Crossing realities, a one-shot
Hermione Granger was frustrated, She had spent hours working out the arithmetic equations for a spell, done the math over twice and it still wouldn't come out. She sat back in her chair and rubbed her eyes wearily, wondering how her boys were doing.. They had won the war, defeated Tom Riddle, and been praised as the heroes of the day. Medals, speeches, Job offers, the world was open to them. What did her boys do? They went on tour, playing professional quidditch for the English national team, partying down whenever the opportunity arose and generally increased their chances of getting a variety of STD s. For a while there Hermione thought she would have a relationship with Ron, but the gormless prat wouldn't do anything but play and talk quidditch. . He never respected her wishes or ideas, so they decided to just be friends. Harry, now there was a situation.. that ..that.. dunderhead.. eeehjhh! She loved him, but he wouldn't take the next step.. she assumed he was too shy or gay.
"what? Who said that? Who's there talking about me?
she looked about sharply trying to discern where the voice was coming from. She cast several spells about looking for spying or listening spells.
"Damn right! , I don't like pervs peeking at me!
She cast several spells qui..OUCH! Hey Lady, I'm just the narrator, don't hex me!] [ OW! OW! HEY!
"serves you right perving around watching me. " "...Narrator? What do you mean narrator?
who gave you the right to stick your nose in and narrate my life, and to whom?
she threatened me with her wand
The writer gives me the narration, I just deliver it, please don't hex me again..
the young nubile witch looked furious, you could see the steam rising off her svelte firm body
NUBILE! I'LL GIVE YOU NUBILE!AAAAAGGHH!
OUCH !OW!OW!DANG!YOWEE!I GIVE!I GIVE! STOP!PLEASE!
"Get that SO CALLED WRITER IN HERE ...NOW!"
I could tell she meant business..OW! GIVE IT A REST!
OI! Hey You- Writer! The Lady would like a word with you!
--um hello?-
"Explain yourself! How and why are you spying on me, and what gives you the right?"
"-I posted a standard disclaimer-"
"What?
"-"
"
"-standard disclaimer, I do not own the rights to HER characters, but SHE did give us the permission to play in her sandbox, as it were-"
"WHAT! WHO? Who is HER..SHE..er..
the angry witch glared at the writer
OI! YOU!
SHUT UP!
yes ma'am
-you, Hermione Jane Granger, are a character in a series of very popular books, written as fiction for young adults. These books are the tales of the adventures of Harry Potter, a young wizard -You play the part of the best friend and confidante. Ronald Weasley plays the part of best mate and quidditch teammate. There are seven books in the series covering the time you met him on the train , looking for Nevilles' toad until the end where you and...
"ARE YOU TELLING ME I AM A FICTIONAL CHARACTER!"
-exactly-
{silence}
{more silence}
"prove it"
-alright then-
the writer typed a paragraph, and looked up.. A portal appeared in an otherwise blank wall.. Through the portal could be seen a rumpled looking middle aged man, sitting at a desk typing away on a laptop computer. To his left was a bookshelf filled with various and sundry books, covering subjects such as mutual funds, Porsche service manuals, comic collections, and various artifacts, not the least of which was a complete set of POGO figures from the sixties. On the topmost shelf for easy access was a set of seven thick books, titles all starting with..
Harry Potter and the..."
The writer looked up and looked directly into her eyes, ...he gave a small smile and waved a finger in greeting The writer continued typing, the room Hermione stood in suddenly disappeared and was replaced by a watercolor forest that anyone who has ever read Pooh, would recognize as the Hundred Acre Wood, and over there sitting against a tree was Pooh himself, taking a nap. Hermione hesitantly stepped over by the bear and said :
"hello".
The bear in question shook his head and opened his eyes, looking around noticed her,
"oh, er, hello, My name is Pooh, what are you doing here?
she held out her hand to the bear, and gave his hand, uh paw a firm shake..
"My name is Hermione Granger, and I am pleased to meet you Sir Pooh."
"Likewise, I'm sure"
Hermione was amazed, the bear had the perfect Sterling Holloway voice, and was just like she imagined while reading the stories as a child
"-ok, do you believe me now?-"
"-Pooh, go back to your nap..-"
{the bear complied}
"well I guess I have no choice as to whether to believe or not."
Hermione waved her hand and a comfortable squashy chair appeared , she sat and pondered.
"Would you please quit that?"
"yes ma'am, narrator signing off"
"there I was sitting on a fictional chair in a fictional world,
with god knows how many people watching my every move..
I blushed in embarrassment at the potential for me to be ..."
Narrator; "see I told you that you needed me...Ahem".. "the bushy haired witch jumped up and ran to the smallest room and closed the door with a slam"
"GO AWAY!"
[she yelled in frustration]
time passes...
the sound of flushing and water running, The young woman cracked the door open and peeked out to see if anyone was there
"hello?...anyone here?
she opened the door and came out and found that the room had changed into an African veldt. There over in the distance was a scraggly tree near a water hole, and just visible were lions lying in the shade. She looked down at herself and saw that she was dressed as a Masai warrior woman, she was as dark as coffee and taller than she had ever imagined, and had a spear and shield at her side . She was standing at alert, watching over the herd of cattle, waiting for the inevitable attack of the lions.
"this isn't right"
she grumbled, and closed her eyes and visualized her rooms at Cambridge University, where she was studying for her Doctorate in Arithmancy and Spell Design
she opened her eyes to her book filled room, and desk, she looked down at herself and was glad to see a familiar body and clothes, but for some reason her spear and shield were still there.]
"Writer, are you there ?"
...yes...
"what are you writing about me?"
...I am writing a time travel romance-humor story set in your fifth year...
"Romance with who?"
...Harry, I think you two fit together well...
"My Harry here is a bit of a jerk, he is ignoring me, is he gay or shy or what?"
...I would never write slash, well maybe Hagrid/Draco, but that's it.. Harry's just a bit clueless, tell you what, I'll hit him with a clue bat, ok?...
"That would be nice. I would like a nice tasteful romantic scene, no porn ..right?"
...yes miss, as you wish..heh...
"Princess Bride?
...Yes, one of my favorites...
"Well, get on with it"
...ok, watch this...
Harry and Ron were getting down with some quidditch groupies after the Manchester United game, and there was a tussle in the pub where they were hanging out, A couple rowdies were trying to make their point to an opposing team fan and fists were swung, heads were hit, beer was thrown, all in all a good time was being had by most, but not all. The bartender had had enough, and decided the profits from the party were being outweighed by the damages done by the party and was going about ejecting the participants.. Since this was England, there were no shotguns allowed, but he took down from the wall a cricket bat, with the letters CLUE painted on it.
"All Right Mates lets calm down or I'll toss the lot of yeh out" He started poking people with vigor, encouraging them to quit fighting, one of the rowdies took offense to this and took the bat away from him, and swung it at head level. The barkeep , being sober, ducked and the bat continued to swing around knocking the head of the hero of the wizarding world, as he was chatting up a brunette haired groupie, not only knocking him unconscious, but knocking him face first into her ample cleavage, of which she was exposing quite a bit.
"Oi, Harry, ..Harry wake up.. you ok?" Ron poked at Harry, who was currently lying face first in the chest of the supine girl, who somehow ended up wearing his glasses. He groaned and groped around with his hands, landing directly on her breasts, which he adjusted, tuning in. "Hey I can pick up the BBC" The girl planted her hand on his forehead and pushed him off her giggling as he rolled off onto the floor. "Silly man, my boobies can't get the BBC" she got to her knees and bent down to kiss him.
"Wait wait, Writer, where is this going? It looks sleazy and demeans women"
...give me a chance to finish...
"Well, no more demeaning women please.. BBC indeed.."
...yes Miss Granger...
Harry pushed himself up, and shook his head blearily "Excuse me miss, I apologize for imprinting myself on your person, please forgive me"
The brunette blonde woman grabbed his head and forcefully kissed him, with a lot of tongue.. "Sweetie, before we go and shag ourselves senseless, you should know something"
Harry shook himself, trying to get his bearings.."Whats that?"
"You know me Harry, I graduated the same year as you from Hogwarts"
"Really, I don't recognize you, Sorry.."
"That's because you knew me as Terry Boot"
"Terr...ungph"
The savior of the wizarding world was helpless as the freakishly strong young woman attacked him with her lips and tongue, while pinning him to the pub floor.
Ron was no help at all, he was currently laughing his ass off at the situation, while Harry struggled under the now female Terry.
...better?...
"yeah, whatever... I can see some notes on your desk from here, is that your outline?
.....yes, but it has become apparent that I have drifted quite far from the original idea...
"what was supposed to be here?
...we were discussing the differences between our realities, your problems with an interfering narrator as a comic element, a narrator appearing in MY reality, my reasons for writing, and fanfiction in general...
" so, you could have written me as a middle aged witch, or a first year or...anything...?
...yes I suppose so, would you like me to rewrite you in some other form?...
"Umm, sure, first I want to get this problem solved and then, maybe some fashion sense?
.....as you wish....
A very stylish Hermione Granger sat at the desk in her posh flat, off Emmanuel Road, overlooking the Green. She gazed out over the greensward, not really seeing the fluttering of the 800 year old trees, but pondering the intricacies of higher mathematics, as related to her Doctorate in Arithmancy. The history of the school she was attending, and very close to graduating from was as the oldest school, founded in 1209, when the first scholars came here from Oxford. The answer to the problem coalesced in her mind, and she bent to write it down, with her perfectly manicured fingers.
Gathering up her papers, and compiling them into her Prada briefcase, she stood and put on a custom made cloak over her trim, but firm body. "Dilly, I am going over to the College for my last exam for the Tripos." Dilly appeared and nodded "I will have soup for you when you return Miss" "thank you Dilly, I appreciate it" She gathered herself and popped away silently to the College of Mathematics. Dilly picked up the spear and shield and wondered where it had come from, and slipped them away into a closet.
Hermione appeared at the apparition point of the CMS and entered the hall. Entered is putting it lightly. When she swept through the doors, everyone took notice. She smiled toward the gawking underclassmen, and went down a disillusioned hall toward her Mentor's office. "Good afternoon Sir Isaac" she placed her cloak on the hook provided, and her brief on the desk.
Sir Isaac Newton looked up to her arrival from his painting on the wall. Behind his desk. In his painting there were assorted writing materials, and mathematical machinery and calculators. Behind him, puffing away was a steam powered Babbage Difference Engine. "Delightful to see you, Miss Granger" The elder man nodded his greeting to her as she sat in a comfortable chair. "Lets see what you have" She pulled out her papers and lay them on a pad on the desk, they glowed briefly and appeared as copies on Newtons' desk. He picked them up and went through the notes and equations, with a sharp eye. "I see no faults or errors here Miss Granger, I believe you have passed all the qualifications for the Mathematics Tripos, and shall recommend you as a Fellow for the Lucasian Chair in Mathematics" Hermione stood and curtsied to the elderly mathematician and smiled as she thanked him. "Thank you Sir Isaac, I could not have done it without you"
"Just come and visit me once in a while?" She gathered her papers and put them away. "I think maybe I can do you one better, Sir Isaac, I believe you have a portrait in the Hall of Friends at Potter Manor?" "Yes I believe I do, I was a teacher and later friend to the Lady Potter in 1645". "So then there was a relationship with the Ancient and Noble House of Potter?" "Yes, I was friends with the Potters for over 40 years."
"Well then I think you will be continuing the relationship, because Harry asked me to marry him last week, as soon as I graduate from Cambridge"
"Hey Writer..whats your name anyway?
...twilliams1797...
"Thats a weird name"
,...part of my email address...
"So what do I call you, ..'hey you'?
......dunno.. there a lot of writers out there, Kinsfire, Full Pensieve, Mathiasgranger, DrT, Chem Prof, ...so many great writers, I couldn't live up to their level... I took up writing because there was so much done that I didn't like, so I tried to emulate the writers I DID like.. MissAnnThropic, so many others.. honestly ,I think there are fanfic writers out there now who are doing a better job with you and the folks in your reality than the creator, JKR...it's frustrating to start reading a story that just stops.. the usual reason given is 'real life', yes RL gets in the way of fantasy, sure, there are bills and work and stuff that needs done.. right now I need to go out and get prescriptions filled and make a deposit so I can pay my property taxes before June.. oh yes, and renew my drivers license.. but also I want to find out what the authors had in mind on a story, where the last update was June last year. Did they give up? Did they lose their hard drive, what.. its only a story, but it's annoying. Maybe I should just pick it up and write my own ending. I write because I like the characters enough I want to see them happy., I want you to be happy, Hermione, I want you to have a happy ending, and I prefer it to be with Harry, because Harry is the hero, no matter how many people put him as a wimpy wuss, who won't, or can't stand up for himself.. I think Dumbledore is a guilty party, no matter how grandfatherly he appears, . Snape... no way no how.. this guy is guilty, he is guilty as can be, no matter how much he claims to be on the side of light.. The moment he took the mark , he sealed his fate...man, this is so far from my notes, I might as well throw them out...
"What does it say in your notes?
.....well, we discuss the argument for being or not being fictional characters, You ask me to prove it, I show you the seven books of the Harry Potter series, and make comments on them, You question me further, and I ask if you know your parents' names, You don't, so we talk about the common names used in fanfiction...
"I don't know my parents names.. I guess that seals it..."
...Lets call them Dan and Emma, those are very popular names...
Dan and Emma, why? "
Dan Radcliffe and Emma Watson play you and Harry in the movies, they are very popular, but some are thinking they are getting a bit old for the parts...Emma just turned 17, but she is playing 15 in the Order of the Phoenix movie out next month.. that girl is getting curves..heh...
"So where does your story go in your notes?
Well it finally comes down , I open the portal between our worlds and you come through and stay with me, because I realize I am a fictional character also.. go figure.
"Do I look like her?, you know Emma Watson?
Actually, no, at least not in my mind.. JKR described you as plain looking with big teeth, a bushy haired know-it-all.. I see you as about 5'7', a size 7 dress, semi curly hair, all you need is some good conditioner.. your face is pretty, leaning toward a French look, light brown eyes that are set off when you wear your blue dress. Sort of Audrey Hepburn-ish. Actually , I think thats the way you want to look, so that's the image in my mind.
Where were you going with Cambridge girl here?
....well, it was ending in a 3 way relationship with you Harry and either Luna or Ginny, because I needed to provide a Lady for both the house of Potter and the House of Black, and the appropriate progeny..
"Me AND Luna... what makes you think..."
.....I'm the writer, thats what... it could work.. one story I am reading now has you and Luna as lovers, because you nursed each other back to health after she was blinded.. along with Tonks.. it ends up a loving foursome...
"Foursome!"!
......apparently Harry is well...capable...
"I guess so...!"
didn't mean to insult you Hermione, I need you as my muse, you are smart for a reason..
"open the portal, I want to see your reality"
...are you sure?...
"yes"
...this isn't a good idea...
..."open"...
the portal opened between Cambridge and somewhere in Ohio.. the young witch stepped through.
The portal closed behind her..
"Welcome to my world" the middle aged man stood and greeted the beautiful young witch, taking her by the hand. And bowing slightly. "Please come in" They walked out of the small office and into a living room. There were computers set in three corners of the room, bookshelves built in, stacked high to the ceiling, a warm breeze wafted through the room, a cat lounged on the windowsill gazing halfheartedly at some birds. In the distance the trademarked sound of a Harley rumbled up the pike. "You are now here in Ohio, USA, Cambridge, UK, is approximately 3800 miles that way.."
he pointed in a generally easterly direction. The young woman looked around taking in the room and the atmosphere, her sight finally resting on the writer.. "You are a bit.."
'yes, a bit older than you, he slumped, feeling his age.. You are the age of my youngest daughter, who just turned twenty.. you could call me dad..." he grinned. "Now then, as far as I can tell, there is no magic in this reality, just science, and belief systems, or religions.. "If you believe , you shall receive" well I did that for years, and didn't get my belief in line well enough, so I didn't receive much, or maybe I did and don't realize it,I dunno.."
they talked for hours, drank tea and told stories, time went by. Finally, the older man said, "You need to get back, it's been fun, but your place is not here.."
She quietly agreed and stood, dropping off a cat or two which had snuggled up in her lap. "Thank you for caring enough to give me a good story, I appreciate it"
"No problem, you are a wonderful person to write for. With a bit of luck, we will meet again, just watch out for me, ok?" "All right, I will" with this she hugged the older man and gave him a kiss on both cheeks, and stepped back. The writer sat down to his laptop and typed in a short paragraph. The portal opened. He stood and gave a slight bow, the young woman did the same and stepped through appearing in her flat on Emmanuel Road in Cambridge, overlooking the green, where a pick-up football game was being played. "Dilly, I'm home" The small elf popped in "Welcome Miss, I will have soup in five minutes" "Thank you Dilly,
I am going to contact Harry, please make enough for two"
she pulled out her cell and punched in a few numbers.."Harry?"..."Yes it went well, can you come over? Dilly is making soup..good" she put the phone away and went into the bedroom, and put away her dressy clothes, and put on her workout clothes, she had sculling practice later.. A knock at the door, and Dilly let Harry in,as she emerged from the bedroom, they embraced and sat at the table, while Dilly set the food in place. "Thank you Dilly " Harry spoke with the elf.
"We need to talk about a few things."
'such as?"
"Lord and Lady Potter and Lady Black"
"Lady Potter and Black?, are you talking about two people?"
"Yes, I think we need to separate the Potter and Black lines, so you need to take a second wife, in order to expand our genetic pool"
"A second Wife? Are you crazy?"
"No, it makes sense, Harry, there's a lot of you to go around, and
I don't mind sharing you with say, Luna, or Ginny, both of which are good choices, they are both strong, intelligent women, and they both love you."
"What?"
"yes it's true, I have been contacted by both of them, and they will take just about any reasonable offer"
"What constitutes a reasonable offer?"
"Do you think you can love two or more women without prejudice?"
"I don't know, it somehow doesn't seem right"
"is that Harry speaking, or the upbringing you were forced into?"
"umm, I'm not sure?"
"Did you know, statistically there are more witches than wizards?, that historically, powerful ` wizards, such as yourself took multiple wives?"
"why are you trying to talk me into this?"
"Because I love you, and I want to make up for all the times in your life you needed love and no one was there"
"Maybe we should talk to the ladies in question"
"yes I agree, Dilly, can you deliver two messages for me?"
"yes Miss, to whom?"
"Ginny Weasley is currently working at the WWW shop at 93 Diagon Alley, and Luna Lovegood is at the editorial offices of the Quibbler, I would like you to go and invite them here as soon as possible" Dilly nodded and popped away. She returned seven minutes later with Ginny in tow, and a short minute later Luna popped in.
"Hello sisters, welcome" Hermione gathered both in a 3 way hug, releasing them to each go to Harry, and hug him. "We are here to discuss the possibility of a polyamorous relationship between ourselves, and Lord Harry Potter-Black"
Hermione sat on the couch and Harry beside her. "Harry already asked me to marry him after I graduated Cambridge, which as of today is done, all I have left to do is get my certificates and paperwork taken care of , and then I go onto my career in Arithmetical research"
"Both of you have indicated an interest in a relationship between you and myself and Harry, and we wanted to see if there was enough chemistry there to work." "Harry, do you have anything to add to that? Harry paused for a moment.. "I have never really considered a relationship like this,it's not 'normal' from where I grew up., but then what was in that household..." He flexed his fingers together, thinking.. "I want to bring back the line of the Potters to the greatness it has held in the past, I would like to bring the Black line into the light, and restore their name. I would like to totally disrupt the corrupt government of the wizarding world and make it fair and equitable to ALL magical creatures and people" "Furthermore I would like to have many children, and help those who have been orphaned, those who have fallen between the cracks, the potential Harry Potters and Tom Riddles of the world."
"What?", why are you staring at me? The three women were in awe.. "Harry, you were glowing, better not do that in public, unless you want to get elected Minister or something"
"Is that such a bad thing? Ginny asked. "No, this world needs shook up, and we are the ones to do it" Luna went on about this for a minute, for she had become quite the reporter for the Quibbler.. Luna and Ginny took Harry and Hermione's hands in theirs, "Harry, Hermione, will you marry us?" The older couple looked into each other's eyes and pondered the future with the others.
"yes, we will"
and they did,,
and they lived happily ever after.
And then what?
Well, lots of kids, the back of pureblood bigotry broken,
equal treatment of all magical beings.
A turnaround where being muggleborne was a thing of pride, not contempt.
Harry as Minister of Magic,
Luna enforcing truth in media, where she PROVED the existence of several odd creatures.
The women making babies with each other, as well as Harry, with the use of a sex-change potion, where you are your opposite gender.
Ginny going into medical field, and research., creating new treatments for medical problems, some of which bled over into the Muggle world.
Like I said, Happily ever after.
FIN