Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al.

Author's Note: Thank you for reading … enjoy this last section, I truly hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. If you haven't submitted a review before, maybe do so now, as the story is complete.

Chapter 12 – Songbird Part 3 of 3

Meredith stirred in her bed, she didn't want to wake up, she wanted to reach out and hug her subconscious again because for some reason it felt warm and inviting. It had been good to her – she felt things, wonderful things, amazing things – and she wasn't ready for reality yet. She desperately wanted to go back to the dream. She was exhausted and sleep quickly found her and she relaxed into it, letting her dreamscapes take over. One thing was certain, she knew she wanted to live that dream, wishing never to wake up.

***

She felt warm and good inside, almost gooey, like a hot buttery sticky bun.

She felt the weight of something heavy seeping into her belly and pressing through to her back, yet she wasn't panicked.

She felt bruised and achy, but in a delicious sort of way.

She felt the heavy weight again and it dulled those aches and pains, almost absorbing them for her.

She inhaled a familiar musky scent, one that she loved, recognition set in and she melted.

Derek, Derek, Derek …

She gave in to the euphoria of his weight on her body, it was comforting above all else.

***

Meredith slowly opened her eyes to her reality. Her room was dark and for the first time in a long time, she wasn't alone in mind, body or spirit. She turned her head to the alarm clock, 3:18 AM. She blinked, allowing her eyes to adjust a little bit to the darkness. The weight she felt in her dream was real; the weight she felt in her dream was Derek.

He was in a deep sleep; his wild dark locks tickled her bare breasts, his head laid upon her abdomen. His warm breath breezed in and out sweeping across her belly, causing her core to stir. His arms were curled around her, one draped along her hip bone, the other on her shoulder. His right hand rested on her ribcage, just below her breast, without thinking she placed her hand on top of his. His breathing was deep, systematic – regular – he was at peace. She smiled and inhaled his scent, pressing it into her lungs thereby finding solace.

She shifted her weight ever so slightly and Derek instinctively tightened his hold on her. He slowly caressed her breast with the hand under hers. He pulled her into him as if she was his pillow. She smiled again and stroked the warm smooth skin of his muscular back, her hands moved up to his neck and she nestled her long slender fingers in his soft hair.

Meredith could have stayed there forever, he's here, she mused, he loves me, she chanted.

She had always felt great comfort in sleeping with Derek, his even breaths typically lulling her to sleep more effortlessly then when on her own. She loved waking up and falling asleep in his capable arms, there was no other compatible feeling in her memory bank – it had suffused itself there – even after everything they had been through, even with the lingering trust issues she held hostage, she still could close her eyes and get a good night's sleep within his arms and she knew that had to count for something … she knew trust was there somewhere.

At the moment though, she had to pee, so she had to somehow move her personal space heater and get to the bathroom! She hated to wake him, but he was so heavy she had no choice. She rubbed his back and tickled his neck ever so slightly.

"Derek," she whispered, he didn't stir, she submersed her hands in his hair and lightly massaged his skull, she tried again. "Derek," she said softly.

He moved his legs and shifted in his sleep, like a fish tail – back and forth – he placed his knee across her legs, and continued to hug her. His bare cock stirred against her thigh, which made her smile … she more than loved it.

He raised his head and squinted to find her eyes in the dark. "Everything okay?" he asked, his voice hoarse.

"More than okay, I have to pee though," she giggled.

Derek trailed kisses on her ribcage and Meredith wiggled from his touch, her hands moved up and down his back. He stopped and lingered at her chest, sucking on one of her nipples – zing, zing – before moving off of her and planting teeny kisses to her collar bone. He nestled his tired head in the crook of her neck, inhaled her scent and kissed her bare shoulder, all the while, his eyes remained closed.

Meredith smiled and rolled over to get out of bed but she felt Derek's hand on her forearm and turned to him.

"Don't be long," he said sleepily. She leaned down and kissed him on the cheek; it seemed he was already fast asleep again.

She smiled and got out of bed and padded quickly to the bathroom. Without turning the light on, she made her way to the toilet, peed, wiped and flushed. She grabbed her robe, suddenly chilled to the bone. She washed her hands and dried them.

She stood in the entryway to her room, just as she did last night, Derek's scent wafted through her nostrils and stuck there. She listened to his easy breathing; he was here in her bed like nothing had changed; only everything had.

And now, she was awake; and not only was she awake – she was slightly hungry – for the calories from the small plate of pasta they shared much earlier yesterday evening had definitely been consumed, she thought wryly.

She crossed the room to her dresser and spied the letter Derek had given her – it was right where she left it – she picked it up with haste and slipped it into the pocket of her robe. She opened her top drawer and pulled out a tee shirt and some panties. She let her robe fall open and slipped the panties on and then quickly donned her tee, wrapping her robe tightly around her and tip-toed out of the bedroom into the dimly lit hallway.

The house was quiet, eerily so, but that was just fine by her. She slowly walked down the stairs and into the kitchen. The tile felt cool on her feet, for she had forgotten her socks. The small lamp above the stove illuminated the room just enough for her to find what she wanted: cereal.

Meredith stood in the kitchen, opened the box and started to snack on it. She wandered from the kitchen into the living room, where it was much darker, to the small closet there. She opened the closet and reached up for her lavender throw blanket. She padded across the room and sat down on the sofa, easing herself into the soft cushions. She covered her lower body and feet with the blanket.

She reached into her pocket and removed the letter. She lay it down across her lap. A mystifying chill coursed through her while she just contemplated the contents within. She took a handful of cereal and then placed the box on the floor next to the sofa.

She ran her fingers over the letters in her name in Derek's recognizable scroll – back and forth – she ate the rest of the cereal – back and forth – and all she could think was he loves me, he's free, I'm free, they're free.

It was an interesting thing to ponder – the idea of reading the letter Derek wrote to his mother – because it was one thing to hear Derek tell her in his own voice and words of his feelings for her, but quite another to read his thoughts and his articulation of her to his mother. She held the envelope in her hands and turned it over, running her fingers along ridge of the sealed flap.

Her mind drifted to her own mother and she thought about her feelings for Derek and what she would say to Ellis about him if she were still lucid. Meredith wondered if her mother would be happy for her, considering the unfortunate fate of her relationship with Richard. Would her mother be able to see through her life of surgery and misery to acknowledge her daughter's happiness? That question would likely never be answered. Meredith felt tears prick her eyes, like so many times before; she wiped them away before they even had a chance.

She dared herself to answer the question anyway, what would she say, what would her description of Derek be, how can she even describe what goes on between the two of them?

But she smiled because at this moment, she would honestly be able to tell her mother she was happy and in love with a wonderfully complex, beautifully brainless brain surgeon, who had made terrible decisions and damaging mistakes, but seemed to be doing everything in his power to heal the damage he had done.

She would undeniably be able to tell her mother she was finally blessed with a song in her heart, a song that was lifting her to a newfound happiness she never thought possible for someone like herself. A lone tear slipped free, she allowed it to travel down her face.

Meredith held the letter in her fingertips and surveyed the dark room. She rested her head back on the sofa cushion and took a staggering deep breath. She thought about that fateful night – in this very room – all those months ago, when their wild, nameless, but not shameless union and night of sex ignited the fire and desire in their souls.

That night their soul connection was bonded and there was no turning back. It was also a night she was almost allowed to walk away from, except that fate and destiny reared their beautiful heads and introduced her to Derek Shepherd the next day.

She involuntarily shivered at the memory of the spark that started it all and realized she wouldn't have had it any other way because when something was hard, it was usually worth it and Derek was worth it.

Derek opened her up to the idea of true love and soul mates …

… and she saved him from drowning in the sorrows of betrayal and deceit.

Derek showed her that she had the capacity to love another deeply …

… and Meredith showed him that there were people in this world still worthy of his trust and love.

And even though Derek hurt her, she felt certain she would learn to trust him again, that she would learn to love him deeply again, for she was sure it was her fate, her path, and her destiny to do so.

With that conviction, she ran her fingernail under the corner of the envelope flap and pulled the letter free. She held it in her hands for a beat before unfolding it to read his words.

***

Dearest Mother,

No doubt before you read this letter, Nancy will report in to you that I am fine, that I am me, 'still dancing around all the women in my life'.

But I am writing to tell you that while I may be fine, there is only one woman I am dancing with and her name is Meredith Grey.

I know I've disappointed you, I know my divorce from Addison has upset you, but I also know you are a compassionate woman and mother who only wishes the best for her son. And I think you would agree that an eroded, loveless and faithless marriage is not what is best for me.

If you want to debate the finer points of the erosion, talk to Addison and Mark, for that is not my intension with this letter.

My intent with this letter is to say, that like you Mom, I have been blessed enough to meet and fall head over heels in love with my soul mate, my best friend and my lover; the aforementioned, Meredith Grey.

Like you and Dad, Meredith and I did not meet under ideal circumstances and with my whole heart I wish I handled things differently, better, and with more honor. I wish I ended my legal union with Addison before silently pledging my heart to Meredith, but I didn't and I can't change what I have done.

I wish I had the courage and fortitude that you did when you went to find Dad the day after you met him … when you changed the course of your life and your destiny. I wish I told Meredith the truth from the start.

But I didn't and these last few months without her by my side have been painful because I missed her with every fiber of my being. Over time my soul evaporated into nothingness and I closed it down and shielded it to protect it from the life in which I was living.

In a profound betrayal and disservice to myself, Meredith and Addison, I fell asleep with Meredith on my mind every night only to wake each morning with the glimmer of her lingering in my subconscious.

How could I have expected my marriage to overcome my love for Meredith? I now know this was an impossible expectation, because once I met Meredith and started this thing, my heart and soul belonged irrevocably to her and there was no turning back, much like you and your connection with Dad that day on the steps at the duck pond.

So Mom, I've figured it out, and I'm done with all the pain, dreaming of Meredith wasn't enough to sustain me and was never going to be enough, and now I have to do something about it, I have to reclaim my life as my own and start chasing my fate.

As I sit here and write this letter to you, Meredith and I are at an impasse, but I am poised to ask her for another chance and I am hopeful she will give me one. I hardly deserve it, but I have hope, which is more glorious than I ever dreamed it would be.

I used to shake my head and roll my eyes whenever you would tell us kids that you can't help who you love, that falling in love with someone was bigger than you or bigger than us. I never understood that, even when I fell in love with Addison and married her.

Call it fate, call it destiny, call it a miracle even, that I have come to fully understand what you meant and how you must have felt when you met Dad, because loving Meredith has been nothing short of a miracle in my life.

I know you well enough to know you won't prejudge Meredith because of my mistakes and indiscretions. But if should you find yourself in that position, please know this, Meredith reminds me of you.

Like you, she's an extraordinary woman, for she personifies courage, compassion, tenacity, faith, hope, love, charity and justice and I am proud and privileged to know her and to love her.

One day, when our relationship is solid and steady, it would be my honor to introduce her to you, but until then you will just have to trust me and take all of this on faith.

I love you Mom,

Derek

***

Meredith folded the letter and closed her eyes, her tears of happiness sprung free with unrelenting force and her heart swelled, pumping her veins with hope and faith and love. She took a deep breath to quell its rapid beat, but she was overcome, nothing would be able to stop the horses in her chest from charging, thump, thump, thump. She wiped the tears away with the backs of her hands and fingertips.

He's here, he wants me, he's here, he loves me … he thinks I'm extraordinary, she chanted the mantra to herself and this time she knew without a shadow of doubt in her mind, that it was all true. She inserted the letter back into the envelope and laid it across her lap. She took a deep breath and looked at the clock over the mantle, 3:52 AM; the new day would begin soon.

Meredith pushed herself up into a sitting position and placed her feet on the cold floor. She held the letter in her hands. She put the envelope back into the pocket of her robe. The letter could very well be her prized possession in life. She suddenly longed for Derek; she craved proximity and intimacy with him because he was finally hers to love … trust was imminent now.

She stood up and wrapped the blanket around her shoulders. She leaned over and grabbed the box of cereal and made her way back to the kitchen to put it away, her robe and blanket swooshed around her feet as she went. When she rounded the small corner, she heard a creak in the hallway upstairs. She stopped and looked up the flight of stairs only to find Derek standing on the landing in his boxers, his hair wild and crazy from sleep, he looked tired, but in a good way, she mused.

She took a couple of baby steps up and stopped, Derek smiled at her as she gathered her robe and the blanket in her arms, then he took a couple of steps down. Meredith stepped up one more time, but she couldn't see her feet, so she stopped. She looked up and smiled and Derek floated down the remaining stairs to meet her – she felt an invisible line pulling on her heart – like a fishing line had been cast out and his heart had been caught. He stopped on the step above hers and Meredith's heart leapt into her throat, proximity.

He cupped her face in his hands and looked as if he was just making sure she was still there with him, she felt like she was suspended in mid-air. "You met me halfway," he said – his gentle voice cracked with emotion, but she wasn't sure why – his blue eyes glistened in the dim light. He moved her hair behind her ears.

"Oh, I did, kiss me," she commanded softly, Derek leaned down and quickly kissed her lips. "I was coming back up, I just, I was hungry," she said, motioning to the cereal box lost within all of the fabric. "You gave me a real workout," she giggled.

"I think it was the other way around, why didn't you wake me?" he kissed her temple and stepped down to her step so they were on equal footing, he rested one foot on the step above hers. She could feel his hot breath on her neck as he inched closer to kiss her again, her heart hitched in her throat – his lips touched hers – soft and simple at first and then with more pressure and fervor, she really couldn't get enough of him.

He pulled back from their kiss, leaving Meredith weak in the knees, she looked into his eyes – all time and space melted away and she felt like a weightless feather – she was lost in his eyes, they took her to another place sometimes because what she and Derek had transcended above all else. She smiled and her eyes became wet with emotion – this was big – what they had was bigger than her and bigger than him and deep down she knew it was the truth.

"Derek, do you really think I'm courageous?" she choked out softly, ignoring the tears that escaped from her eyes.

"You read the letter," he said evenly, pushing her chin up so he could look at her, his blue eyes stung her, and suddenly she trusted those eyes – she trusted the man who owned them – he never meant any harm and she knew that, she supposed she always knew that.

"Yes, I did," she smiled brightly and leaned over and kissed him, once, twice, she pumped his lips, he wiped her face dry with his bare hands.

"Yes, I do, Meredith, you're the most courageous person I know," he said, grabbing her robe and the blanket in his fists, he brought her flush up against him and pressed her between the wall and his body and looked into her eyes intently. "And so much more than that," he held her skull in his hands – she succumbed to his control and he kissed her senseless – his mouth warm and inviting, his tongue swept through her warm caverns and she almost lost her footing.

She relaxed into his touch and put her arms around his neck and deepened the kiss, the cereal made a rustling noise behind his head and jerked with every movement of the box. Derek pulled away from the kiss only to quickly close the millimeter of space between them and kiss her once more for good measure.

His hands made their way inside her robe and his featherlike fingers caressed the bare skin of her belly just above her panties. A hot flash coursed through her body and Meredith felt a mini-quake erupt, God, what this man could do to her with one stroke from his hands! She smiled and leaned in to kiss him again, pressing her tongue into his mouth, seeking his to suck on.

"I like these steps," Derek said breathlessly into her neck as he pulled away.

"Hmm … me too, sexy steps," she giggled into his mouth, he groaned with pleasure.

In one quick movement, Derek gathered her tiny body and all the excess fabric up into his arms, Meredith shrieked in surprise shocking the nighttime quiet around them. He kissed her … she wanted him and he wanted her.

Derek began to carry her up the steps. "Lots of sexy steps," he huffed and they both chuckled.

Meredith kissed his neck and collar bone as he made his way to the top of the steps. He carried her down the hallway to her room, closing the door behind them. His breathing was raspy, but she had a feeling it wasn't from carrying her. He placed her feet on the floor; she reached up and kissed him fully on his mouth. She turned and padded to her side of the bed and placed the cereal box on her nightstand. She pulled the letter out of her pocket and left it there on the nightstand.

Derek came up behind her and pulled her robe and the blanket from her shoulders and draped it on the nearby chair, he closed the distance between them, her back still to his, he placed soft kisses to her neck – pulling slightly on her shirt to reveal her bare shoulder – his wet lips touched her skin over and over and over again. Meredith's mind went fuzzy; she was damp with desire already. She reached down and opened the small drawer of the nightstand and slipped the envelope inside for safe-keeping. She turned into Derek's arms and their hot lips met and she melted into oblivion. He backed her up and they fell into bed together laughing and kissing and kissing and laughing.

Derek pulled her up to him and they moved to lay their heads down and turned into one another. Meredith draped her hand over Derek's hip bone and pulled him towards her, tangling her legs in his. Derek looked into Meredith's eyes and smiled, he's here, she said to herself, he loves me, she smiled, I trust him, she added. As he caressed her cheek with his hand, she moved even closer to nuzzle her head under his chin, she pressed teeny kisses to his neck and earlobe.

"My turn," he said as his hands moved under her shirt, seeking skin on skin contact. "I have to pee," he said in a higher voice, no doubt in mock-imitation of hers, she could tell he was smiling though. "Don't move," he ordered gently before kissing her once more.

Meredith obliged, she was exhausted and she wasn't going anywhere. She heard Derek enter the bathroom, drain his main vain, flush and wash his hands. She heard him enter her bedroom and then she felt his movement on the far corner of the bed, she heard his breathing. Suddenly he was hovering over her; she giggled and opened her eyes.

He leaned down for a kiss; a beautiful, but devilish smile graced his face and eyes. She opened her legs and he nestled his body over hers, his ribcage pressing on her pelvic bone, he turned his face and rested his cheek on her abdomen. Reflexively, she wrapped her legs around him, resting her feet on his lower back and then she thrust her hands into his luscious locks.

Meredith inhaled a big breath of him into her lungs and listened to steady rhythm of his heartbeat – they were in complete peace and harmony – her eyes closed with their own accord.

She was so relaxed she wasn't sure how much time had passed, likely only minutes, before she felt Derek move. She released her legs and he moved off of her. The cooler air assaulted her body and then without warning she felt Derek's lips – his delicious butterfly kisses on her neck – his wild hair tickled her face as he dipped into her the nook of her shoulder and trailed his kisses there too. He quickly planted kisses over her legs, knee caps and ankles stopping briefly to massage her feet, she moaned involuntarily and elicited a chuckle from Derek. She lay perfectly still and let him have his fun.

All she heard was the smacking of his lips against her bare skin as he traveled back up towards her head again. All she felt was the phantom indentation of each kiss on her skin – which left a trail of impressions that just wouldn't go away – they melted together until she felt like she was hovering over her bed – light as a feather, stiff as a board – she mused.

Derek smoothed his hand over her temple and placed tiny kisses on her head, he moved to kiss her neck again and then her breasts through her tee, traveling south, he stopped again at her vee, he pressed his nose into her panties and moaned – she was damp instantly from the vibrations coming from his mouth – just the proximity of his talented tongue could do that to her.

"I just can't get enough of that Meredith," he sighed, his voice filled the quiet room and she could tell he smiled, he inhaled her scent once more and she felt his hot breath pass through the thin fabric of her panties – zing, zing – was her only reply, her body in a sudden frenzy. Derek moved swiftly up to her face again, trailing kisses as he went.

He whispered. "I love that you're wet for me right now because of what I just did to you," he placed a hand over her mound. "I love that you want me … I love you, " he kissed her on her lips, "and I want to have whatever you trust me with."

He kissed her again and she opened her mouth and her heart to him, she reached up and clasped her fingers around the base of his skull and pulled him to her, deepening the kiss as she went. Her hands were everywhere, exploring his body, touching, feeling, groping her way along as she kissed him. She felt his cock stir, he pressed it onto her hip bone and they moaned in unison. She planted soft kisses to his neck, collar bone and shoulders, before settling into his body, her cheek on his chest.

"Meredith," her name rolled off of his tongue like raindrops traveling down a window, she felt him take a staggering deep breath and her eyes popped open to make sure he wasn't crying, she looked up to him. "Will you be my girlfriend?" he said sheepishly.

She inched up and kissed him. "So, this is official then?"

"If you'll have me, then yes?" he said; his gaze never moving from hers.

"Okay," she smiled, looking through her glassy eyes into his stare. "Lets do this," she said, hanging onto his gaze like buoy – trying to immerse herself deep inside of him, inside that dream of them she wanted to live so badly – hoping against all hope to find his soul and unlock it for him.

Meredith was so intensely focused that she got lost in his never-ending blue eyes for a split second before he found her, and in that moment she conceded and let her heart win over her mind, in that moment she embraced him and loved him and trusted him.

"Okay," he said, leaning down to grab her lips in his, kissing her as if his life depended on it. She rested her head back down on his shoulder under his neck and he smoothed her wild tresses in his hands, massaging her back and scalp as he went, Meredith closed her eyes and melted into his touch.

That was all that needed to be said – okay – they were together and the road was bound to be bumpy with lots of twists and turns and sexy steps and everything else in between, but they had each other and Meredith knew it could be worse … for they could be apart.

The morning sky was breaking through the ceiling of the night and thankfully they didn't have to be up early for pre-rounds so they could nap now. Meredith listened to Derek's easy, peaceful breathing and it lulled her mind and swelling heart. She could do this – own this relationship with Derek – for she knew it was her fate to try.

As sleep came for her she heard the songbirds outside the window as they began to sing cheerfully, welcoming the new day. Meredith delved deeper into Derek's warm body, she inhaled his scent – now that it was back – she simply could not get enough.

She relaxed and let the heavy emotions of the last couple of days seep into her soul and bones, her taught nerve-endings snapped and evaporated, freeing her from all of the angst and worry and loneliness she held within herself for so long. She felt Derek absorb the energy she just expelled so that she finally felt free and complete and safe and warm in his trusting embrace and it felt like a miracle …no it was, being loved by Derek Shepherd was nothing short of miraculous.

And that ladies, is the end of this journey! I know I could go on forever and fill in the blanks, but this fic was more about Derek's journey and Meredith's eventual acknowledgement that she could trust Derek again.

After this day in their lives, Derek realizes Burke's betrayal and Meredith has that fateful "gift" of Ellis's lucid day, and then we all know where things go from there.

I really hope you enjoyed it and I wanted to say thanks to those of you who read and commented on the story, it meant a lot to me!