Santana's POV (First person)

That's it. Today is the day I never thought would come. I never thought of talking to anyone about this ever. But here I am, about to tell Brittany everything. She needs to know the truth. She needs to know who I really am.

Brittany uses her elbows to support herself and sits up next to me. We rest on the headboard together. Her hand never leaves mine.

"You know, that rumour about me…," I start.

Britt doesn't say anything. She just nods to encourage me to go on.

"…It's true."

More complete silence.

I expect her to be shocked or scared. It's surprising that she's still holding my hand right now.

I dare myself to turn to look at her. Her eyebrows frown. Her sight sets on the dark space in front of her.

"Who did you…?" Brittany asks.

She can't even say the word.

I take a deep breath. I'm ready to say the name that hasn't passed my lips for over two years when Brittany interrupted me.

"No," she turns her head to my side, but she still doesn't look at me. "Tell me from the start how it happened."

I swallow and start from the very beginning.

"Three years ago, there was a girl moving into my neighborhood. Our neighbors kinda adopted her."

"What's her name?"

"Her name was… Maxine," I feel my throat tighten, like someone is choking me.

Britt doesn't say anything, so I continue.

"She moved from France. My neighbors, Jorge and Mariana, told us that her parents were murdered and she was the only one left in her family. Jorge knew her parents, and that's why they adopted her."

"How did she look like?" Britt sounds interested, but something tells me she also hesitates to ask at the same time.

"Curly blonde hair. Tanned skin. Emerald eyes," I never forget her face. "She had a gap between her teeth."

"What was she like?"

"Strong and brave, and so caring."

I don't know how I sounded, but Brittany figures it out quickly.

"You loved her."

"Yes," I'm very sure about that. "She was one my best friends besides Quinn."

"Did she go to Hogwarts?"

"No. She was homeschooled," I say and inhale. "At first I didn't know why, but then I knew."

"Why?"

Britt is holding my hand with both of her hands now.

"We hung out a lot, either at her house or mine. I guessed it was because we were the only two families with magic in the area. But it was still weird because she barely left her house or went out of Lima Heights.

So one day I asked her why, and she told me. She told me that her parents were murdered by a werewolf gang in France. I don't remember the gang's name, but they were powerful and dangerous."

"Why did they kill her parents?"

"Revenge, I guess. Her parents were Aurors working in special department that handled only werewolf cases, especially the ones who didn't care about killing people when they turned."

"So she was afraid that the gang would come to get her, too, right?" Brittany asks.

"She wasn't. She wasn't afraid of anything," I recall one of the reasons I loved Maxine. "Jorge and Mariana were the ones who asked her to not expose herself too much. It was for her safety."

"How… how old was she?"

"She was a few months younger than me."

Brittany nods.

"Time passed and everything seemed to be peaceful and safe. Jorge and Mariana let Max go out more often. So one day I took her to the river near by and we fed the ducks together. We sat and talked. And then she told me she hadn't kissed anyone before."

I feel myself tremble, and Britt is quick enough to pull the blanket up to my shoulders. Her hand finds mine again and squeezes it gently.

I continue. "I wasn't sure what she wanted me to do until she leaned in. And then we were kissing. I had kissed many boys before, but this was different. It was when I… when I…"

"When you realized you were into girls," Brittany finishes the sentence for me.

"Yeah," I say. "It was also the first time I fell in love."

Britt brings my hand to her lips and kisses my knuckles. My heart warms by her gesture, but I wonder if it will be the last time she does this when I finish telling her the story.

"It was the only time we kissed, and I didn't even care. I just wanted to spend time with her. After that, for a whole year, we barely spent time apart. I mean, I had to go back to Hogwarts sometimes, but I always came home on the weekend to hang out with her if I could. I was looking forward to that summer because I would be near her everyday.

But it wasn't like I expected. Sometimes, when I wanted to take her somewhere, she said she already had a plan or something like that. And then everything made sense when she brought her boyfriend to Jorge's birthday party."

"I'm sorry," Brittany mumbles.

I shake my head. "I'm not upset about that anymore. But yeah, it hurt like hell when she introduced him to me. But that wasn't the worst thing that happened that night."

"What happened after that?"

"I felt used even though it wasn't her fault. She never led me on after we kissed. It wasn't anyone's fault, but I was angry anyway. So I left her house. I ran to the field near by the river. It was dark and chilly at night. I was sitting alone, trying to clear my head when she sat next to me."

"She left the party to look for you?"

"Yeah. I asked her why she would leave her boyfriend and came here. She told me that she worried about me. And then… she said that… she said…," my voice is broken. "She loved me… as a friend, but she loved me more than she loved him, more than she loved Jorge and Mariana."

I try my best to hold back my tears, but it's so hard now. "And I understood her. I stopped being mad at her completely. I was going to tell her how sorry I was for making her worry when they showed up."

"The werewolves?"

I nod. "Two of them, a hairy man and a very tall woman. They were not in their wolf form, but I could tell who they were by the look on Max's face. We were so terrified, and I couldn't do anything when they took her.

I tried to run after them, but that woman jinxed me and I couldn't get up for a while. As soon as I got out of that spell, I ran back to Jorge's house, but no one was there anymore.

I hurried back to my house and found my mom there. She told me that muggles found Max badly injured outside of their house, and they already took her to the hospital. My dad, Jorge and Mariana went there, too, as soon as they heard the news. I was so relieved that she was alive, but…"

"She was bitten, wasn't she?"

I nod again. "She was. Jorge and Mariana wanted to move her to St. Mungo's, but her wounds were already healing. It wasn't until three days later when she regained consciousness. Her adoptive parents hardly left her side, but I managed to be alone with her one day.

I told her that I was sorry. I told her that if I didn't leave her house that night, any of this wouldn't happen. She just smiled and shook her head. She said it wasn't my fault. She said the werewolf gang would attack her if they had other chances anyway.

And then I held her hand and told her that I would take care of her, and love her no matter what she became. And that was when she grabbed my hand so… hard. I wasn't sure where she got all of that strength, but I guessed it was because she was a werewolf now.

And she told me that those werewolves let her live on purpose. She said they wanted her to live as a creature that killed her parents."

I'm starting to sob uncontrollably. Brittany tries to comfort me, but I want to finish the story first.

"And she said that… she didn't want to live like this. She wanted to be with her parents, and she wanted me to help her. It took me a while to realize what she meant.

I came up with many reasons like we were not allowed to use magic in a place full of muggles, or how I didn't have strong intention to use Avada Kedrava and stuff like that. She waited till I ran out of excuses and looked at the IV next to her bed."

"What is an IV?" Brittany asks.

"It's the thing you hook up in blood veins at muggles' hospitals. It helps the patients hydrated or relief the pain, depending on what you put in the tube, but you can be overdosed if you have too much."

"I see."

"I guessed she saw it in the movies or something. But since my dad is a doctor, I knew this kind of stuff. She wanted me to let the fluids into her system so much enough to k-kill her. I didn't want to do it, but she begged me. She said only I could do it because she didn't think Jorge and Mariana would let her go. She said it wouldn't be painful this way, and it was what she really wanted.

So I did it. I adjusted the pump and waited. I sat next to her, and we talked until her eyes were starting to close. I thought I wouldn't hear her voice again, but she said thank you and told me she loved me before she…"

I can't talk anymore at this point. Hot tears are streaming down my face when Britt pulls me into her arm. It's not until I feel my forehead dampen that I realize she's crying, too.

I don't know how long I have let her hold me, but I know I don't deserve this.

I lift my head from her shoulder instantly and wipe my face with the back of my hands.

Brittany seems to be confused by my action. "Santana…"

"Go ahead and tell me," I tell her.

"Tell you what?"

"Tell me you don't wanna be with me anymore, now that you know what I've done."

"Why wouldn't I…?" Britt says and grabs both of my hands. "Listen. You didn't do anything wrong. You did what she wanted you to do. You made sure she was happy."

I'm crying again. I hate being weak, but with Britt I just don't seem to care.

"You don't understand. Jorge and Mariana were so mad at me when they walked into the room and found out what happened. Even though they finally understood why I did it, they were heartbroken. And then they moved away. They probably didn't wanna see my face anymore."

"You don't know that."

I ignore her words. "And then I was called for a hearing at the Ministry of Magic. I told them the truth, and they just let me go. There wasn't any punishment. I still don't understand why."

"Because you did the right thing. You did the best thing you could do in that situation," Brittany says and strokes my cheek with her thumb.

"But I regret it everyday. What if… there will be a cure for werewolves some day? What if… she would have learned to be okay with being a werewolf?"

"I don't think she would have. That's why she asked you to do it."

I don't know why Britt being cool with everything is pissing me off. "Why are you being okay with this!? You, the judge, the jurors, my parents, Headmaster Figgins, all of you."

"Headmaster Figgins?" Brittany looks puzzled.

"Yeah, he knows. You must have noticed how he always lets my snark comments slide and barely punishes me for many bad things I did at this school. I guess he thinks I need to be coddled or something," I say and add. "At least some of your housemates hate me."

"Wait. You made people hate you on purpose? Because you wanted to be punished for what you did to Maxine?"

She's right, but I don't want to admit it. I clench my jaw and don't say anything.

"That's bullshit," Britt speaks loud and clear.

I expected her to give me hundreds of reasons for me to forgive myself, but 'that's bullshit' is the last thing I expected to hear.

I turn to face her and I'm surprised to see her look so angry. I don't know what to say, so I wait for her to do the talking first.

"You're a dummy," she surprises me again. "Don't you see how we all see it how it was? If you tell Puck or Quinn, or anyone else, they would think the same, because guess what, you didn't do anything wrong."

"I killed her!"

"You saved her!"

"I ruined Jorge's and Mariana's lives."

"You didn't," Brittany says sharply. "Those werewolves did. And they're the ones who need to be punished."

"They were. The Aurors already took care of them," I tell Brittany.

"That's great," Brittany is studying me. "Then there's nothing else to worry about, right?"

"There is. Another person responsible is still here."

"Look," Brittany's voice is calm again. "You need to stop blaming yourself. It wasn't your fault."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because it's true. And because Maxine said so," Britt has never sounded more confident than she does right now. "She's probably in heaven with her parents right now, and doing something French people do, like having French toast."

Britt never fails to make me smile.

"You really believe that?" I ask.

"I do."

"I just feel that… if I forgive myself, I will forget about her one day."

"You won't. She will always be in your heart."

"How do you know?"

"Because you loved her."

I think she's right. It's simple like that.

I give Brittany a faint smile, and she smiled back.

I don't know how or when, but our heads hit the pillows and Britt is holding me again.

"Promise me you'll try to forgive yourself," Brittany mumbled against my forehead.

"Promise."

I take in her scent and let myself be truly happy again.

A/N: I'm so sorry it took a month and a half to update this. (You can see the reasons in Chapter 20's A/N.) I'm still busy and depressed or whatever, but I don't want you guys to wait any longer. ^_^

This is the Santana's past I was holding out on for so long. Sorry if it's lacking or if you expected a better thing, but this was the original plan. You may think why Santana says it like it's her secret when her parents, Figgins and a few other people already know, but what they don't know is that Santana was in love with Maxine. That's why she says she's never talked to anyone about this.

I also wrote it first person POV for the first time because it fits with the storytelling vibe.

Hope you like this chapter. Reviews are always welcome. :)