Author's Note: Here's chapter 21 for you all - hope you like it. Thanks once again for reviewing / following my story, it means a lot! :) Just to let you all know, I may not be able to post chapter 22 until later on tomorrow as I'll be out late.
Chapter Twenty-one: Embers
For the next couple of hours, Quinn showed Santana everything that Yale had to offer, and Santana had to admit that she could see why Quinn loved the campus so much. The final stop on their tour was the auditorium where Quinn had drama class and Santana was wowed by how much grander it was than their old high school auditorium.
"I'm glad I've seen this place," Santana said as she and Quinn headed off campus to go get something to eat. "Now, instead of wondering what you're doing, I'll be able to picture you." Quinn smiled at Santana's words. Santana thought about her when they weren't together – the thought gave her a warm feeling inside.
"So, how's the counselling going?" Santana asked Quinn over dinner.
"Okay, I think," said Quinn shyly. She hadn't really spoken to anyone about going to therapy, and it was still a difficult subject for her. "We talk about a lot of stuff – my parents, Beth… and you. It feels good to say it out loud, you know." Santana nodded. "And, she's got me keeping a journal and writing down my thoughts, that helps a lot. It keeps me from feeling anxious about, well, everything."
"I'm proud of you," Santana told her, smiling as she squeezed her hand. "You seem happier."
"I am," Quinn realized. "I'm glad you came, Santana. I've missed talking to you."
"We talk all the time," Santana said, sounding amused.
"It's not the same," Quinn said. "You know what I mean."
"I do," Santana agreed. "And I'm glad I came too."
After dinner, the girls went to catch a movie, and Quinn felt relaxed and happy as she sat beside Santana in the darkened theater. Afterwards, they headed back to Quinn's dorm room, talking and laughing about the terrible movie. It was late and Quinn was tired, but she was reluctant to let the day end. As they arrived back at the dorms, Quinn started to feel anxious about the sleeping arrangements, but she decided to take her counsellor's advice and be more open with her thoughts.
"So, I thought you could take my bed and I'll sleep on the floor," she said, as she kicked off her shoes and sat down on the end her bed. "Is that okay with you? I mean, it's only a single but I changed the sheets for you and it's comfortable."
"What about your back?" Santana asked her, concern washing over her features. Quinn shrugged.
"It's fine, the floor's actually good for me," she said. "And it's a lot more comfortable than your couch."
Santana laughed.
"I felt so guilty about making you sleep on it your first night in New York," she admitted. "When I saw how much pain you were in I felt really bad for you. And then you took those painkillers…"
Now it was Quinn's turn to laugh.
"Don't remind me," she said, shaking her head. "I was pretty out of it that night. You must have thought I was a total dork."
"You were cute," Santana said, smiling at the memory. "I liked that you lost your inhibitions a little. I got to see the real you - without filters, you know?"
"Yeah, well the real me is a dork," Quinn joked.
"Nuh-uh," Santana countered. "The real you is a geek, not a dork."
"Oh, like that's so much better!" Quinn pretended to be indignant. With an exaggerated groan, she dragged herself to her feet. "Well, this geek is going to go take a shower. Do you want anything before I go?"
"Where are your extra blankets?" Santana asked her. "If you're going to sleep on the floor, the least I can do is make up a bed for you."
"Top shelf in the closet," Quinn told her with a grin.
She grabbed what she needed for her shower and left Santana to it. When she returned a few minutes later, Santana was sitting on her bed reading. For a moment, Quinn thought that was unusual and then she realized what Santana was reading and her heart skipped a beat.
There was an open box on the bed beside Santana, who looked up guiltily when she saw Quinn.
"I'm sorry," Santana said immediately. "I knocked over the box when I was getting the blankets and a bunch of papers fell out. I wasn't going to read them but I couldn't help it. Did you write these?"
Quinn nodded slowly, as she looked at the song lyrics in Santana's hands.
"I started writing in junior year," she admitted, sitting down next to Santana. "When Mr Schue set us the assignment in glee club. I guess it's something I've done ever since."
"Why didn't you say anything?" Santana asked in surprise. Quinn shrugged.
"I didn't really think they were any good," she said simply. "It was just something I did for me."
"Do you have music that goes with them?" Santana asked and Quinn nodded.
"I'm not very good, but I did take piano lessons when I was a kid," she explained. "I'm not great at reading music, but I can do it from memory."
Santana was looking at her in amazement.
"How did I not know this about you?" she said incredulously. Quinn blushed and shrugged. "Tell me about this one?" Santana asked handing over a sheet of paper. Quinn felt a little jolt in her stomach. Of course, it would have to be that particular song that Santana had picked.
"I wrote that one after we broke up," she said in a quiet voice. "It was what I was feeling at the time."
"Will you sing it for me?" Santana asked hopefully. "I want to hear it."
"Without music?" Quinn started to shake her head. "Santana, I can't…"
Santana looked thoughtful for a moment, and then she grinned excitedly.
"Come with me!" she said eagerly, jumping up from the bed and pulling on her shoes.
"But I'm in my pajamas!" protested Quinn. Laughing, Santana tossed her a sweatshirt.
"No buts," she said with a grin.
A few minutes later, walking across the dark campus, Quinn realized where Santana was taking her and she started to protest again.
"We'll get caught!" she said anxiously, but Santana was unperturbed.
"We're not breaking any laws," she said dismissively. They'd reached the entrance to the auditorium and Quinn prayed that the door would be locked and Santana would have to give up, but it opened with a soft click.
Santana ignored Quinn's protests, pulling her towards the stage. Sensing that she was not going to win this battle, Quinn sat down at the piano and ran her fingers lightly across the keys. She took a deep breath.
"I haven't played since I came back to school," she warned. "And I haven't played regularly in years. So, don't expect too much, okay?" Then she opened her mouth and started to sing.
Feels like I'm slipping
My intuition's missing
Can't figure out where I went wrong
Everything I touch
Just turns to dust
Come dig me out
It's been too long
In this skin
Where nothing quite fits
In this soul
Secrets always on my lips
In this life
Try to catch my breath
In this moment
You're all I've got left
Bury my secrets deep
Memories that I'll keep
Locked away so tight inside
Hollow words escape
Fracture my thoughts
Leaving me clutching
At empty lies
In this skin
Feel so out of touch
In this soul
Didn't know it could hurt this much
In this life
All I can do to hold on
In this moment
Please show me where I belong
Didn't you hear me calling out to you?
Didn't you feel me near?
Like grains of sand slipping through my fingers
Can't you make the world disappear?
In this skin
Where nothing quite fits
In this soul
Secrets always on my lips
In this life
Try to catch my breath
In this moment
You're all I've got left
In this skin
Feel so out of touch
In this soul
Didn't know it could hurt this much
In this life
All I can do to hold on
In this moment
Please show me where I belong
In this skin
All there is, is you
When she finished, she looked up at Santana nervously. She was amazed to see Santana had tears in her eyes.
"Thank you," Santana said simply.
Over the next two days, Quinn continued to show Santana the best that New Haven had to offer, and then it was Saturday morning, and time for her to leave. Quinn drove her to the train station in relative silence, both girls lost in their own thoughts.
She parked the car but neither of them made the move to get out. Quinn was sad that Santana's visit was coming to an end. She'd felt so close to her over the last few days, and it was almost like it used to be. She was happy to have Santana in her life at all, but she didn't want to go back to phone calls and Skype, not knowing when she would see Santana again.
"I'll miss you," she said softly, giving Santana a bittersweet smile. "It's been great having you here."
Santana squeezed her hand. She seemed to be struggling to find the right words to say what she wanted to say. She looked up at Quinn, her dark eyes searching for and holding Quinn's gaze.
Gently, Santana reached out and tucked Quinn's half grown-out bangs behind her ear. Then, she cupped Quinn's cheek in her hand, leaned forward and her seat and brushed her lips lightly across Quinn's.
"Can we take it slow?" she asked, leaving the other question unspoken. There was no need for her to ask whether or not Quinn wanted them to try again. Both girls knew what the answer would be.
Quinn nodded, her eyes shining brightly.
"Whatever you need," she agreed, intertwining her fingers with Santana's.
"Will you come to New York next weekend?" Santana asked her hopefully.
"Of course," Quinn said happily. She gave Santana a hug and breathed in deeply, inhaling the scent of Santana's shampoo. She'd missed that scent so much.
Hand in hand, the girls walked to the station platform. Neither of them spoke but they kept glancing at each other and smiling.
When the train arrived, Santana picked up her bag and sighed.
"I should go," she said reluctantly.
"Can I kiss you goodbye?" Quinn asked shyly. Santana nodded.
Quinn took a step forward and pressed her lips tentatively to Santana's. The kiss was soft and gentle, but full of promise, and Quinn was tingling when they parted. She bit down on her lower lip and grinned.
"I'll see you next weekend," she whispered.
Song: In This Skin by me :) (I've been writing music and lyrics for several years now, I wrote the song a couple of years ago, and when I decided to have Quinn sing her own song in this chapter, this was the one that I instantly felt fit into the story - I hope you like it!)