A/N: Okay I know it's been forever since I've updated. But here is Sam's side of life after war. Tell me what you think!
Mary Evans hung up the phone after a brief but informative talk with her longtime friend Betty Jones. She stood in her kitchen for a while thinking of what to do. She needed to tell Sam, maybe this news would pull him out of his inner turmoil. She could tell her son was in pain, mentally and emotionally. He spent more time around her house now than he did when he was a kid. He would spend hours up in his room, looking through old photo albums of him and Mercedes when they were kids. He thought no one knew, since he was sure to return the albums back to their original place when he was done, but Mary knew better.
She knew her son, and she knew that he needed help. He needed Mercedes; he just didn't want to admit it.
Just then she heard her husband come in from the backyard, Dwight had started taking more days off of work the more Sam had started to come over. He was waiting for Sam to open up about what happened. He understood that it was going to take some time for him to open up, but he also recognized that look in his eyes. The Thousand Yard Stare, they used to call it; he would sometimes watch Sam from a distance, stare off into nothing for hours on end, losing himself in his own mind.
"Dwight, come here. I have to tell you something." Mary said in a hushed tone, since Sam was in the next room flipping silently through the paper, no doubt reading Mercedes column like he always did.
Minutes later Dwight was standing in the door frame watching his son, thinking back to when he was a young boy who used to look up to him for everything. The boy that would try to walk around the house in his dress shoes and steal his ties to wear to school.
"Hey Sam, come on take a drive with me." Dwight suggested, waiting for Sam to acknowledge him with a small nod and follow him out door.
They drove around for a while, out of the Lima city limits and off of the freeway, making his way down unfamiliar roads.
"What's going on dad?" Sam finally asked, looking away from the window and to his father.
Dwight rode for a little longer, before pulling into a deserted field off a dirt road, before addressing him.
"I'm not a brave man Sam. I do things because that's what's expected of me. I went into a war I didn't believe in because it was expected, I went to an Ivy League college because it was expected, I took over my father's business because it was expected. The only thing I've done on my own without anyone telling me too was marrying your mother and starting a family when I wanted to. But after a while, I even let people tell me how to do that too." Dwight paused to look at his son.
"I love you and your siblings and your mother, so much. Hurting you all because someone told me it was expected of a man in my position to have a mistress was the biggest regret of my life. I hoped that you wouldn't turn out like me. That you wouldn't be a coward like your old man." Dwight said, looking out of the windshield, out into the distance.
Sam looked at his father in shock; he had never seen this side to him before.
"I'm proud that you're not like me Sam. You're everything I wish I could've been: creative, outgoing, caring…and brave. You had the guts to go to war. I never told anybody this but, when I was drafted, I was terrified. I wanted to run to Canada." Dwight paused to let it sink in, not catching the small smirk on Sam's face at the thought of running to Canada.
"But I just kept thinking about what people would say, what they would think if I didn't go. I kept thinking about my family's reputation, and what others would say about Dwight high tailing it to Canada. So I went against everything I thought was right, and I went to war. I wish I had never gone. The things I saw, the things I did. They haunted me for years. But I was too ashamed to say I needed help. So I tried to push it away, and when that didn't work I tried drinking it away and working it away, but nothing helped. I still have the nightmares sometimes. Can still hear the screams, see the bodies… And so can you Sam." Dwight looked over at his son, to see angry tears running down his face.
"I can't get rid of them dad. Every time I close my eyes, I'm right back there. In the shit all over again, surrounded by death. Every time I sleep I can hear the bombs going off! " Sam strained through tears, rubbing his eyes as if he were trying to scrub away the memories. "The only time I could ever even try to sleep…was with Mercy." He whispered.
"You need to get help Sam. I couldn't do it, but you can. You have us, and your friends…and Mercedes and your family." Dwight said grabbing Sam's shoulder.
"W-what?" Sam asked through his tearful haze.
Dwight nodded his head, "You're going to have a family of your own soon Sam."
"I can't do anything for them! Look at me pop! I'm fucked up!" Sam cried into his hands, his whole body shaking.
"You can do it Sam; you are an Evans! You didn't cower away from going to war, or being with a Negro girl, in spite of knowing what you two would go through. You do whatever you need to do to get back to being you!" Dwight told him, pulling Sam to him.
They sat in the car for a few more hours, Sam crying on his father's shoulder, and Dwight giving him the comfort that was long over do.
When they finally came back into town, Sam raced into the house and called Mike and Puck. He was going to get his shit together, and he was going to start by reconnecting with his boys who had been there with him, who had seen the things he had, and survived just like he did.
"Hey Puck. It's me man. Can we talk?" Sam asked his voice hoarse from crying.
"Evans, I've been waiting for this call for a long time bro." Puck said, his smile evident through his voice.
So what did you guys think? Love it? Hate it? What did you think of Dwight's speech? I'm starting to think I have a thing for daddy redemption speeches lol.
As always leave me a review, tell me what you think. :-)