Chapter Twenty One
I walk into Jenny's house expecting her step-father to be standing right in the foyer puffing up his chest and giving me the evil eye, but he isn't. We're not greeted by any of her family members. I hear them off in the distance talking about politics, I think. There's no reason for me to be intimidated by that, unless they ask me about politics. They may not like what I have to say then.
"You look nervous," Jenny takes my jacket and hangs it up on a peg near the door. "My family isn't something that should make you nervous."
I think it's the exact thing that should make me nervous. Families can be weird and crazy. A good example of that would be my family. I would never have introduced Jenny to Laura Sidle. I also wouldn't have ever told my grandmother that I was into dating girls. That didn't seem like the thing to do, since she did decide to kick Sara out of the house because of it.
Jenny's parents have to be better than that. Everybody's parents have to be better than that. They at least have decided to let me come over for dinner knowing our situation. "Your parents do know that I'm coming, right?" I probably should have asked that before.
"Of course they know," Jenny puts her hands on my waist. "I wouldn't do something like that to you."
That's what she says now, but what happens later when she decides that lying to be about something is just easier than telling me it outright? What happens when she finally figures out that being around me is a lot more work than she needs to undertake right now?
"We were starting to wonder if the two of you were going to make it before dinner was burnt," Jenny's mother says as she walks past the front door and notices Jenny and I lingering there.
Immediately I put some distance between Jenny and I. There's no reason for her mother to think that we were making out this entire time. Then again, maybe her thinking that would be better than actually knowing what kept us. "I'm sorry about that, ma'am." I was taught manners. I'm trying to impress the parentals. "It's my fault that we're late. I had to settle a few things with my mother before we left. She always wants to make sure I'm safe." That wasn't a lie, I don't think.
"Oh well, I completely understand that. It would be wonderful if Jenny could take a lesson from you and spend a little more time talking with her mother."
I shouldn't even try to involve myself in that dispute. I especially shouldn't say anything since I know that the reason Jenny isn't around here so much is because she's around me so much. She's busy trying to pull my soul out of the dirt. That's a full time job and I'm not willing to give that time up just yet. It's selfish, of course, but I feel like being selfish.
"Mom," Jenny closes the distance between us that I have created, "I spend plenty of time at home. It's not my fault that you're working when I'm here."
"Jenny," Oh. The 'mom' voice is being used now. Maybe I should seek out Jenny's father. He can ask me those awkward questions. "You know you're not being fair. I have to work, you know that."
"Sara works a lot too," I don't know what I expect from saying that. It doesn't seem like I'm taking Jenny's side with that one and I think I need to take her side. "So I don't get to spend a lot of time with her." That's better, or judging from the look on Jenny's mother's face maybe it isn't so much better.
"Well," Jenny's mother says uncomfortably. "That's unfortunate. I'm sure I don't work as much as Sara does. My job isn't as nearly as demanding."
"What is it that you do Ms…" Now what's her stepfather's last name again? "Swanson?"
"I'm a real estate agent, dear." I must have gotten the name right then. Score one for the girl who hasn't gotten four feet from the front door yet.
"That's very interesting," I don't give a flip about real estate. Houses are houses and buildings are buildings. "Do you do most of your work in Las Vegas?"
I catch Jenny giving me a sly look, so she knows she owes me a thank you later. Who knew I could be so good at deflecting the focus on someone else to bring it on me. I'm usually the one wanting the attention to be going in a different direction.
"Well, I travel all around the state. Nevada is becoming one of the places to live these days." She has to know that I'm really not interested in this. "If you and Sara are interested in buying a home, I could recommend some very nice ones. We have quite a few on the market that would, I'm sure, suit your specific needs perfectly." Do I have special needs? "After dinner I can show you some pictures of the available houses."
Smiling about this actually hurts me. "That sounds great." Maybe I'll choke while eating.
"So is dinner ready?" Jenny finally speaks up.
"Yes," Ms. Swanson turns her attention to her daughter. "Your father was just setting the table."
"He's not my father," Jenny sounds irritated. "He's your husband."
"Tell me, Melinda," I don't like the sound of that. "Do you have as much of a problem with Sara's girlfriend as Jenny has with her stepfather?"
I look at Jenny knowing that I shouldn't answer this question. It probably would fan Ms. Swanson's fire when she hears I get along with Catherine a lot more than I get along with Sara. "Mom, that's not a fair question. Catherine isn't a thing like Damon. She's not an ass."
"Jenny, we've talked about you calling Damon names." It's kind of funny and all, but I didn't know that Jenny had such a problem with her stepfather. She seems okay with him most of the time. Maybe this is something I should ask her about later after I'm subjected to looking through pictures of houses that are for sale.
"I think we should wash our hands before we eat," I grab Jenny's hand and as best as I'm able lead her to where I remember the bathroom is. I push Jenny into the small half bath and shut the door behind us.
"So…" I lean against the closed door and look at Jenny hoping she'll give me an explanation without me having to ask for one.
"He cheated on my mom," She softly admits. "I just found out the other day. They didn't want to tell me, but I overheard them talking about it. They're going into counseling or something."
"Hey," I reach out to her and pull her to me. "Why didn't you tell me this before?"
Jenny gives me this look that I know must mean she didn't have the slightest opportunity to tell me anything since ninety-nine percent of the time we're focused on everything that's happening to me. It makes me feel kind of bad.
"It's supposed to be friends first, right?" I ask carefully.
Jenny gives me a strange look but nods her head. "Then that means we get to talk about you too. My stuff isn't going away anytime soon, so we can't push everything that happens to you away until it does."
She starts picking at a piece of string hanging from my shirt sleeve. "I just didn't want to talk about it yet and didn't want to give you more stuff to deal with."
"I know most of the time I'm a completely self-absorbed ass, but I think I may sort of really like you and kind of care about what happens to you too." That was really hard to get through and completely ineloquent. "So you kind of have to tell me these things so that I'm not the one always dumping stuff on you, because you're supposed to dump stuff on me too." I'm not sounding any better so I'm just going to stop talking, but at least Jenny's smiling now.
"If I ask you to beat him up for me, would you do it?" Maybe my words weren't as bad as they sounded in my head, although I'm pretty sure that they were.
"With or without the crutch?"
That gets me a short laugh and that's good enough for me. "So are you okay? I mean, I know that you're not okay but are you okay in a way that means we can walk out of this bathroom and cease the hostilities or do you really want me to beat him up?" When did I get so wordy?
Jenny sighs. "I do kind of want you to beat him up for real, but I think I can make it through dinner."
"Good." There's a knock on the door, which makes me jump away from it and straight into Jenny. We fall to the floor with me landing right on top of her, and that's when the door opens.
"Girls," Mr. Swanson's voice immediately fades once I imagine he gets a good look at us on the floor. "What are you doing?"
I roll off of Jenny and turn around to face the man. I can't read his expression, but I am hoping that he doesn't have a gun or anything. I wouldn't want to get shot at.
"She was standing against the door when you opened it," Jenny replies icily. "If you had waited for a response you wouldn't have almost given her a concussion."
"Oh." A strained smile appears on Mr. Swanson's face. "I'm sorry. I just wanted to tell you both that dinner is served. Come out whenever you both are ready." He closes the door again and actually looks a little hurt. He cares for Jenny. I do know that.
Jenny gets up off the floor and offers her hand to me. I take it and she helps pull me up. I want to tell her something, but I don't have the words to say it. Maybe when she's not so angry anymore I can risk telling her that she has a parent that cares for her and that she shouldn't crap on that. If Catherine cheated on Sara or vice versa I'm sure I'd be majorly pissed, but I'd like to think that some part of me would recognize that they still care for me. Who knows what I'd really do. Maybe I'd just lose all my faith in love. They are the only good example that I've got.
So instead of trying to offer Jenny some personal insight, I give her a quick kiss on the lips. It probably says more to her than my words could anyway.
Once I pull away from her I take a look around to see what has become of my single crutch, it's the only one I've got now. It's still resting against the doorframe. Go figure that it would remain untouched. I settle it under my arm and let Jenny lead the way out of the bathroom and when we reach the dining room, I realize that we never did end up washing our hands, but I guess that doesn't matter so much right now.
Instead of the Swanson's setting up the table with two people at the head, they have us sitting across from each other. Once we sit down the tension in the room is palpable. This might even rival some of the tension I have going on with Sara at times. It's possible that I just attract this kind of tension. I am the flame that the moth is drawn to. Well, at least I'm not the moth.
"This looks really good," I'm not even sure what this food is exactly, but it does look a little edible.
"Thank you, Melinda." Ms. Swanson smiles graciously as she moves the food on her plate around. So far, no one has taken a bite of anything. Personally, I'd like to see someone try to eat it so that I know it's safe.
Jenny doesn't look like she's particularly hungry at the moment and neither do either of the Swansons. I actually am hungry but I rather not eat foreign objects alone. What if Ms. Swanson is one of those passive-aggressive types that might poison the food to get back at her husband? I don't know these people well enough to say that isn't a possibility.
Finally, the food on Ms. Swanson's fork makes it into her mouth. It doesn't seem like she's enjoying the food, though. It actually looks like she's performing rote movements.
"So girls," Mr. Swanson tears a piece off of his dinner roll but doesn't put it in his mouth, "how is school coming along?"
Jenny doesn't look like she's going to answer and I don't care to share inane information with her stepfather. He doesn't really care about my schooling. "We're not in the same grade level," I tell him hoping that will be a good enough answer for him.
"You're not?" His voice is flat and I'm not entirely sure he's asked a question, but I'm just assuming that it is. "I could have sworn that you are." Now he just seems like he's talking to himself. "So are you graduating this year then?" Now he's actually looking at me.
"No." I shake my head. "I'm not technically a sophomore but that's the level I'm at. I'll be graduating next year."
"You're graduating a year early?" This peaks Ms. Swanson's interest. "I graduated a year early from school."
"I could have graduated this year, but I didn't want to go to college when I was sixteen. I'd like to play high school ball a little longer." Like Mr. Swanson I pick up my dinner roll and tear off a piece, but I do put it in my mouth and chew and swallow. I haven't heard of poisoned bread.
"You must be as an exceptional student as you are a basketball player," Ms. Swanson turns her attention to her daughter. "I wish Jenny had the same motivation as you do. She's a lot smarter than her grades reflect."
"Marianna, Jenny does fine in school." Mr. Swanson doesn't look at his wife when he says this. He's looking at Jenny.
I tear another piece of my roll off and stick it in my mouth.
"I don't need you defending me, Damon." Jenny snaps.
Mr. Swanson takes a deep breath and releases it through a long tortured sigh. "I know that, Jenny," he says carefully.
That's when my cell phone rings. "Excuse me," I smile and reach into my pocket and pull my flip-phone out. "Hello?" I turn away from the table and somehow manage to have my back turned to everyone.
"Mel, it's Sara." My savior's voice says from across the line. "I just wanted to call and tell you that it's safe to come home now."
"You need me home now?" I say loud enough so that everyone at the table can hear me. "I'm eating dinner with Jenny's family."
"I didn't say that," Sara responds confused.
"You're going back to work and need me to watch Lindsey?" Once again I'm loud enough so that everyone can hear me.
"Catherine is picking Lindsey up along with dinner. We're not going back to work tonight." Sara explains still completely lost as to what's going on.
"I'm on my way." I hang up the phone before Sara can reply and turn back to the three pairs of eyes that are looking at me rather intently.
"That was Sara," I make the obvious general announcement. "She needs me to come home to watch Lindsey so that she and Catherine can go back to work. I'm terribly sorry I have to leave so soon." I'm already up out of my chair. "Jenny you're going to have to drive me since you brought me here." Jenny's already up too.
We say a quick good-bye to her parents then are quickly out the door and in Jenny's car on our way back to Sara's and my apartment before Jenny questions me about the phone call I received. "So does Sara really need you to watch Lindsey?"
"No," I say through a sigh. "She called me to say that everything had been worked out and it was okay for me to go back home."
"So you lied to my parents?" I don't know if Jenny is happy or angry about this. I know that I'm happy.
"I did and I'm sorry." Apologizing is always good. "It's not a reflection of what I think about them, it's just that they were acting weird and it didn't seem like anyone wanted to be in that room but the only reason why they were staying was because this unseen force was keeping them seated and I took a guess that it was out of politeness for the guest and the guest wasn't happy bout it." Long winded explanations can be good too.
"I understand," Jenny says softly. "I wanted to run away from it just like everyone else. I'm glad Sara called you when she did and I'm sorry you had to sit through that."
I reach over and put my hand on Jenny's thigh. "Don't apologize. You've gone through way worse with me, maybe with a little less nagging but certainly with a lot more profanity, yelling, and borderline violence."
Jenny cracks a tiny smile. "Yeah, I guess you do owe me a lot more than just one dinner."
It doesn't take long before we're back in my apartment where there's Chinese take-out on the table and some movie playing on the television. This place seems like a calm ocean breeze compared to the freezing ice storm we just came from.
Jenny and I head immediately towards the food. "Sara called me and said to bring enough for four and you," Catherine says pointing to the food. "I can only hope I got enough."
"Very funny," I manage to reply from around a mouthful of egg roll as I stack my plate with food.
When my plate can't hold anymore I take a seat between Sara and Lindsey on the couch. "So what are we watching?"
"Raise Your Voice" Lindsey responds.
"Is that the one with Jessica Simpson?" I ask right before I put a forkful of vegetable fried rice in my mouth.
"It's Hilary Duff," Lindsey answers sounding somewhat offended by my question.
I shrug. "Hilary Duff, Jessica Simpson they're both talent challenged blondes."
"Hey!" How can Lindsey be offended by that? It's not like I released classified information or anything.
"Mel," Sara warns but she is smiling. I know she agrees with me.
"I'm sure this movie is brilliant, though." I say half-heartedly. "There's nothing like raising one's voice."
"Stop picking on your sister," Jenny tells me then takes a seat on the floor against my legs, but well enough away from my injured foot.
"I can pick on whoever I want to," I give Jenny a gentle little shove with my good foot.
"Shh." Somehow Lindsey got the remote and is now turning up the television.
I give her a look but keep my silence. Eating is more important at the moment anyway.
"So did you eat anything over at Jenny's?" Sara leans over and asks me quietly.
"Two pieces of a dinner roll." I answer just as quietly. "So it's good you called Catherine to get more food."
"You want to talk about what was happening?"
I take a quick look at Jenny who seems to actually be involved in the movie. "Maybe later."
"Whenever you want," Sara turns her attention back to the screen. Catherine walks behind us and runs a warm hand across my shoulders then takes a seat in the only vacant chair in the room with her plate of food.
So, I'm thinking that maybe my life has really sucked up until I moved in with Sara. I haven't had the best family life, really, but l can see what I have now. Catherine and Sara do love each other. I know that. They have problems, obviously, but at least they work it out. I'm sure Jenny's had a really great life and a lot better childhood, but I've gotta say that in the end, I think I got a good deal when it came to the final pair of parents I ended up with. We've still got a lot of stuff to work out, but at this moment I can say that I'm happy to be here.
Tomorrow that could change. I never know how I'm going to feel in the tomorrows, but I guess that means I have to hold onto today. So tomorrow if I get angry and maniac worthy, I can remember this moment and bad movies and maybe I can bring myself back from the anger. Now I have something to remember that isn't about abuse so maybe this forming new memories thing might actually work.
Author's Note: If anyone was wondering, no I am not a incredibly fast writer. Mad World is completely written. The reason it isn't being posted all at once is because I'm editing it. Also, thank you all once again for your comments. To those who didn't want to give this story a chance at first, well thanks for changing your minds.