Chapter Twenty-One: Too Short A Season

Rinoa thought her mind had gone beyond the point of all comprehension; the words that she believed she heard, could not have been true. It was a hollow echo of reality, a small voice telling her that she misunderstood Xu's statement: she was the only person named in the will.

It was an impossibility, simply without reason.

If there was any blood left coursing through her veins, it was severely absent from her face. Her skin lightened to an unhealthy shade of alabaster, the mere essence of her life force seemed to ebb. Xu immediately recognized the signs, years of dealing with families in denial. The sorceress was in shock, not to the degree of needing immediate medical attention, but to the degree of needing to be able to actually inhale via her own will. It appeared she had not taken a breath since the SeeD had informed her of the situation.

"Rinoa, can I get you something? Water?"

"Me? No, no… I'm all right. I just…"

She stopped, there was no way she could explain how she felt to someone else. The emotions paralyzing her body were nearly debilitating.

"I just need a moment." Rinoa tried to regain her senses, as diplomatically as possible under the newfound circumstances.

The older SeeD nodded, trying to assess the situation justly. Xu had not foreseen such a reaction from the younger woman. It was now apparent that Squall kept the agenda to himself; even death had not stopped him from that character trait. It was not as if their breakup was a secret, but if Rinoa was truly unaware of Squall's wishes, she could understand the sorceress's faltering.

In fact, Xu had questioned Squall himself on the situation a few years prior. Still, the commander was adamant about his decision, so she never broached the subject again. Her job often dealt in the 'what if' factor; their lives were often nothing more than a guessing game, a simple game of chance – which was too often lost by its players.

When the sorceress continued in prolonged silence, Xu started anew with a more professional explanation. "Rinoa, as being the only listed beneficiary, you will be entirely in charge the division and distribution of his estate, if that is your wish. I've already had the attorneys draw up final drafts of the necessary paperwork. We'll just need your signature to begin any transfer or liquidation process of his assets. The financial end will take a little time; available funds will be ready for transfer upon our filing the forms. However, all personal belongs will be immediately ready to be passed on to you."

Rinoa was speechless.

There were no words to even describe the confusion; her thoughts were muddled and chaotic. It had to be a mistake. This was a huge mistake. That certainly was the only plausible explanation in her mind. Xu must have been looking at forms dated over four years ago, even then, it was hard to comprehend. Her and Squall only talked once in three years, and god only knew that didn't go well. He certainly wouldn't have left all of his possessions to her. This brought her back to the only logical thought - it had to be clerical error on the part of Garden.

It had to be.

"Xu…" She pressed hard, just to speak the elder's name. Her mind, body, and thoughts were anything but synchronized. The sorceress found herself shaking, as her voice softly echoed the only words replaying in her mind.

"It's a mistake. This is a mistake. We broke up three years ago. He wouldn't…. No."

"Rinoa, it's not a mistake." Xu reached forward placing her hand gingerly over Rinoa's. The younger woman refused to make eye contact. Instead, her face remained peering downward.

The headmistress tried to explain to the best of her abilities, "Rinoa, I don't know if you recall or not but, SeeD members are required to update this information every six months. This was actually done five months ago, in another month it would have been updated again. It's mandatory. Squall never removed you as the beneficiary of his will. I'll admit, I was surprised the first time, after your departure. But he insisted that it was never to be changed. He had plenty of chances, Rinoa, but please remember, these were his final wishes."

"No… that just doesn't… It can't."

She was confused beyond words, and embarrassed by her actions. She felt lost and alone. It was involuntary, but she buried her face within her hands. It might have been that childishness coming through, but she could give a damn. She honestly wanted to hide, to get away from this place, to get away from this world. Nothing was making sense to her, and nothing was getting easier.

"Rinoa, I didn't mean to spring the news on you like this. If I had known that you weren't aware in the least, I would have waited until later this evening. I just knew you were eager to get our conversation over with and I actually thought… well, I thought it was because of this."

"Why would he?" Rinoa hopelessly questioned.

Nothing was going to make her understand this. Hell, even talking to Squall, if that had been remotely possible, wouldn't have helped the situation. He would more than likely just evade her questions with indirect answers, if he bothered to explain at all.

"I couldn't tell you." Xu softened, leaving her role as headmistress aside. In her tenure, she had not known Rinoa well, but she had known enough of the sorceress to respect her. No amount of gossip or hearsay would sway her opinion; she had not risen to power taking stock in such frivolity. She had also greatly respected the commander, not only for his station, but as a person, and that alone spoke volumes to Rinoa's character.

The SeeD continued in a more sympathetic tone than in previous words, "Maybe Squall never felt as close to anybody else. Maybe he just wanted to make sure you were financially stable, he was rather practical when it came to such matters but…it's really not my place to speculate."

Honestly, the Xu would have speculated a few other reasons, but the reality would have not served anybody any good. Maybe it was best to let those observations remain buried in the past.

When Rinoa made no future attempt to question, Xu once again found herself settling into the role of Garden mediator. "All I'm honestly here for right now is to get this estate settlement underway. What you do with anything, money or property, is solely up to you."

"I just can't."

The sorceress shook her head finally removing her hands from her face. She couldn't hide, as much as she wanted to; it was not how she needed to handle the situation. Rinoa tried to comprehend his reasoning, even a little, though it was a near impossibility.

"Rinoa, these are really his wishes." The SeeD offered the sentiment with more verbal forcefulness than before. Xu smiled in a gesture of sympathy as Rinoa subconsciously bit her lower lip. It might not have been acceptance on the sorceress's part, but for now, it would be taken as such. The older SeeD smiled and again returned to some of the more pressing issues of legality.

"Again, the financial end will take a few days. I will keep you dutifully informed on the progress. However, all personal objects, properties, and other physical items are legally yours after you sign our copies. You may distribute them as you see fit, I know he has other friends and family. All decisions made by you are final, and will not be appealed by Garden."

Rinoa still tried to absorb this, everything he ever owned, was hers? He expected her to actually deal with his belongings and divvy up any reminders to his friends? A sharp flash of anger washed through her, though she knew that wasn't right. How? How could she go through his things and hand them out as if they were some sort of trophies to his life? Did he really think about this, or was this some backwards attempt to get back at her?

God no… she knew that wasn't his reasoning, but it all felt so overwhelming. And honestly, right now, she could find no other viable explanation for his seemingly-erratic actions. Since the moment she saw his picture on the television back in Timber and heard the news reporter speak the grave news, everything just felt off… Her entire existence felt as if she was only an observer in her own life story. This was not happening, it could not be happening. It couldn't be…

Rinoa looked toward Xu as if the words she had just spoken had somehow poisoned the air. The sorceress tried to sit upright and digest the truth from her own made up fallacies. However, the truth was, she wasn't ready for the new responsibilities, but she acted the part nonetheless. Her mood turned attentive and she relied on everything she had ever learned working in the political field.

"Now, Rinoa, because Squall's personal residence is on Garden property, you will need to be escorted at all times by SeeD personnel while in his apartment. Any computers, PDAs, mobile phones, or any other electronic media that may contain classified information, have already been seized by Garden. An escort will need to be present at all times, to verify that no confidential items are taken off premises. This is standard policy with any Garden related fatality. However, given the personal history involved here, I'll try to arrange it so that either Quistis or Selphie will always be assigned with you. I want this to be as comfortable to you as possible, given the circumstances."

Still, Rinoa sat aimlessly disorientated, but at least she appeared the part outwardly; most of Xu's words were nothing but muffled background noise. This whole situation was a grotesquely-surreal dream. She only wished someone would wake her before she was trapped in this hellish nightmare forever.

The magnitude of the situation had not dawned on her, nor could it while still a state of shock. There was no way to fathom that she would be responsible for every item contained within his apartment. It was something that she would have to face physically to even begin to heal mentally. Nor had she stopped to consider the full processes involved and the vast amount of time it would take to pack his belongings.

The truth was, the commander was the furthest thing from a packrat. Still, over the course of a lifetime, there were countless items he had acquired unbeknownst to even him. From his living room sofa to a sweater Zell's Ma had knitted him for the winter and every item in between - there were trivial items that now accounted for far more than the sum of his life.

And what about the friends he left behind?

He would expect her, or as well as she could dictate under the circumstances, to be the one that decided who would receive what, if any items at all. He was horrible at giving gifts to people in life. Apparently in death, he had no intention of rectifying that shortcoming. Friends, family… even Lauren? She would be responsible for giving all of them some remembrance of him.

How in the hell did Rinoa end up with this task? Her emotions swayed drastically between shock and anger. Why would he place her in such a volatile situation? Had that been his intention by placing her name on these damned documents? Again, she doubted that thought, but who knew the inner workings of Squall Leonhart's mind? Even she was clueless on that matter.

Not to mention she had not considered the intimate level of commitment and emotional strength it would require, to actually follow through. He had always been guarded in their relationship, never completely letting her in his walls and now…she would be discovering everything. These would be, in fact, now her secrets by proxy.

Little did she know that one of the items was meant to be hers years earlier; he just never found the courage to follow through with his heart. His mind always got in the way.

She would learn all his secrets, even those contained in a velvet box.

At least it was over until this place would drum up the next atrocity. What a comfort that was to him. Squall was agitated, tired, mentally worn and honestly, rather pissed. He needed to get out of this jail cell on four wheels; he especially needed to get away from his forced partner in crime. He needed to get away from everything at this point, including himself, but his needs seemed moot in the vast scheme of life. With the new information received from Dollet, it was obvious where their next stop would be – back to the place where this nightmare began.

Cid had informed them that they would be leaving later tonight, after enough audio and visual evidence had been acquired. Of course, their efforts today could be all for naught. It was nothing more than a roll of the dice and the house always seemed to have loaded ones. He continued to stare at the ornately decorated wooden box that was supposedly his final resting place. It became rather entrancing in sick, hypnotic way.

He listened to strangers as they walked up and offered him false gratitude, a safe journey, and not too surprisingly, a few seemed ironically pleased by his demise. He marked the time stamp on the tape when those people would speak, and would look into the leads later. He didn't take their words to heart; he really didn't care about them. It was the times when his friends came up that he would remove his headsets. He couldn't hear them. He wasn't ready for their words, or the betrayal they would most likely feel later. Those words were meant to be private and he honored that sanctity.

It had been a good fifteen minutes since the martial artist had spoken, a small miracle unto itself, if he believed in that type of thing. He didn't. Still, it was inevitable, the silence would be broken. It was a given, such as the sun rising in the morning.

"Can I ask a question?"

"Why stop now," Squall replied almost spitefully. Zell's persistence was grating on him and if he didn't get out of here soon, he doubted this would end well.

"Um, where are they going to bury you?"

"I'm not dead."

"Well I know that. I mean, where do people think they are going to bury you?"

"Outside Balamb, I believe."

"Is that what you wanted? I guess I never thought that would be… Well, I mean, is what you had asked for?"

"No."

He wanted to come back with some snappy answer, but truthfully, there was none. In all of his years of service to SeeD, he had not come to a definitive decision. Now, the choice was being made for him. But really, he found that Garden had no other logical option.

Winhill was his birth place, but it certainly wasn't a home. His mother may have been buried there, and most likely his father would join her side. That was their life, not his. For awhile, he might have said the orphanage, but now that held too many memories and regrets. That wasn't his life either – anymore. So this left the only thing he was - a member of Garden. Balamb is where he grew up, and quite frankly, where a part of him died.

So since SeeD defined his life, it was also destined to define his death.

The president had been here before; he had felt the pain of loss firsthand. It wasn't a place that one could physical travel to, rather a vacant state of mind that often consumed both heart and soul. He had given up trying to smile today, as his eyes masked the pain that he wasn't allowed to admit publically. Here, he was the same as any other mourner outwardly. It was a fate that had been sealed nearly a quarter of a century ago, when he had followed the footsteps of another path.

Still, that ardent need to right a wrong overwhelmed him. It might not have been his son this time, but it was someone nearly equally as important to him emotionally. He had watched Rinoa leave during the service, there was no other choice but to let her leave; it wasn't his right to stop her. Yet, it was his need to find her now, to see if by some miracle, he could help her when he seemed to fail her former knight so greatly.

He had followed hearsay that she was in the Quad and after that turned out to be a dead end; he retraced his steps back towards the ballroom. After a few more minutes of circling, he happened to follow a small hallway that branched just off Garden's main entrance by chance. His chest ached when he saw a solitary figure sitting against the wall. Her head looking toward the heavens for answers that obviously neither of them would ever receive.

"Hey, could you use some company?"

Laguna's question was rather pointed. In fact, he was the one who was in dire of need of companionship. He offered her a reassuring smile, or at least he tried behind water filled eyes. She nodded and feebly attempted to return the gesture, though it was barely noticeable. He sat down on the floor directly beside her, not caring about image. It might have not been befitting for the president of the most technologically-advanced country to sit in a foot worn hallway, but it was fitting of a man and father, in grief.

Rinoa was grateful for the companionship. She had been alone enough in her lifetime. Her words were soft and carried the weight of the day, "I'm so sorry, Laguna. I shouldn't have left. I didn't mean to… I'm just so sorry."

"Why do you feel the need to apologize? I certainly don't blame you. Hell, I honestly wished I could have joined you, but…"

"I know, leaving wouldn't exactly set the best political standard."

"Screw politics," he halfheartedly joked, but it was built on the foundation of truth. "I guess I just felt all the times I wasn't there in his life, well, at least I could be there this time… just a little longer."

"I'm sure he'd appreciate it."

They both faintly smiled, and in unison, each replied with a version of, "No, no he wouldn't." Though their answers were not worded the same, their sentiments were identical.

Rinoa shyly turned her face from him, not positive how to say these words aloud. Again, just like with Squall's death, if she said the words out loud, they would then become a truth. She was still fighting with the words Xu told her, how was she supposed to admit them to another? Still, this man had a right to know. Hell, he had more rights to the commander's affairs than she ever did. It was somehow fitting that Laguna would be the first to hear, as it was a truth that he needed to know before all others.

"I… Laguna, Squall… he left me everything."

"What?"

"That bastard left me everything in his will."

Her anger slipped out bitterly, along with tears she had held since collapsing in the hallway. Her body started to tremble, in pent up emotion and unfounded rage. How could he do this to her without any emotional accountability? Of course, she didn't really think of him as the 'names' her mind labeled him. Anger and grief were clouding her judgment, and truthfully, Laguna understood her pain and resentment all too well.

"Dear God," was all that he could manage, pulling her into his arms.

The president couldn't fathom why his son would make her go through that - why would he pull her back into the past? He, himself, had suffered the loss of Raine. Although she had very little in the way of worldly possessions, most of the sorting was handled by others in Winhill. He never had to pack her belongings. He never had to see every last memento and remindful photograph. He never had to place that final piece of tape on a box and write on it with a marker as if it were nothing. Would this be a curse or a blessing?

Now Rinoa would have to relieve the past. She no longer was given a say in her own destiny. Laguna knew she was strong, but right now, with the loss of a former knight, no matter how much they were separated by time and distance, sorting through his things…it might be emotionally devastating. He would not let her face that misery by herself.

"I'll help you. You don't need to face this alone."

"No," she said almost too quickly.

It sounded as if she wasn't grateful for the offer - that was the furthest from the truth. Rinoa knew that she could not put Laguna through another tragedy. She would take this fate and accept it as gracefully as possible. She also knew that he would continue to insist since they were alike in so many ways.

"I'm sorry Laguna. I really didn't mean to sound like that… It's just that I already have help, Garden is making sure that Selphie and Quistis will be there. I'll be taken care of, so please don't worry about it. I know that if I need anything, you'll always be there for me."

"All right," he agreed, although it still felt as if he was abandoning a duty all over again. But his son had voiced his wishes through his will. If Squall wanted Rinoa to be in charge of this part of his legacy, he would abide by it. He wouldn't like it one damn bit, but he'd do it to honor his son.

"Rinoa, please, just don't try to start anything today… or not even tonight. I want all of us to make it through today as the dysfunctional family we are. Just make it through today, and then start making it through tomorrow."

"Deal."

Honestly, she had no intentions of starting today. She had no idea of where, how, or what to start on even if she tried. She would allow herself today for grieving and a lifetime for mourning. Right now, she needed her friends and adoptive family, and they would all be there for each other in return. As family.

"Are you busy tonight?" he asked nervously realizing how lame his question sounded given the circumstances. "I mean, not that I want to know. Okay, I mean I do want to know…"

He exhaled outwardly, trying to regain verbal composure. Even age and experience never helped him to get better at finding the right words for the right time. It was a reality that plagued him since before he could even remember.

Still, he tried, he always did. "It's just that Ellone talked to me after the service. She mentioned that the group was having a private dinner tonight, you know, without the hoopla. I was hoping you were going. I know everybody wants you there."

"Yeah, Quistis had mentioned it to me last night. I just wasn't sure if I-"

"You should." The fact was as simple as that. He wanted her to know that too.

"It's just that-"

"You know, if you keep making excuses, I'm going to keep on interrupting you. Rinoa, tonight's not for Squall, it's for us. Right now, we need that, you understand?"

"Fine. You know, I could never argue with you for long."

"Come on." He stood up, offering his hand. She wanted to decline, but this no longer was about her wants. Trying her best to forge a smile, the sorceress accepted his gesture and shakily rose to her feet.

"I'll join up with you later tonight. There's something I need to do right now, if not, I may never get the courage."