Chapter Twenty

The ride to the Ponderosa was silent with Rebecca sitting next to Adam, but not touching him. She sat with her feet together and her hands clasped in her lap, looking down at nothing in particular. Adam let her sit, lost in his own grief at the unexpected tragedy. It had happened so fast; only an hour had passed from the time Mrs. Bailey collapsed until she died. Adam had grown to trust Mrs. Bailey with his innermost feelings. He could sit with her without saying a word, and she knew both what was troubling him, and what she should say to make it all make sense. She was the only one he trusted to do the same for Rebecca. Now she was gone. Had she said enough to bring Rebecca back?

Rebecca was blank. She didn't feel anything…only numbness. It was as if she were still stuck in a bad dream and when she was just about to wake from it the nightmare sucked her back in. She thought of only one thing…escape.

When they arrived at the Ponderosa, Adam helped Chi Mei, who had been holding AJ, out of the back seat. She disappeared into the kitchen with the child, knowing there would be a discussion in the sitting room that did not involve her.

Rebecca sat motionless on the seat. Other than the jars and bumps of the road, she hadn't moved since they left Virginia City. "Becca?" said Adam, leaning into the buggy. He took her hand, and it felt lifeless in his. He lifted her off the seat, leaning down and putting her feet on the ground. "Let's go inside," he said as he walked with her toward the house, thinking that if he let her go, she'd drop to the ground as if she had no bones.

Ben had seen Chi Mei whisk AJ into the kitchen, then when he watched Adam bringing Rebecca into the house, he became alarmed and stood. "Adam, what's happened?"

Suddenly, Rebecca was alert again. "I'm going upstairs. I want to lie down."

"I'll help you," said Adam.

"No, it's alright. I'm just going to lie down. You don't have to come up with me." She walked to the stairs and ascended, then disappeared around the corner without looking back.

Adam turned to his father. "Pa, I don't know how to say this."

Ben waited quietly for Adam to say what he needed to say, seeing the pain in his son's face, the red eyes, the mouth turned in a deep frown.

Clearing his throat, Adam started to speak, but only a hoarse sound came out. He stopped, and took a deep breath. "Mrs. Bailey…she's…gone."

"Gone?"

"Yeah, Pa. Paul said her heart gave out on her."

Sadness took over Ben's face as he looked out across the room, then reached back feeling for the arm of the chair. Without looking, he lowered himself down.

Adam went to the blue chair and sat down as well, both men remaining quiet for awhile. They heard a horse approach the house, but neither moved to see who was there. In only another minute, Hoss came through the door. "You know if that Little Joe doesn't start takin' work seriously, we ain't never…" Hoss stopped and looked at both men. "What's wrong?"

"Mrs. Bailey has passed away," answered Ben, glancing up at Hoss.

"Oh, I'm real sorry to hear that. Rebecca must be takin' it real hard."

"She went up to her room to lie down," said Adam. He looked up to the top of the stairs and got up. "What was I thinking letting her go up there by herself? She's probably crying herself sick. Excuse me," he said as he climbed the stairs.

When Rebecca reached the top of the stairs, she walked down the hall past her bedroom and into the baby's room. Dr. Martin had said AJ was still getting some opium. She looked on the bed table, on top of the chest of drawers, then opened the upper door of the chest, finding a full bottle of laudanum. Taking the bottle and closing the chest door, she quickly made her way to her own room and quietly closed the door. She sat on the side of her bed, looking at the bottle, remembering how easy it was to…not care. Adam wanted this out of her, but surely just the amount that was in the laudanum couldn't hurt her. After all, they were giving it to the baby. It would only be this one time…when she really needed it. She pulled the cork out of the bottle, held it to her lips, closed her eyes and turned the bottle up. She only took a few swallows, but after a few minutes, felt nothing, so she drank the rest of the bottle. It only took a few more minutes for her to fall backwards onto the bed, the bottle falling to the floor.

Adam knocked on her door, and getting no answer, he turned the knob and slowly pushed it open. Rebecca was lying on the bed as though she had sat down and lain back. "Becca?" He took a few more steps, then saw the bottle on the floor, kneeling to pick it up. Hurrying back out of the room he yelled down from the top of the stairs, "Send Chi Mei up here now!"

"Adam, what's wrong?"

He held up the bottle. "She took laudanum. Hoss, find little Joe and send him into town for Paul. Tell him to tell Paul that she drank a bottle of laudanum. Then come back. I'm gonna need your help."

Chi Mei ran in from the kitchen, holding AJ. "Chi Mei, do you know how much was in this bottle of laudanum?"

"It was a new bottle. It was full."

"Pa, Hop Sing has an herb…I can't remember what it's called. It will make her throw up. Would you ask him to prepare it to give to Becca?"

"Mr. Cartwright, Hop Sing is not here. I know it." She passed AJ to Ben. "I will prepare it," she said, running back to the kitchen.

Adam disappeared back around the corner. He sat down on the bed next to Rebecca and pulled her up in his arms, gently slapping her face. "Becca," he said loudly. "Becca, wake up."

She groaned and turned her head. "Let Wei kill me. I don't care anymore," she said, her speech slurred so badly Adam could hardly understand what she said. "Becca, come on, Sweetheart. Wake up."

Hoss hurried into the room and winced at the sight of her. "Adam, Joe's on his way. What d'ya want me to do next?"

"Get some towels and a bucket and bring some hot water up…and some clean cloths. Becca," he said, patting her cheeks. "Wake up."

Chi Mei came into the room carrying a cup and a teapot. Ben joined them after putting AJ down to sleep. While Chi Mei poured a cup of tea, Ben took the towel he brought with him and laid it over Rebecca's chest under her chin. "What can I do?"

"Help me hold her up while I try to get this tea in her." Ben put his arm around her shoulders and held her while Adam stood over her, opening her mouth with one hand while pouring the tea in her mouth. She choked and spat and began tossing her head back and forth. "Pa, hold her head still. I have to get some of this down." Again, Adam poured the tea in her mouth.

Hoss arrived with buckets, towels and hot water, and by the time he placed the bucket in front of Rebecca just below Adam, she was already starting to heave. Ben pulled her forward, as it began to come out. Adam handed Chi Mei the cup and took a towel from Hoss, laying it in her lap. "Hand me a warm cloth." He began wiping her forehead and face between retches. When she stopped, Adam forced her to drink more of the tea which started the vomiting all over again. He didn't stop until nothing else came up.