Chapter 21

"That's not possible. She can't be dying. Look at her, she looks fine!" he said pointing at Raven still planting her flowers. "And she's not trapped, she wants to stay."

Dinah punched him again.

"Are you really this stupid? She looks 'fine' because she hopes you will be healed through living this lie, that it will give you hope enough to fight. She does not know the depth of your selfishness." Her words came out like poison.

He stared at Raven, was it true? Was she really hiding her suffering? Lian danced around her now, she bumped Raven softly, enough to knock her hood back slightly. Her hair was dull; the normally deep shade of purple had turned very dull and worn. Raven pulled the hood back up. He sat up.

"Why doesn't she heal herself? If something is wrong why doesn't she heal."

"This is not her mind, or her body. She cannot wield her normal power here only a fraction of it. Every time she uses her power here she uses a piece of herself."

Realization hit him, horror and pain filled his heart. He thought back to her begging him to fight as she tried to maintain the shield. He remembered how tired she had been from healing him, both times.

"You mean that when she protected me, when she healed me. Each of those things she did to save me, was killing her?"

"And creating this place. Yes."

"What do you mean?"

"This," again she raised her arms to indicate all that he saw around him, "is not a memory, it couldn't be. It is not your dream, you have never seen anything like it before. Where did it come from? How could you have a safe haven in your mind that you have never thought of before."

He was quiet as he looked around. It was beautiful, it was calming and peaceful, he loved it here. But she was right, it wasn't any where he knew and he doubted he could have imagined a place like this on his own.

"She created it. She brought it to you out of her own mind. Maintaining it is wearing her down faster every moment." She said.

"Why can't she just leave?" his voice a whisper as he choked back the pain he felt for Raven.

"You won't let her."

"What? No, I told her she could go, I asked her to stay if she wanted to I never forced her to stay."

"Your words mean nothing. Why do you think she's here Roy."

He watched Raven and Lian, Lian danced around, Raven continued to garden. But he could see now, see her movements becoming slower, and see the colors of the flowers weren't as vibrant as they used to be. Anger filled him.

"Because of you, she's here because you called her here! You brought her into my mind to try to guide me through the things you couldn't! You're the reason she's dying!" he shouted.

He moved to try to hit Dinah but she moved faster, she dodged him and returned another punch to his gut, he let out an oomph as the wind was knocked out of him. He fell to the ground in a huddled mess. His eyes had watered from the pain of the blow, he gasped for air.

Dinah stood above him anger flowing off of her in waves. Her eyes were dark and her mouth set in a hard line.

"We did not call to her."

"We?" he coughed out.

"I am the last of your guidance, the last of your rational mind. We were made of all the good in you, all the brave and true. You have been killing us all off slowly for a long time."

Her voice was angry and distant. He listened intently and saw that behind her shadows began to appear he looked at each one, and each came with a rush of images, a rush of memories and understanding.

He saw Oliver, the man who had taken him in with a true interest in his well being. Oliver had always separated himself from his counterpart, where Green Arrow was cold and angry, Oliver was kind and concerned. When Roy had turned to drugs he had angered and disappointed Green Arrow, but Oliver had felt helpless, unsure of how to help. Roy had shut him out instead of talking to him when he had problems. Green Arrow had made the final blow and left him on the street, but Roy had been the one to leave Oliver out.

He saw Brave Bow, the Navajo chief that had raised him after his real father died in a forest fire. This man had first taught Roy archery, had given him focus, and taught him patience and peace. Roy had forgotten him a long time ago.

He saw Bumble Bee, his friend and leader, more than that, his sister. They teased each other and he went out of his way to drive her crazy but she put up with him, supported him. She was always there for him, even when he didn't deserve it. He had pushed her away when things got tough, had shut her out after Jade. He had become quiet, then cruel. She knew he was using, she tried to stop him tried to get him to get help but he wouldn't and she still tried to protect him.

He saw Robin, the man who had given him new purpose, who had trusted him to help build a new titan team in Steel.

"It will be hard. We will never be Batman or Green Arrow, and we'll never try to be. We will each be our own hero, have allies who we trust. We'll watch out for each other, respect each other. I will never turn my back on you Roy and I know you won't turn yours on me."

Those were the words Robin had spoken the day he asked him to join the titans.

His focus returned to Dinah, the one who saved him. The mother he never had. She knelt down beside him; her eyes no longer carried the fire of anger, but now filled with sadness and pity.

"She came because you called to her. Because your fear was so strong, she wanted to help you, no matter the cost."

"My fear of dying?" he asked quietly, he knew the answer but he didn't want to admit it, didn't want to say it.

"Your fear of dying alone." She replied sadly.

He held his head in his hands and wept. He had called her into his mind, had trapped her here. She came to help him, to give him hope, to lead him back into life. He called her here to die with him.