Chapter 20 Letting Some Go

To say that he was furious was an understatement. Knives clenched his jaw tightly as he stormed through the streets of the city, not really sure of where he was going.

"What the hell is everyone's problem?" he muttered. Why? Meryl knew who he was, knew what he had done…

"Gaah!" he let out another frustrated sound, huffing as he found he had stormed straight to the wall where he and Blue had been earlier that day. He sat down, shutting his eyes as he hunched over, putting his head in his hands. Emotion seemed to be pulsing through him. Why was it that he could suddenly feel? He hadn't been able to feel anything but hate for most of his long life…and yet, he knew he was experiencing pain and guilt at the moment. It was so sever, that he didn't know how much longer he could stand it before he either passed out, or had a nervous break down. This had never happened before, and he had no outlet for it…and no one to talk to about it.

For the first time in his life, Knives felt like crying. His pride, however, refused to let him, and he scrunched his eyes together tightly.

"Knives…"

He snapped his attention up, seeing Blue standing a few feet away, a hesitant look on her face. "Follow me again?" he all but spat and she flinched inwardly.

Narrowing her eyes slightly, she responded, "I'm on my way home, thanks."

He shoved his head back into his hands and she sighed, coming to sit next to him on the wall. They sat there for a long while, no words being exchanged as Knives silently seethed.

"Why are you still here?" he asked from behind his hands.

She remained looking forward, not responding for a moment. "So you're not alone."

Knives's fingers tightened around his head, his eyes shut, teeth clenched. His head hurt so bad he thought it would burst. All of the sudden, he snapped, and his floodgates opened.

"Why! Why are you doing this to me? Don't you get it?" he was on his feet now, looking heatedly at her, tears brimming his aqua eyes. "I hate this place! I hate humans! I can't do this! I just can't!"

Blue's purple eyes were wide as she witnessed his tirade. Standing so she was looking up at his red-rimmed eyes, she could see the mental exhaustion that he was reaching.

He continued to shout out into the night. "What the hell is wrong with me! Someone…anyone…" He stood with stiff shoulders, face downcast as he clenched his eyes shut again.

Blue watched as his eyebrows furrowed together with pain, tears beginning to leak from his closed lids. She wasn't sure if he would accept her, nor did she care at that moment. She stepped forward, wrapping her arms around his torso, leaning her head to his chest. "It's ok, Knives. It's ok." She said gently.

The blonde stiffened for a time, but began to relax into her embrace. Unable to stop the torrent now, he grabbed onto her tightly, burying his head into her black hair, letting out a pained sound.

Blue smiled softly as she felt his tears fall onto her head, not caring in the least. "Knives…you really hate yourself, don't you?" she asked quietly. He responded by clenching her tighter, another sob escaping his lips.

She rubbed her hands up and down on his back, shushing him as she let him cry until she felt him loosen up. Slowly, they pushed away from each other, until they were gazing at one another. Blue smiled softly up at him as she reached a hesitant hand to wipe a lone tear away. He looked as if he would reject her fingers, but closed his eyes when she made contact, allowing her to smooth her thumb over his cheek.

"There…don't you feel better?" Her voice was faint, soothing.

His eyes remained closed, not responding as he searched for the answer. He was surprised. He actually did feel like he had been able to release some of his torment. She had allowed him to, and it felt…good. Like having someone to share the burden with…

All at once, his eyes snapped open and he stepped back from her, shoving her lightly away from him.

"Knives, I-"

"Don't! Just leave me alone!" he bit out. He couldn't handle this. He had never cried in his life. Never had he felt more vulnerable than in that moment.

"Please Knives…can't you trust me?" Blue asked, pleading in her voice.

"I have never trusted anyone in my life! How do I know that you aren't just like them!" Knives sounded desperate and she hung her head.

"Like who Knives? The people you hate?"

The blonde plant stopped, realizing that he didn't really have an answer. He opened his mouth to respond, when Blue's eyes widened. She whirled around, going still for a moment, as if listening.

"Something's not right…" she said in concern, letting him go and taking off down the street. Hurriedly, he followed, catching up to her easily as they turned a corner to an alley. They skidded to a halt, as they became witness to the scene in front of them.

"Gram!" Blue breathed, her eyes widening.

A group of four men had May held hostage, one of them holding her from behind, covering her mouth and clasping her tightly. Her eyes were wide with fear, tears falling from them.

"What the hell do you want from her?" Blue spat, and the other's whirled around, guns in hand. Knives eyes darkened as one of them pointed his weapon at Blue, grinning menacingly.

"What's it to you, beautiful?" he drawled and she felt her skin crawl with disgust.

Before she could answer, Knives had stepped forward, a calm anger radiating from him. Her eyes widened. He was very angry…she could feel it pulsing from him, any of his pain or sadness over powered at the moment.

"Let the old woman go and I might spare your miserable lives."

The one who had spoken let out a laugh. "Whoa! Mister serious here just threatened us! I'm shaking in my boots!"

Blue held her breath as she waited for Knives's reaction, thinking, "You should be…"

Clenching his fists, Knives shut his eyes. Blue watched in fascination as the air around him practically sparked. When he opened them, his eyes were red, his blond hair turning pitch black. His duster had changed too, turning dark midnight blue, instead of it's normal silver.

She couldn't believe it…he was using his full powers. She herself knew she had a different form, but didn't know how to hone it. Now, to see it actually taking place, it sent shivers down her spine. Knives was very powerful…

The men's eyes widened, jaws dropping. "What the hell? He' some kind of freak! He ain't human!"

The plant looked darkly at them, mouth curving into a half smile as he his eyebrows creased together. "Damn fucking straight I'm not."

He was upon them in an instant. The first man who held his gun towards Blue didn't stand a chance. He took a vicious right hook to the head, and he fell to the ground limp. The two freestanding men went to draw their guns, but he was too quick for them. He picked them both up by the backs of their collars, slamming their heads together and then thrusting them away. He turned his dark gaze to the man who held May, his demeanor cold and unfeeling. The man let the woman go, holding up his hands as he backed away, eyes wide with fear.

Knives stalked forward slowly. When the man had backed up against a wall, he flattened himself against it, chin trembling as he pleaded, "Please! Don't!"

Knives smiled again, red eyes never leaving the man as he thrust his arm out, grasping the front of the other man's collar, bringing his face close to his. The man let out a strangled cry, terror on his face as Knives raised his other hand, clenching his fingers in a fist.

"Worthless human trash!"

The man scrunched his eyes shut, waiting for the blow.

"Knives! Don't!"

The plant opened his eyes, bringing his fist to an immediate stop, right in front of the man's nose. Anger still radiated from him, eyes narrowed, teeth clenched as he looked at the face of the man he held.

He felt a hand on his arm, hearing Blue's gentle voice. "It's ok Knives. It's ok now. Let him go."

He sat there for a minute, not wanting to follow her request. When he glanced over at her face, he felt a little of his anger melt away and grunted as he dropped the man, turning on heel and stalking away. The man stumbled to his feet, running off into the night wailing.

"Knives wait!" Blue ran after him.

"No!" he shouted back and she grabbed his arm.

He swung around swiftly, grabbing her by the shoulders. "Don't you get it? Look at me! Aren't you scared of this!"

Blue had felt her heart constrict briefly, her stomach pit falling for the swiftest of seconds. She had experienced a small amount of fear when he had whirled on her. But…for some reason, it only made her want to reach out to him even more.

He stood staring at her, waiting for her to answer.

"No Knives. I'm not scared of you. Can't you believe me?"

He let her go, stepping back as he shook his head slowly. "Blue…you should be." He turned and ran, and she knew she wouldn't be able to follow him this time. He put on much more speed than usual, and being in his transformed state only made him faster. She stared after him, watching as he disappeared into the night, a sad look on her face. She sighed, turning to look at the three men on the ground. She was surprised to find that they were all alive, just knocked out. The man who had pointed the gun at her had a broken nose, she could tell. She snorted inwardly. He should consider himself lucky.

"Blue?"

She heard the faint voice of May and looked up at her, nearly forgetting for a moment that she was there. "Gram!" she rushed over to the woman, wrapping her in a hug. "Are you ok? I was so worried!"

May nodded, pushing back from her. "I wouldn't have been, had you two not shown up…"

"What were you doing out here so late?" Blue inquired as they began to walk back to May's house.

"I was visiting a sick friend when I was held up by those hoodlums." She said, her face looking slightly angered.

"Next time, ask me to go with you ok? Please?" Blue all but begged and May chuckled.

"Why don't you just have Knives escort me? Seems he can do the job just fine."

Blue looked down, a somber look coming over her features. "Were you scared?"

"Of those men? Terrified!" May answered.

"No…of Knives…" the younger woman trailed off.

May didn't respond for a bit, finally saying, "Blue, he certainly is a vexed individual to say the least. But…the sound of your voice stopped him. It seems that he needs that…he needs someone to help him control that side of him. His transformation…it was him displaying his full power, wasn't it?" She asked. She knew all about Plants and their abilities, having had Blue as part of the family for nearly ten years now.

Blue nodded slowly. It was truly frightening how powerful Knives was. She knew of the transformations her kind could have. But, the red eyes said it all. He was definitely one of the more powerful plants that roamed Gunsmoke. Once again, she found herself wondering about his past, where he came from, what had happened to him…

Realizing that they had reached the house, Blue opened the door for the woman, letting her step inside.

May turned to her, a kind smile in place. "Thank you so much Blue. And…could you tell him that too?"

Blue smiled, nodding. "Sure Gram. Are you going to be alright?"

"Yes dear. Now you get home. I don't want you in the same situation."

Blue smiled, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek and saying good-bye, turning around to walk home. As she walked, she thought, "Doesn't want me in the same situation, huh?"

For some reason, she knew that if that happened, someone wouldn't let it.