WAAAAAAAAAAHH HOOOOOOOOOOOO!! We did it! 500 reviews! The lucky winner is… (drum roll) CRAZILY SANE PANCAKE!! Speaking of reviewers, this chapter is for reviewer number 400, vampireXprincess (time flies)! Anyways, without further rambling, SAM ULEY!

Disclaimer: The plot bunny stole my disclaimer! I… err… "borrowed" some ideas from 100 Things to Do at Wal-Mart.

Special thanks to everyone for reviewing and NOT flaming, and to my new beta for this fic, who will be in charge of the editing, Tendrilofthought, who also submitted some awesome ideas!

10 Ways to Annoy Sam Uley

1: Tell him that EVERYONE thinks Jacob should be alpha, because Sam is obviously not sensitive enough for the job. Cough Leah's name under your breath. After this, pay some of the wolves to say, "so, what does the REAL pack leader think?" whenever he gives an order.

2: Force him to watch Leah and Jacob make out. Pay Leah to think disturbing thoughts… use your imagination, people.

3: Tell him that Emily got plastic surgery so that she could look like Leah. What happens next?

4: When he's trying to have some romantic time with Emily, start asking him really random questions like "do you know where my oboe is?" or "what color is your underwear today?" Refuse to go away until he answers you.

5: Kidnap Emily. Give her popcorn and a good spot to watch what you are going to do next. Tell Sam that you won't give her back until he agrees to play with the automatic doors at Wal-Mart for a day straight (non-stop) and sing Jacob love songs.

6: Next time he goes someplace with Emily or the pack, get people he has never seen before to run up to him and say things like "Oh my! I haven't 

seen you in SO long! Remember last time, oh my, my!" Or maybe even something like "YOU! YOU TWO-TIMING B-STR-D!"

7: Suggest that he become a therapy dog. Then say, "oh, never mind, you wouldn't be as good as Jake, since he's hotter." Get a bunch of rabid fan girls to back you up.

8: While he's sleeping, replace his entire wardrobe with Alice's clothing. This will not only force him to wear tiny, girly clothes, but it will have the added effect of making the pack abandon him due to his smell. Take lots of pictures!

9: Get "Barbie Girl" stuck in Jacob's head, and then send him out to run with Sam. Hide behind Emmett when the pack of large, angry werewolves comes to kill you. Sing it with me, everyone! "I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world…"

10: Hide his teddy bear. In the Cullen's house. Give him a long lecture about violating the treaty if he tries to get his precious toy back.

Ah, yeah, another chapter has come and gone. Be sure to check out my new Twilight parody, Vampire in the Kitchen.

I will now embrace my inner-rabid fan girl.

OH MY GOSH!! BREAKING DAWN IN LIKE TWO DAYS ! OMG OMG!! AAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!

Ok, now that that's over, I'd like to announce (with regret) that we are nearing the end of this story, (for the final line up- see chapter 17) and so I'd like to announce ONE MORE CONTEST! This one's called TEAM JACOB VS. TEAM EDWARD!

Here's how it works:

The parting chapter will contain five ways to annoy Jacob and five ways to annoy Edward. Here's the catch-- the ideas all come from you!

To submit your idea, all you need to do is add it to your review or PM. Please, only one idea per team! You can submit an idea for both teams, but I will only chose one, if any… I am only picking FIVE from each! But don't worry-- everyone who enters WILL be recognized in the credits chapter.

After the contest chapter is posted, you will have only ONE chance to vote for your team.

The winner will be announced in the credits chapter.

More questions? Just ask!

Patronus OUT!!