Honeymoon Suite
Chapter 21: Recognition
CPOV
Pacing the floor of the room that had been my study before I crammed it with high-tech medical machinery, neonatal equipment and triple-sealed bags of O-negative blood, I waited for Bella's decision.
And wondered how it had come to this...
Our life had become a tragedy play, complete with a tragic theme, a heroic struggle, and the forewarning of the downfall of the main character. I had unwillingly been cast in this play; however, I was but a minor character. I had little control over the events carried out on stage by the main characters: Bella and Edward. The ending yet unwritten, I could only watch it play out before me and react as best I could to the unfolding, unpredictable scenes.
Yet as a physician and a father, I felt responsible. And I carried blame. I did not have the foresight to warn them, and Edward continually glanced at me with eyes that not only conveyed his disappointment but also accused me wordlessly of cowardice.
I bore responsibility yet wielded not an ounce of control – a role I was neither familiar with nor comfortable in. Especially when it came to my family. In a short period of time, my family had been divided and redrawn with new alliances formed and old bonds cast aside. My Esme was beside herself as she tried to be the glue to hold everything and everyone together, all the while knowing our house of cards rested squarely on Bella's survival.
But as my daughter and patient slipped through my grasping fingers, her unborn child along with her, I also saw my first son slipping away - chained to her fate. He fought valiantly for her life, but it was a losing battle. Even when Jacob got pulled into the drama of our tragedy play, the outcome appeared unchanged despite their combined best efforts to change Bella's mind regarding her perilous pregnancy.
Now Edward waits passively. He has gotten to the point where he doesn't even have enough faith to keep up appearances for Bella. He has already concluded how the last act in this play would end, but felt obligated to stay for the final curtain.
And so the small cast was complete, and the actors were becoming masters in their roles: the star crossed lovers agonized, the antagonist continued to push the envelope, and the supporting players hovered and fretted.
Then our drama developed a subplot: vigilante wolves.
I knew it was only a matter of time until the wolf pack learned through Jacob's mind that Bella did not plan to survive this pregnancy human and this fact would put our truce to the ultimate test. But in an unexpected twist, they took their interpretation of the treaty a step further, presuming the fetus was a threat to humans - enough of a threat to justify the murder of a human - Bella.
Divine intervention came in the form of a young man forced to make a serious sacrifice. If not for Jacob...I wouldn't allow myself to dwell on what could have happened...
Raking my hands through my hair, I struggled to find focus. How could I fulfill my roles and responsibilities as a father, physician, and coven leader? A war was brewing within the walls of my home and now beyond. Failure cocked an eyebrow at me no matter what decision I considered to avoid violence and needless deaths.
No matter where my thoughts started from, they eventually circled back to the same thing: Bella. She was the linchpin in the drama that was our lives now.
With this realization, my main focus had to be sustaining Bella's body. But the demands being made upon it were incomprehensible. She was a shallow well the fetus was sucking dry. As she ballooned, I was forced to recalculate her estimated due date several times – always moving it up. It was almost as if the child was gaining momentum.
Which brought me to this point. When IV fluids failed to meet Bella's needs, I attempted to convince her and her guard to try TPN, a fluid I could formulate to meet her specific nutritional needs. Now I awaited their final decision.
"Carlisle?"
Rose's soundless appearance in my study meant a choice had been made...I turned to face her.
"We agree to the procedure. When do you want to start?"
"Bring Bella up here immediately. Time is working against us."
Pushing all thoughts out of my head, I stepped into my doctor role and mechanically began to assemble the needed equipment.
Rose carried Bella in and laid her on the bed while Edward lingered a few steps behind. Once Bella was prepped, I enacted a no-vampire-present edict, doctor exempted, of course. The catheter had to be inserted into Bella's large subclavian vein in her upper chest and I couldn't rule out the chance of blood loss. A potentially out-of-control vampire was just not something I wanted to deal with.
Unfortunately, I forgot I was already was dealing with a couple of uncontrollable vampires…
As Emmett hovered watchfully in the hallway, Rose weighed the options. She viewed the equipment and fluid skeptically, stealing a questioning glance at Bella. As much as she distrusted Edward and me, she knew as well as I, her limits around human blood. This room was too small for the scent of Bella's blood to be diluted, and I could almost hear her questioning her control. So I pushed her in the right direction, "Rose, look at Bella. You know they need to be fed. Trust me."
She reluctantly conceded to leaving the room – on one condition, Edward also had to leave.
Edward, however, proved to be harder to convince as he carried Bella's pregnancy like a cross on his back. He felt if Bella was to suffer through the procedure, he would endure with her.
Of course, this would tip the scales of power in Rose's view, and she quickly backpedalled, making it clear she would be present if Edward remained. I couldn't help but hang my head in frustration, feeling weighed down by every single one of my 300 plus years.
The bickering lasted another four minutes and twenty-five seconds until Edward's fear of Rose's loss of control around Bella forced his choice. In the end, the two agreed to glare at each other in the main room while I conducted the minor procedure behind closed doors in my make-shift hospital room.
Strangely enough, this was the first time I was physically alone with Bella since she and Edward arrived home from their honeymoon.
"Bella, honey, I need you to be very still. I cannot sedate you, but I will numb the area."
She laughed weakly, "You need to tell the baby to hold still. He moves all of me when he moves."
Indeed her belly was like a mountain capped by the snow white sheet covering her. The more it protruded the thinner Bella became and her facial features displayed the gaunt look of death I had witnessed too many times.
I watched her abdomen roll and shift, causing her to grimace.
"Jacob said I always love the wrong things," she whispered. "I have put this family in danger from the beginning and made so many poor choices. First James, and the newborns ... Then this and poor Jacob ... the wolves threatening everyone I love... I never should have come to Forks, what a mess I've made!"
Bella was ramping up into a full-blown anxiety attack. I set down my instruments and met her eyes intent on calming her. But in that moment I saw her in a new light. I saw a young girl who had come of age. Though the decision she had made was not what I would have chosen for her, I had to admire her conviction, her willingness to fight for what she believed and for what she loved. The benefits of her presence on this family outweighed the risks we have faced. She needed to hear this fact and this might be my only chance, so I took the opportunity.
"Bella, I would be lying to you if I didn't tell you I'm afraid. Not for our safety, but for your life. I see you wasting away and I don't know how to make it stop. If TPN doesn't work, I don't know of anything that will. But I want you to know I am proud to have you as a daughter. You are strong and I love you."
Her tears flowed silently but her smile showed such gratitude and love in return that I simply took in the moment without further words.
She swiped at the wet trails on her cheeks and resolutely said, "Let's do this."
The insertion was challenging due to her dehydrated status, but with the milky fluid flowing into her, I silently prayed for its effectiveness.
Rose and Edward quickly retrieved Bella and got her settled downstairs, but she was nearing the limits of her body and according to her measurements, the pregnancy was nearing term. I had set up a hospital-type bed to hold Bella and the assortment of monitors I now had hooked to her. Technology now monitored her heart, oxygen levels, blood pressure and any signs of contractions.
While I felt more reassured, the scene in my living room resembled a death watch in intensive care. The visual input of all the equipment pushed Edward closer to the edge of his sanity. I imagined this was the worst kind of torture for him. To helplessly watch Bella fade away when he could take action. To stand by while he knew without her, he would not continue to exist. To know that in his expression of love for her, he created something that ultimately caused her death, forcing him to accept that his child would destroy his wife.
The conundrum overwhelmed and suffocated me. Needing air, which in of itself was a ridiculous thought, I headed outside - only to be faced with Jacob's haunted eyes. He had forfeited so much for Bella and my family with so little gain. Jacob was sucked into our drama by his desire to have what he knew would never be his. It tethered him to us. The least I could offer him was a sincere thank you. Unfortunately I instead found myself venting my anxieties to this young man who already carried to much weight on his broad shoulders.
Unexpectedly, Edward appeared on the porch with an agitated Rosalie in tow.
"Perhaps we've been going about this the wrong way. I was listening to you and Jacob just now, and when you were speaking of what the…fetus wants, Jacob had an interesting thought," he said.
Edward had a spark of purpose in his eyes that I had not seen for some time. It looked like…hope?
He continued, "We've been trying to get Bella what she needs. And her body is accepting it about as well as one of ours would. Perhaps we should address the needs of the…fetus first. Maybe if we can satisfy it, we'll be able to help her more effectively."
"I'm not following you, Edward," I responded.
"Think about it, Carlisle. If that creature is more vampire than human, can't you guess what it craves – what it's not getting?"
I was shocked by what simple sense it made! Blood. The elixir of existence for my kind. Brilliant!
But how to administer it? A blood transfusion could overload Bella's fragile circulatory system, and a direct transfusion to the fetus was impossible – no needle would penetrate the protective barrier.
So, with Bella's approval we decided to tried the simplest way. She drank it.
With that I witnessed nothing short of a miracle. Almost immediately Bella showed improvement. Over the next twenty-four hours I closely monitored her and the fetus. While it was obvious she had improved by just observing her color and demeanor, I was also encouraged by the improvements I saw in her blood pressure, strength, and ability to keep food in her stomach.
Although we all were breathing a much needed sigh of relief, no one was happier than Bella, and she pleaded to have the tubes and monitoring discontinued as soon as possible.
However, there was an unexpected complication: the fetus gained vigor also and its erratic, more forceful movements resulted in Bella suffering broken ribs and more contusions.
We had turned the corner, and as more days went by, both mother and fetus has gained strength. It was time to plan a delivery – and soon.
Even though Bella showed no signs of impending labor, we could not risk waiting to attempt a vaginal delivery. The Ticuna legends were clear on how that scenario would end.
I would need to perform a c-section. Which meant another issue – just as this pregnancy was nearing an end, so were Bella's days as a human. I just hoped we could remove the child from her body before we needed to effect the change. Timing would be crucial. If we miscalculated anything...
How would we hide her death from her chief of police father? Any examination of her body would reveal the signs of a pregnancy that could never be rationally explained. And no one would believe a gravely ill girl would just up and disappear from under my care. If Bella did not survive in some form, someone in this family would have to take the fall.
Spurred by this thought, I quickly formulated a plan for the next twenty-four hours. Bella was consuming all the blood we had stored for her. I would need more for the delivery, but having withdrawn all I could from the local facilities, I would need to expand my search at least to Seattle to avoid suspicion. Once I returned, the delivery date would be upon us.
I sought out Edward finding him sitting at his piano, black eyes staring blankly at the white keys while Bella slept. He turned to face me; his features blatantly displayed how carelessness I had been with my planning. I was just too emotionally fatigued to master my thoughts.
"I always said I'd take full blame. I'll deal with whatever comes," Edward sighed, keeping his head bowed.
"I'm sorry. I had tried to keep these thoughts from you as I knew you needed to focus on Bella, but I need to anticipate … any outcome."
After an awkward pause, I pressed forward with my original purpose for our conversation unable to change my past oversights. "With Bella's dramatic improvement, we need to plan for a birth. I'll need your assistance. We'll need to do a c-section." I tried to suppress the picture of the violent birth Emmett and Jasper described from their research into the Ticuna legends. Edward's eyes flashed at me and I feared I had failed. "But I need to know, with no uncertainty, can you control yourself around her blood?"
Then I let the images of what the birth would entail flow through my mind freely. He needed to know the exact challenge he would face. Edward, you will need to use your teeth to free the baby from her womb.
I had no doubt Edward would already have deduced this fact, but had he assumed I would perform the action? I would if necessary, but much preferred if he would – it just seemed too intimate an act.
But more importantly, the biting of an internal organ would very quickly begin transforming Bella, something she had expressed she wanted from her husband, not me. However, he would need to show incredible restraint under pressure. Bite and stop. Bite and free his child from Bella's fragile human body.
"The venom will make her whole again, Edward, just as it did for Esme," I assured him as I saw my thoughts weighing on him. But as he raised his eyes to look at me, his words caught me off guard.
"Carlisle, could God love what we've created? A demon child? Has He abandoned Bella because of me?"
I knew I could quote several lines of scripture to assure him of God's unwavering love, but instead I decided on something from my heart, not my head. "God would never abandon someone in her or his time of need. Sometimes His reasons for suffering are not clear to us at the time. But I have to agree with Bella – what is conceived in love must have a good purpose. Where there is love, you'll find God, son. Of this I am sure."
He was silent and I watched his features, hoping to see a sign he was taking my words to heart. But as I looked more closely, I could see his eyes were distant, distracted. I knew that look. "Whose thoughts have your attention?"
"Jacob's," he replied, listening intently.
"Care to share?"
EPOV
"He's coming to tell us it's safe to hunt. He's about a mile away and is traveling in human form."
But there was more. The same words played over and over in his head. He wanted to reject them, dismiss them as if they had never been said. But he couldn't because they smacked of the truth. And they were placed there – directly into his head – by Leah. Her voice now echoed in my head: "Because you always want the very most of what you can never, ever have … That's the funny thing about knowing you can't have something. It makes you desperate."
I heard the haunting words over and over again as they now replayed like a broken record in my mind.
"Edward?"
Carlisle? I had forgotten we were in the middle of a conversation…
"Could you excuse me?" I spoke hastily.
Not waiting for his reply, my thoughts moving faster than my legs could propel me to the front door and onto the porch. I began to pace across the wood planks as Jacob hastened his pace toward the house. Jacob's tortured monologue possessed my thoughts and my mind synchronized with his.
Protecting choice…Rosalie not having options.
Was she actually protecting Bella? Protecting the choice Rosalie had been stripped of? No way, Blondie wasn't that selfless ….
Wanting most, more, what I can't have… Bella, desperate to have what she can't have and shouldn't love … it killing her.
Why do I subject myself to this torture? How desperate am I? Enough to plead for him! To consider his offer for Bella to have babies with me …
He has no right to be with her either, to have her love – he wanted to kill her – murder her, but he couldn't – veggie vampire and all. But he still wanted her, couldn't leave her well enough alone, could he? Had to have her in some way. Desperately.
Well, I guess we all love the wrong things…the things we can't – or shouldn't - have.
Bella's mind, her blood – wanted, couldn't have, denied. How desperate was I? My thoughts quickened also...
A child, the product of a husband and wife's love. My parents dead, Bella's separated when she was young. How desperate was she for a family?
"Oh, God!" Bella's wail stopped me in my tracks before I broke into a sprint.
"Carlisle!" Rose cried a half second before I reached them.
Bella was curled on her side with her knees pulled up as she cradled her protruding belly. I was sure I heard a pop.
"What's happening?" Carlisle didn't hesitate to question once he arrived.
"I heard a pop or a crack – something might be broken."
"Where does it hurt, Bella?"
"Here."
Bella ran her hands down the bottom of her abdomen. Carlisle looked at me, "Could just be round ligament pain."
"Or her pelvis is broken!"
"I didn't hear a thing, Edward, you're over reacting," Rosalie insisted.
"Better play it safe, Bella," Carlisle spoke to her.
"I know - more x-rays," Bella sighed with a half-effort at a smile.
Rose swooped in and carried Bella upstairs. I hesitated as Jacob's close thoughts alerted me he had arrived, but I needed to know Bella was okay before I dealt with his presence.
By the time I reached the upstairs room, Carlisle has already positioned Bella for her x-ray and covered most of her body with a lead apron. The weight of it made her face contort in pain. But it made me wonder just how much radiation it would take…
The machine hummed and clicked.
"Okay, Rose."
Rosalie whipped the apron off of Bella with Carlisle's clearance and helped her roll to her left side. I moved to Carlisle's side to examine the results.
"No breaks," he announced.
Bella smiled, "I can do this." She looked to Rose for her support.
"See I told you I didn't hear a crack. You need your ears checked, Edward."
My fists balled up and, again, I wondered about possible uses of radiation... When this was over, I could probably get Jacob to do one more favor for me: take Rose out before me. His thoughts downstairs echoed as much and I managed a slight grin. Lately we'd been on the same page. United against one enemy that inhabited the woman we both loved. I moved to her side.
"Bella, do you want to rest here in bed? I'm sure Jacob would understand if…."
"Jake's here? I want to see him," she responded with the same glowing excitement that I couldn't comprehend.
And from the thoughts of those around me, I wasn't alone in my confusion. Rosalie quickly began planning her verbal assault on "the mutt". From the sound of it, she was preparing a dog joke; it was definitely distasteful and vulgar. She wondered if it would upset Bella.
With Jacob's pronouncement to Carlisle that hunting was clear of any wolf encounter, my family jumped at the chance. I was relieved to hear them make immediate plans to hunt – they had silently begun lusting after Bella's cups of human blood. Too much temptation with no relief in sight was wearing them down. I was proud of their strength and resistance, but they were reaching the end of their collective ropes. So much so, I wasn't surprised when they didn't hesitate or argue when Rose and I declined to join them. Their thoughts dwelt only on quenching their thirst.
Edward, after I hunt, Esme and I are heading to Seattle for more supply for Bella. We should return by noon tomorrow.
Hearing Carlisle's plan, I gave him a quick nod before they all bolted.
The noise in my head decreased substantially as my family, relishing the feel of running, soon vanished from my radar. But to my disappointment, I realized what I had been left with – two children intent on a game of insults.
"Ew, someone put the dog out."
If not already weary from the most recent scare, I night have had the strength to launch them both out the window as their banter began in earnest. Instead, I tuned them out. It was easier than I thought possible.
It should have left me in silence with only my own thoughts. But it didn't. I soon realized I was hearing … something.
The sound was similar to the fuzzy interference on an old transistor radio. A voice was saying something, but was too garbled and mixed with background noise to understand.
As I focused on the sound, trying to isolate it, Jacob broke through, "Has she heard it?"
"No." Now shut it.
I buried myself in the voice as the bickering and movement continued around me.
Who was it? Where was it coming from? How long had it been there, but I had not heard it due to all the other cluttering sounds and thoughts around me?
Or was I in fact going insane?
Or…was I hearing Bella? Was she always there, just on a different frequency, dismissed by my brain as background noise?
Like fine tuning a dial on a radio, I concentrated on the sound, isolating it, zeroing in on it, examining its texture…
It was blind - no images with the thoughts! This was completely foreign to me – thoughts had always come with images.
Silence fell around me as Rose vanished from the room and Jacob drifted into sleep.
Suddenly a voice shot through like the crack of thunder after lightening flashing overhead.
"Bell."
Snapping to alertness, I searched the faces of those around me. Only Jacob and Bella.
"Did you say something?" I asked. It was a question directed at both of them.
What I heard seemed like a thought - was it Jacob? I looked at him. No response from the sleepy dog.
Wait! There were no images, so it wasn't Jacob. Maybe it was Bella's mind breaking through! I looked at her with wide eyes.
"Me?" she responded to my intense look. "I didn't say anything."
The voice came through again, louder this time.
"Bell - ahhh."
Bellah? Bella!
I was hearing Bella! I moved in a burst to her side and stared into her eyes - something new was definitely happening!
"What are you thinking about right now?" I practically shouted at her.
"Nothing. What's going on?"
I didn't have time to explain, too afraid I'd lose the moment - lose the isolated voice.
"Bella, Bella, Bella" the bouncing voice chanted rhythmically when she spoke as if ... happy.
"What were you thinking about a minute ago?
"Just...Esme's island. And feathers."
Again the joyous voice chimed in my head, "Bell-ah Bell-ah Bell-ah!" Bella's hand reflexively moved to her stomach as it did whenever the fetus moved.
No.
No, no, no.
No way.
Could it be? I paused, poised to test my theory. Was it possible?
"Say something else," I urgently requested in a hushed voice.
"Like what? Edward, what's going on?"
Again, her hand went to her belly as the voice sang out, "Bell-ah Bell-ah Bell-ah."
The bottom dropped from underneath me and I tumbled in a free-fall. The truth, the realization of where the voice was coming from was right before me - within my Bella! But I was frozen, disoriented, and so awestruck, words escaped me. I had been wrong all along! Blind to the possibility because I had never known or experienced what I heard and felt emanating from Bella's womb: innocence.
The voice that sang within her was so innocent, so pure, and so alive with wonder!
Not a trace of malevolence or hatred existed there. No knowledge of evil. It rejoiced at the sound of Bella's voice. She meant everything to it...everything.
Of the thousands of minds, countless thoughts, ambitions, personal agendas, and greed that flooded my mind every day for over a century, I had never heard what I knew in this moment. Did something this wondrous really exist?
This light at the end of the dark tunnel felt like salvation. I wanted to be bathed in that light - so kind and loving. It was everything I had heard about heaven...perfection was within my reach.
So I touched it - with my unworthy, sinful hands.
Reverently.
I caressed what I never envisioned or conceived possible in this selfish world - coming from my unborn child.
Bella's skin was warm, lovingly embracing the life growing within with her body.
I looked into her radiant face, the face of the woman who believed with unwavering faith in what we had created in love. I felt ashamed of my nearsightedness. She always saw in others what they did not see in themselves. She saw my family not as monsters, but as loving, flawed beings who struggled everyday to be good. She saw me as someone who could be loved, and deserved love - even after all my past transgressions. My Bella, my wife, the mother of my child...
Finding my voice at last, it was full of awe as it left me and I revealed what I now knew, "The f-"
No, not a faceless, soulless being anymore!
"It...the baby likes the sound of your voice."
The minds around me went blank and all was soundless until Bella shrieked, "Holy crow, you can hear him!"
Colors burst in my mind from his thoughts and Bella winced.
"Shhh." I communicated with my child, rubbing and speaking to the area of Bella that had been jarred by his sudden, alarmed movement. "You startled it...him."
Each time I referred to it as "him" or "baby", the images in my mind whirled in transformation. The creature, hateful and bent on destroying my love, faded and a brilliant cherubic face with Bella's features took its place.
Bella's small warm hand covered mine and love flowed from her mouth, "Sorry, baby."
"Bell-ahhh"
Contentment.
"What's he thinking now?" Bella excitedly asked.
"He's...happy."
Our eyes met and all I had known, believed before, shifted. I saw Bella and my world anew. I didn't want to hurt or hate anymore; there was something in this world to make me believe...
Bella's eyes overflowed with tears I wanted to share. So much, I wanted to shed them, feel the stream of water during my baptism into a new world.
Bella's eyes fell to her roundness as she cooed, "Of course you're happy, pretty baby, of course you are. How could you not be, all safe and warm and loved? I love you so much little EJ, of course you're happy."
"What did you call him?" I feigned ignorance.
"I sort of named him. I didn't think you would want ... well, you know."
She was right, up until this point...
"EJ?"
"Your father's name was Edward, too."
"Yes, it was."
"Ed word."
" What -?"
I had forgotten there was another voice in this conversation.
"Ed-word Ed-word."
The lilt of the voice was different, more reserved in its joy, almost testing the waters. I thought about the harshness of my past words. What damage had I done? "Hmmm."
"What?"
"He likes my name too." I fibbed a bit. I wasn't sure of the emotion lurking behind the words. Behind my name.
"Of course he does. You have the most beautiful voice in the universe. Who wouldn't love it?"
"Love," the sweet voice hummed in my head.
"Traitor!"
I had blocked out Jacob's increasing agitation, but the edge on the brutal thought invading my consciousness was sharp as a knife and plunged deep before twisting. I knew where it came from without looking. Jacob and I had been on the same team. Unified in hatred and in love. But I had defected. Gone to the other side. He stood alone in "enemy" territory.
"Do you have a backup plan?" Rosalie's voice distracted me from Jacob's smoldering ire. "What if he's a she?"
Sniffling, Bella answered her, "I kicked a few things around. Playing with Renee and Esme. I was thinking...Rhu-nez-may."
Rosalie and Bella babbled about baby names while I tried to focus on the reactions and thoughts happening within Bella's body - I wanted to become familiar with the child's mind, my child mind. But there was too much going on - voices, thoughts, movements - it was frustrating me to no end.
"What's he thinking now?" Bella asked.
In effort to shut out all the noise and provide her with an answer, I leaned forward and placed my ear to Bella's belly.
"Love ... Bellah."
I wasn't Jasper, I wasn't a reader of emotions, but they were there! Emotions with the words and the imageless thoughts. I could feel them ... maybe because he was part of me... we were connected in a special way.
"He loves you. He absolutely adores you," I confidently answered Bella's question.
Suddenly my brain whizzed with electricity and I jerked my head up to look at Jacob. He was on his feet about to phase. His thoughts of betrayal and anger boomed so loud in my head they impaired my own thought processes and dazed me for a split second. The contrast between the baby and Jacob's thoughts was so drastic it was almost beyond comprehension.
But then I saw Jacob as if seeing a reflection in a mirror. Jacob was me only a few short weeks ago when I reacted to Carlisle's words - when I saw my father as a traitor unwilling to help me save Bella. I remembered those feelings: walls swiftly closing in around me, suffocating and crushing me with a strength I couldn't wrap my head around while my insides boiled with helplessness and frustration, filling me with energy that would not be contained much longer. But before I could lashed out, Carlisle had given me one command: "Go!"
That word freed me and I had grabbed the opportunity to flee and vent my anger.
I would do the same for Jacob, with complete empathy, I would give him freedom. I would give him the freedom to move as fast as he wanted. Without haste, as his phasing was imminent and I feared for Bella and my child, I bolted to the table drawer and threw him a set of keys. The keys to the Vanquish.
"Go, Jacob. Get away from here."
A/N: Am I hearing any applause? Maybe more like - "It's about damn time!" Yes, baby Nessie has spoken - sort of - and Edward is out of Angstland for the time being. It was a real challenge to come up with a *plausible* way to have Nessie communicate. I figured she'd start by repeating the words she hears most. What more obvious than "Bella", "Edward", and "Love"? And as an added treat, Edward experiences some quality of her feelings - that got me right in the gut *sniff*
So let me know what you thought - and I promise some more bits of bliss before the birth. A review is considered a gift.
Finally, Edward's line: "I didn't want to hurt or hate anymore, there was something in this world to make me believe..." was inspired by a beautiful song my husband introduced me to titled "Just Breathe" by Pearl Jam. I've included the lyrics (which you will hear echoes of in the next several chapters) and the address to the video (a direct link can be found on my profile).
"Just Breathe"
Yes I understand that every life must end
As we sit alone, I know someday we must go
I'm a lucky man to count on both hands Stay with me Practiced are my sins Stay with me Did I say that I need you? I wonder everyday Did I say that I need you? Nothing you would take http:/video(dot)pbs(dot)org/video/1333048905/
The ones I love
Some folks just have one
Others they got none
Let's just breathe
Never gonna let me win, aw huh...
Under everything, just another human being
Yea, I don't wanna hurt, there's so much in this world
To make me believe
You're all I see
Did I say that I want you?
Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool you see
No one knows this more than me
As I come clean
As I look upon your face
Everything you gave
And nothing you would take
Nothing you would take
Everything you gave
Did I say that I want you?
Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool you see
No one knows this more than me
As I come clean
Everything you gave
Hold me 'till I die
Meet you on the other side