something that Shizuru couldn't hear.
"D-duran…?"
Shizuru shook her head, confused. Wasn't Duran the name of the puppy that Natsuki had a long time ago? Why was she saying its name now?
Natsuki turned her forest gaze back to Shizuru, solemn and resolute.
"I have to go. Someone or something is calling me back."
Shizuru sprung forward and seized her in a tight hug, heedless to the girl's protests. This was Natsuki. Her Natsuki. The same girl that she had fallen so hard for. She would never hurt her, it's just not possible. And she still had so much to say to her. "No! No, not yet. Please. Stay."
Even as she screamed silently and desperately in her mind; even as she pleaded and begged with all the celestial beings of the world. The girl in her embrace was slipping through her arms, her existence evaporating away like a golden daydream. It was too much, too soon.
"Natsuki! You know how much you mean to me, right?" Her garnet eyes were beseeching, trying to convey the depth of her emotions, but still not finding the right words to it. She could only use actions to show her. She had wanted to show her. Every day of her life and hopefully into forever if possible.
"Not a clue. But you can tell me all about it next time. Take care, Shizuru." The dark-haired girl gave her a tender smile, emerald eyes shimmering bright with unshed tears as she faded away, leaving Shizuru alone in the silence of the courtyard.