A/N: Okay, meant to have this out yesterday, but I had an unexpectedly busy day. Sorry.
On the other hand, it's my birthday so...
Have fun and please review!
Not What I'd Call a Party
"Smack."
Whack!
"Not me! Your lips!" Clint cried, rubbing the side of his head.
"Oh." Coral smacked her lips. "Sorry." Natasha laughed even as Clint shot her a dirty look.
"Why am I even friends with you people?" he asked.
"Don't have much of a choice," Nat said.
"Unless you'd rather go back to working for a circus," Coral chimed.
"Or an organized crime syndicate."
"Whichever you prefer."
"Very funny," Clint said. "But seriously, you people physically and verbally abuse me, even when I'm still recovering. Not cool."
"Life's not fair, Barton," Coral said, as he put the finishing touches on her. "Get used to it."
Tony was checking over everything with Maria Hill one last time before the party started when the elevator dinged and out stepped a gorgeous young African American woman, in a vintage coral tulle dress and high heels that Pepper would salivate over: a vision of the 50s without racism.
"Um, miss, the party hasn't started yet, what are you doing here?" he asked.
"Very funny, Tony," the woman laughed rolling her eyes and Tony realized who she was.
"Coral?" he asked.
"Yeah, dumbass," she said.
"Language," some of the other Avengers chimed in as Tony looked her over, shaking his head.
"No. No, no, no, you shouldn't be allowed to wear that," he said.
"I have actually gotten away with murder and you think I shouldn't be allowed to wear makeup and heels?" she asked incredulously.
"Not until you're at least forty, otherwise guys around here might start getting the wrong ideas," he said.
"It's a free country, Tony, she can wear what she likes," Steve said as he passed carrying a few very heavy boxes with minimal effort.
"Thank you, Cap!" she said, giving him a peck on the cheek as he passed. Steve smiled, but it slipped off when he realized she didn't have to (technically) go on her tiptoes to kiss him in her very tall shoes.
"The heels are a bit disconcerting, though," he admitted.
"Well, I'm tired of being short. You guys will just have to deal with it!" she said, waltzing off as her friends arrived. Tony was still shaking his head.
"When did she grow up?" he asked.
"Not sure," Steve said. "You might want to follow her lead though."
"So, how're you guys enjoying the party?" Coral asked her friends a couple hours later.
"It's, uh, it's, it's cool," the bespectacled Peter Parker said as Ned continued to stare in awe at the room around them. "Kinda just, you know-"
"Grown-up?" Coral supplied and Peter nodded.
"Which is cool! I've never been to a party with famous people, it's just-"
"Overwhelming?" she said. Ned cut off Peter's response by hitting his chest with the back of his hand as Tony Stark approached.
"So, these are the friends I've heard about!" he cried, shaking all their hands, even Ned's simultaneously sweaty and stiff-as-a-board ones. "So, which one of you is gonna take the shot and bring down President-"
"No, Tony, these were the normal ones who I did not want knowing about that," Coral cut in as Ned and Peter paled and Michelle smirked.
"Oh." Tony blinked. "You have normal friends?"
"Yes. I do. Normal friends with whom I do normal things," Coral said. "Normal things like not taking down totalitarian governments."
"Sounds boring," Tony huffed, heading back to the party. "Call me when one of them gets superpowers."
Coral closed her eyes and sighed through her nose before opening them and turning to her friends, forced grin on her face. "He means well." Michelle snorted as Peter fidgeted and Ned stared off into space, still star-struck.
"So, uh, do you have anything you want to do with us, or-"
"Go ahead. Knock yourselves out," Coral waved him off.
"You're sure-"
"Go on, Parker!" Coral said, shooing him off. He grinned and rushed off, dragging the still stiff Ned behind him.
"Honestly, I'm surprised you're so willing hang out with them," Michelle asked.
"Their hearts are in the right place," Coral said.
"No, not the dweebs, these goons," Michelle said, gesturing to the assembled superheroes. Coral frowned.
"What, the Avengers?"
"You talk and work all the time for change and revolution, yet all these people do is maintain the status quo," Michelle pointed out.
"They're more in the public than I am," Coral shrugged.
"Is image really more important than saving lives?"
"You know that's not what I meant." The other girl just rolled her eyes and scoffed.
"Seriously, these people could be the driving forces of change and they don't do anything," Michelle said, back to the party as she gestured wildly through the drink in her hand. "Stark could end extreme poverty on his own, Cap's mere presence could inspire revolutions, and Banner could probably solve any problem put in front of him."
"They could also leave millions unemployed, destabilize entire world regions, and create a Band-Aid solution without a full understanding of the problem," Coral pointed out. "Winning the lottery doesn't end problems, it just solves some while creating others. Some things people just have to fix for themselves." Michelle shrugged.
"All I'm saying is that if I was you, I'd change the world," Coral's face darkened.
"Be happy you aren't me otherwise you'd know the truth of that."
They slipped into silence, watching Peter and Ned try to impress some models with their cup stacking skills.
"Why are we friends again?" Coral asked.
"I make you think and impressed you with my determination to fight you," Michelle said, referring to their introduction at Coral's public self-defense lessons.
"Right." Coral sighed and groaned. "I need more friends. Preferably ones who live under rocks and have never heard of an Avenger."
"Nat, come on, one drink," Coral begged; all her friends had gone home and she just wanted to forget the awkwardness of the night.
"Sorry, house rules. No underage drinking," Nat said. Coral collapsed on the bar, forehead resting on the cool surface before she straightened up, glint in her eye.
"You know, we technically don't know how old I am. I could be easily be twenty-one, we'd never know." Nat just raised an eyebrow at her. "Or, I was raised in Germany for most of my life. And the legal drinking age for beer is sixteen there."
"Nice try. S.H.I.E.L.D. doctors said you were about twelve when we found you five years ago and you're a US citizen. Therefore, you follow US laws." Coral groaned and covered her eyes, debating the pros and cons of the President having granted her citizenship and the legal rights of an 18-year-old US adult. On one hand, at least she wasn't in legal limbo anymore and didn't have to worry about CPS knocking down their door again. On the other, it meant she had to appear as squeaky clean as possible, lest it reflect badly on the team. She huffed but nodded.
"What else you got back there?"
Natasha Romanoff looked in the mini-fridge and brought out an apple juice box. Coral's eyes lit up like the Avengers 'A' outside.
"Never mind; I'm good with this," she said and Nat chuckled as Coral walked off, struggling with the too flimsy straw and package.
"How was she?" Bruce asked, coming up to the bar.
"Surviving. She's having trouble adapting still," Natasha said watching Coral hover over Rhodey and Sam's conversation, listening eagerly and clearly wanting to join but unsure of the how. "Now that HYDRA's all but gone, she'll have more time to find her place in the world."
"You're good with her," Bruce said and she shrugged.
"I'm probably the most positive adult female influence in her life. Not that that's saying much with her experience but still," Nat admitted. Bruce nodded and they watched Coral together in silence.
"Do you think there's anything I can do to help?" he asked. Nat glanced at him but shrugged.
"Unless you have experience assimilating into adolescence as a teenage assassin, I doubt it," Nat said. "Just… keep doing what you're doing and be there for her when she needs it." Bruce frowned, clearly wanting a more active role, but nodded nonetheless. The duo went back to watching Coral show Rhodey and Sam some dance moves, the three of them chuckling all the while.
"But it's a trick!" Clint exclaimed, twirling a drumstick in his fingers as Thor set Mjölnir down on the glass table.
"No, no, it's much more than that," Thor said.
"Ah, 'whosoever be he worthy shall haveth the power!' Whatever man! It's a trick," Clint said.
"And a sexist, heteronormative, gender binarist one at that, assuming the one who has the power would be a man. Or at least someone who uses male pronouns," Coral said, after taking a sip from her juice box.
"Well, please, be my guest," Thor said.
"… Really?" Clint asked.
"Yeah!" Thor said.
"Oh, this is gonna be beautiful," Rhodey said.
"Clint, you've had a tough week, we won't hold it against you if you can't get it up," Tony said. The other Avengers chuckled.
"Y'know I've seen this before, right?" Clint said. He pulled with all his might… yet failed to even make it tremble. "And I still don't know you do it?"
"Smell the silent judgment?" Tony said.
"Please, Stark, by all means," Clint said.
"Never one to shrink from an honest challenge," Tony shrugged, unbuttoning his blazer. "It's physics." He got into position. "Right, so, if I lift it, I then rule Asgard?"
"Yes, of course," Thor said. Coral chuckled, imagining Odin's face upon realizing his son had just handed over the throne to Tony 'Bullet-Head' Stark.
"I will be firm but fairly cruel," he promised them. He attempted to lift it, but it refused to budge. "Be right back."
Cue Tony using an Ironman glove, complete with reverse thrusters, as an aid in his attempt to lift it.
"Are you even pulling?" Rhodey asked as he tried, this time with both he and Tony using their gloves.
"Are you on my team?" Tony asked.
"Just represent. Pull!"
Bruce struggled exaggeratedly, eventually roaring as though transforming into the Hulk.
Everyone gave him indulging, awkward smiles or disbelieving looks.
"No?" he asked.
Coral shook her head.
"Maybe it just need a feminine touch," Maria said, getting to her feet. "A gentler, subtler one."
"Maria, you're about as subtle as a wrecking ball," Coral said as Maria Hill struggled and rail to lift the hammer. She flipped Coral off on her way back to her seat. "Steve, she exposed me to bad manners! You're the moral guardian of the team, do something!"
Steve responded by flipping her off too, causing her to cackle as Bruce tried to cover his hand from her view.
"Shall we let the healer try?" Thor suggested.
"Doctor Cho?" Tony asked, giving her a hand to help her up.
"Do you think I could survey how it's done first? Analyze your technique?" she asked Thor. He smiled and got into position.
"If Mjölnir deems you worthy, then you need not struggle," he said, flexing his muscles for show but then lifting the hammer with ease. Dr. Cho nodded.
"Could you help me get your stance and position right? To give me the best chance possible, of course," she assured him.
"Of course," Thor said. "You simply-" he moved her hand over hers and used the other to turn her body into his so she could mirror his position. Coral cocked an eyebrow and coughed under her breath; good thing Jane was not here. Thor stepped back as Doctor Cho had her try. She failed, but it seemed as though the hammer hadn't been her goal in any case.
"Thank you either way," she said, smiling at the Norse God.
"Still a very worthy healer if nothing else," Thor said, kissing her hand, and Coral moved behind the doctor, ready to catch her if she fainted. She managed not to… barely.
"Let's go, Steve, no pressure," Maria said as Steve got up for his turn. Coral swore she heard the hammer creak and saw it move the tiniest bit, but it was so small she wasn't sure. Thankfully, Thor's suddenly disturbed and worried face confirmed it for her. Still, Steve couldn't move it, causing Thor to relax.
"Ha ha, nothing," he laughed, rubbing it in more than with anyone else. "Ha ha ha."
"And? Widow? Viper?" Bruce asked.
"Oh, no no no, that's not a question I need answered," Natasha said, sipping her beer.
"All deference to the man who wouldn't be king, but it's rigged," Tony said.
"You bet your ass," Clint agreed.
"Steve, he said a bad language word," Maria tattled.
"Did you tell everyone about that?" Steve asked Tony.
"I've got a simple theory," Tony said, avoiding the question. "Like a security code… 'Whosoever carries Thor's fingerprints' is, I think, the literal translation?"
"Well, why don't we put that to the test?" Coral suggested. She pulled a clear, gridded glove out of her dress pocket and asked, "Thor, if you could just put your hand on this please." He raised an enormous hand and placed it on the fingers and palm of the glove which beeped and blinked when it finished scanning. "Thank you," she said, slipping the glove on.
"Do you always carry around a photostatic veil?" Steve asked and Coral looked oddly at the other Avengers.
"You guys don't?" she asked and they all shook their heads, though Nat nodded her on encouragingly. "Alright, moment of truth." She carefully placed her veiled hand on the handle, doing her best to imitate Thor's grip, before inhaling and pulling with all her might. "Oh… my… gods," she gasped, finally letting go and pulling off the glove, shaking her hand out as the Avengers sighed and Thor chuckled. "Seriously, forget Excalibur, this is the real determinator." Now curious, she gently gripped the handle again, this time with her own uncovered hand, only for the same result. She shrugged. "Eh, I can barely manage my own life, so I'm pretty sure I couldn't run a Realm anyway, worthy or not. I didn't really think it would work. I always thought Mjölnir was more stubborn that heavy. I mean, the Hulk couldn't lift it and yet the hammer was fine being set down inside the Helicarrier," Coral said. She hunched over the hammer, juice box still in hand. "Is it sentient? Because if it isn't, then my other theory is that it's a fixed point in the Universe and Thor's 'worthiness' is actually just him having the proper resonance to allow him to move that fixed point." She straightened back up to find every single person assembled looking at her wide eyed and disbelieving. She frowned in confusion. "What?"
"How did you come up with that?" Tony asked, voicing everyone's thoughts.
"I have a Tumblr," she shrugged, finishing off her juice box.
"A what?" Steve asked.
Coral was about to explain when Thor interrupted her. "Yes, well those are all very, very interesting theories, but I have a simpler one." He lifted Mjolnir to his hand and tossed it, grinning. "You're all not worthy."
Everyone groaned and protested, not appreciating the lack of humility from the God of Thunder-
SCREECH! A loud ringing noise filled the room as a broken Iron Legion drone limped in. "…Worthy… No… How could you be worthy? You're all killers," it said, in an unfamiliar male voice.
"Stark," Steve said.
"J.A.R.V.I.S.?" Tony called.
"I'm sorry, I was dreaming. Or… I was a dream?" it asked.
"Reboot. Legionnaire 06's got a buggy suit," Tony said, going through manual protocols when J.A.R.V.I.S. didn't answer.
"There was this… terrible noise… and I was tangled in… in… strings. Had to kill the other guy. He was a good guy," the drone almost lamented.
"You killed someone?" Steve said and everyone immediately started reaching for whatever weapons and cover they could get.
"Wouldn't've been my first call. But, down in the real world, we're faced with ugly choices," it said.
"Who sent you?"
"'I see a suit of armor around the world,'" the drone said in Tony's voice.
"Ultron!" Bruce gasped.
"In the flesh," 'Ultron' said. "Or, no, not yet. Not this… chrysalis. But I'm ready. I'm on a mission."
"What mission?" Nat asked.
"Peace in our time," it said.
Boom! The other Iron Legion suits burst through the walls. Cap immediately kicked up a table to block their path but a drone just pushed him and the table back. Maria, taking cover behind couches on the floor, shot at the drone, to unfortunately little effect. Thor knocked one aside with his hammer, but Tony and Rhodey were quickly thrown into bookshelves and through windows. Clint slid under tables as Nat pulled Bruce behind the bar and grabbed the gun she'd stashed under the counter.
No! You are not making me fight in six-inch Louboutin's! Coral thought, peeling off her shoes and tossing them to the side, before throwing the few electrical disks she had on her at the drones and running to take cover. She noticed one off the drones flying upstairs. The Scepter. Coral vaulted herself up the walls into the higher levels just in time to see the drone pulling the Scepter from its energy field. Not on my watch. She tackled it before it could escape and did her best to attack the wiring in the joints and exposed areas. It simply began bodily slamming itself (and therefore her) into the walls. Eventually, it shook her off and she fell to the ground. The drone took off, Scepter still in hand, and Coral quickly drew her knife from her garter sheath under her dress and threw it at the drone. The knife stuck, but the drone continued. Coral moved to follow it but stopped when she heard a massive crash back in the other room. She hurried back to her friends and saw the remains of several drones amidst the broken glass and shattered furniture.
"That was dramatic!" Ultron said. The Avengers surrounded him, but he seemed to be more talking to himself, pacing as he spoke. "I'm sorry, I know you mean well. You just didn't think it through. You want to protect the world, but you don't want it to change. How is humanity saved if it's not allowed to… evolve? With these? These puppets? There's only one path to peace. The Avengers' extinction." Thor threw his hammer at Ultron and the drone shattered, but not before leaving the Avengers with one last sung message: "I had strings, but now I'm free…"
"Strangely enough, creepy robot Pinocchio is not something I wanted to see in my life," Coral said. She slid to the floor; so much for getting a break.