Title: Beautiful Soul
Chapter 21
Disclaimer: Dick says their not mine and they never will be. He also says I'm crazy if I think I have any rights to the show, ER, too. I begged him with sugar and a cherry on top. He just said that he doesn't like cherries.
---
Stabler Residence
January 14, 2004
-6:12am-
"MOM!" Lizzie shouts from the top of the stairs. "Do you know where I put that hair ribbon I had five minutes ago?!"
Kathy sighs at the breakfast table. "I don't know, honey! Check the bathroom by the sink! That's where we did your hair!" she shouts back up the stairs.
She hears her youngest rummaging through the many items on the bathroom counter and then it stops.
"Thanks, Mom!"
Kathy pours more coffee into her mug, and runs a shaky hand through her hair. She feels Elliot's arms wrap around her from behind and she closes her eyes to revel in it.
"You're amazing, you know that?" he whispers into her ear around his smile.
"Yeah, yeah," she smiles. She takes a sip of her coffee and pulls her robe tighter around her. "Today is going to be insane, you know that, right?"
Elliot sips his own coffee and nods. "Yeah. It is. But insane is our MO."
She chuckles. "Sure, so that's what we're calling it-"
"MOM! Where did you put my competition jacket after you washed it?!"
"God, I love state competition day," Kathy says under her breath, causing Elliot to laugh. "I put it on the hook on the back of your door!"
"Why does she have to shout?" Dickie says as he rounds the corner into the kitchen, his hair every which way and his eyes half open. "It is too early for her to yell like that. Especially about cheerleading and hair ribbons."
Kathy laughs. "We'll be outta here in about twenty minutes, kid. Then you can go back to sleep."
"I'm up. I can't go back to sleep," he begins. "Hey, Dad, can I go to the courthouse with you and Kathleen today?"
Kathy and Elliot both stop in their tracks. Elliot puts his mug down and takes a big gulp of oxygen.
"You sure you wanna go? I mean, jury selection is pretty boring, kiddo."
Dickie shrugs and looks up at his dad. "I really wanna go."
Elliot looks at Kathy and they silently agree. "Alright, Son. You can go."
"Thanks," he says softly.
"But we gotta leave in about an hour, and you have to look presentable."
"Like shirt, tie, and jacket presentable? Or khaki pants and a polo presentable?"
Elliot smiles. He hates dressing up.
"You don't have to wear a jacket, but figure out nice pants, a button-up shirt, and a tie. Deal?"
"MOM!" Lizzie shouts one more time. "Where are my pom-poms?!"
She sighs. "Probably in your bag! You haven't taken them out since your last practice, have you?!"
"How come she didn't pack everything the night before?" Kathleen mutters as she enters the kitchen. She sits down next to her brother, pouring some orange juice into a glass. Her sister shouts again, asking about the location of her green socks. "She sure does have a set of lungs on her."
"Tell me about it," Dickie agrees.
"I better go get dressed," Kathy mentions. "Good morning, honey." She gets up from her seat, and kisses the crown of her daughter's head as she passes.
"Morning," Kathleen mumbles sweetly. "What time are we leaving, Daddy?"
"In about an hour," he answers, reading the paper.
"They're just picking the jury that's going to be at the trial, right? Nothing else?"
"Yep. Everyone who got summoned for jury duty will show up. They'll call them up, ask them a few questions, then Casey and Mr. Langdon will request who they want. If there are no disputes or disagreements, they'll get the one's they want."
"And the likelihood of that happening is…?"
"Slim to none," Elliot completes. He looks at two of his children. "You sure you're okay with your mom going to Liz's competition?"
Kathleen glances at her father, the glass halfway to her lips. "Yeah," she confirms. "Mom always goes to her competitions-"
"I know, but-"
"I'll be okay. I've still got you," she smiles.
"Yeah," he grins. "Why don't you guys go get dressed? We gotta be outta here soon."
Kathleen looks confused when her father talks to both of them – she didn't realize Dickie would be going. She gives him a glance and he looks at her questionably, like he's asking her permission to go. She gives him a smile, realizing her baby brother is no longer a baby. He grins in return.
They both hurry up the stairs and head to their respective rooms. When Kathy sees Kathleen passing by, she drops what she's doing and catches up with her just inside her room.
"Kat?" she asks, knocking on the door that's half-open.
"Mom? I thought you had to get ready."
"I do. I just…I wanted to make sure you're okay with me going to Lizzie's com-"
"Dad already made sure," Kathleen starts with a thankful smile. "Really, Mom, I'll be okay." She moves and stands right in front of her mother, putting her hands on Kathy's shoulders. "I really appreciate it, but I'll be fine. It's just jury selection, and plus, this might be good for me and Daddy to do together."
Kathy smiles, her hand making its way to her daughter's cheek. "You're right. I'm just being one of those annoying, overprotective mothers, aren't I?" she chuckles.
Her daughter laughs. "Yeah, just a little. But I don't mind."
She smiles at Kathleen's comment. "I'm so proud of you, you know that, right?"
"I had a feeling," she jokes.
"I love you so much."
"Feeling's mutual, Mom."
Kathy chuckles slightly and squeezes her daughter's hands. "Promise you'll call if you need me today?"
"Of course. But you think you'll hear your phone over all the cheering crowds?" she smiles.
"I'm sure I will," she assures, knowing that the only sound she'll be listening for today is the sound of her ringtone.
---
New York City Courthouse
-10:12am-
"And, Mr. Jansen, would you have a problem with delivering a death sentence when it came to sentencing?" Casey asks Possible Juror Number Two.
The forty-year-old shrugs. "I suppose not. I mean, as long as the punishment fits the crime. I wouldn't send someone to the lethal injection for petty robbery."
Casey nods. "You've been given background on this case. Mr. Julio Sanchez is charged with two counts of murder, two counts of rape, and one count of kidnapping. If Mr. Sanchez was found guilty on all those charges, would you consider the death penalty then?"
Number Two looks at Casey intently, thinking. His eyes wander to where Kathleen is sitting. He doesn't know this girl. He doesn't know anything about her. He hasn't watched the news – he hasn't had the time – but apparently this girl has been a big story. She looks down as the assistant district attorney questions him, and his heart pains him a little. He can see the bruises on her that have obviously softened, and he can suddenly imagine what they would have looked like a month ago. Bright blue and black. Painful.
"Mr. Jansen?" Casey questions.
He comes out of his reverie. "Murder, rape, and kidnapping, he's charged with, did you say?"
"Yes, sir. All three of them."
He takes just a moment. Kathleen looks up and those mesmerizing blue eyes catch Mr. James Jansen's for a moment. They are the same color as his stepdaughter, the stepdaughter he has come to love as his own. "No, ma'am. I'd have no problem with it. That is, of course, if he was found guilty."
"Thank you, Mr. Jansen."
Casey sits down for a moment. Trevor stands up. "Mr. Jansen, do you have any children?"
He shifts uncomfortably. "None who are biological, no."
"Stepchildren?"
"Well, my fiancé has a daughter, Sylvia. Nothing's legal or anything, but I'm her primary male caregiver."
"I see," Trevor agrees. "And how old is Sylvia?"
"She'll be fifteen next month," he says with a certain sense of pride.
"Ah," he nods. "Your background information told you that one of the star witnesses would be the sixteen-year-old alleged victim of Mr. Sanchez's. Now, that's one year older than your daughter. Do you think, Mr. Jansen, that you would be able to control your emotions with this trial? Do you think that you could remain fair and impartial knowing that your daughter is so close in age to the alleged victim?"
He stares at Kathleen, hoping to catch her blue eyes. If he could just have one more look, he could prove to himself that he doesn't see Sylvia in them.
"I could do it. My daughter has nothing to do with this trial, and the witness is not my child. I could remain fair."
"Are you sure?"
Mr. Jansen doesn't seem to like this man. "I guess we can't be sure unless I'm chosen as a juror. But I'm as certain as I could be."
Trevor nods. "Thank you, Sir."
Casey stands. "Number Sixteen, Ms. Roberts, have you been able to watch the news lately?"
"No, I don't watch TV all that often. My work tends to take up most of my time. Other than the occasional ER episode, I'm afraid I don't."
"So you haven't seen a lot of the coverage of this investigation and trial, have you?"
"No, ma'am. Although, my friends at the office have mentioned it in passing, but like I said, I tend to get very involved in my work. I barely even remember what they said about it."
"So, you wouldn't have any preconceived notions about this case?"
"What I would know about this case would come strictly from what I hear in this courtroom."
"This trial is bound to get large media coverage. Would you have a problem with being sequestered and having the obligation of refraining from any media coverage and personal investigation?"
"Meaning I wouldn't be able to look up any information on my own?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"No, I'd don't think so. I don't have children or anything, so I don't think anything like that would be a problem."
"And your feelings about the death penalty?"
"I'd have to make sure every single piece of evidence implicated the defendant."
"Thank you."
"Ms. Roberts," Trevor says immediately as Casey sits down. "Have you or anybody you've known been the victim of a rape?"
Eileen Roberts' eyes go wide. "I-I-Well…ye-yes. My sister, Cynthia, was raped about ten years ago."
"Tell me, was your sister's rapist ever caught?" he asks coyly.
Eileen plays with her fingers, while Kathleen inadvertently does the same. "No, Sir, he wasn't."
"Charges were brought against him though, weren't they?"
"Yes, they were, but a grand jury didn't indict him."
Eileen struggles to breathe, and she looks at a blonde-haired girl who sits with a man, and a younger boy. Cynthia had the same color blonde hair, but once she reached nineteen, the blonde streaks were darkened with black dye. She misses the crown of blonde now more than ever.
"Ms. Roberts, tell me honestly if you'd be able to sit there, listen to testimonies of acts of degradation, many that resemble your sister's, and judge impartially, the man accused of performing those acts. Do you think you could do it? Do you think you could judge him without prejudice, without taking what happened to your sister, and the fact that she never got justice, into consideration?"
Eileen blinks once, and remembers how her sister cried for hours when Matthew P. Stamski was acquitted of any and all charges. "Yes, Sir."
"Are you sure?" he says, almost tauntingly.
"Positive."
---
Stabler Residence
-4:46pm-
"We're home!" Dickie announces as the three of them enter the house. Dickie takes off his coat, flings it on the hanger, and heads up to his room. Kathleen and Elliot follow behind.
"In here!" Kathy responds from the kitchen. When Kathleen and Elliot enter, she looks up. "How'd it go?"
"We only got four that we wanted," Kathleen says, leaning against the counter.
"And we got three more that were second-choices," Elliot adds, taking a bottle of water out of the fridge, and loosening his tie. "We did really well, considering everything."
"I just wish we'd got Number Sixteen."
"Honey," Elliot begins, holding out his arm that Kathleen falls into the side of, "We did really well. As far as I'm concerned, this was a victory for us today."
Kathy moves the stray hair out of Kathleen's eyes, and comforts her daughter. "I don't know about you, but I'm gonna trust your dad on this one."
She nods against her father's chest. "I know. I'm just still…I don't know. I'm just still so unsure about all this."
"We're all in the same boat, honey," Kathy soothes.
Kathleen sighs against her father. "I know." She straightens herself, away from her father, and runs a hand through her hair. "I'm just…I'm gonna go upstairs, maybe take a shower or something," she shrugs.
Kathy inhales and nods at the same time. "Okay, baby. Let me know if you need anything."
"We'll be down here," Elliot says, kissing her forehead.
Kathleen trudges up the stairs, and her door can faintly be heard closing.
"So, did it really go that well?" Kathy asks as she gets out various vegetables for dinner.
Elliot takes a slug of his drink. "Went better than she thinks it did. This is just the tip of the iceberg, Kath."
She sighs. "I know…"
"How'd Liz's thing go?"
"Great," she says, nodding. "They got first in their division, and they're headed off to the national competition in Orlando in another two weeks or so."
"Good," he agrees, nodding, and taking another slug. "Where's the princess, so I can go congratulate her?"
Kathy smiles, as she brings the knife to the head of the lettuce. "Upstairs, probably calling everyone on this side of the county to tell them how she did."
Elliot chuckles. "Alright, well I'm gonna head up. You need any help here?"
"Nah. I'll be okay," she shrugs. "Go lay down for awhile."
Elliot kisses Kathy on the cheek, and he too, moves up the stairs. She is left preparing dinner by herself for almost a half-hour, before Kathleen saunters down the stairs in sweats and a tank top, which reveal some of her healing bruises.
"Hey honey," Kathy greets, as she turns on the stove.
"Hi," she replies, and sits on a stool that sits across from the small counter.
Kathy looks at her downcast eyes, and focuses her attention on her daughter.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"Oh honey," Kathy soothes, "I'm sure today went better than you think it-"
"It's not about today," she sighs. "This isn't about today."
"Okay," she submits slowly. "Then what is this about?"
Kathleen blows out a breath. "Ms. Novak and I talked after jury selection."
Kathy racks her brain to try to remember who Ms. Novak is. She only vaguely remembers meeting her. Power suit. Heels. Red hair. She doesn't remember hating her, but if she said something nasty or discouraging to her daughter, Kathy knows it can be very easy for that respect to turn to hate.
"And what did she say?"
"We started talking about when I testify," she replies simply.
She looks at her daughter once again, fidgeting with her fingers. Kathy knows this nervous habit. She had it herself when she was Kathleen's age. Kathy had done it before science tests, before big football games when Elliot would play and she'd be in her cheerleading uniform. She'd even done it when she was eighteen, waiting for the timer to go off so she could look at the pregnancy test, and then later when she had to tell Elliot and their parents a child would be added to the family.
It means she knows something will happen that she wishes wouldn't, and there's no changing it.
"Honey," Kathy starts, placing a hand over Kathleen's folded ones. Kathleen looks up at her, and Kathy keeps the stare. "Just talk to me, kiddo."
"She said that I have to get comfortable with telling people what happened to me, how it happened to me in detail, because when she asks me questions in front of the jury, I don't want to appear emotionally unstable."
"Emotionally unstable?"
"Those were her words," Kathleen says, biting her lip.
Kathy sighs. "Well, maybe she's right-"
"I don't want to be comfortable with it, Mom."
Kathy looks pained, and tries to find words of encouragement.
"She said that I have to be so comfortable with it, that I might want to consider just calling up some of SVU and telling them over the phone, over and over, so I get used to it. I have to get used to saying words like vagina, and penis, and rape, and oral sex."
"Maybe that's true, kiddo. Ms. Novak has done this before," Kathy says, finding any words she can.
"I haven't told anybody what happened to me. Nobody. Except Olivia, and I had to tell her because of the statement."
Kathy caresses her daughter's cheek softly, and swallows her pride. She wants to be the only one her daughter talks to. She wants to be the only one who can understand, the only one her daughter runs to. It's her one wish she knows will never come true.
"Well, maybe you should call Olivia. Talk to her about it; tell her what happened. I'm sure this isn't the first time Olivia has done this either." She says, her voice gentle
Kathleen nods against her mother's palm, and Kathy gives her a smile. She stands to continue dinner.
"Mommy?"
Kathy almost winces at the use of her title that was only used when her kids were younger, or they were hurt. "Yes, honey?" she says, turning around.
"I was thinking-I don't know…Maybe I could…"
"Kathleen," Kathy sets straight.
"I was wondering if I could practice my first time with you," she admits meekly.
If this means what Kathy thinks it means, then maybe her wish has come true. "You…you wanna tell me what happened?"
"Only if you wanna listen."
Yes, her wish has come true.
"Of course, honey. Of course you can tell me."
"I wanna tell Daddy, too, but I'm just not ready yet."
"That's okay, Kat. I'm sure-"
"What about dinner? I'm not distracting you, am I?"
"Oh that can wait," Kathy says, waving her hand in the air, passing the thought away.
Kathy, and her daughter move to the living room, and Kathleen begins to tell her story. The story of how her life changed. Of how nothing will ever be the same. How she was hurt to the worst degree. But also a story of how she always has the hope that tomorrow will be a little easier to live through, with her family and friends at her side.
"Well, me and Greg went to the library, and Dad called to say that I should get home. Greg said he wanted to walk me home, but he didn't have time. I thought he was just being paranoid and overprotective, and told him I would be alright. I guess, I don't know, I guess I was…"
Kathy holds on tight to her daughter, and listens to her words. She wishes she could make it better for her, do all this for her, but she knows that just by Kathleen simply telling her every detail of her ordeal, they may be going in the right direction.
---
A/n - More to come soon! Thanks for sticking by me. I love you all! So, until next chapter, adios! - Jessica