Chapter 21: Montréal

Type: Angst / Family

Rating: T

If you can't sleep outside your own house, how well do you think a road trip to McGill will go?

This is the March after Vivian and Olivia have started college.

Gail had told her not to drive. The train would be faster, for one, no traffic, and she could relax on the way there. But teenagers rarely listen. Not even one as generally well behaved as her daughter. Vivian insisted she'd be fine and drove off that morning. She laughed that was entirely possible that Gail kept tabs on her kid the whole drive out.

Of course Gail didn't. But as the night fell, she couldn't help but be more worried.

"Gail," sighed Holly. "You can't teleport there and drive her home."

"I know."

"So all this stressing out? Not helping anyone."

Gail frowned. "This worries me more than the Peck crap, her wanting to be a cop." Her wife blinked, surprised. "Undercover ops. Stake outs. There's crap where we sleep in weird places, Holly. What the hell is she going to do?"

"Can she not?"

"Kind of," she sighed. "I mean, there are jobs where you just don't. But... If people figure out why she can't, she may have a very short career." As a damaged cop, Gail carried a fear that she'd be medically drummed out one day. She didn't want to think about her kid with that.

Holly's arms wound around her from behind. "You should talk to her about it."

Leaning back, Gail closed her eyes. "I did. She said it'd be fine."

"But she's nineteen and you're sure she's an idiot?"

"Well. I was at nineteen."

There was a laugh from the older woman and Holly kissed Gail's neck. "So was I. Look, what's the worst thing that happens?"

"She doesn't sleep for five days, falls asleep in the car on the drive back, gets into an accident and dies."

Holly stiffened. "You really think Viv would be that stupid?"

"I slept with Nick because I was terrified I'd never feel anything again." Gail grumbled. "And you asked."

Her wife was quiet for a moment. "I predict she will eventually get some sleep. Probably not as much as she wants, and then she will hop herself up on Red Bull and drive home. Or. If she can't, she will do exactly what she said, pick up a phone and call you, and we will drive out to Montréal so you can drive her home."

"I'd take the train."

Holly laughed and let go. "See? You're very smart."

"Passing out isn't sleeping."

"No, it's not," agreed Holly. She kissed the nape of Gail's neck. "We have to trust."

Gail sighed. "I want a TARDIS so I can keep her at seven."

"That's not how the TARDIS works, honey," said Holly, teasingly. "Look. We've raised a really smart, responsible, kid."

With another sigh, Gail dragged her feet to the kitchen. "How come you don't worry as much as I do?"

"What? About this?" Holly looked surprised. "Because this is normal. This is stupid stuff everyone does. This is … This is Vivian being a nineteen year old who has a girlfriend she doesn't see a lot. Besides, you know what I'm worried about."

True. Holly had been vocally worried about Vivian destroying a friendship and having her heart broken by a crush on her best friend. Which they both knew rarely ended well. "I'm worried about that too. And bad decisions on tequila."

Holly smiled and took the chicken out of the oven. "She's not that much of a Peck."

Gail paused and looked over. That was still very odd to her. "Did she talk to you about that beforehand? The name?"

Shaking her head, Holly got the plates. "No. But I gather she'd been thinking about it a lot."

"Doesn't that bother you? That she just decided this without ever talking to us about it even once?"

Holly sighed and leaned on the counter. "Yes and no. She's her own person, she's going to make choices like this that we don't always like. But… I think she really hated being a Green. You know how she gets when we try to talk about them."

And that too was true. Nothing made their child shut up faster than a mention of her birth family. "Which bothers me too."

Her wife had a tendency to make it all look so easy. It was as if letting go of their child was easy. Holly had been the one to teach seven year old Vivian how to ride a bicycle, letting go and chasing after until Vivian was steadily making her way through the park. Gail felt like she was having a panic attack just watching.

Sometimes Holly's ability to be calm made Gail wonder if she was crazy. Crazier. But… Gail was calm too, just in different ways. That car accident on the way to the cottage? Gail was the only one who'd been collected. It was the normal things in life that she had trouble keeping even about.

She was startled her out of her thoughts by her wife gently fluffing her bangs. "Get out of the tree, honey," said Holly softly.

"Sorry. I was being envious of your normal childhood." Gail leaned into the touch, closing her eyes for a moment.

"You're such a cat." But Holly leaned in as well. "Part of me wishes she'd picked Stewart," she admitted quietly. "But it's not about you or me here. She feels like a Peck, probably because she didn't have a normal childhood. So you're a very nice, stable, rock for her. She can see you, dealing with all that crap life threw at you, and succeeding. And I think, for Viv, it lets her feel like she can be okay."

Gail sighed and rested her hands on Holly's hips. "Stop being so damn smart."

"You love me because I'm smart."

"You are the smartest person I know." Gail smiled and put her forehead on Holly's shoulder. "Mom's right, you know." Holly made a soft sound that sounded like a 'hrm?' as she looped her arms around Gail's shoulders and hugged her close. "About how much it's going to suck for her as a cop and a Peck."

Holly's sigh was felt more than heard. "Why didn't you tell her that before?"

Gail shrugged. "I kind of forgot. And I think… I think I knew it wasn't going to stop her."

Her wife snorted. "She's as bullheaded as the rest of you Pecks." Gail snickered a laugh into Holly's shoulder. "Maybe she'll change her mind. She's really getting into the engineering classes."

With a laugh, Gail let go of Holly and kissed her nose. "You have taught our daughter to appreciate things like that. I can't believe she took out Rachel's rear window with that rocket." Vivian had built, with Leo's help, a rocket that shot a camera up into the stratosphere and took photos of the curve of the earth. For fun. "She didn't even do it for school."

Smiling ear to ear, Holly picked up the plates. "Maybe that's why she wanted Steve's crapmobile. She actually likes tinkering with mechanical things."

"And our Wifi."

Holly groaned. "Don't remind me." A month prior, Vivian had 'accidentally' broken the Wifi with some computer code she'd written. It had to do with overrunning a buffer from her phone's bluetooth. "I knew I should have made her keep the iPhone."

"She'd just have jailbroken it." Gail laughed and got the drinks, allowing Holly to distract her from her worries with dinner and as the cold spring rain came down, they sat on the back porch with wine and desert. Mini bundt cakes filled with vanilla cream cheese filling.

It was an hour later that Gail's watch buzzed and she glanced to see a message from her daughter. Vivian was texting to say she was fine and at Liv's dorm, and she loved them.

"So?"

"She says she's fine."

Holly smiled and ate a bite off Gail's plate. "Good. I think you should make cheese again."

"Ugh, no." She'd taken a random cooking class here and there since the first one, and while Gail did love the cooking, she'd hated the cheese making class as much as the pasty one. There was too much measuring and timing and waiting.

"Not even for my birthday?"

Gail snorted. "We went to Rome. And toured Europe. You're spoiled, Stewart."

"I married you for your money," admitted Holly, getting up.

"I thought you married me for the sex." Gail leaned around, watching Holly head inside.

Her wife bumped the door open with her hip and glanced back, smiling. "Well. That depends how much of this weekend you're going to fuss about our kid."

She put her head on the arm of the bench. Holly probably was just as worried as she was, but Holly was also letting their child live her life. Gail sighed. The door swung closed and a hand ran through her hair. "I'm terrified, Holly," she muttered.

"So am I," admitted Holly. "But the doctor said this was okay." The doctor being the family therapist. They all saw him once a month, or more if there was a reason. Every other month was a family session.

"He's an idiot."

Holly's fingers played with the wisps of hair at Gail's neck. "Have a little faith, Gail."

That wasn't her forte. Holly knew it. Gail knew Holly knew it. But she lifted her head up and sighed. "This is harder than the first time I sent someone undercover."

Holly just smiled. For almost fifteen years, Holly had been a cop's wife. She knew the kind of fear and tension that Gail carried every day. The stuff that got harder now that Gail was in charge of people. It wasn't a job she'd wanted or sought for, but she was good at it and she couldn't see anyone else having it. "Come with me," said Holly softly, holding out a hand.

Taking the hand, Gail followed Holly inside. They did the normal things. They locked up the house, turned on the alarms, made sure the dish washer was on, tidied the living room, and went upstairs. Vivian's door was open, the room clean and neat. When Gail paused, looking at the posters of bands and, weirdly, the one with Chris and Noelle as the faces of Fifteen from a billion years ago (seriously, that had to be from Oliver), she sighed. Holly reached around her and closed the door.

"Honey, I love that you are a caring and worried Mom," said the brunette, softly. "Trust her. Okay? She'll call us if she needs us."

Trust she had. It was just losing to fear right now. Gail nodded and let Holly lead her into their room. The balance between being a mom, a cop, and a wife was hard to keep in order. She wanted to be good at all of them, and not have one suffer for the others. It was so, so very hard.

Years ago, Holly had told her to listen to her wife. Right now, Holly was telling her not to stress about being Mom Gail and to be Wife Gail for a while. They'd raised a good kid. She was responsible, reliable, dependable, and would call if she needed help. So for a couple days, Holly and Gail could be home and pay attention to each other when they weren't at work. Which was novel. It had been quite a while since that had been the case.

And in fact Vivian didn't call. She texted a couple times, including pictures in old Montréal and the science museum. There were no selfies, though Vivian had never been a fan of those. At the end of the week of spring break, the Friday night, Vivian pulled up in the crapmobile. It was late enough that Gail and Holly were reading in bed with the door open, but they'd expected their daughter the next afternoon.

Sharing a look, they both put their books down. "How bad do you think it went?" Holly kept her voice soft.

Gail shrugged and waited for Vivian to make her way upstairs, "Hey, kiddo. How was the trip?"

Vivian mumbled a fine and went into her room. Moments later, they heard snoring. "That doesn't sound good," sighed Holly, and she got out of bed.

Following her wife, Gail peeked in the bedroom. Vivian's face looked horrible and weirdly familiar. It was like she hadn't slept the whole time she was gone. She hadn't even taken her shoes off. As Gail pulled her daughter's shoes and belt off, Holly dug the phone out and got it charging. They both looked at the watch.

Like their watches, Vivian's tracked activity and sleep. The first versions were too sensitive and would record sitting still for a movie as a nap. The current version, though... Gail carefully unbuckled it and set it in its charger. She didn't look at the settings. She didn't have to. She finally recognized the face her daughter wore, even in her pained sleep.

It was a face Gail had seen in the mirror for weeks after she left the hospital. It was a face Gail still saw on nights that Holly slept through her nightmares. It was the face of someone resigned to the horrors their mind concocted. "Oh, Viv," she sighed and brushed her daughter's hair out of her face.

Holly pulled a blanket up over her and they left her room, closing the door. If Vivian figured out her mothers had tucked her in, well, that was fine. They left her laundry alone. Back in the bedroom, Gail picked up her phone and Holly asked, "Who are you calling?"

"Texting Liv. Letting her know Viv got home safe." She pressed send and got a surprisingly fast reply.

Leaning over Gail's shoulder, Holly read the message. "Tell her I'm sorry?"

"Yeah," sighed Gail. It wasn't her worst case scenario, but it was clearly pretty bad. "She didn't sleep."

Holly exhaled and put her head on Gail's shoulder. "Let her sleep."

They did. It wasn't until Sunday afternoon that Vivian surfaced. The dark circles under her eyes were faded and their taciturn child was all but silent. When Holly asked how the drive was, Vivian said it was long. When Gail asked if she liked Quebec, Vivian said it was fine.

It was incredibly frustrating.

Vivian did the thing where she kept her thoughts to herself and started running. A lot. Every morning, with Holly and sometimes Gail, Vivian ran miles. If she didn't run, she did the exercise circuit at the park near their house. She went with Gail every week to the range, asking to use the same model as Gail's old service weapon. After bumping into Sue at the range with Gail, Vivian started doing suicide sprints and cross training.

She didn't talk about the trip to visit Liv. She didn't talk much at all. Even at their family therapy session, she just said she was having trouble sleeping and was very quiet the rest of the time. The therapist didn't seem to bothered by it, but he was patient when he needed to be. In a way, that was why Gail liked him. He didn't lie as much as some shrinks did. And he always waited to be sure rather than guessing right away. He didn't make snap judgements. He didn't make Gail record her damn dreams.

When Vivian went to her private session, she came home looking darker and more introspective than normal. More than her new normal, even.

She brightened up slightly at the party for their anniversary. The celebration was low key but she teased them both, and showing off the work she was doing in engineering. The kid had a knack for electronics and chemistry and was taking them both voluntarily, making her the only non-major in her classes.

If you could ignore the deafening silence about the trip east, and the total lack of mention of Liv, it was a success all around. Vivian was thriving at school, she was incredibly healthy, and she just wasn't happy.

That bothered Gail more than anything else.

"I just want her to be happy, Holly," she grumbled one afternoon. Vivian had gone out with some kids from her school, a little grudgingly, and returned home to lock herself in her room.

"And I don't?"

The tone from her wife was dangerous. The implication was that Gail was sounding like she felt she was a better mom... Or something. "That is not what I said," she replied quietly. "Kinda the opposite."

Holly blinked and eyed her. Fifteen years of marriage gave them insight to what was unsaid. Holly knew that Gail wasn't implying she was a better mom, but that she was a worse one for failing their daughter right now. "Why would you think you're a bad parent, honey?"

"Holly, it's almost 20 years and I can't ride in a fucking taxi cab."

The look on Holly's face softened. "Well. I still get panic attacks when I'm at the hospital too long. And of the two of us, I'm the one on anti-depressants."

Gail winced. "Maybe we're too accepting of her ... " She couldn't think of the word.

"Idiosyncrasies?"

"Yeah, that. What if we've been wrong all this time? What if we should have pushed her to go on more things?" Wasn't that what her mother had said, back when she was in the throes of being Peck? Ugh, if the Pecks were right all along, she might die.

Wisely, Holly noted, "She was fine when she went camping that summer." That was true. Weird but true. "It really may just been sleep overs."

Sighing, Gail pulled the last weed from the flower bed. "Well. Fuck."

Holly stretched. "You're getting pink, Peck. Let's get some lemonade."

Following her wife inside, Gail scowled. "Her love life is gonna suck. Hard enough to be gay, now this?"

"I suppose I'm glad you talked me out of banning sex at home," mused Holly, apologetically.

Gail smiled. "Not that being a teenager doesn't seem to have a detrimental effect on that anyway, but ... It's safe here." Especially for two girls.

"I can't imagine Nick ..." Holly grinned.

"He wouldn't." Gail pulled out the lemonade. "Hey, Viv. Hungry?"

A moment passed and their teenager came downstairs looking broody. "Can we grill?"

Gail shrugged. "If you want, I need to get out of the sun for a bit." Silently nodding, Vivian went outside and they heard the grill being set up. "That's my kid. It's an eat your feelings day."

Holly looked thoughtful and a little sad. "That's my Garbage Pail." Kissing Gail's cheek, Holly finished her drink. "I'm going to clean up the weeds. You figure out what the kid is grilling."

"Yes, ma'am," smiled Gail.

In the end, Gail and Vivian made kebabs and salad. Vivian didn't say much about anything. Cooking in silence with Vivian was nothing new. It was meditation for both of them, a way to quiet the nagging voices in the back of their brains. Cooking in silence was true silence for them both. It was peace and quiet and evenness.

Another whole month passed before Vivian said much about it. Another month inched them towards real summer, summer sessions at college, and an upcoming birthday for Holly. And what she said was a little startling. She had been on the phone in the backyard, gleaning some privacy which Gail was more than willing to grant. "She looks mad," murmured Holly.

"Yeah." Gail frowned and poked Holly's side. "Stop looking. She's nineteen. She's allowed to have her space."

Holly sighed. "How is she nineteen? She was so cute at six." They both glanced at the photo stuck to the fridge of the three of them sleeping on the big bed at the cottage. Vivian was six, Holly was exhausted, Gail was overworked, and they were sound asleep.

Reaching over, Gail moved a lock of hair on Holly's face, tucking it behind her ear. "I love you," she smiled and watched Holly's skin flush.

As they leaned into kiss, the porch door slammed and Vivian snapped, "This is your fault!"

Well that was unexpected. "Sorry?" Gail turned, leaning her hip on the counter to face her daughter.

"You always say it's fine and it's normal and it's okay," ranted the young woman. "And it's totally not! It's not okay at all! I'm- I'm totally screwed up and I hate you both, but you most." She jabbed a finger at Gail and turned, thudding up the stairs. A moment later, a door slammed.

Holly looked stunned. "Did you understand any of that?"

"Afraid so," sighed Gail. "Liv dumped her."

Her wife's eyes widened. "Oh." Holly put the sponge down. "Should I..."

"No. No I got this one." Gail kissed Holly's cheek. "I'm sure there will be some yelling."

Wet hand and all, Holly grabbed Gail's shirt. "Hang on." She took a deep breath, "No matter what she says, she loves us. Okay?" Gail started to open her mouth and Holly glared. "You get that?" Why was that familiar? Gail blinked and then smiled, remembering Holly pulling her aside to say that once, years ago, at her birthday shoot out.

"I'm her mom. It's her job to hate me once in a while, Holly. S'how I know I'm doing it right."

"Yes. You are her mom." There was an odd firmness to Holly's words.

Oh. Because Holly had been the recipient of that particular outburst, a decade ago.

"I'm her mom." Gail leaned in and kissed Holly's nose. "And so are you. She's stuck with us."

Upstairs, Vivian's room was weirdly quiet. Teenager Gail blasted music and pissed her mom off. So did Steve, as she recalled. Gail rapped on the door. "Go away," yelled Vivian.

Gail sighed and tapped on her watch, sending a heartbeat to Viv's watch.

A moment later the door opened. "Go. Away." Vivian slapped the watch at Gail, her face puffy and blotchy, but no tears it seemed. Seasoned cop that she was, Gail caught the watch and turned, stopping the door from being slammed shut with her shoulder.

"Yeah," sighed Gail. "Because you hate me and I suck."

Vivian pulled at the door, once, and then scrubbed at her face with her sleeve. "Liar."

Gail arched an eyebrow. "What did I lie about?"

"I'm not normal at all."

"I don't think I ever said you were normal, Viv." Not a one of the three of them were normal.

"Yeah, well ..." Vivian gave up on the door and rubbed her nose. "Liv agrees with that one."

Gail sighed. Vivian didn't get angry often, if at all. It always came out in weird ways though, when someone held in their anger. "Did you sleep at all while you were there?"

Her daughter's eyes got shiny, wet, and she shook her head. Then she nodded. "I may have ... Um. I can't stay awake for more than 52 hours straight, apparently."

Not and drive 6 hours, and have sex. Yeah, Gail understood that one. "Why didn't you call us?"

Vivian groaned and turned around, flopping onto her bed. "I don't know."

That was an improvement. Gail stepped inside and closed the door. Then she put the watch on its charger. "Scoot over, Monkey."

"I'm nineteen." Vivian's face was shoved into her pillow. She pulled her feet up though and made room at the end of the bed.

Gail sat down on the end of the bed. "I cheated on Nick." Vivian didn't say anything but she turned her head so one ear was up. Good enough. "He had a crush on Andy, which Chloe pointed out to me one really shitty day, and things were bad between me and Nick anyway. So I had this opportunity and I slept with a guy I didn't even like." Still nothing from the kid. "A couple weeks later, I ended up interrogating Ross Perik."

Now Vivian sat up, looking surprised. "Mom..."

"Nick watched the interrogation, which I didn't know, and I ended up telling Perik I'd cheated on Nick. He dumped me that afternoon in the parking lot at work." Gail sighed. "He said I was always going to break his heart, that I didn't really love him. That I was a terrible girlfriend. Which was really true, but it hurt to hear. And I was really pissed at him, because, see, he'd left me, twice, and I gave him two more chances. But, hey, not for me. No. Gail Peck gets but one chance to Peck it up." Gail sighed again and patted Vivian's leg.

Her daughter looked stricken. "How the hell are you still friends with him?"

"We weren't for a while," shrugged Gail. "Then I figured out I was a lesbian and I didn't care that he was in love with Andy, or didn't give me a second chance... It didn't matter. I knew who I was."

"Because of Mom," said the girl, grimly.

She wasn't a girl anymore. She was a young adult. Hell, she could legally drink now. "No," smiled Gail. "Not how you're thinking. It wasn't because I was in love with her. It was because she made me think about who I was and who I wanted to be and what mattered."

Vivian was quiet for a moment. "I don't know what I am, Mom," she whispered.

"Yeah, that's okay. I didn't until I was almost thirty, kiddo."

Hazel eyes went wide. "But... You're a Peck!"

"A very bad one," smiled Gail.

Vivian grimaced and flopped back down. "I didn't tell her." Gail had assumed as much and rubbed Vivian's foot. "I tried, and ... Frank and Noelle know, don't they?" Gail nodded and Vivian sighed. "Fuck."

"They won't tell her, Viv. They only know because they spoke to the judge." Her daughter looked surprised. "It was their way of thanking me for Sophie. And they helped me get your record sealed."

"My ... Sealed? So no one on the force will know?"

Technically some of them would know. Few would look, and no more would find out. "Just who knows now. Unless the case gets reopened." Which it probably never would. The rather binding paperwork that had been filed by Vivian's remaining blood family seemed to ensure that. "Is that okay?"

"Kinda a relief," exhaled Vivian, covering her eyes. "I can't talk about it."

"Well. That's okay. I mean, don't get me wrong, it sucks, but it's okay."

Vivian lifted a hand and glared at her. "Fuck you, Mom. This is why I'm single."

It took a lot of effort not to smile. "Yes, it is. And it's why I couldn't date Chris again. And it's why I fucked up with Nick and your Mom. But it's what it is. Eventually you find someone who is okay with that."

"I'm going to be a grumpy, single, woman all my days," complained Vivian. "And it really really sucks because of you two."

Gail scratched her face. "Says the kid who totally orchestrated us getting our grove back when she was ten."

The smile on Vivian's face was abashed. "Lisa did that."

"Sure. After you told her you were worried we weren't in love anymore." Gail pinched Vivian's leg. "Thank you."

"Welcome."

Leaning against the footboard, Gail smiled. "We love you, Viv. So. If you have to live here your whole life with us, and take care of us in your old age, then that's what it'll be."

Vivian made a wet sound and Gail glanced over to see her daughter covering her face with a pillow. "I don't want to. I want to be everyone else," she said, her voice muffled and thick.

"Holly pointed out you went camping last year."

"Yeah."

"Did you sleep then?"

A pause. "Yeah."

"So... Can I play armchair shrink?" Mumbling her approval, Vivian didn't move the pillow. "My theory here, kid, is that you have a problem sleeping at someone else's home."

The pillow was moved. "What about Grandma and Grandpa's?"

"We were with you."

Vivian made a noise. "Great. Wanna come with me to the Academy?"

"I think you'll be okay," smiled Gail. "Your dorm room. Not you staying over at Liv's."

Her daughter's face went dark. "No worry about that anymore."

Ah. Gail squeezed Vivian's knee. "You aren't in love with her, you know." Morose, Vivian nodded. "That's okay. We all have that."

"I like her," said Vivian softly. "But ... Maybe it's just convenience."

"That's okay, too, sweetheart."

"Really?" Her daughter looked suspicious.

"No lie, we've all done it. Not saying it's smart, but it's okay. There are stupider things."

"Like what?"

"Did you drink?" As expected, her daughter gave her a note perfect 'are you stupid?' look. It was the one Gail practiced in the mirror as a youth. "See? Already one up on me. Tequila and bad decisions."

Vivian sighed and sat up, hugging her knees. "What about the one in elementary school? When we went to Jellystone?"

That had been the time Vivian called from a pay phone. Gail was caught by a random thought. "Did you have any coins when you called?"

The young woman blinked. "No. I used the calling card Elaine made me memorize."

Gail groaned. "Mother..." To her credit, Vivian only smiled. "You know that was the last time you called us about it." She eyed Vivian out of the corner of her eye. Holly would hug her here. Holly could get away with that. Even if Vivian was angry, Holly's hugs were safe and comforting and made you cry.

But Gail was not Holly. She got up and patted Vivian's foot. When she reached the door, she was halted by her daughter's voice. "Mom?" Vivian's voice was soft and a little scared. "I don't want everyone to look at me and see this scared little girl."

Oh. That one hurt. Gail took a deep breath. She understood that one. She knew the agony of having one moment define you to the people whose respect you craved. Gail leaned into the doorframe. She wished like hell she knew the answer to that one. She wanted to lie to her, tell her no one could see it in you when you were broken into a million pieces, and that no one could see the pain.

But Gail didn't know. Certainly Holly saw her, breaks and fractures and all, and loved her anyway. But Holly she let in. Vivian didn't have a Holly. Vivian had Gail and Holly as moms. She didn't have the feeling of someone outside it all who saw it and understood it and cared about her anyway. Not the way a lover did. There was something wildly different about how it felt with Holly as opposed to her friends.

"I don't know," Gail finally said. "I don't know if everyone can see it or just some of us, kiddo." Turning slightly, Gail looked at her kid. "Some people see it in us. Some of our friends will see it and be our friends because of it. Some people, some it'll drive away. I don't know which."

Vivian looked morose. "Can I still be a cop?"

Without hesitation, Gail replied, "Yes." Vivian's eyes widened. "I'm a cop. Marlo was a cop, she's bipolar and kinda the whole reason Chloe got shot and I kissed your mom... I should send her a card, but she's with Swarek... Maybe I should send her a bottle of booze. That's bad-"

"Mom!" Vivian's voice was sharp but laughing. "Are you trying to tell me lots of cops are messed up?"

Gail smiled. "Three kinds of people, generally, become cops, kid. Idealists like McNally and Nick. People on a bit of a power trip like Dov. And then you get the broken people who know how shitty the world is and want to make it better."

Vivian digested that slowly. "Which were you?"

Gail shook her head. "I didn't have a say in it. I was going to be a cop. I was a Peck."

Enlightenment dawned on her daughter's face. "That's why you didn't change my name when you adopted me?"

"No. Neither of us changed our names, goof."

"I mean… you didn't want to pressure me to be anything?"

"Oh. Well yes. But Elaine told you how nasty Pecks are." Gail smiled sadly. Silence hung between them for long enough that, in any interrogation, would have resulted in the perp breaking and spilling everything. Vivian, raised by Gail, was much better at keeping her peace. "I'm going to rescue dinner from your mom. Come down if you're hungry."

"Okay," sighed Vivian. Then in a quieter voice. "I'm sorry I yelled."

Gail smiled. She would, one day, need to tell Vivian about the time she nearly strangled one of Andy's rookies. "I forgive you, Monkey."

In the same voice, Vivian added, "Thanks, Mom."

"That's right." When her daughter looked confused, Gail said, "I'm your mom."

Vivian blinked, still confused, but smiled. "Yeah, you are."

Back downstairs, Holly was patiently tending to dinner. "That was not as shouty as I expected."

"I learned from you," smiled Gail. "What're you making?"

"Pan seared chicken and asparagus, wild rice. Want to open some Brolio?"

Arching her eyebrows, Gail fetched the wine. "Are you trying to seduce me into moving, Stewart?"

Holly smiled gamely. "Not a chance. I like this house. I found it."

"You did not. Traci did," laughed Gail.

"If you want to be that specific, I think Gerald found the dead body in the yard," teased the brunette.

Vivian's voice broke in. "Dead body? Front or back yard?"

Gail pointed at Holly. "Hah! You slipped first."

"Oh for crap's sake, Gail, it's been thirteen years!" But it had been Holly who felt it best not to tell Vivian about the way they found the house, so Gail did her dance of victory while getting the wine and listening to Holly explain about the body dump.

As Holly explained how Gail used the body dump as a way to talk the price down, Vivian laughed. It was the first real laugh she'd had since March. All of the sudden, the kid they'd raised with a dark sense of humor, just like them, was back. The girl who would dance goofily with Gail set the table, joking about how only Gail would take advantage of death like that.

She was only nineteen.

It would be years before Vivian figured out all of who she was, all that she could be, and all that she would be. Maybe she'd be a cop. Maybe she'd do some weird start-up nonsense like Leo was into. Maybe she'd go into social work. Maybe she'd be a scientist. Maybe. Maybe.

No matter what she became, Gail felt lucky to be there to watch.

The first loves, falling for your best friend, rarely end well. And there's a little more, from Gail's perspective, about the whole name and cop thing. And maybe why Holly's okay with things. She has a very different insight to Vivian than Gail does, but that's okay. Viv needs both of them.