Good afternoon/morning/evening! This chapter contains a flashback - it's in bold/italic. Just a heads up! I've been wanting to write this one for awhile but needed to find the right time to fit it into the story. Here goes.

Don't forget to review :)

ELIZA'S POV

So far, my first day as head of ortho has gone pretty smoothly. I haven't seen Callie at all today, but I don't anticipate that she will give me much trouble. She's already aware that I was offered the job as head of ortho, and from what my girlfriend has told me, she has her own responsibilities tying her down in New York. She has her own life there and I don't sense that she has a desire to come back to Seattle right now. If she ever does, it will be so that Sofia can have both of her moms in the same place. I'm sure it wouldn't be to steal her old job - my job - back. Or at least, I hope.

Making my way down to the ER after being paged, I find Hunt, Kepner and Shepherd crowded around a patient. "Dr. Minnick," Owen nods at me. "We need an ortho consult. 22 year old Derrick Marshall, found unconscious at the scene of a head-on MVC. Shepherd is taking him up to CT right now but we're suspecting multiple fractures. He'll be headed up to x-ray immediately after. Are you available?"

"Of course," I nod. This is not the kind of day I was hoping for. I know I should probably be used to this by now. I mean, I'm a freaking doctor. I shouldn't let my emotions get the best of me. I see injuries and trauma all of the time. My job isn't to let my emotions take over and tear myself up - it's to save lives. But when things like this happen, I honestly can't help it. It's been years since my brother's death, and getting severe traumatic MVC patients in his age range still gives me flashbacks.

"Eliza. Eliza!" Looking up from my textbook, I see my roommate Alyssa standing in the doorway of our dorm room. "I know you're dreading this biochem exam, but we're gonna be late if we don't get going. You coming?"

I let out a prolonged sigh and slam my book shut. "I guess so. Might as well get this over with." Just as I'm grabbing my backpack, my phone by my bedside starts ringing. Normally I would ignore it when I'm running this late, but I'll do just about anything to put off this midterm.

Throwing my bag back down, I walk back across the room to answer it. "Don't!" Alyssa whines. "It's probably that girl from last weekend. You really feel like dealing with crazy this morning?"

"Shut up," I laugh and roll my eyes, sitting back down on my bed. "It could be someone important. Hello?"

"Eliza." I immediately recognize my mom's voice, but I can tell right away that something is seriously wrong. My mom is always so bright and full of life, but right now all of that is gone. "Honey, you need to come home right now. It's your brother. There's been an accident."

My heart immediately sinks in my chest. My brothers are my best friends. If anything has happened to either one of them, I'm going to lose it. "Mom. What kind of accident? Is it Dylan? Aaron? What's happening?"

"Eliza, you just need to get here right now," she responds, her voice breaking. "Please."

"Mom! Slow down - what's going on?" Why isn't she telling me anything? I'm freaking out here and she hasn't even told me what's going on.

"It's Aaron. Your dad is on his way to pick you up, okay? Bring some clothes with you. I love you. I promise to explain everything when you get here. I-I have to go, honey. I'll see you soon."

"Okay," I manage to utter, placing the phone back down. I can't move. I can't speak. And right now, it feels like I can't even breathe.

"Eliza?" Alyssa approaches me, her voice laced with concern. "What's happening? Talk to me." She kneels down to my level as I sit there, frozen in fear and slowly feeling myself go numb.

"My brother. Something happened. My mom won't tell me anything." Going into fight or flight mode, I jump back up and begin frantically throwing a couple changes of clothes into my backpack. "I have to go. Right now."

"Eliza, breathe." She stops me, grabbing my arm. "Do you need me to go with you?"

"No, it's fine. Thank you anyway." Right now I'm trying my best not to panic, but it's hard when my mom hasn't given me much to go off of. It could be anything. It could be nothing. But the tone of my mom's voice tells me it's definitely something. Whatever it is, I don't feel ready for it at all. Right now I just want to run and hide, because my gut is telling me that today is only going to get worse. "Tell our professor I had a family emergency and I'll talk to him soon, okay?"

"Of course," she nods. "Call me if you need me, okay?"

"I will." I let out a deep breath, following her out of our dorm and sitting on the curb as I wait for my dad to arrive. I don't even know what's happening, but I just want all of this to just disappear. I need everything to be okay. I need all of this to be a cruel nightmare. I need my brother.

Standing at the nurses station looking over my patients' charts, I've been waiting for Amelia to bring our MVC patient back from CT. Looking at her when our patient came in earlier, I could tell from the look in her eyes that she was feeling the same pain as me. I only know what Arizona has told me about the other Doctor Shepherd, but I do know that he was killed in an MVC, just like my brother. Maybe I'm overanalyzing, or maybe she's just having a bad day. But I knew the look in her eyes right away. It reflected exactly what I felt as soon as I walked into that room.

"Hey," Amelia approaches me at the nurses station. Her eyes are dull and her shoulders are slumped, and I know right away that she's in the same headspace that I'm in right now. To be honest, I'm not always the best at reading people, but I've been around Amelia enough to know that I've never seen her like this before. Breaking. Numb. Vulnerable. All things that I'm feeling at this exact moment.

"I, um. I don't need your consult anymore," she says sheepishly. "I'm sorry Hunt paged you - we should have waited till after CT." She lets out a deep breath, turning around toward the elevator.

"Amelia." I stop her, and she turns back toward me. The look in her eyes breaks my heart, but I feel like I can't say anything because I don't want her thinking Arizona has told me everything about her business. "What happened? Are you taking him to surgery?"

"No." She shakes her head, avoiding eye contact. "His CT came up with a brain bleed. I was going to go in and fix it, but it's too late. All of his neuro checks are already coming up with no response. There's nothing we can do."

Fuck. This is all too familiar. I can't do this. I need to get out of here, and now. It's my first day as head of ortho, and the last thing I want is for my residents and colleagues to see me breaking down in the middle of the hospital.

"I have to go," Amelia blurts out, interrupting me from my thoughts. "Thanks for your time," she says awkwardly, darting down the hallway before I can say anything.

Taking a deep breath, I try to gather myself. Now isn't a good time to break down. At all. I can push through this. There's far too much crap for me to do today for me to spend the next hour having a break down by myself. I can do this.

Except I can't. Tossing my charts aside, I walk down the hallway in search of the nearest empty room. The closest on-call room I know of is too far away, and I don't want to walk that far. If someone stops me to ask if I'm okay, I know I'll crumble. That's a risk I'm not willing to take right now. Spotting a supply closet, I decide that this is just going to have to work. Anything for a few moments of privacy.

Closing the door behind me, I lean back against the wall and slide down to the floor, burying my head in my hands. I have to calm down, because right now I feel like I'm on the way to hyperventilating. Focusing on my breathing, I hear sniffling on the other side of the room and realize that I'm not alone in here. Dragging myself up off the floor, I walk to the other side of the room to find Amelia, sitting with her back against the wall.

"Shit. Sorry." She wipes her tears and tries to shake it off. "I was just. I came in here to get something, but I needed to sit for a minute."

"Can I sit with you?" I ask nervously. "I mean. If it's okay."

"Yeah," she sighs. "Sure."

I kneel down and sit back against the wall next to her, and we sit in silence for a few minutes. Even if I don't say anything, sitting here with someone who feels the same anguish as me is comforting enough. Knowing that I'm not alone. Not being alone in my thoughts right now is helping me more than she knows.

"My brother." She pauses. "Derek Shepherd. He was killed in an MVC. I-I wasn't there when he got to the hospital. But the way it happened. The brain bleed. The life support. It was just like this. And it's not like I haven't dealt with cases like this since then. But getting a patient with the same name as him... it stung that much more. I couldn't do it." She shakes her head. "I thought I could save him. This patient. But as soon as I saw his CT, I knew there was nothing I could do."

I don't respond yet, partly because I don't want to interrupt her if she has more to say, but also because I fear that if I try to open my mouth, no words will come out and I'll just break down. I don't want to throw that at her when she's already struggling, too.

"I'm sorry." She shrugs. "I shouldn't throw all of this at you. I should get back to work."

She starts to get up before I stop her, grabbing her arm. "No, it's fine." She leans back against the wall and looks at me. "My brother was killed by a drunk driver. It was a lot like this, too. That's why I came in here - if I stayed out there, I was going to break down."

"Eliza." She relaxes after hearing my words, resting her hand on my knee. "I had no idea. I would've told Owen to page someone else. I'm sorry."

"No, it's not your fault. It's not the first time this has happened." I let out a deep breath, staring at the wall. I'm not sure I can look at her right now without breaking down again. "You'd think I'd be used to it by now. It happened in my first semester of college. It still gets to me though."

"Time doesn't take away that pain, Eliza. Unfortunately. You can't beat yourself up. Losing a brother is always going to be hard," she responds. "He drove me crazy, but he was my idol. My best friend. Even when I hated him, I loved him, you know?"

Finally finding my breathing again, I look back at her. "Yeah, I do. I know exactly what you mean." That day is still replaying in my head. My mom's voice. Walking into the hospital. The doctor coming in to talk to us once everyone had arrived. Just as I thought I had calmed myself down, tears start streaming down my face again.

Interrupted from my thoughts by the sound of Amelia's pager, she lifts it from her coat pocket and lets out a deep breath. "Shit." She looks back at me, still trying to calm herself down. "I have to go. Are you gonna be okay?"

"Yeah," I nod, catching a tear as it falls from my eyes. "I always am."

"I'm sorry, Eliza." She sighs. "I'll see you soon, okay? I'll check on you if I see you around later."

"It's okay," I shake my head. "I know this is hard for you, too."

Standing up, she collects herself for a minute before heading for the door.

"Amelia?" I stop her, and she turns back to face me. "Thank you. Seriously." She nods, giving me a sad smile before leaving.

Left alone in my thoughts, I'm not really keeping track of time at the moment. I'll stay here on this floor as long as I need to in order to calm down. The thought of moving right now is too much - I feel frozen in place. The door opens and the light floods the room, and I panic, not wanting to be seen like this. Opening up to people isn't my thing. If I hadn't known Amelia had been through the same thing as me, I probably would've never said anything. I hate being seen as vulnerable. To me, it feels like weakness. And I've been through too much to be weak. I'd rather just hide it inside and deal with it on my own, but sometimes, I can't hold it in anymore. Today is one of those days.

Hearing footsteps approaching me, I tense up and try to pull myself together the best I can. There's no use in getting up - I still don't want to move. I don't know if I even can.

"Eliza?" Arizona.

I know, I know! Cliffhanger. There wasn't any interaction between Arizona and Eliza in this chapter but rest assured that it's coming! Hit review, guys. Some angst was much needed amongst all of the fluff and smut. Gotta keep things interesting!