AN: I sincerely apologize for the outstanding delay. I haven't been able to upload or make new entries for 'Racing with Love' for some reasons. First off my laptop was stolen and so I was depressed and troubled with the following weeks. Added to that, I had to concentrate on my studies while balancing my extra
co-curricular activities. To be honest, I haven't properly laid my eyes on a computer for the past two months. I've been away from writing for a long time and quoting from a co-writer, 'I've been deprived of it'. There's no excuse, I know, and unfortunately, school-load may perhaps increase in the following months.
On the bright side, I'll be able to spend my Christmas vacation endlessly writing for this story and you guys—yehey! (haha). So no worries: ) Anyhow, I hope you guys enjoy my latest entries. Here's chapter 21.
Chapter 21: M&M's
Haruka was tired. She didn't know what came over her a few hours ago, but she was somehow regretting it.
Why did she even bother helping Usagi and her haughty boyfriend Chiba Mamoru?
To make it even worse, the game was a tie. It was sordid to think on her part, but for the first time in her life, she had a tied game with someone—and it happened to be her rival (for Usagi's affection, what else).
What a fucking coincidence.
As if the tie could be a metaphorical implication in their current lives.
Because it seems to Haruka, despite the fact that she was with Michiru, neither Seiya nor her have a chance with the likes of Tsukino usagi if Chiba Mamoru is butting around constantly.
No matter hard they try, she and Seiya would end up unattended by their object of attention because the infamous Chiba Mamoru will always win.
The good side however was that no one will be hospitalized tonight, as to what Usagi mentioned earlier.
Haruka couldn't understand herself. For the past month, she had been thinking solely on her pending relationship with Michiru and her feelings for Usagi.
She had on-purposely distanced herself from Usagi to give herself some time to rethink about her life and what would better suit everyone. According to her, Usagi can might as well live happily ever after in the arms of the macho gwapito Mamoru and Haruka could do the same thing with Michiru. (minus the macho gwapito.)
But something was entirely off.
Every night, as she laid herself next to Michiru, something kept bothering her—she was restless. In the mornings she would wake up feeling incredibly empty with not a good reason to describe why. The probability that the cause was Usagi may be high, but it was somehow illogical.
She was deeply infatuated with Tsukino Usagi, but was that enough to leave Michiru behind?
Then again, after such a long time, how come she hasn't forgotten about the small sweet things she'd shared with Usagi? Those short moments that lasted in her thoughts up until now.
Even when she said all those grand promises to Michiru and assuring her of their love, a part of her was actually lying.
Haruka knew she was wrong. She was doing this all too wrong. She didn't need time, she needed to focus on what she truly wanted, or who she truly want to be with.
She wasn't being selfish, in fact, in her defense, she was trying her best to patch things up as early as possible. Michiru had been implying for the past few weeks to take their relationship 'to the next level'. She was inviting Haruka to come with her in a short vacation to Venice.
Europe was a fantastic idea, especially because she can reconnect with friends there and check out the racing tracks and upcoming tournaments but, how about the special lady in Japan?
The blonde girl with sapphire eyes? What would become of her? Of them? If there is a 'them'.
Haruka tried to erase her problems temporarily in her mind as she returned to their suite in the hotel. She was weary and she needed to take a long hot bath. It was also peculiar on her part to discover Michiru's absence a while ago. Haruka would've agreed on drinking with Mamoru and his gang if Michiru were there with her.
But since she wasn't, Haruka decided to pass instead.
When she opened the door to their room, she was struck with surprise with what she saw. It was Michiru and she was packing her belongings.
"What are you doing?"
Michiru took one look at Haruka and continued packing her clothes.
"What do you think I'm doing? Are you blind?"
Hauruka went straight-off to the side of the bed,
"Stop it," she said, pulling the bag away from Michiru, "why are you doing this?"
Michiru paused, tucked one arm beneath her and used the other to cover her eyes,
"Why? You ask?" her voice aching, "Why don't you go ahead and guess. I'm sure you know the reason."
She added sarcastically.
Haruka's brows met, "Stop provoking me, Michiru and tell me why you're suddenly tripping off—"
"Isn't it obvious?!" Michiru exclaimed, "It's that blonde bitch Usagi, that's why!"
Haruka placed a hand over her hip and extend the other,
"Michiru please, don't start. Nothing is going on. You're misguided by a misapprehension again—"
"Misguided? Misapprehension?" Michiru clipped bitterly, throwing the piece of clothing from her hand.
"As far as I know, no one is misguided under a misapprehension in this room except you!" she shouted, "You're misguided with the thought that I'll actually spare you a moment of explanation after proving to me once and for all that you're madly in love with that girl! And if I may say so, you have 'misapprehended' your positionsince you fooled yourself into thinking that this pathetic relationship has a future!"
Haruka went around the bed and pulled Michiru close to her,
"Listen to me, I don't have any feelings for Usa—"
"Liar!"
"It's true! Believe me, if I were in love with her I would've left us long before."
Michiru paused, crying silently.
"Well I don't believe you." She whispered, pulling her arms away and continued packing.
Haruka watched MIchiru as she packed her belongings hurriedly. When everything was done, haruka tried one more time to persuade her.
"Michiru, please…"
And all she ever got was a shaking of a head.
"Michiru, I love—"
"Stop." She cut her off, putting a hand up. Michiru swallowed hard and exhaled.
"Haruka…don't…lie to yourself. It's…It's okay now that you're lying to me because I know you don't even know what you're saying—but, please, don't ever, ever lie to yourself," she explained, "because I promise you, once you're not aware of what you truly feel, you'll become miserable for the rest of your life."
Haruka was silent. Michiru loked down and wiped the tears from her face. She picked up her bag and started moving her stroller. When she was already in front of the door, Haruka asked one more question,
"What exactly led you into believing that I don't love you anymore?"
Michiru paused. Turned her head slowly around and answered,
"When you agreed to race for her." She hoarsely spoke, "Haruka, in all my life with you, you have never raced for anyone else—except for yourself… that's how I know."
Although she was firm on her decision in leaving Haruka behind, deep in her heart, Michiru wanted Haruka to win her back. After saying all those words, Michiru wanted Haruka to rebut each and one of them and to assure her that she was the one she loved, not anyone else.
But when Haruka didn't say anything, Michiru hated to admit it to herself that she lost Haruka's love to someone unexpected.
"I'm actually…I'm actually glad you finally found that kind of person." Michiru followed, turning her head away and opened the door.
When Michiru left, Haruka fell on the side of the bed, her hands covering her face while she tried not to cry herself.
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The seashore was in a buzz. Everyone was camping outside, making their private , listening to loud music while simultaneous laughter of different tones rose into the air.
The tiny golden streetlights from behind was too far. Most of the shade that Usagi could see was a black pit above her with thousands of white lights and a fully-shaped moon so near you can almost grab it.
The combination of male and female voices, whether laughing, talking and whispering was like a silent melody to Usagi. It was some sort of a lengthy song that played over and over again with no end. The sound of the wind made it seem lighter. To laugh with friends under a calming moonlight with the company of a soft breeze was too inviting and too irresistible.
Mamoru had left her just ten minutes ago to talk even more with some old friends. He wanted her to come with him but Usagi complained, saying she was tire.
Well she was, for crying out loud.
She was unfathomably tired, with all the uproar just a few hours ago.
Who the hell expected that this night was going to be longer?
Usagi didn't know if she should still be thankful for Haruka for letting herself play in that dumb pointless race. If she didn't, although in contradiction with what she opposed to earlier, then she should be in a quiet hospital right now, quietly seeing to Mamoru's aid and perhaps, quietly sleeping beside him.
Ah. Peace. It may seem to be the theme at the moment, with the beach and the moon, but the lack of friends around her and the absence of Mamoru made her more than lonely and frustrated.
Usagi was deep in thought, crouching down on the shore, the tip of her toes touching the edge of the waves, every time they drew close. Her head was bent low and her arms embraced each other while it slowly rubbed its skin for warmth.
Of all things to forget back in the hotel, it had to be a nice thick shawl or at least a sweater.
But that wasn't going to be her problem for long.
"Don't freeze yourself to death. Here, wear this."
She certainly didn't freeze herself to death, but Usagi was frozen at the sight of Haruka Ten'ou.
Haruka knew she surprised her but she didn't comment about it. She just sat beside Usagi, legs wide apart and settled her elbows on her knees.
She was wearing a pair of beige khakis and a loose green collared shirt. Her hair was in disarray and it occurred to Usagi that Haruka hadn't taken a bath yet.
Not because she was smelly or anything but because she was so warm and that scent—it was still there. Like dry musk. The sort of smell you'll never forget.
Usagi knew because when she was speaking with Haruka before the race, she was wearing the same perfume.
"I like the shirt." Usagi complimented randomly, after the long silence between them.
Haruka didn't reply. She was so close to Usagi that their hips touched each other, and yet, she refused to speak.
Usagi looked at her, watched the wind blow that sandy blonde hair. She was impeccably handsome. Given that she was a woman, Usagi sometimes mistake her as a man.
"The color of your shirt—it matches your eyes."
Haruka took one glimpse from her and shortly smiled, nodding afterwards.
"What are you doing here?"
Hauka knew Usagi sensed it. Her sudden appearance must have a reason.
"She left me…"
Usagi paused, looking at Haruka whose head was cast down.
"So why come to me?"
Haruka picked up a small shell beside her, fiddled with for a while and answered solemnly,
"I figured you might know the answer…"
Usagi stared at her, not knowing what to say and fearing the direction of their unpredicted conversation.
"No, Haruka…I don't."
What seems to be an eternity of silence made the two both uncomfortable and wondering. Uncomfortable of the fact that there is an implication of an unrecognized relationship that was never entertained quite formally.
And wondering because despite the circumstances, there was that hanging question of the probability of an existing romantic relationship between the two of them.
"Tell me," Haruka started with a hint of interest and an unfamiliar tinge of animosity, "Do you intend to spend a long time with your boyfriend?"
"M-Mamoru?"
"Yes, who else."
The abrupt reply and unsuspected firing of such a question made Usagi off-balanced,
"I…well…I don't know—why are you asking me this question?"
"Do you believe he can make you happy?—In the long run, I mean. Because the way I see it," Haruka paused, looking at Mamoru and his company from far away, "he'd rather hang around with old friends than spend time here with you."
The attack was too fast and it was undeniably cold. Haruka was furious though preferred to lock up her anger inside. Usagi was not ignorant of what she could feel as of the moment an she knew Haruka was harboring something against her,
"What is your problem?," Usagi complained, standing up with a furrow on her forehead, "Mamoru hasn't seen these people for more than four years! It's a reunion, for crying out loud—what do you expect? And what's with the questions? Why are you so angry? Is it my fault that your partner left you?"
"Yes—and that is exactly what I wanted you to figure out." Haruka clipped, standing up herself and leveling with Usagi.
Usagi fell silent and her eyes opened wide.
"Michiru left because she thinks that I'm in love with you—that something's going on."
Haruka stopped, looking at Usagi in the eyes, trying to see if she could find the answers there.
Usagi, though starting to crumble inside, took up the courage and spoke,
"Well is there?"
Haruka's eyes flared up and her breathing quickened,
"Don't play with me! Not now, not ever! I don't give a damn what others think because I have lived my life defending what I want and loving what I enjoy doing most!" she bellowed, "It's people like you that I give a damn about because you're the only ones I can trust—and if you're planning to lie to me now then you can might as well consider me a stranger!"
Tears were suddenly falling down on Usagi's cheeks. Every word Haruka spoke tore her heart. As she spoke, Usagi couldn't help but think what she had done to have driven Haruka react this way and if their conversation was loud enough to be heard by Mamoru and the rest.
"Usagi," Haruka began, taking her by the shoulders, "once and for all, tell me the truth: What's going on between you and me?" she asked, her voice quivering, "I am tired. I have spent an entire month debating on the same thought, ignoring you and pretending I'm happy with someone else but I haven't got a clue. How should I know if something is between us when the woman I might be in love with is in love with someone else?"
Usagi lost all her senses. She couldn't care any less if people could see, or even hear.
All she understood was that Haruka let Michiri go away because she loved her. Not anyone else but her.
It was her all along.
"What?"
Haruka knew she understood but her revelation was too overwhelming,
"When we're together—before. What did you feel? When I take you out, every time we were close, what was all that to you?"
From afar, Haruka could see from the corner of eye that Mamoru was approaching. She was sure he and his friends couldn't have heard a word they spoke since their distance was far enough.
Still, she wanted to hear Usagi's answer.
"I…Haruka, I—"
"Ten'ou!" Mamoru shouted. When his presence was immediately felt, Haruka pulled away her hands and stood on her ground, "What's going on?"
Haruka refused to leave. She stood there, her chest rising up and down. Mamoru on the other hand was watching them. He couldn't comprehend what was taking place. Haruka looked as if she could kill and Usagi was completely bothered and confused. He couldn't very well attack Haruka for no good reason because it seems that Usagi wasn't struggling.
"Usagi, what's the matter?"
Usagi's gaze shifted from Mamoru to Haruka. She knew what Haruka was trying to do. Haruka wanted Mamoru to hear Usagi's confession. She didn't give a damn if a brawl would happen right then and there. All that matters was that Usagi spoke the truth.
"Usagi?" Mamoru whispered, his brows meeting, utterly baffled from the situation.
I'm sorry… Usagi spoke in her thoughts, looking sadly at Haruka.
She closed her eyes and shook her head.
I can't. I can't say it! I'm sorry, Haruka! But I just can't!
And she fled away. Usagi ran as fast as she could from the two and past the company of Mamoru. Her sobs were loud, but nodoby knew what she was thinking except Haruka.
So that's the truth…Haruka thought bitterly to herself. Gulping down anything left in her dignity.
"Ten'ou," Mamoru shouted, "what the hell just happened?!"
Haruka didn't reply. She just closed her eyes and walked away.
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