DISCLAIMER: I do not own this show, the books, or these characters. I only borrow them.

Chapter 21

Maura glanced up and saw a multitude of yellow stars. As far as she could see left and right, the blue expanse seemed to swallow her up. It even blanketed her in its warm embrace as the occasional breeze ruffled her hair. She stretched and noticed the air vent that was near the ceiling above the headboard. She smiled thinking about Frankie waking up to this experience as he was growing up; it was calming to her frayed nerves. She sat up, glanced at the alarm clock on the bedside table, and was shocked to realize that she had slept slightly over two hours. She stood up and tried to smooth out the wrinkles that were already setting in the forest green dress with a few hand stitched flowers on the bodice. One green heel lay on it's side where it had fallen on the floor, so she kicked her other shoe off before walking around the room.

Without prying eyes around, Maura enjoyed the extra time she could spend wandering the room and seeing all of Frankie's boyhood treasures. She threw surreptitious glances at the door as she worked her way around the room and kept her ears open for the sounds of anyone approaching. She found herself fingering the name on one of the larger trophies. She wondered what he was really like as a kid. She knew that all she would have to do would be to ask either Jane or Angela for stories and they would probably gladly agree, but she didn't feel like she could witness their grief for what they lost. She barely handled her own grief, and she knew she didn't want others to see her at those times when all she felt like doing was crying. When she got to the dresser, she reached up and slowly drove the closest model car through the accumulated dust. She looked at the tracks the wheels made and thought for a moment that someone might notice, but then knew with all the dust that the top of the dresser was rarely looked at. A quick glance at the alarm clock showed her that she had been strolling through the bedroom for a good twenty minutes. She had looked more closely at all the objects she could that were out on top of shelves, dressers, and desk, or were hanging on the wall. Not wanting to invade Frankie's childhood privacy any more by looking into drawers, and fearing that at any moment Jane or Angela might stick their heads through the cracked open door, Maura walked back over to the bed. She straightened out the bed covers, slipped her shoes on, and walked out of the room that had told her a few stories she didn't want to ask others for.

After a brief stop in the restroom across the hallway, Maura poked her head through the other open door. She saw Jane sleeping in the pink canopy bed that she so despised. Maura silently chuckled as she knew that Jane's actions spoke volumes about how much she cared for her; otherwise, Maura knew with almost one hundred percent certainty that she would have ungracefully landed on the floor as Jane pushed her out of Frankie's bed. She was glad to see her friend still asleep as she didn't see the usual grimace of pain or sorrowful frown that were currently the most prominent expressions on her kind face. She quietly backed out of the room, down the stairs, and across the living room where she picked up her purse. Her plan was to grab her purse and just as quietly leave so that she could get in to work, but Angela seemed to have her own plans.

Hearing the creaking of the stairs, Angela knew one or both of the girls were finally venturing downstairs again. As Jane knew how to traverse the stairs without causing one squeak or groan since she was six, Angela knew that Maura was coming down. She poured a glass of milk and grabbed one of the sandwiches she had prepared not long ago knowing that they would be waking up soon. She exited the kitchen with the loot in hand and hurried over to the well dressed woman before she could try and slip out the door. She pushed the small plate into Maura's hands so that one hand was free to firmly but gently push the confused woman into the dining room. Angela set the milk down at the nearest spot and just glared at Maura until she realized that she had no choice but to sit. Angela sat in the neighboring chair once her daughter's friend was settled. "Eat."

Maura could hear the motherly command that was behind that one word. "I really need to be going. It's already much later than I meant to leave, and they will be expecting me at the morgue." She was about to reach into her purse to check the numerous messages she knew she would now have from work when the next statement stilled her hand.

"Jane called to let them know that you would be in later this afternoon, if at all." It was close enough to the actual message Angela thought. "She also mentioned that you haven't been eating well this week." She took a longer look at the petite woman in front of her and, like all Italian mothers, wanted to snatch her up and force feed her if necessary. She knew Jane would make fun of her for her notion that good food solved everything.

Maura didn't know whether to feel annoyed with Jane for calling into work without her knowledge or pleased that her friend was watching out for her, so she settled with confused as she stared at the sandwich for a moment before she realized what sat on the plate.

"Jane also told me once that you really liked those."

"Thanks. Food has tasted off since Monday when I had a case with a charred bo...house." Maura had often been warned by Jane that most people did not like hearing about her work and dead bodies while eating, so she left it out of her explanation even though Angela was only sitting with her and changed the topic. "Did you know that Marshmallow Fluff was created in 1917 by a man named Archibald Query? He made it in his home and then sold it door to door. And then, after World War I, he sold the recipe. It's a good thing he did because I really enjoy it." Picking up one triangle of the crustless peanut butter and marshmallow fluff sandwich, Maura added before taking a hesitant bite, "...and at least this is probably one of the few things that would taste okay burnt." At the confused look on Angela's face, Maura went on after she swallowed and took a small drink of the milk to clear out the peanut butter. "The first and only time I roasted marshmallows over a fire...well, it was interesting to say the least.

"My nanny, Sharron, thought I should enjoy all the activities she did when she was growing up. So one night, when my parents were out, she decided we should roast marshmallows. There was a warm fire in the sitting room my parents preferred..." To a family with one living room, she felt odd about talking about preferred living rooms in her childhood home as she knew the difference often annoyed people. She was glad to see that Angela was still having a good time listening rather than feeling bitter over how Maura was raised as she was used to and feared with many, including from Angela's son early on. "She brought in a couple sticks that she found outside before the gardeners could get to them. She tried to pass me a stick with a marshmallow on it, but I refused to use it as I knew the gardeners used various chemicals on the yard and trees to keep the bugs away and keep the grounds green. So I went into the kitchen and grabbed a fondue fork before the cook could catch me. Before I knew it, I was catching marshmallows on fire. They weren't all that bad... granted Sharron's nicely toasted ones were better. I could never seem to get the ratio of spinning speed and distance from the flames correct in order to toast them well."

"So why didn't you ever do that again?...Perfect the art of marshmallow toasting?" Angela asked with a voiced laced with amusement and curiosity.

Maura couldn't help the embarrassed look that came over her face. "The heat from the fire caused the fork to get too hot through conduction. I dropped the fork..." Maura almost giggled now with the memory, even though at the time she was petrified at what her parents were going to do. "...With the burning marshmallow. Next thing I knew, there was a burned hole in the antique rug, a white sticky mess from both the marshmallow and the fire extinguisher, and a horrible smell in my parent's favorite room in the house that lingered for days. Mother wasn't happy and wouldn't let another fire burn in the room after that, and Cook became an even bigger tyrant in her kitchen."

"So what did your parents do to you when they got home?" Angela was curious to know how this other set of parents disciplined their wayward daughter. She had plenty of experience as Jane was growing up with which to compare.

"She took my books away."

Angela could see how that would be a horrible punishment for the little girl Maura used to be.

"But worse than that, my parents hired a new nanny. They thought Sharron was a bad influence, but they hired her back two weeks later as they had no clue how to deal with me." Of course they didn't as Sharron was more a parent then they were. "Mother even tried to give my books back to me when I refused to eat."

Jane had been standing in the doorway for awhile now and couldn't help laughing as she pictured a young Maura throwing her own prissy version of a temper tantrum.

Maura jumped in her seat and turned around to glance at Jane leaning against the doorway. "How long have you been listening?"

"Long enough to know that I'm not the only one with interesting stories about growing up." Jane came in and took the seat to Maura's right as her mother went into the kitchen.

"True, granted my mother wouldn't feel the enjoyment your mother seems to get out of trying to embarrass you... Granted my mother wouldn't even know most of my more interesting antics to tell others."

Not wanting to get into a topic that always seemed to cause sorrow to Maura, Jane went on "Ma's been having fun with remembering the stories when we were growing up: before Tommy started getting into trouble; before Frankie and I took a dangerous job; when she and Pop still wished the worse their boys would have to put up with was a frozen pipe bursting during the holidays." Well crap, now they both were frowning. That didn't go as Jane hoped, so she tried for a lighter conversation. "Even Pop's been acting off and overbearing. We were watching a game and I had a twinge. Pop doesn't even wait for the commercial to go get me a pillow, glass of water, and a couple pain pills...He never leaves in the middle of a game, even if his bladder is about to explode."

"That is impossible."

"I know. I never thought I'd see it either"

"No, the bladder exploding. It it a very distensible organ. Granted, it can over stretch on occasion if the nervous system isn't able to signal the micturition center in the pons; then a catheter would need to be used to void the urine. However, the bladder can sometimes rupture if there is major pelvic trauma, surgical complications, a tumor, or damage from radiation."

Jane glared from the very literal interpretation of her sarcastic words, even though she should have know better. "Okay, add no talking about peeing at the dinner table to the list of no-no's."

Maura smiled back brightly, "Of course I wouldn't talk about that...You should always use a bathroom." She had way too much fun with the technical talk with Jane as she would always roll her eyes at the long explanation...just like Frankie.

Angela came back into the room enjoying hearing her daughter laughing. She set another sandwich and glass of milk in front of Jane.

"Did you get a hold of Pop yet?" Jane had told her mom about needing to clear out Frankie's apartment when she brought a glass of water and bottle of pills upstairs in case Jane needed them before her morning nap.

"He has jobs scheduled all weekend, but he mentioned he and a few friends could help load the work truck Sunday afternoon with anything we might want to keep. I also called Goodwill to come over Monday morning to pick up the larger furniture. I thought Frankie would like his stuff to end up at the thrift store he liked to go to." As the family already had furniture, and knowing that Frankie would like to know that the furniture that had no real personal value to the family went cheaply to another family who really needed them.

Maura froze poised about to finish off the milk in her glass as she realized what Jane and her mother were talking about. She wasn't sure how she did it, but somehow she was able to set the glass back on the table without dropping it. She realized that Jane was asking her a question, so she struggled to pull her attention back to the conversation and not mentally wander Frankie's apartment to determine what all she would need to remove before anyone else entered.

When Jane noticed that Maura was finally focused on her, she asked again, "I was wondering if you might be able to help on Sunday. Frost and Korsak already said they would help out as long as they weren't called in. I can't do much yet as I'm still not allowed to lift over twenty pounds." She worried about her mother having to do most of the work. Pop couldn't help much as he had been taking any extra job he could find in order to pay the new bills from the funeral and medical expenses. She knew that most of the arguments that her parents had when they thought Jane was out of hearing range were about money: Ma wanted him to be home more and take the time to mourn, he countered with the many bills including the mortgage to keep the roof over their heads. Jane wondered how bad things really were.

"Sure. I know I'm not on call Sunday, so I'm free to help." At least this way, if Jane tried to fingerprint the apartment in order to determine Frankie's girl, she would have a valid excuse for why her prints were around. She realized she really had been around Jane too long as she was seeing the world in terms of conspiracies and intrigue. She much preferred the stress free moments filled with facts and proofs. She sat for the next ten minutes as she finished her meal and listened to the plan for cleaning out Frankie's apartment. She wanted to bolt out of the house sooner, but she knew Jane and Angela would both question her speed of egress. When she felt she had waited long enough, she begged off and promised to see them both Sunday.

When she was safely in her car with her hands tightly gripping the steering wheel, she took a deep steadying breath as she struggled to think about her new short term plans. She called work and told them she was taking the rest of the day off for personal reasons and to only contact her in case of an emergency. She started up her car and drove over to a building she had started to think of as a secondary home due to the occupant.

As Maura slowly walked toward the three story brick building, she remembered the first time she made her way here.

~15 weeks earlier~

Detectives Frost and Korsak, along with Dr. Isles, arrived at the familiar apartment which was now a crime scene and took in the dead body lying on the floor. They had all rushed over when they learned the true identity of Frankie's date. They all rode together with the lights and sirens going to allow them to speed through the streets of Boston. Frost radioed to the patrol car sitting outside watching the apartment and all but shouted at the answering officer to get his ass moving and to secure the apartment. They tried not to panic when, moments later, the chastised officer called for backup after hearing gunshots. They were panicking when another officer called not only for emergency medical response at that location but also for the ME.

They were slightly relived when they arrived at Jane's apartment building and could hear Frankie's stressed voice as they were hurrying up the stairs. He was all but sobbing and telling Jane how sorry he was for getting her in this mess. The three feared that they would enter the apartment to see Frankie crying over his sister's dead body. Instead they walked into the now crowded room and saw the siblings sitting on the couch holding on to each other for dear life as Jane tried to calm her brother down. It was the first time in her career that Maura was very glad to see the dead body of a life cut too short; she was elated that it was anyone but her only real friend, and that it wasn't Frankie as she knew his death would be as hazardous as a fatal gunshot wound to Jane.

She pronounced that the female was dead and made sure that the necessary information was gathered in order to tell the story of what happened in Jane's bedroom to exonerate the siblings for any wrong doing in the shooting. As she walked back into the living room, she saw Jane being questioned quietly in the kitchen and Frankie was being swabbed for gun shot residue as the pictures of the violence in the building and on the two cops were being snapped. She even saw one tech taking a sample of the sauce that the deceased had been cooking, probably in order to check for any harmful substance.

As Jane was already home, the detectives decided to just interview her there. Frankie, on the other hand, they drove to headquarters to question as they wanted to make sure the stories were the same without being influenced by the other. Jane all but begged Maura to go and keep an eye out on her brother and make sure he got home as both of her partners were hovering and she knew they weren't going anywhere.

Maura reminded Jane of the spare key she had for her house in case she wanted to head over there and Maura was held up at headquarters. She saw a smile of thanks from her friend as she hurried out following Frankie and the officer leading him to the waiting cruiser.

After Frankie gave his statement, Maura drove him home as she promised Jane. She had finally threatened Frankie when he tried for at least the fourth time to find another ride. They both knew that there would be trouble if they did not follow Jane's explicit instructions. She parked half a block front his apartment building and got out of the car as Frankie did. They both knew that the unspoken addendum to Jane's orders involved seeing him safely into his apartment, and Maura was a stickler for following orders to the letter. She planned to leave after he stepped into his apartment, but he asked if she wanted to come in for coffee and she could tell that he needed someone to talk to after the hellish day. So she stepped into the warm interior and glanced around at the earth tone furnishings. She knew she wasn't the best when it came to comfortable conversation not involving work, but she knew that Jane would try to help someone if the situation was reversed, so she agreed.

Maura wasn't sure when it happened. When the fear and worry in Frankie's voice melted away and was replaced with gratitude and then a possibility for something more; when the words changed from the horror of the night, to more joyful times with his sister, and then to personal thoughts and feelings. They talked for hours, until Maura regretfully knew she needed to leave to get ready for work that day. Frankie and Jane would both be on leave until the situation was resolved. If it wasn't for the fact that she needed to get to work in order to perform the autopsy on 'Lola' in order to quickly get the two Rizzoli cops back on duty, she was tempted to call in for a personal day as she was tired...and she really didn't want to stop the best discussion she had had with someone other than Jane or a colleague in forensics.

Maura used the key he gave her to enter the apartment and noticed that the living room didn't seem as warm as it had before. The tans, browns, and greens that before had her thinking of a peaceful park now seemed more like a dark, overgrown, lonely forest. She didn't realize until he was gone just how much light and peace Frankie's presence added to a room...added to her.

Right away she realized that the first thing she needed to do was take out the trash. Maura knew that she and the detectives would not have any problem with the smell as it was nothing compared to some of the crime scenes they had worked, but she didn't want Angela to have to think of all that was slowing rotting now with her son dead.

After taking the trash out to the dumpster, Maura walked into the bedroom. She bypassed the bed she had shared with Frankie on occasion as she walked to the closet. She found an old, tattered duffel bag that she knew Frankie had often used when he went to the gym. She didn't think anyone would care or notice if she used it. She knew Frankie probably would be laughing at her for using it as she often complained because of the smell as he usually forgot to empty out the soiled and sweaty clothes he changed out of. Opening it up, Maura realized that he again forgot as the bag still had a few articles of clothing in it. She dumped them in a clothes basket that Frankie must have been preparing to take downstairs to the apartment washers, or more probably to her house. Multitasking seeing Maura while his laundry was being washed was much more enjoyable he has said than taking a book down to the musty room downstairs. She decided to go ahead and wash the clothes. She knew where he kept everything by now, including the laundry detergent and the stash of quarters...for the laundry or for when he was felt a need for a quick stop at a vending machine.

She thought about sitting downstairs while the laundry was running. Occasionally clothing would go missing if no one kept an eye on them, but, since she had a feeling the thrift store clothing was just going back there anyway, she decided that if someone really felt that they needed them that badly to steal, that Frankie would want that person to have them as he had no use for them anymore. Plus Maura preferred to spend as much time as she could surrounding herself with Frankie's belongings: childhood ones this morning and now a more mature version of his likes and hobbies. Looking at the Nintendo nearby, she modified that he was ...had been still a kid at heart. She had loved that about him. He helped her be childish at times as he knew that she usually didn't get to be a kid when she had been one.

With the now empty duffel bag in hand, Maura started walking around the place grabbing items that belonged to her. She opened the top dresser drawer and took out her clothes from the space he cleared out for her: a Frankie approved casual outfit as he often liked to spring an outing on her; a pair of satin pajamas as Frankie liked the feel of those second only to her smooth skin; underwear and bras. She placed them all in the duffel bag and then went back to the closet where she kept a pair of slacks, a generic but beautiful deep purple shirt, and a couple pairs of shoes. She wanted to keep a few items here in case she spent the night and needed to go into work the next day, but yet plain enough that Jane might not know right off that they belonged to Maura if she snooped in her brother's closet. Maura kept the clothes here as she didn't want to waste any time she and Frankie could spend together by going back to her place to change...plus she really did hate to put on the same, often wrinkled outfit from the day before even for the brief time of driving to her place. She neatly folded those clothes and put them and the shoes in the bag. The only other things she knew she kept here were a toothbrush, hairbrush, and some make-up that was now taking over much of the cabinet above Frankie's bathroom sink. She knew if Jane would have found those items she would definitely give them to Frost, or ironically Maura, to run the DNA through CODIS to see if the perp was in the system.

The few items of hers were packed up, and she went to place the bag by the front door. On her way there she saw a picture of Jane and Frankie. Even though the image was stilled, Maura knew from the smiles and odd position of the siblings that they were goofing around. She hoped that whoever took the picture gave one to Jane too so that she wouldn't miss this one, and she added this last item to the duffel bag before setting it by the door.

She finished up the laundry, then took the bag out to her car and drove to a nearby restaurant in order to get something to take back to Frankie's place for dinner. She ate the food that now tasted not only burnt but bland. She knew her thoughts had some to do with the food's blandness though as she was too busy thinking about joyful times eating dinner with Frankie, usually from some place that delivered, but occasionally that was prepared by one of them. Granted, most of the times Frankie would try to cook, they would still end up having to call out for something.

For about an hour after she ate, she sat on the couch and remembered what was and daydreamed about what might have been. It was still early, but even with the nap from earlier she was exhausted: physically from the grueling work week, mentally as her thoughts which usually jumped from topic to topic were now struggling to even think about what all she needed to do before Sunday, and especially emotionally as she was tired of the sorrow from thinking on what might have been and the fear of letting anyone now find out about her relationship with Frankie.

She dragged herself into the bedroom and almost kicked herself as she opened the dresser and remembered that she had already taken the bag with her pajamas downstairs. She closed that drawer and opened the one below and grabbed the first t-shirt of Frankie's that she found...just one more way to be close to him for a few more stolen moments. She went to the restroom and repeated the process of berating herself for her lack of thought about the duffel bag as her toothbrush was also downstairs. She settled with just using a bit of the mint mouthwash that Frankie had purchased. When she put the bottle down she noticed the container of aftershave that Frankie preferred, and she had developed a talent for being about to place Frankie anywhere within a twenty foot radius based on that smell. She opened the bottle and inhaled the scent that had been missing in her life for the last few weeks. Maura put the stopper back on and then walked back out to the bedroom. The bottle of aftershave she put on the nightstand by the lamp hoping that she might remember to take it with her in the morning. She didn't think anyone would miss an open bottle or be able to resell it.

She went over to the closet, toed her shoes off, slipped out of her dress and hung clothing for the last time in the closet. Without the dress hiding her necklace, it now shone as it reflected the soft light from the overhead ceiling fan. She had wondered for awhile now what she should do with the ring that dangled from the necklace. She had thought once about mailing the ring back to the family it belonged with, but then worried that the family heirloom might get lost in the mail. She reached behind her neck, unclasped the gold chain, and then let the ring slide off into her palm. For a few minutes she just stared at the simple yet elegant gold ring. Etched on the band were tiny vines and leaves, with a couple well placed miniscule diamonds to act as the flowers to the indented stems. She slid it onto her left hand ring finger and felt the tears flow down her cheeks as she thought about the hope in Frankie's eyes when he asked to marry her. She knew that he had wanted to be the one to put the ring on her finger. She wished she could go back and change the past: say yes, tell his family, tell him how much he meant to her. But there was no changing the past. It was too late now...even the telling the family part seemed out of reach anymore. She took the ring off and wondered where she could place it so it would be found without too much trouble on Sunday. It was only a promise ring to her, and that promise would never be fulfilled, so it wasn't rightfully her's. The beautiful ring, and the sweet story about how Grandma Regina was given the ring, needed to stay and be treasured by it's rightful family...that she would never get a chance to be a part of now.

She opened the small drawer on the nightstand and lovingly placed it next to some odds and ends. It was in plain view for whoever would open the drawer to empty it of it's contents. She closed her eyes to block the ring from view as she felt around to slide the drawer closed. Maura knew she would let someone else deal with the nightstand as she feared she might not let the ring go if she saw it again.

She grabbed the dark blue BPD shirt that she had set on the edge of the bed and pulled it over her head. It was too large, and hung down to mid-thigh. Amusement tried to wiggle its way through her sadness as she realized that the shirt smelled more like the laundry detergent at his mother's house than either the brand that she used or that he used. She knew that he must have taken clothes home to wash...for his Ma to wash as she knew that Angela would jump at the chance to help out her son. Maura wondered if he solely took his clothes over there sometimes because he didn't have the time to wash them or if he knew it would please his mother to help out on occasion. She knew the shirt would be another item she would pilfer from the apartment.

Sliding between the sheets after she turned the light out reminded her of joining Frankie to sleep...or not; however, her heart had never hurt then like it did now. She clutched the other pillow to her chest as Frankie was not around to hold as the sobs she had been holding in for so long would not be commanded into the corner of her mind any longer. Then, all to soon, she was once again sleeping in Frankie's bed that day.

AN: Yes, having Jane find something of Maura's would have been an interesting way for the Jane to learn about Maura and her brother, but still too early...plus it would be nice for Maura to have a little control over that. (that and it's still already written. lol)