Chapter 21:

Spontaneity :

The next day Jane woke up after spending most of her night thinking about Maura and their relationship. What they had shared the previous night was wonderful, but it wasn't enough. What they both needed and wanted was to be together on a more permanent basis. Unfortunately Jane didn't know if she was ready to take that step yet. So around 9am she finally woke up and drove to her parents' house hoping that her mother could help her make sense of the way she was feeling

"Hey Ma." Jane said as she entered her parents' house .

"Good morning darling. What's that sad look on your face?Did you have a fight with Maura?" Sitting in her favorite rocking chair in the living room Angela was immediately able to see that something was wrong.

"No, but I need your advice." Kissing her mother's forehead Jane knew that the only person on her who knew her as much as Maura did and maybe even more was her mother and that after being married for over 30 years she knew a lot about relationships.

"Alright honey, tell me what's on your mind."

"I just…I just can't do tho anymore Ma, it hurts so much every time I have to let her go or leave her and every time we talk on the phone." Sitting on the opposite chair from her mother nervously scratching the scars on her hands Jane knew that she needed to make up her mind about what she truly wanted.

"Then get your butt on the next plane to New York and bring her home."

"It's no that simple Ma…"

"Why?You two seem to be madly in love and she said that she didn't mind moving here, so what's stopping you?"

"I know but we talked about this and we both agreed that she shouldn't move to Boston until I get my shit together. I mean ….I did something bad a few weeks ago and after that I realized I wasn't ready for a relationship you know…"

"Then why are you with her?"Angela asked rising her eyebrow unable to understand.

"Because I love her and because she wouldn't let me go, she told me she would wait for me to be ready and that she would help me with my issues, which is exactly what she's doing."

"Let me guess, at first you thought that distance would be good, that it would allow you to take things slow without feeling pressured ?"

"Exactly. I know it would have never worked if I had met her here because I needed space and time to heal you know and being away from her gave me that. But right now it hurts like hell Ma." Jane sighed looking at her mother for comfort.

"I understand, do you still feel you're not ready for her to move here?"

"I feel that I have made progress but I have insecurities Ma and Maura and I agreed that she shouldn't move here just so I wouldn't be so unsecured, that it wasn't the right way to do it."

"Are you afraid that she might cheat on you?"

"I was yes. Actually I made a fool of myself a few weeks ago when she went to have dinner with a friend, and that's when I realized I wasn't ready, but I trust her now, it's just I don't trust myself to make her happy. I don't want her to move to Boston and realize in 6 months that she made a mistake."

"I'm sure that won't happen, by the way she looks at you I can tell that not only she's in loves with you but that you make her very happy so don't let your insecurities get in the way. Come on I'm taking you to the airport." Grabbing her daughter dragging her towards the door Angela was determined to take the matter in her own hand knowing that all Jane needed was some encouragement.

"I can't…"Escaping her mother's grip refusing to take another step Jane suddenly felt her insecurities filling up her heart again.

"Janie, look at me. 3 months ago when I saw you in that hospital bed after your surgery you were so lifeless like if your soul had left your body. But slowly I saw you coming back to life and that spark I see in your eyes right when you talk about Maura tells me that she's the reason why you got better. You have all the reasons to be scared of not making her happy but I think it's better to live your life fully and get hurt rather than not taking any risks and being miserable and wake up one day wondering why you didn't take that chance." For her entire life Jane had always been the strong one, carrying her family on her shoulder just like her mother did. She knew that what made her a great cop was the she had great instincts and wasn't afraid to take risks, but when it came to her personal life, she was scared to death and it was her role as a mother to pick her up and give her the strength.

"Wait...What am I suppose to say to her?" For the first time in her life Jane let her guard down and admitted she didn't have all the answers.

"Just speak from your heart, she knows who you are and she loves you, even if you're not 100% clear she's going to understand your intention, so don't over think it. Come on let's go, you have your ID with you right? "

"Yes, in my car." Jane sighed following her mother to her car.

"Good, I suppose you have clothes at her place, so we don't need to stop by your place, right?" Opening the door, pushing her daughter inside Angela was determined to make this happen even if it means drag her to the airport.

"Yes, I left a bag of clothes last time I was there."

"Good." Angela said turning the engine on.

Two hours later Jane was on a plane to New-York torturing herself trying to find the right way to ask Maura to move to Boston. Even if she knew that Maura was willing to move to Boston she knew she still had to convince her that she was asking her for the good reason, not because she didn't trust her. She knew that as much as Maura loved her, her jealous and unreasonable behavior had hurt her and she knew she needed reinsurance that this would never happen again and that moving to Boston was the right choice.

Around 3pm Jane was finally in front of Maura's door. Taking a deep breath as she pressed the bell Jane was trying to relax remembering what her mother said : Maura knew her and she would understand her intention no matter how clumsily she might talk.

"Jane!" Maura squealed as she opened the door feeling her heart hammering her chest unable to believe that Jane was standing in front of her.

"Maura..."Jane smiled as she immediately closed the door behind her before grabbing Maura's waists.

"What are you doing here, where's your luggage?" Maura managed to articulate as she gently pressed her lips against Jane's.

"I didn't bring any. I went to see my mom for advice and she brought me straight to the airport afterwards." Breathing Maura's perfume, feeling her breath on her face, Jane knew she had made the right decision.

"Very spontaneous Detective..." Maura smiled unable to separate her mouth from Jane's.

"Can we please have a seat?"Feeling Maura against her Jane had no doubts that what she was going to do was the right thing to do and that she was ready for it.

"Alright, It must be serious if you flew all the way here." Guiding Jane towards her living room Maura was suddenly feeling anxious, hoping that what ever Jane had to tell her, that she wasn't going to try to break up with her again.

"It is, but don't worry it's positive, alright?" Jane smiled seeing how worried Maura was.

"Alright, I'm listening."

"Well, after what happened yesterday I spent the night thinking about you, about us and about this whole long distance relationship thing. Being so close to you emotionally and sexually but being so far away from you physically isn't something I want to experience ever again." Jane strongly stated holding Maura's hands looking at her straight in the eyes.

"I understand, sharing something that intimate and not being able to hold each other afterwards is frustrating but I thought you enjoyed yourself?" Feeling the seriousness and determination on her girlfriend's face Maura knew that their little sexual experiment would probably never happen again.

"I did, but it's not worth being miserable afterwards Maura, I know you did thinking it would help me feel more comfortable about my desires and sexuality and you were right."

"Was I?"

"Yes, expressing my desires on the phone was easier than it would have been face to face and it definitely helped me break some walls down. Actually all I could think about last night was that I want to be able to look at you in the eyes next time I make you come, I want to feel you shaking under my fingers and most importantly I want to be able to lay in bed entirely naked holding you in my arms. I can't do this anymore Maura , I want you to move to Boston to be with me." Taking a deep breath waiting for Maura's reaction Jane never felt so sure of anything in her entire life.

"Oh Jane, I would love to, but are you sure you're ready for this?" Gently rubbing Jane's scars with her thumb Maura suddenly felt relieved that Jane was showing so much confidence.

"I am, I can't say that I got rid of all my insecurities or that I completely recovered from what happened to me, but I feel strong enough to be in a relationship on a full time basis. I trust you completely and I'm starting to trust myself too. All I want is to wake up every morning in your arms and to fall asleep looking at you every night. I know we've only been dating for a month but I don't need more time to know that I want to be with you. I promise you won't regret it, I'll take good care of you."

"I know Jane, you already gave me more than anyone ever did and more than I could have dreamed for in my wildest dream. I love you." Rushing her lips against Jane's making her fall backward Maura was finally seeing the results of weeks of patience and was extremely proud of the progress Jane had made over the past 3 months.

"I love you too sweetheart. God for one second I was scared you wouldn't accept." Jane smile laying on her back on Maura's couch, her arms wrapped around Maura's waists.

"I told you Jane, as much as I love this city, nothing is keeping me here, not my job, not my estranged parents and not my social commitments. The only place I feel home is when I'm with you, in Boston."

"Alright then, I just want you to be sure, I mean you worked your entire life for your carrer and I know how much it means to you."

"My carrer isn't as important as you Jane, and besides Boston SVU is looking for a knew Chief Medical Examiner so my carrer won't suffer a bit, don't worry."

"I see you already considered everything..." Jane smiled not really surprised, knowing how prepared Maura usually was and actually flattered that she had been preparing her relocation to Boston before she even asked her.

"Well, I knew that it was only a matter of time before you asked me to move and I made a few phone calls..."

"And you found out that SVU Chief Medical Examiner was pregnant and going on maternity leave in a couple of months and that she had no intention of coming back afterwards..."

"Yes indeed, I called her and I was surprise to know she had read a few articles I published through the years and that she followed a few of my cases. She told me to come to see her next time I'm in town so we can talk."

"Well everything seems to be settled then, all I need now is to make space in my apartment, I think we can transform the empty room next to my bedroom into a wardrobe , we would have to break a wall though, but I'm sure it shouldn't be a problem." Wandering her fingers on Maura's back talking about rearranging her apartment Jane felt that everything was finally coming into place, that Maura and her were finally going to have the relationship they both wanted and deserved, and it didn't scare her, it excited her. For the first time in her life she felt complete, she knew that her life was right where it was supposed to be and that all the pain and suffering she had experienced didn't matter anymore because it lead her to Maura.

"Are you saying that you want me to move in with you?" Maura said her voice slightly rising of excitement.

"Of course, I don't want us to be separated anymore, not even by a few blocks, not to mention that I really don't want you to have to live in your parents' house, I saw how sad it made you to spend even a few hours there."

"Alright, I will be happy to move in with you then." Laying on top on Jane, her head resting on her chest Maura was finally able to relax knowing that she would never have to be alone or away from Jane ever again.

The two women laid there for a while cuddling, picturing their future life together. Even if they were both a little anxious to take that step together, they knew everything would be okay, because they truly loved and believed in each other and after facing the downsides of a long distance relationship they trusted that their love was strong enough to help them face any challenge. That night the two women fell quickly asleep holding each other, their hearts full of hope and dreams that they knew were now going to come true. Obviously they both knew that it would take some time for Maura to get her affairs in order and find a new Medical Examiner to replace her before she could move to Boston, but they didn't care, they knew that knowing the separation was only temporary would help them survive it and would give them to strength to hold on.

So guys, this chapter was important and I'm not sure I wrote it properly. I know all of you have been waiting for the moment when Jane would finally pop the question and I hope I didn't disappoint you. Obviously Maura won't move to Boston in the next chapter and they're still gonna have to face a few challenges it happens.

Drama is coming in the next chapter!