Part Twenty One:

Daylight soon came to find me.

Disoriented, I looked around me to realize that I was alone in an apartment.

Like a tidal wave, the events of the previous evening had crashed over me. Each recurring wave of memories brought another of immeasurable pain.

Tommy's betrayal had led me to a near soul breaking encounter with the Inspector. It was sheer luck that I could escape. It was sheer luck that I found myself to Ada's, despite everything crashing around me.

Looking around, I realized Ada had already left with Karl, leaving me to revel in my loss alone.

Looking down, I realized that Ada has placed me in her bed. Somehow, she had dragged my lifeless body through the room and into her bed.

As much as I wanted to be touched by her kindness, the fire of loss pulsed through my veins.

My heart felt as if it had shattered into a million pieces.

I didn't want to move, but then I realized that it was late in the morning as I glanced outside.

Trying to set my emotions aside, I tried to think about my next steps. I couldn't fall apart now.

There was no time for this.

I couldn't repeat what I had done with David's passing. I was not that woman anymore.

Sighing, I left myself out of the apartment, not bothering to check my appearance.

As I walked out of the apartment, I realized that I couldn't return to Watery Lane...at least permanently.

Where would I go?

A voice of clarity rang through my mind: where you were meant to be all along. Safe at The Garrison.

I cursed, as I walked the streets.

I knew that I had to return to the Shelby household to retrieve some of my things before heading to my old apartment above the Garrison. I did not want to live another day in that household for the time being. Not after he laid with Grace Burgess.

If I had any other option, I would never return to the Garrison. I couldn't face her either.

It was comical how I had been reduced to nothing in a day. I had become too comfortable in this life.

I was ashamed at myself. I didn't want anyone to see me like this.

Luckily, I walked the streets of Small Heath to Watery Lane without encountering any of the Peaky Blinders. Although I had thought it odd and a relief at first, I realized what day it was. Again, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

Of course, all of the Shelby men were preparing for today.

It was Black Star Day.

The realization sparked life back into me. This was an operation that I helped plan from the start. The fruits of my labor. I had things to do.

Tommy Shelby would not run me away from this day.

Finding my fire, I stormed through the betting dens to find the stairs for good measure. I stomped on the stairs, as if it were every enemy that I ever encountered.

As I flung open the door to our former room, I saw that the room was absent of Tommy's presence, though he had evidently been there this morning. I changed into my navy blue dress, to match my dark mood.

As I looked over the room, I realized that he deserved to endure my wrath. I would wait to retrieve my clothes after today was all said and done. I would fulfill my part today. If he couldn't be loyal, then at least I would be.

For a moment, I took in the calm of the room. A war would surely be waiting for us when we both returned to this room in the evening hours.

At the last minute before my departure, I put David's letters, my pistol, and my jewelry in my small handbag to store at my room in The Garrison. It was the only thing I could allow myself to take, because I did not want him to have this part of me any longer.

As a petty parting move, I quickly stole a pack of cigarettes from his drawer, stomping down the stairs for effect. As I made my way to leave, Polly stopped me, asking me what the hell was going on and why wasn't I at the family meeting this morning. Everyone had just went to The Garrison, Polly said.

"Ask Tommy and his cock. It has found its way between the legs of Grace Burgess," I said.

I went to walk past her, but Polly grabbed my arm, shock registering across her face. My cold exterior melted at her touch and I audibly stifled a sob.

My bravado failed again. I was no longer Antonina Paltrowicz, but Antonina Casey after the end of the Great War.

Her worried eyes searched mine and I shook my head. I could not go there. Not here. Not now.

To Polly's everlasting credit, she nodded. She straightened my dress, tidying up my hair.

"Toni, we will get this sorted out later. Go about your business as planned. You wait at the Garrison. Make him regret fucking that slag."

I tried to smile, as she gave me a hug.

As I slowly walked to the Garrison, I lit a cigarette to control my emotions. When an onslaught of Peaky Blinder men ran past me, I felt the hairs stand on the back of my neck. Arthur found me in the street.

"Toni, we've been done over. Kimber and his men are comin'."

I felt the fear grip my heart, momentarily forgetting about my anger at Tommy for what he had done. Forgetting the pain.

My family was in danger.

My survival instinct kicked in.

Suddenly, it snapped me out of my childlike heartache. I needed to find him and protect him.

"Where is Tommy, Arthur?"

"The Garrison. Go quickly, love."

I threw the cigarette down, as I ran to The Garrison.

Just two blocks from The Garrison, I found him.

And he walked past me as if I didn't exist.

Stunned, I followed him as he walked towards home, trying to talk to him. Despite my continued pleas, he would not turn around. He would not acknowledge me.

Finally, I shouted at him, losing my nerves.

"Goddamnit Thomas Shelby, you turn the fuck around and look at me. I am trying to talk to you after you fucked Grace Burgess last night and left me with the Inspector. You betrayed me. Despite this, I am trying to talk to the man I love before a bunch of fuckin' men try to kill 'em. Turn the fuck around and acknowledge me."

He whipped around and his gaze nearly took me down where I stood. Although I had seen this anger across his face before, it had never been directed towards me. I wanted to hold my ground, but I could not avoid the shock that came across my face. My eyes widened as he grew closer to me. My resolve faltered.

"I betrayed you? Was it so bad that you were with the Inspector? After all, you have a close relationship with 'im."

Anger surged through me. How dare he.

"What the fuck are you talking about, Thomas Shelby?"

"You tell me, Antonina Paltrowicz, how the guns, Black Star Day, and Freddie Thorne became such public knowledge when I only told family, which included you?"

I had no words to say as I processed this information. While I knew about all of these things, I had not talked to anyone outside of the family about this. My silence made him continue.

"Tell me, Ms. Paltrowicz, how the Inspector told me that my heart would be broken by the end of the day? Surely, he meant you. He all, but confirmed it. Did you really think that I wouldn't find out about this betrayal?"

"Are you implying that I was the one the betray you?"

"Well who the fuck else am I talking about, Ms. Paltrowicz?"

Before this moment, he had never so much as raised his voice at me. Now, I realized why so many people feared Thomas Shelby. While it was not the yelling and the anger that made me afraid, it was how easily blindsided he had become to the truth. This had been Grace Burgess' and the Inspector's doing. I stifled the sardonic laugh that gurgled in my throat.

"You are so fucking blind, Tommy. Do you think that I would willing work with the coppers? Inspector Campbell? Or Billy Kimber? Two men, who both tried to have their wicked way with me? After you left me alone with them? How dare you. Unlike you, I have honor. I don't collaborate with fuckin' cops and pigs like Kimber."

"Don't you fuckin' tell me about honor, Antonina Paltrowicz. You lost your right to say that you uphold honor when you left your family in Chicago."

The breath left my body as soon as he said the words. When I looked into his eyes, I saw nothing but cold anger. As much as I wanted to curse him where he stood, I couldn't speak. I felt as if my mouth were filled with glue. After my lack of reply, he continued further on.

"In fact, maybe I should wire them in Chicago to let them know about your latest activities."

It was then that I felt the fear grip my heart. Against all of my resolve, I began to cry.

"You wouldn't. I didn't do this, Tommy. I swear on my life."

He studied me, before answering. His eyes remained cold, like ice cold glaciers ripping away the hull of a steel ship. Like gushes of water, pain flowed through me.

He continued.

"Your word means nothing to me. You should leave the city immediately or I will wire word to Chicago about your whereabouts. Before Kimber's men arrive. Goodbye, Ms. Paltrowicz."

Soon, my tears dried up. He was no longer the man that I had come to love. Finally, I saw Tommy in a new light. As so many others had.

He was a cold businessman. Once I became no longer an asset to him, I was nothing.

I had been played a fool.

There was no love for people like him.

Like me.

All of the love in the world could not fix this between us. We were done.

Mirroring his cold expression, we stared at each other for what felt like years.

Of all the things that I wanted to say to Tommy Shelby in the moment, the only thing I could muster was the words that I would regret for years to come.

"Fuck you, Thomas Shelby. I will see you in hell."

The shock washing across his face was the last thing that I saw as I turned on my heel to return to The Garrison. Before I left the city, I had business to take care of with Grace Burgess.

Still feeling the anger from Antonina's betrayal, Tommy stormed into the Shelby family residence to meet with his family before the arrival of Kimber and his men.

As soon as he entered the parlor, Polly battered him with postulations about how this could have happened. As Tommy lit a cigarette, he shook his head. He already knew.

"Love blinded me, Pol."

Polly remained stoic, as she processed the information. Realizing what he meant, she shook her head as if to wave the accusation away.

"It couldn't have been Antonina, Tom."

Tommy shook his head.

"Who else could it have been? I told her everything. No one else knew everything, but the family and her. The Inspector told me this morning that my heart would break today. Grace told me last night. I won't hear it, Pol. Antonina had to do this."

Polly could not believe the words, searching for another alternative. On one hand, Antonina was no stranger to betraying loved ones when she thought that she was doing the right thing. On the other hand, Polly knew that Antonina would not do something like this to Tommy and the family. Although Polly had her deep suspicions about who did, she knew that she had to gain confirmation before telling Tommy. She could see that he was dead set on whatever Grace Burgess and the Inspector had made him believe.

As she bid him luck, she left to go towards The Garrison on an instinct to go there right away. She needed to learn the truth.

As I entered The Garrison, there was not a soul within the place. It had been the quietest and most eerie that I had ever seen the place. Taking my pistol from my handbag, I walked through the main parlor for any sign of the woman that had just ruined my life.

I had nearly given up, when I heard her voice from behind me.

"You know...the Inspector wanted you extradited to America for your crimes, immediately. I convinced him otherwise. It was easier to throw Tommy off my trail with you around. You should thank me though."

As soon as she finished her words, I turned around with my pistol drawn, my finger ready to squeeze the trigger in an instant. To her credit, she knew how I would react, as I was met with her pistol drawn in a stance mirroring my own.

We were in a stand-off.

I calculated the odds of me taking her out without being shot myself. The fierce determination in her face told me that she would not hesitate to shoot me if I moved.

How funny it would be for the two women that loved Thomas Shelby to die in a stand-off.

Despite the gravity of the situation, I began to laugh. Grace watched me curiously.

"So you are an agent of the Crown…... I will be goddamned. I was right about you. I have not lost my touch, after all. It is a shame that Tommy did not see through your facade. Too bad he will soon figure it out, when this is all over."

Her fierce expression faltered momentarily, as a myriad of emotions washed over her face. The complexity of the emotions told me everything that I needed to know to hone in on her weaknesses in the moment. I would have a little fun while I decided if I would murder her.

It was the only joy that I had left.

I had lost everything.

"So tell me Grace….did you grow to love him?"

She dropped her gaze for a moment, before bringing her eyes to meet mine. Gripping her pistol tighter, she answered me with a soft fierceness. As if it were her dying confession.

"Yes, I did. Did you?"

I sighed. Of course, I did.

"Yes. More than I can ever say."

She smiled sadly and softly. Keeping our pistols drawn, we studied one another. In many ways, I saw her in a new light.

As much as I wanted to deny it, I had underestimated her. We were both worthy adversaries in this game. It was only a shame that we both lost this game by a mile.

"In another lifetime, maybe we would have been friends, Antonina."

I smirked, thinking over her words.

Before I answered, I heard the small footsteps in the back of The Garrison, realizing that whoever had crept in did not want us to hear them. Only two people in the Shelby family had that light of footsteps. Both of the possibilities were the women who were still likely on my side.

I thought about the words I chose carefully, to make sure that I would be the one to win this hand, even if I had lost the game.

I would not forsake the rest of the Shelbys, even if Tommy had forsaken me.

"Maybe, Grace…"

I took a step closer to her, playing a fierce game of roulette.

"Although in another lifetime, I would have killed you where you stood before we even had this fucking conversation for what you did to his family and me. You saved me with the Inspector only to falsely betray me with Tommy to have him. You won. Funny that you did that even though you'll lose him, because you betrayed his family. You betrayed Ada and Freddie, during the birth of their son. Most of all, you betrayed Tommy. He deserves better than scum like you."

The malice in my words made her eye widen and she gripped the pistol even tighter. My cruelty in an otherwise pleasant moment had stunned her. As if she realized who she was, a sudden bravado took hold of her.

"If you murder me, you will be hung for your crimes for killing an agent of the crown. Remember, I have the power to arrest and the power to use force. Lower your weapon or I will shoot you where you stand."

I looked to her hand and I saw that it was shaking. Suddenly, I felt pity for her. She likely had never shot someone before. Here I was, the big, bad Antonina Paltrowicz threatening her.

Knowing my point had been made with whoever stood in the back of The Garrison, I took pity on her as I lowered my weapon. I saw her visibly relax.

My mercy was not to be mistaken for kindness.

I was not a fool. I would find further revenge another way.

"Grace, if I really wanted you dead, you would have bled out on this floor minutes ago. I am only letting you live, because you saved his life last night and you did not let Campbell extradite me back to America. My debt has been paid. I owe you nothing more. Besides, you're going to want to be dead after they finally figure out what you have done."

Grace said nothing, as she finally lowered her pistol. We studied one another.

She spoke, breaking the silence.

"You were a worthy adversary, Antonina Paltrowicz-Casey. I wish you luck."

"Goodbye, Grace Burgess. I will see you in hell."

I turned on my heel and I left the Garrison, without even looking behind me to see if Grace would shoot me as I walked away. In all honesty, I didn't care anymore.