Chapter 20 –Back–

I stared at him, that was the only task I was capable of now. I didn't dare to do anything else either. I didn't dare to move, didn't dare to speak, I didn't even dare to blink or to breathe. Because I was sure that if I blinked now, he would definitely disappear, vanishing into thin air as he had done before. Never coming back again.

Yes, he hadn't come back, he'd said that he wouldn't. This was just a dream here, just a product of my imagination, like a Fata Morgana, giving the one who's dying of thirst new hope.

But I didn't fall for that false hope, it would just make the pain worse later. He wasn't back and he would never come back to me either. It was simply impossible…

He stared back at me, his expression showing the same disbelief that I was feeling, mixed with surprise and shock. Even in my dreams, he didn't want to be with me. I fought the coming tears away –they would just disturb my view– regarding his flawless features, the slightly angular face, the straight line of his nose, the soft pitch-black hair, the perfect curve of his lips… I saved his eyes for last, those brilliant shiny golden eyes, shimmering like two little suns in the darkness. So deep and warm –warmer than any other part of his body–, so perfect to get lost in.

He didn't speak either, but I still remembered his voice so clearly as if it'd been just yesterday when he we chatted airily at our meadow. His wonderful melodic voice, so warm and deep, so calming and soothing, telling me that all was fine without using any words at all.

I wished that he would say something so I could get lost in the beautiful composition that his voice was, but I didn't dare to ask him. I really shouldn't push my luck any further.

So I continued staring at him, ordering my inner monster to be content with just looking at him, because this would be all I was able to get.

And he stared back.

I didn't know how long this perfect moment of silence and joy lasted –I wished time would stop now so this would last forever–, but after some time he suddenly made an effort to get up.

"No!" I screamed panicked, my arms dashed forward to wrap themselves around his neck. "Don't!"

"Chloe-"

"No!" I cut him off, shaking my head frantically, while my grip tightened. I felt my nails bore into my arms; my fingers were shaking. "Don't! Don't leave! Please! Don't leave!"

"Shh…Calm down, Chloe," I heard his velvet voice soothing me, and felt how he started rocking us forth and back – he was holding me in his arms? "Calm down… The floor is cold. I just want to put you back in your bed."

Another wave of panic washed over me. He wanted to get rid of me. "No! Don't! Please, don't! Please! Don't leave me!"

"Shh… I won't, Chloe… I promise I won't," he assured me but I knew it was only a trick to make me give up.

I stared up at his face, my eyes torn open, fighting against the reflex to blink. He would be gone if I surrendered, he would be gone for sure. "Don't leave me! Don't leave me alone again!" I shook my head, my eyes not leaving his. They were so soft, so full with emotions, so full with pain and agony. The gold of his eyes melted as if he was crying.

Did it hurt him so much to be with me? Even in my imagination?

But then he suddenly pulled me closer, pressing me against his marble chest as hard as he could without breaking any bones of mine. His hand rubbing my back while the other combed through my hair, they where shaking.

"I'm sorry, Chloe," he said, showering my head with kisses, his voice was trembling. "I'm so sorry. Forget what I told you that day. It was a lie – it was all a lie. I love you, I always did and I always will love you! Don't be afraid. I'm here, and I'll stay with you. As long as you want me to."

I knew this wasn't really happening, but I couldn't stop myself from replying to him, it was a need.

"Forever!" I demanded. I felt his shirt getting wet at my face, I was crying. "Stay with me – forever!"

"If that's what you wish, I'll stay with you – forever," he promised, kissing my forehead. His cool lips felt so good against my heated skin. "Forever… forever…"

It was suddenly quiet again, only my sobs and Adrian's soft whispers disturbed the illusion of perfect silence.

I winced. Could I think his name without being afraid of been pierced by unbearable pain again? Was it already so far? Could I really be sure that he wouldn't leave me alone again?

"Forever," he chanted softly in my ear while still rocking us forth and back in a comfortable pace. "I'll be here, forever…"

I wished that I could believe him, that I could simply get lost in his arms, in this moment, not worrying about waking up later and discover that my room was empty again. The darkness couldn't help me a second time, it was gone, leaving me to myself. I bit my lip –bit it hard– to not scream around again.

I didn't know how, but he noticed it. "Chloe, don't. You'll hurt yourself," he reminded me softly, easing my teeth by rubbing my lips gently with his finger.

Our eyes met and for a moment, I felt as if everything would be fine again, that my fears were ridiculous, that he would never even think about leaving me again. But the moment didn't last. "Don't leave me alone," I begged in a whisper, my voice broke at the end.

He shook his head. "Definitely not," he said, his voice held something final in it. He bended down to my face to kiss my tears away. His lips kissed a trail from my eyes down my cheeks until they paused at the corner of my mouth. "I'll stay with you – forever," he vowed before his lips finally crashed on mine.

I had thought that I would never forget the feeling when he'd kissed me, but obviously my memory didn't do him justice – not at all.

The way his lips melted into mine, the feeling of inhaling his intoxicating scent, the sensation when I pressed my tongue against his cool smooth lips and hearing him moaning deeply in response – it was incomparable.

He's back! the lightheaded part of mine started singing and dancing in joy. He's actually back!

No, I silenced it. I wouldn't fall for it so easily. It was just a dream, a wonderful dream, the most wonderful dream I had had for so long. But not real.

We broke apart, panting for air. He kissed my neck, probably giving me the chance to get some air, but the plan failed as soon as his cool tongue darted out, licking the skin at my pulse point.

No, not real, just a dream… but why did this feel so damn real?

His lips worked up my neck to my jaw and then came back to my lips again.

He's back! the stupid lightheaded –and obviously masochistic– voice shouted again. He's really back at your side again – admit it!

No… it couldn't be… he told me he wouldn't return again… he told he didn't love me anymore!

"No!" I screamed when I reached the last thought, pulling away.

"Chloe!" he sounded alarmed, concerned, scared, surprised and somehow hurt all at the same time. "Chloe, what's wrong? Did I hurt you?" –he shook my shoulders gently but also urgently– "Chloe, talk to me."

I shook my head fiercely, pressing both hands to my ears, the tears started to fall again. "No, no, no! Don't! Don't leave me!"

"Chloe-"

"Don't leave me!" I was becoming more and more desperate. "Even if this is just a dream – don't leave me! Please!"

And again he pressed me to his chest, choking hysterical attack. "Shh… all is fine. I'm here – for real. This isn't just a dream. It's real."

I sobbed hard, still not convinced. "No, it's not. In reality, you're not here. In reality, you don't love me. In reality you loathe me." My voice broke at the last words; they still hurt so much.

He shook his head, so fiercely that my body shook with him. "No, that's not true. I would never hate you – I could never hate you. I love you, Chloe. I love you more than anything else in this world, in this universe."

See, I told you! the carefree voice chanted, sounding sure and self-confident.

I didn't trust it. "Impossible," I protested, still sobbing. "It's simply imp-possible."

He chuckled; it sounded hurt instead of amused. "Why? Why would you think so?"

"B-because you told me." I tried very hard to not remember that horrible day, those destructive words.

He winced and his arms around me tightened as if he was the one who was afraid of the opponent would pop into thin air the next blink. "Silly girl," he whispered into my ear, sending shivers down my spine, his voice calm but the pain was still evident. "Why did you believe those words –those lies– so easily but wouldn't listen to the truth now?"

"But-"

"What did I just tell you?" he asked.

"B-but-"

"What did I just tell you, Chloe?" he repeated, ignoring my protests.

I buried my head into his chest, not daring to say it. It would just make the pain worse. He waited and I let him wait, I wouldn't say it, I couldn't say it. After a while of depressing silence he pulled back to look at me. I looked down, avoiding his intense gaze but he lifted my chin with one hand –the other one still at my back to press our bodies against each other–, forcing me to meet his eyes. They were unreadable –concern, alarm, sadness, fear, pain–, holding so many emotions at once that I couldn't define which was ruling him at the moment.

"Say it," he demanded softly, his sweet breath washing over my face, weakening my will. "What did I just tell you? What do I feel for you? Say it, Chloe, please; I need to hear it from you."

"But it's not real." I had to bring up all the resistance I still had to speak out these words.

"Are you sure?" he asked, his tone still soft.

"I… I don't know…" God, I so wanted him to be right!

"Then say it," he urged gently. "Say it and you will know. Please, Chloe." –God, how should I resist him when he begged me like that?– "Say it."

"You said…" I started but was still unable to end the sentence.

"Yes?"

I took a deep breath to clear my mind, but it didn't work because I inhaled his intoxicating sweet scent, and with that my last bit of resistance broke. "You loved me."

He sighed and a dazzling smile appeared on his lips, taking all doubts form me. The tension in his eyes vanished, been replaced by pure joy. "Yes, I'll always love you. Chloe… my shooting star."

Ha! See, I was right! He is back! the happy voice cheered and finally I believed its words.

Yes. Adrian was back – he was truly back.

waaahhhh!!! Adrian's back!!! *party!! XDDD*

ok.. I know, I know... he'd only gone for.... *counting* 3 chaps... ^^ not very long... Stephenie Meyer's "New Moon" had been much much better ^^ but I simply couldn't write more of those "dark-Chaps" XDD *lame excuse*

and I really needed him back for the second part of the story, where he... umm... I won't tell you now - top secret!! ;)

soooooo~~~ did you enjoy this "honey" chap?? ^^ I know... it's SO clichéd! *must've read dozens of romance novels without me noticing* XDD

please review!! ^o^

-Mulan-

PS. wow~ this chap was quick! -don't expect the next chap up so soon ^^ I've to learn for classtests for the next 2 weeks... T.T --"Life... no: SCHOOL sucks and then you've to go to work - yeah, we should be so grateful!" XDD