Chapter 21

"Are you ever going to talk to me again?" as usual Wally ignored him, he was tired of all this, he and Wally had been good friends and he didn't want to lose that because of one stupid mistake "I already apologized, I don't know what else to do"

"You don't have to do anything" he still didn't look up from the computer "I accepted your apology"

"You accepted it, but you only talk to me when you have to" he sighed "I did something stupid and I realize that, but I can't do anything about it, is already done. Wally already lost Shayera I don't want to lose you too"

"I know you are sorry" Wally finally looked at him "but you hurt her bad, you should have seen her afterwards, I can't take that image off my mind. She was so broken I thought we wouldn't be able to put her back together"

"The day of the invasion I was going to ask her to marry me" he sat beside Wally, his eyes were wide open "and then I found out she was promised to another, I was so mad and then she tried to explain, but I wouldn't let her"

"Well I can understand that" Wally gave him a sad smile "for a while I was mad too"

"When she came to Bruce's house to tell us what was happening I was furious and then she gave me back my ring, but still I blamed her for everything" he still remembered that day, all the resentment he had felt toward her "she saved me, Hro was going to kill me, but she stopped him and he almost killed her. Afterwards when we voted and she just left without even listening to us I convinced myself that she didn't care about me and then I met Vixen"

"That was a big mistake, there is something wrong with her"

"I used her, I didn't want to admit it, but I did, I used her to forget Shayera" he had, he realized that now "and then Shayera came back and all the feelings I had locked burst free, but it wasn't just love, the betrayal, the hate and everything hit me at once, and when I went to the future and met my son"

"What?" he could tell Wally was confused "What do you mean?"

"I went to the future and met my son, his name was Rex, he was also Shayeras', but still I couldn't forget so I told her that no matter what the future was I was going to stay with Vixen" he laughed at himself, how stupid he had been "but still I couldn't help it, I couldn't stop loving her so I decided to try once more to see if I could move past the pain and the hatred and for a while I did"

"What happen?" Wally looked at him, waiting for him to finish "what changed your mind?"

"Vixen, she came back and made me feel guilty for betraying her after everything she had done for me, she remainded me everyday of what Shayera had done" he had let himself be manipulated by her "and when I said all those things to Shayera and saw the pain I was causing her, part of me felt good that I could hurt her the same way she had hurt me, but the other part felt like I had lost part of my soul"

"I'm sorry for the things I said" Wally put a hand on his shoulder "but I'm not sorry I hit you"

"That's ok" he smiled, he had deserved it "when the doctors told me she was pregnant I thought my heart was going to stop, I was so happy and then the doctor said her heart had stopped and she was going to died, you have no idea how I felt. If she died I wouldn't be able to tell her how sorry I was and that I didn't mean anything I said, that I loved her and I wanted to spend the rest of my life showing her how much and I thought of my son that wouldn't be born because of my stupidity"

"Do you still love her?"

"More than anything, but she can't forgive me now and I can't blame her" he sighed, it was good to get all of this out of his chest "I wonder if I killed the love she felt for me?"

"No you didn't" Wally smiled at him "she just needs time, but she loves you John, she never stopped"

"Thanks for listening to me"

John smiled, he was feeling better now that he had in years, he didn't see Shayera standing behind the door or the tears running down her face.