Chapter 20
Topeka, KS
I-470 W
There was an awkward silence in the car as they slowly made their way back to the bunker. Jack was still feeling guilty about what had happened to Mary, and though it didn't seem like it anymore, Buffy feared that Dean might still be angry. To make matters worse, when they'd started the car and the music came on, some lyrics seemed to strike Jack in the chest. He stared at the radio, listening to the music in a kind of terrified nausea.
Drowning deep in my sea of loathing
Broken your servant I kneel
(Will you give in to me?)
It seems what's left of my human side
Is slowly changing in me
(Will you give in to me?)
Looking at my own reflection
When suddenly it changes
Violently it changes (oh no)
There is no turning back now
You've woken up the demon in me
Get up, come on get down with the sickness
Open up your hate, and let it flow into …
Dean promptly turned the music off at that point, sending them into the silence that was now consuming them. Feeling the need to do something – anything – else, Buffy pulled out her phone to let the others know they were on their way back.
[Buffy] Hey Will, can you let everyone know that we got Jack and we're on our way back?
[Willow] Sure thing… how's Jack?
[Buffy] … OK I guess. A bit freaked out, but I get that
[Buffy] You wont believe what happened tho!
[Willow] ?
[Buffy] dont ask me how, but I guess somehow jack gave cas his wings back
[Willow] … he can do that?
[Buffy] apparently. and cas took off almost immediately
[Buffy] he was talking about convincing the other angels to turn on lucifer… he thinks that if Jack can restore the other angels wings that wed have a better time getting their help
[Willow] That's crazy!
[Buffy] I know… anyway, let the other knows. I'm sure Sam will wanna know. Hows Mary btw?
[Buffy] others know*
[Willow] still out. Sam's been sitting with her. but I think she's healing
[Willow] is it me… or are the Winchesters a weird family
[Buffy] OMG majorly weird…
Their conversation quickly turned into a discussion about the odd dynamics in the hunter family, including Jack and Cas. Willow had seen the same things Buffy had. Of course, Willow had, apparently, read the Supernatural books, so she knew a bit more about it than Buffy did. Once again, Buffy regretted not having started the first book that Xander had given her.
After their conversation started to dwindle, Buffy started texting Dawn instead, since the car was still uncomfortably quiet. Dean and Jack hadn't said a word to each other, or her, since they'd left the cemetery, and the silence was driving the slayer up the wall.
[Buffy] hey dawnie, just checking in. hows things back home?
[Dawnie] everythings quiet here. not really too much going on. Maggie and Kennedy's team just got back from Venezuela. So they're all taking a bit of a breather
[Dawnie] and Xander has apparently decided that HQ needs a better security system, insisting that we get finger print scanners and id cards. Cause a house full of slayers isn't security enough, apparently. Dumbass. Lol
[Buffy] wow… I bet giles would loooove that.
[Dawnie] oh god. Don't tell him! we don't need him chiming in on something like that. Andrew is bad enough.
[Buffy] lol. And hows the midget?
[Dawnie] growing faster than I care to think about. Hes been asking about you. Wants to know when you coming home.
[Dawnie] you're*
Buffy hesitated. Not entirely sure how to answer her sister. She missed Cleveland, and her family and friends, but she wasn't sure how long it was going to take to defeat Lucifer. They still had to finish training Jack and then they actually had to find and confront the Devil. And there was that nagging thought that kept reemerging in her brain telling her that she could stay. She'd already given up being a slayer… sort of. But being with these hunters had made her feel happy. Comfortable.
And while she'd never be normal, they made her feel less like a freak than anyone ever had. Especially from those outside the Scooby Gang. It was refreshing, and she was hesitant to give it up. But of course, she'd have to. She couldn't stay with the Winchesters. Eventually, she'd go home.
Buffy glanced out the window, still trying to figure out how to answer Dawn. The stars had started to vanish behind cloud cover again, and the rain that they'd left behind was making it's reappearance as they returned to Lebanon.
[Buffy] we still have a lot of work to do here, so I'm not sure how much longer this will take
[Buffy] tell you what. Facetime me tomorrow night when you get home from work. That way i can see and talk to the little man
This time it was Buffy's turn to wait for an answer. The "typing" bubble kept appearing and disappearing as though Dawn wasn't sure what to say. After almost 5 minutes, she responded with a short question.
[Dawnie] Which one is it?
This took Buffy by surprise, and she wasn't sure what Dawn was even talking about.
[Buffy] huh? which what is what?
[Dawnie] X-D Which boy, big sister? Which one is making you want to stay?
[Buffy] :-| thats not whats happening here dawnie
[Dawnie] of course not… ;-)
[Dawnie] I'm just saying that you've spent more time with those brothers in the last month than you spent with any guy since Spike. I don't think anyone could blame you if you wanted to have a little fun for once
Buffy wanted to scowl, but despite everything, she found herself grinning instead.
[Buffy] you spend way too much time thinking about this
[Dawnie] hey, I'm married with a kid. Sometimes, I wanna live vicariously though you… except your life is usually so boring! And right now, it's not…
[Dawnie] is it Dean? I bet its dean.
[Buffy] facetime me tomorrow with your son, sis. I'll talk to you then.
[Dawnie] ooooo! Subject change. I think I might have hit a nerve. LMAO. Love you! 3
Buffy felt in a better mood after that, regardless of the teasing – or maybe because of it. It reminded her of old times. It wasn't so much what Dawn was saying, but more how she was saying it. By saying that Buffy was only staying for a boy and not because the fate of the world was at stake somehow made it all seem not so bad. And the silence in the car was much more bearable as they approached the bunker.
When they were still an hour away, Jack had fallen asleep. This struck Buffy as strange as she'd heard that Nephilim didn't really need to sleep – like angels. Vaguely, she wondered if Jack had forced himself to go to sleep to help pass the time, or maybe if he was faking; but she doubted the latter. Either way, the tension in the car seemed to lessen a bit after that.
Buffy found herself either watching the rain streak by on the windows outside, or watching Dean as he drove. When Jack had drifted off, Dean seemed to relax a bit. Every once in a while, he would look sideways at the boy, as though considering him. She wished she knew what was going on in that gorgeous head of his.
When they pulled back into the garage of the Bunker, Buffy gently nudged Jack awake. He seemed tired and groggy. Maybe all that power he'd used in both teleporting and whatever he'd done to Cas had wiped him out? Or maybe just the events of the last day.
"Why don't you go off to bed, Jack?" she said. "Everyone else is probably already asleep anyway."
Jack nodded and got out of the car without saying much or meeting either of their eyes. She watched him go, but held back from leaving too. She wanted a word with Dean.
"I take it you wanted to talk too, sweetheart?" came Dean's voice from behind her. She blinked in surprise and turned around. Dean was leaning against a pillar, arms crossed, and watching her, an unreadable expression on his face.
"'Too?'" she repeated. "You wanted to talk to me?"
He broke the eye contact, suddenly looking both younger and older at the same time. How did he even manage that? "I just wanted to thank you for coming. I never would have been able to convince him the way you did." He hesitated briefly before continuing, "You don't have to answer this but, the things you said about hurting your friends… were they true?"
She looked aside too, shame rising in her. She'd gotten over those things years ago, but it still hurt to remember what she'd done. "They were. And the things you said about Jack being your family. Did you mean that?"
Buffy sensed only the smallest hesitation before Dean answered her, "Yeah, I did. The kid's earned the right. And I need to stop thinking of him as Lucifer's son and start thinking of him as Jack. He deserves that much."
Buffy stepped closer to Dean, and risked looking into his eyes. And it was a risk. Because those eyes were beautiful. Intense. Earnest. Dean kept surprising her. He had so many layers that he worked so hard to maintain, so that no one would see what was underneath. And yet, sometimes, like right now, he'd let down his walls, and she could see the real man. And she couldn't help but like what she saw there.
He met her eyes and there was a moment where neither of them said anything. The tension was thick and Buffy found that she couldn't break the eye contact. So, Dean broke it first. His eyes flicked down to her lips, and she found she couldn't move and didn't really want to.
Seemingly of their own accord, Buffy found her hands moving up to his chest, and she felt his grasp her waist, pulling her closer. Her brain was strangely numb as he moved down, tilting his head slightly. Wait… what was she doing? Was this really happening right now? Was now the right time for this?
His lips found hers, and she closed her eyes, surprised and pleased by the gentleness of the kiss. She rose up on her tip-toes, adding pressure to the kiss. They held each other tightly for a few seconds, and then, like a spell, the moment ended.
They broke apart, looking at each other. Buffy couldn't read his thoughts, and how she wished she could! The apology the night before (was that really only last night?) and now this? She didn't know what to make of it; and she guessed this wasn't Dean's usual seduction technique. He struck her more as a meet-a-girl-in-a-bar-and-sleep-with-her-once kind of guy.
And then he smiled at her. A real, genuine smile. "I think I'll go check on my Mom, goodnight Buffy," was all he said before he let go of her waist and walked out.
Right. His mother. Of course.
As Buffy followed Dean out of the garage and into the hallways of the Bunker, she found herself wondering if he'd just needed some comfort because he was still worried about his mom. Her feet led her toward the library, and as she passed Mary's room, she saw Dean and Sam both sitting by her bed. Dean caught her eye as she passed and she thought she detected the barest hint of a smile before he turned back to his mother.
When she got to the library, Willow and Faith were still up, waiting for her. They both looked up from their conversation when she entered the room and sat down across from them.
"So, how'd it go?" Willow asked.
"It was nice. Kinda out of nowhere. But still… nice," Buffy said, looking at the wood grains on the table top. Idly, she traced a pattern with a finger. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed some carved letters on the other side of the table. S.W. and D.W. Sam and Dean. She smiled slightly.
Silence followed her response and she looked up. And then she realized that she was a moron and they were, of course, talking about Jack. Willow and Faith were looking at her with raised eyebrows and amused expressions.
"Uh…" she said quickly, "I mean, it went fine. We talked Jack down. He's in his room – probably sleeping now."
"I didn't think Nephilim's needed sleep?" Willow asked.
"Never mind that, red!" Faith interrupted. "What was this about something being nice?" She was grinning in a knowing fashion, and staring at Buffy.
"Sorry, forget I said that. My brain was somewhere else," Buffy muttered.
"I bet it was," Faith laughed. Willow raised an eyebrow at Faith, but didn't say anything. Though, Buffy thought she saw the corners of her lips twitch upward for just a second, before she regained control of her features. Great. Just great. She was never going to live this down.
"How's Mary doing?" Buffy asked. Thankfully, neither of the other women commented on the sudden change of subject. Unlike Dawn, who would have nagged and nagged until she'd gotten a straight answer out of Buffy. Fortunately, for the blonde slayer, her little sister was in another state.
"She'll probably wake in the morning," Willow said. "She's mostly healed, significantly faster than I would have expected. She's a strong woman. But I think she should stay on bed rest for the next few days. Allow the magic to really heal her body."
"You'll have a hard time convincing her to stay in bed," came Dean's voice from the doorway. Sam followed his brother in, and Dean grabbed both of them, as well as Faith, a beer before sitting down too. We really are starting to get to know each other well, aren't we? Buffy thought idly.
"So, you all need to explain to me exactly what happened out there," Sam said. "Willow said that Jack gave Cas his wings back?" Dean and Buffy explained what had happened, Buffy leaving out the story of her turning on her friends. Dean didn't correct her, for which she was grateful.
It was almost 1 in the morning when they'd finished; the kiss was missing from their story as well, and Buffy was OK with that. She wasn't entirely sure how Dean was going to treat her after that anyway. She wondered if Dean was going to ignore it until this was all over, or if he'd expect something from her.
When they all finally got up to go to bed, Buffy wasn't sure what to expect. Would he try to walk her to her door or something? Would he say something to her? Would he acknowledge the kiss at all? But when she got up to go to her room, he simply said goodnight to her again.
"Goodnight, Dean," and before she could stop herself, she put a hand on his shoulder as she passed, squeezing gently. And why in the hell had she done that? She didn't think anyone else had noticed, and she tried to pretend it didn't happen. But once again, she could feel his eyes on her back as she walked out.
As she lay in bed, she kept going back and forth, arguing with herself about whether she wanted the kiss to mean anything. She cared for Dean, she knew that. She couldn't help it. He seemed to have a way of getting under her skin. The way he would build up his walls, and then let them down enough for her to see him, only to build them back up again.
Why. Why! Why did she have to go after guys like him? Guys with baggage who don't understand the concept of commitment. Of course, she had gone after one guy who wasn't like that… and everyone knew how that one ended… And she'd had the occasional normal boyfriend over the years, but none of them lasted even as long as Riley.
She rolled over, huffing. And then she decided that maybe she would start that book. She sat up, turning the light on and pulled out the book from the nightstand where she'd tucked it when she'd moved in. The first book was simply called "Supernatural" and Buffy opened it up to the first page.
She was immediately greeted by images of a woman in a nightgown waking to a baby's cry. She quickly read through the prologue. Knowing that it all really happened, she felt she was somehow invading on the Winchesters' privacy, and maybe she was, but she found she couldn't stop.
She read well into the early hours of the morning, something she didn't think she'd ever done in her life.
XXXX
Buffy awoke from troubling dreams about the Mary she now knows being pinned to the ceiling, while a grown Sam and Dean screamed below her. Instead of the yellow eyed demon described in the book, it was Lucifer holding her in place, and a baby with Jack's face was crying in the crib. How disturbing...
She sat up in bed and looked at her phone. It was close to nine and she had a missed call from the Cleveland Counseling Agency. Dr. Gates was checking up on her; they were all worried about her sudden disappearance after chasing two men out of a bar all those weeks ago. She knew that the story had quickly made the rounds at work, but they'd left her alone after she'd informed them that she would be on extended leave. But now, Dr. Gates was starting to become worried for her.
She quickly texted her old boss, letting her know that she was OK, but that she still didn't know when she would be returning. If she would be returning, a small part of her mind whispered to her. Again, she shoved the thought down.
She got up and after making a quick pit stop to the bathroom, she went straight to Mary's room, where she found pretty much the entire population of the bunker, except Cas.
"How is she?" Buffy whispered to Faith when she peeked through the door. There wasn't a lot of space in the room, so Buffy opted to stay in the hallway with the brunette slayer. Sam, Dean, Willow, and Giles were standing or sitting around Mary's bed, while Jack seemed to be trying to blend into the wall in the corner. He looked more anxious than anyone else.
"She's starting to come around. Red and G are trying to gently wake her up now," Faith said. Buffy watched, and sure enough, Willow was doing something magical over Mary's body, while the brothers watched nervously. For a few minutes, nothing happened, but then Mary began to stir.
Her eyes fluttered open, and she blinked several times, taking into account the number of people in her room.
"What…" she swallowed and blinked slowly, looking exhausted, "What happened?"
"Mom!" Dean and Sam said at the same time, each looking anxiously over her.
"Are you OK?" Dean asked while Sam said, "How are you feeling?"
"Like a got hit by a wendigo on steroids," she muttered. A few uncomfortable glances were cast toward Jack, who shrunk even further into himself, looking miserable and guilty. "How long was I out?" she asked, trying to sit up. Sam and Dean promptly pushed her back down.
"You need rest, Mary," Giles said.
"What happened?" Mary asked again.
"You don't remember?" Sam questioned nervously.
"We were… training Jack, and then… there was an explosion?" Mary said, trying to bring up the memory.
"It was my fault," Jack said quietly from his corner. "Mary, I'm so sorry for what I did to you."
Mary blinked a few times and then looked curiously at Jack. And then she realized what happened, or maybe she remembered clearly, because a look of understanding and pity dawned on her face. And then she smiled in a motherly way at the boy. "Not your fault, Jack. We knew the risks. And you're still learning."
"But I lost patience. I hurt you! I could have hurt the others. I'm so sorry. I'll understand if you never forgive me," Jack looked truly miserable.
"There's nothing to forgive. This stuff happens in the kind of lives we lead. And you're one of my boys. So, I don't want to hear that you're beating yourself up over this."
"But…" Jack began, but Mary cut him off.
"You're one of my boys," she repeated. There was something in her tone that brooked no argument and that there was nothing else to say. "Now… how about some bacon?" she asked looking around and smiling.
Several people volunteered to help cook some breakfast, including Mary. This was immediately stopped as everyone insisted that Mary stay in bed and heal. They would bring her some food. She clearly didn't like this plan and insisted that she get up ("At least let me pee!"). They let her use the bathroom, but then she was forced to return to bed where pancakes, bacon, and coffee were brought to her.
The only one who seemed to think this wasn't necessary was Faith. She didn't say anything to contradict the others, but she did shake her head and roll her eyes every time someone yelled at Mary that she needed bed rest. Buffy suspected that Faith, like Mary, thought that Mary was stronger than everyone was giving her credit for, and that she would probably be better off being treated normally.
Buffy partially agreed, but she didn't want to go against the previous advice of an angel and the magic users of the group.
Mary finally agreed to stay in bed, but only if they a) didn't treat her like an invalid and b) didn't stop Jack's training. She insisted that Jack was strong enough to figure it out and that he should get right back on the horse as soon as possible. So, Sam set Mary up with a TV and Netflix, much to her chagrin, and they all went into the library to discuss continuing Jack's training.
Jack still seemed hesitant to continue, but agreed to try again. The reassuring smiles and confident looks on those around him (whether they were real or not, Buffy wasn't sure) seemed to boost his morale. The encouraging look on Dean's face, in particular, seemed to make a huge difference.
They were just about to get up to head back to the field when Dean's phone rang. Cas had arrived back at the bunker and had news he wanted to share with everyone. They let him in and he looked encouraged. Buffy couldn't help but think that he was holding himself straighter than she'd ever seen in him before this. Restoring his wings really did make all the difference, it would seem.
Cas didn't sit down when he met them in the library. He paused while they all waited for him to speak. Finally, Sam broke the silence.
"How's it feel to have your wings back, Cas?"
Cas smiled warmly. "It feels… right, Sam," he said in his gravelly voice. Somehow, Buffy thought that he seemed younger. "It feels like I've been made whole again. Not only have my wings been fully restored, but my diminished grace has been returned as well. Jack, I cannot express how happy this makes me. Thank you."
Jack looked embarrassed and nodded to the angel awkwardly. Cas continued, addressing them all. "I have managed to make contact with several other angels here on Earth. They were… surprised, to say the least to see that I have been restored to my former self. I explained what happened and they were more receptive than I've seen them in years. They said that they would quietly spread the word to other angels who don't trust Lucifer. They agreed to help defeat the Adversary, as long as Jack really could restore their wings."
"That's great, Cas. That's more promise than we've had from angels in… ever," Sam said.
"Hold it," Dean cut in. "Will they help us only after Jack restores their wings, or are they willing to step up now?"
Cas frowned and hesitated before answering, "… I'm not sure, Dean. We didn't have long to talk, they were nervous about being seen with me. But they did promise that they would do what they can."
"And the likelihood of this getting back to Lucifer?" Dean asked suspiciously. "Do you trust these angels to keep their mouths shut?"
"Hard to say. I'm optimistic that my brothers and sisters will only tell those they trust. But if it does get back to him, I suspect it won't take long until we find out. He'll come for us. More importantly, he'll come for Jack," Cas said.
A nervous tremor ran around the tables at that and Jack looked anxious again.
"So, now what?" Jack asked.
"Now, we resume your training as originally planned," Giles said.
They split up, only needing 2 cars since Mary wasn't going to join them. Jack and Cas (though he didn't actually need the car anymore) climbed into the back of the Impala with Sam and Dean, while Buffy, Faith, and Willow joined Giles in his car. They traveled the short distance to the now familiar field. Willow put up her usual protection field, but as they started to gather inside of it, Jack began to insist that everyone who wasn't immediately needed should stay on the outside of the dome.
There was a lot of argument around this. Most of them insisted that they trusted him and they would be OK. Only Faith seemed to accept Jack's request without argument. Willow, Giles, and Cas wanted to stay inside for training, while Sam, Dean, and Buffy insisted on being there for support. Eventually, Jack won the argument simply by refusing to even try until most of them moved outside the dome.
He conceded to let Cas and Willow stay inside, but no one else. Willow adjusted the magic on the dome slightly so that the others could see and hear inside, while still containing the magic within.
The training began much as it had the day before, only now, with Cas at full strength once again, he was able to show Jack what he was doing. He was able to take Jack along with him, moving from one spot within the dome to the other, so that Jack could focus on what it felt like. This seemed to work better for the young Nephilim who was nodding his head, following the things that Cas was saying.
Buffy strove to be more attentive this time, especially if this turned into a long training day again. She nodded and smiled at Jack every time he happened to look her way, hoping that it would help encourage him. Just as Jack said that he thought he might understand enough to try it by himself now, something hit Buffy full force.
She felt her entire body fly backward, her hair streaming in front of her eyes preventing her from seeing anything. Time seemed to slow down as she flew several feet into the air, and she heard someone nearby cry out, though it sounded like it was more out of surprise than fright or pain. As her body hit the top of its arc, she felt the force of gravity start to pull her down.
She still couldn't see, but she could feel the hard earth quickly approaching, and she was falling head first. Instinctually, she ducked her head and threw up her arms. Her fingers touched the ground first and she used her momentum to push off slightly, and roll out of the fall, landing on her feet quickly. She pushed her hair out of her face and looked around, gasping for breath.
Everyone who had been outside the dome had been sent flying in all directions. Sam had landed nearby in a heap, though he appeared unharmed as he pushed himself to his feet. On the other side of the dome, Faith was already on her feet too and Dean was just shaking his head, pushing himself off the ground. On her other side, Giles was still in a crumpled heap, and she rushed to him quickly. He was breathing and conscious, thank god.
"I'm OK," he reassured her. What the hell just happened? Had Jack exploded again?
She focused her attention inside the dome for the first time, and she felt panic quickly rise inside her. The dome was falling apart. Willow was stuck in the air, as though hung from an invisible cross. She looked torn between fear and fury. Her roots were darkening, which told Buffy more than anything else that something horrible was happening.
Cas and Jack were both standing still, though they didn't seem to be frozen in place like Willow. All three of them were staring at someone who had appeared out of nowhere. Buffy could see his face clearly through the collapsing magic around them.
His horrible, smiling face. His eyes were glowing bright red, and he looked pleased as punch to be standing there. He was staring at Jack, who looked terrified.
Jack was shaking, from rage or fear, Buffy couldn't tell.
And then Lucifer spoke, "At last, Father and Son – together again."
A/N: I hope that you're enjoying the story! I know that my updates aren't coming every week anymore - it's been a busy summer and I apologize. But I promise at least 1 chapter every other week at the bare minimum.
Reviews?