Tired

Caitlin sighed as she hunched over the microscope.

"No luck?" Cisco asked her, plopping down in the chair next to where she was standing.

"No," she sighed, "I thought maybe a different type of radiation would inhibit cellular growth, but it had no effect on the cancer cells."

"You should go home for a while, Caitlin," Cisco told her, "It's not healthy for you to be working so hard for long periods of time like this."

"It's not my health that I'm thinking about right now, Cisco," she said, placing another slide under the microscope, "We're running out of time."

Cisco sighed.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" he asked.

"Actually, could you check on Barry for me?" Caitlin asked, "Joe and Iris are both at work, and I told Henry to go take a nap, so there's no one in there with him right now. It's making me nervous."

"Sure," Cisco said, "I'm sure he's just sleeping like always, but I'll go check on him to be sure."

Cisco crossed the cortex to reach what they no longer referred to as the med bay, but as Barry's room. He opened the door quietly and tiptoed into the room.

Barry was lying on his side facing away from him. Cisco was just about to sit down, intending to stay in the room to sit with Barry for a while when he saw all of the water on the floor by the bed. Staring at the puddle of fluid, Cisco curiously circled around the bed to try to find the source. He couldn't think of where the water possibly could have come from.

He was surprised to find that Barry wasn't even asleep like he usually was. He was wide awake, laying calmly in bed with both of his hands under the blankets. He seemed very interested in something there that he was doing with his hands.

"Watcha doing there, Barry?" Cisco asked him. Barry glanced at him.

"Nothing," he said quietly, still looking at his hands hidden under the blanket.

"Can I see?" Cisco asked gently. Barry shook his head.

"Why not?" Cisco asked calmly.

"It's fine," Barry said, keeping his hands out of sight, "I got it out now."

"Got what out?" Cisco questioned. He slowly and gently pulled off the top blanket and was instantly alarmed when he saw that the white sheets were stained bright red. "Jesus, man! What happened?!"

He pulled Barry's arms out from under the sheets to inspect them. Both hands were covered in blood.

"I got it out," Barry repeated. Cisco looked wildly around for a moment and then spotted Barry's IV laying on the floor. That would be the source of the water then. Barry had pulled his IV out, and saline fluid had been dripping onto the floor for the last half hour instead of into Barry's vein.

"Ugh, Barry, why would you do that?" Cisco groaned, stooping to pick up the fallen IV tubing. Barry stared at him.

"It was biting me," he said softly. Cisco just shook his head, slightly irked and slightly amused.

"Well, now I have to get Caitlin in here so she can get you a new IV," Cisco said sternly, "You pulled it out for nothing."

Barry was hardly paying any attention to him though. He was staring at the corner of the room, behind where Cisco stood. Cisco glanced behind him to see what Barry was looking at, but there was nothing there.

"Who is that?" Barry asked him curiously.

"Who is what?" Cisco asked, spinning around to look at the empty corner.

"That little girl," Barry said, pointing at the corner.

"Uh uh!" Cisco said loudly, shaking his head and waving his arms, "Oh hell no! You're not going to go all Sixth Sense on me now, man!"

Barry didn't respond. He just kept looking at the corner, and it was starting to give Cisco goosebumps.

"Seriously, dude. This is not cool. You're starting to freak me out," Cisco said, repressing the urge to shudder, "I'm gonna go get Caitlin now."

He exited the room hurriedly, storming into the cortex where Caitlin still stood with her microscope.

"Okay, Caitlin, I am never going into Barry's room alone with him again," he said, shuddering, "He's seeing creepy little ghost girls in there now! I'm sorry, but I aint about that life."

Caitlin laughed slightly. Even though she knew that Barry's hallucinations were far from funny, Cisco's reactions to them could be amusing sometimes.

"You know it's all just in his head, Cisco," she said, "Obviously it's not really a ghost."

"Hey, you never know," Cisco said, "Maybe all that radiation gave Barry ghost seeing powers or something."

Caitlin rolled her eyes but smiled.

"By the way, Barry tore his IV out," Cisco told her.

"For real?" she said exasperatedly. She sighed. "Alright, I'll go in and reinsert a new one then."

As she walked towards Barry's room, she added, "I swear, you can't leave him alone for two seconds."

…..

Barry didn't know that his father had entered the room. Henry stood in the doorway, watching his son with worry. Barry was quietly groaning and gasping in pain, his breathing heavy. He had his hand on the morphine pump, pressing the button repeatedly. It was killing Henry to see him suffering this much.

"You know, I think there's a limit to how many times you can press the button," Henry said gently to him. Barry dropped the control and spun his head to look at him. Henry walked over to the bed and sat next to him.

"What hurts, Bar?" he asked quietly.

"Everything," Barry said in a small voice. "Sir, do you think you can get the nurse for me? I think this thing is broken," he said, gesturing to the morphine pump.

Henry sighed, "We can't give you any more, Bar. It's not good for you."

Tears sprang to Barry's eyes as he sighed, his head falling back on the pillow.

"Can I get you something else?" Henry asked him desperately.

"I want…I want to go home," Barry said weakly, his breath hitching as if he was about to cry.

"I know, son," Henry choked, "But we need you to stay here so we can take better care of you."

Barry looked at him with pleading eyes.

"Why am I here?" he asked his father, confusion written plainly on his face. Henry let out a heavy sigh.

"You're really sick right now, Bar," he told him, "You're here so we can make you better again."

"I don't like this," Barry said quietly, "I really don't like this."

"I know, Barry," Henry said gently, "I know. Just hang in there, Slugger. We're going to make you better."

Henry reached over to take Barry's hand, but he hesitated when he saw it. He took Barry's hand gently in his own to observe it. Barry's fingernails were blue. Henry knew Barry had poor circulation, but he didn't know it was that poor. As Henry stood and observed Barry's heart monitor, Caitlin entered the room.

"Caitlin," Henry said quietly to her, "Have you seen this?"

He gestured to Barry's monitor. His EKG was displayed there, and both doctors looked at it with growing concern.

"He has peaked T waves," Caitlin pointed out. She and Henry exchanged a concerned look. Barry was staring at them curiously.

"Look at his heart rate," Henry said to her, pointing at the monitor again. Caitlin's brow furrowed.

"Fifty-two. That can't be right, can it?" she asked quietly, "That's slow even for a normal person."

"What was his potassium level this morning?" Henry whispered to her, trying not to worry Barry, who was listening to their exchange curiously.

Caitlin walked quickly over to the other side of the room where they kept Barry's chart. She flipped through the pages, pausing when she reached the CBC report from that day. She looked up at Henry with wide eyes.

"6.2," she said quietly. Henry's eyes also widened.

"He's hyperkalemic," he said seriously.

"I'll grab the dialysis equipment," Caitlin said urgently, "He'll need some extra treatments to correct it."

When Caitlin left the room, Henry continued to stare at the heart monitor with unease. It wasn't like Barry was about to code at any moment or anything, but it scared him. Barry's slow heartrate and abnormal heart rhythm were not a good sign. He was going downhill, and although they had been anticipating it, it was still scary to see when it actually started to happen. He grabbed Caitlin's stethoscope that she had left on the bedside table and pressed the diaphragm to Barry's chest as he watched the EKG. He was so focused on listening for heart murmurs, he was surprised when Barry spoke.

"I'm so cold," Barry said suddenly. Henry's eyes tore away from the monitor screen to look down at his son. Barry was shivering.

"Here, son," Henry said, adding another blanket on top of him. Barry looked at him gratefully as he pulled the blanket all the way up to cover himself. Henry also slid Barry's hat on him so he wouldn't lose heat through his head. Barry closed his eyes as he tried to get comfortable. Henry watched him sleep for a while. He silently thanked God for every breath Barry took. He vowed to himself that he was going to do everything in his power to make sure that his son kept breathing. He wasn't going to lose him. Not like this. Not ever.

…..

Barry deteriorated at an alarming rate. Over the next two weeks as Barry laid in the medical bed, he seemed to be wasting away right in front of them. He was jaundiced from his liver failure, and his eyes were sunken in. His weight was at an all-time low, and Caitlin had to start giving him most of his meals through tube feedings. Barry spoke less and less each day. He rarely was awake, and when he was, he usually didn't say anything. Every now and then he would mutter something to himself, delirious from his hallucinations.

Every once in a very rare while, however, Barry was cognizant, and they could speak to him somewhat normally.

"Iris?" he said through his raspy voice one day, his eyes fluttering open.

"Barry, it's okay, I'm here," Iris said, taking his hands in both of her own, "My dad and I. We're both here."

"It hurts, Iris. It…"

"I know, Barry," she said brokenly, "I know you're hurting."

"Please make it stop," he begged, "Please."

"How, Barry? How can I help you?" she asked, tears in her eyes, "I'll get Caitlin. She'll give you more morphine."

"No," Barry rasped, "No more morphine."

Iris blinked at him through her tears, still encasing his cold hands in both of her own. Joe stepped forward and leaned in to whisper gently to his son.

"What do you need, Bar?"

"I need—I need you to let me go," Barry said, his voice cracking. Iris dropped his hands.

"No, Barry," she said numbly, "No, we're not going to do that."

"Please," he begged, tears in his eyes, "Please. I just want it to end."

"You're not thinking straight, Barry," Iris said, almost more to herself, "This isn't you talking. You're just not thinking straight right now, that's all."

"I am right now, Iris," Barry told her desperately, "Please, while I'm still me, you need to listen. Please, listen to me. I don't want any more treatment. I'm done."

"Bar," she said, hardly able to speak, "You have to keep trying. Keep fighting. Please, for us. You can't give up yet."

Barry didn't say anything. He shut his eyes tightly, tears brimming over and streaming down his face as he shook his head.

"Please, son," Joe said, "Please, for us. Please."

"You don't know," Barry choked, "You don't know how much it hurts. You…"

Barry's expression changed suddenly, his face going slack. He stared blankly for a moment.

"Barry?"

Barry's eyes were completely unfocused now. It was a look they were now too familiar with, and they knew they had lost him again.

"Joe, would it be okay," Barry said, "if Iris and I go to watch the particle accelerator turn on tonight? We've been planning to see it for months."

Iris sobbed and turned quickly away from Barry. She rushed to the other side of the room to face the wall, unable to look at him. She clasped a hand tightly to her mouth, holding back the cry threatening to escape her as her eyes burned with tears.

"Yeah, son," Joe answered him sadly, "Yeah, you can go see it."

Barry smiled at him, and Joe did his best to smile back at him past the lump in his throat.

"Thanks, Joe," Barry said, still smiling as he closed his eyes.

Iris and Joe watched him silently as he fell back asleep. The silence of the room was broken however, by a sharp beeping sound that suddenly erupted from one of Barry's monitors. In horror, Joe and Iris both looked up to see the dreaded straight line glaring at them on Barry's heart monitor.

His heart had stopped.