"Come on Katie! Captain America is a real dreamboat!" Shirley whined, tailing me as I wiped down tables. I purse my lips. Hearing his wretched name makes my blood boil. But I hide my true feelings and turn to Shirley, shaking my head in defiance before replying "I'm sorry Shirl, I just really can't". The shorter girl rolls her eyes before stomping away to clean the other tables, her dark curls bouncing with each step. It was nearing closing time, and Lucille had left us to clean and close up.
I re-adjust the seats on the table before moving onto the next one. At the corner of my eye, I could see Helen, her tall figure hesitantly walking towards me, clearly contemplating something in her head. "Hey Katie" she greets in that smooth voice that makes her sound older than she is. "Helen, if you're here to convince me to go to the show, then you may as well walk away" I state before she could say anything else, resting my hands on my hips to try and prove my point. There is no way I'm going to see Steve, especially since he hasn't written back to me.
Helen laughs, shaking her head in amusement. "That thing?" Helen smirks "Sweetie, I know there's no convincing you when you've said no". Helen looks at me tenderly, her dark red locks framing her face perfectly. I've always told her she could be a model, but Helen always denies it, saying she has bigger things on her plate, like her fiancée Todd. "You've been agitated the past few days doll, there's something wrong" Helen notes, placing a gentle hand on my shoulder. "Still no letters?" she whispers.
I deflate, the tears brimming in my eyes as I shook my head. I haven't really been able to complain to anyone. None of my friends would really understand unless I told them who Steve really is, and I couldn't tell my parents, it'll only worry them; I don't want them disappointed in Steve as well. The only person with a vague idea of what's really going on is Helen, and she thinks Steve is fighting in the army, not Captain America himself.
She wraps her arms around me as the silent tears fell. "I don't know what's happening Helen, did I do something wrong?" I sob quietly, finally un-bottling my feelings. Helen softly whispers comforting words that seems to only make me more miserable than I am. However, I remain in her embrace, her soothing voice thawing away at my ice cold heart. However, it seems like nothing can melt away its frozen core.
"Come out with us"
I give Helen a confused look, as she was well aware that I didn't want to go out and see Captain America. "Helen, no-" I begin, but she's quick to cut me off. "Trust me sweetie. The moment you see Captain America's charming eyes, you'll be able to forget about your man and be on cloud 9 for just a little while" Helen smiles kindly.
But that's the thing Helen, my man is Captain America.
Shirley pulls me along, with her right hand gripping the crook of my elbow so tight that she could cut off the blood circulation to my arms. The girls missed the show when it was in New York, the first stop of the tour, so Shirley managed to convince her parents to let her go to Philadelphia by using the 'visiting my cousin' excuse. Donna and Helen were pretty excited too, they even glammed up for the event, wearing a darker shade of lipstick and a deep rose tinted blush. I on the other hand wore a simple green dress with white buttons, sticking out from my friends' co-ordinated outfit of patriotic hues. I didn't even want to come along, but when Helen talked to Mom, Mom immediately offered to buy me a new dress for when I see Steve again, and Pa even gave me extra cash for the trip.
I couldn't say no at that point as it'd only raise questions.
Are you guys arguing?
Why hasn't he written back to you yet?
So I muster up my best façade and went along on a three hour train trip to Philadelphia, accompanied by my three best friends. The trip was filled with buzz about what we could do while we were in Philadelphia and how we were going to make up our hours at the diner. But as the views passed by, all I could think of was how I was going to react when I see Steve again.
And even as I stand in front of the theatre doors, all I could think about was Steve. Not Captain America; just my Stevie. Shirley led the way to our seats, which was placed far too close to the front of the stage for my liking. I'm hoping that the lights were dim where we sat, just so I can avoid being recognised by Steve when he's standing up on that stage. Shirley takes the seat to my left, and Helen to my right. Thankfully Donna sat next to Shirley so I don't have to be bothered by Shirley's constant wooing over Captain America. Sometimes I just want to scream at her for drooling over my man, but then again…
Helen seems to have caught my reluctance as she squeezes my forearm, pulling me out of my thoughts. "Stop thinking about him and just enjoy the show, you can't let him overrun your life. You gotta enjoys yours too" Helen smiles, and I do as well. But her advice falls short. How can I stop thinking about him when he is literally the show we were about to watch?
Once all the seats were filled, the lights dim and loud music fills the air. The stage lights up to show red, blue and white fabric draping from the ceiling and creating a stunning backdrop on the stage. Suddenly, a group of beautiful women enters the stage, all dolled up for their performance. My eyes widen as I see their skimpy outfits, revealing most of their arms, legs and chest. Their skirts practically showing their undergarments at the slightest of movements. It dawns on me that Steve has been surrounded by these women since the tour began, and I feel a mix of blinding anger and deep sadness. Maybe that's why he never wrote back. I fight the tears in my eyes; he didn't even deserve those anymore.
The women begin to sing out a beautiful harmony, but my face remains stoic in comparison to the awed crowd. As they hit the chorus of the song, Captain America himself walks out, brandishing his star spangled suit and a shield to match his outfit. He looks proud, with a smirk lacing his lips as he looks onto the crowd of cheering people. Beside me, Shirley and Donna are getting all hotsy-totsy over the Captain, and Helen whispers something about him being 'much more handsome' in real life.
I could only sit and watch as Steve performs with ease, a performer's smile gracing his lips as he spoke to the audience about buying bonds for our brothers in arms. He's so different from the shy and introverted Steve that I knew, it was almost like he was a different man now. Far away from the boy from Brooklyn. He's changed, and I don't know if I'm particularly happy about that.
Shirley's gasp pulls me out of my thoughts, and I see her pointing towards the stage. Following her direction, I find a man dressed up to look like Hitler, complete with a funny moustache. People in the crowd are in suspense as Captain America appears oblivious to the armed man behind him. But alas, at the last second, the Captain turns to deliver a 'mighty' punch on Hitler's face. And the crowd goes wild. Steve turns to wave, and in that moment we made eye contact. Our eyes locked on each other. He grins, not that performer's smile he's been wearing all night, but a genuine grin that wrinkles his eyes. He's waiting for me to give back something to him, a flying kiss or a thumbs up. But I didn't feel like giving him anything, not when he's taken away so much already.
Before the moment passes a beat too long, Shirley shrieks beside me, thinking Captain America was grinning directly at her. And this creates a diversion; however, I could still feel Steve's eyes on me as the chorus continues their performance. After waving to the crowd once more, Captain America exits the stage and the chorus finishes their note. The crowd gives them a standing ovation as the curtain lifts to reveal the performers on stage. I remain seated, hidden behind the standing crowd. But even from this height, I could see Steve, and I could see his eyes looking for me.
"Shirley please, I'm really tired. You girls go ahead, I'll just wait for you outside" I complain. "No Katie, when will you ever get to see Captain America again?" she asks, eyes looking ahead of the line. I have to refrain from laughing at her silly question. "This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. I mean did you see him out there? He was so handsome and heroic" Shirley sighs happily, her eyes glazed with euphoria as she awaits her turn for a photo.
As she turns her attention to Donna, Helen comes up next to me. "Don't tell me you didn't enjoy the show" she teases, well aware of my grumpy mood. "The singing was fantastic, and I thought Hitler looked really funny" I reply, and these things were all true. But did I enjoy the show? Not really. "Good, so this wasn't a waste of time now was it?" Helen grins, trying to get me to cheer up. I realise I've been a real downer this whole night, but a part of me just felt really betrayed and saddened. It doesn't feel fair that he spends all this time with a bunch of beautiful women clad in short skirts, and hasn't written back to me once. And now I have to see him face to face. The thought alone just makes me sick.
In front of me, the line moves along faster than I want it to. And soon Donna and Shirley are standing next to Captain America, he places his arms around their shoulders as both stood either side of him. And just before the lights flash for the photo they both plant a kiss on his cheek, obviously catching him by surprise. Before they could get told off by the photographer, they scuttle away giggling. Steve just shrugs it off, but a faint blush remains on his cheeks, and I almost feel angry towards Shirley and Donna for being such big fans of Steve.
Helen nudges me to go, since I was next in line. But when they call out 'next', I shove her in front of me, causing her to almost trip. She turns to give me a look, but it was cut short by the photographer telling her to move along. Next to Steve, Helen appeared quite tall. Steve gives her that award winning smile, but Helen doesn't go gaga over him like Shirley or Donna. Steve places an arm around her shoulder, and she smiles gracefully to the camera. I inch forward since I don't think the man behind me would appreciate me shoving him to go ahead of me. But the young boy manning the queue holds up a hand to halt me. Confused, I look up and find Helen talking to Steve, whispering something into his ear. Steve smiles, and it makes me think of how much of a flirt he would've had to become, being surrounded by so much women.
When Helen was done, she bids him goodbye. But before she could disappear from sight, we make eye contact and she gives me the thumbs up. Shaking my head in amusement, I walk up next to Steve. And I see that ecstatic grin on his face again; the genuine one. "I could kiss you right now" he whispers so it stays between us. "But you won't" I smile back so it looks like we're having a friendly conversation. "You're friend told me you've been in a mood the whole night" Steve says in a lower tone as he poses for our photo; I could tell he was worried by the drop of his voice. "She's not wrong" I sigh, turning to face the camera. He snakes his hand down to my waist, which he hadn't done with other women he's posed with, and it makes me think that it's his way of making it up to me. I plaster on my best smile as the light flashes, and when we were done I make a move to walk away. But Steve catches my wrist. I could practically hear people whispering about us, and it makes me pull my hand away. Steve looks confused, but he suppresses it and says "Meet me at the back after this, this'll only take a few more minutes". His eyes are pleading, and I'm tempted to say no.
But I can't bring myself to say no, so I merely nod my head before walking away. Ahead of me, I could see Shirley and Donna gawking, and Helen raising a brow. I have a lot of explaining to do.
It took a lot of convincing for Shirley to let me stay behind. I couldn't exactly tell them I was meeting with Captain America. So I told them that I'd won a spot prize, and that's why Captain America pulled me back when I was walking away; something about being the 500th person to take a photo with him. They were skeptical at first, but since this was the first thing I'd shown interest in the whole night, they let me go. "Are you sure you're fine waiting by yourself?" Donna asks, worried for my safety, "It's getting real dark you know".
"I'll be fine" I smile at Donna. Shirley walks up to me, holding out a piece of paper, she explains "It's my cousin's address. It's not too far to walk, but I think it'd be safer for you to catch a taxi home. I've slipped some cash in there for the fare". I was about to return the money, but Shirley stops me. "Don't worry about it, just make sure you get back home safely".
"Ofcourse" I nod, humbled by how understanding they're being. Shirley makes a final joke about the 'prize' being a dinner date with Captain America, and we all share a good laugh. And as Donna and Shirley waved goodbye, Helen gives me a sly look, as if she knew what I was really doing. And to make it worse, she pats the side of her nose with her index finger before hurrying after Donna and Shirley. I wait for them to disappear at the end of the street before walking towards the back alley of the theatre.
I had to hide for a few minutes as some crew members were loading equipment into vehicles. Once they were all gone, they turned off the lights, and I was left in a dark alleyway. The evening chill falls slowly as the moon faintly appears against the dark sky. I shiver slightly, my coat proving to be a poor choice for early winter in Philadelphia. I frown as the minutes pass by, the feeling of being forgotten taps at the back of my head. And just as I'm about to leave, I hear the door creak open and an out of breath Steve sighing in relief. From the light provided inside e building, I could see that he's still in his Captain America uniform, the mask having been pulled away from his face to reveal his hair matted down with sweat.
He motions for me to come in, and I don't even hesitate for a second. But the moment I step inside the warm building, I am engulfed in Steve's muscly arms. I don't complain, seeing as moments ago I was shivering in the cold. "I'm sorry I took so long" he whispers down to my ear "You don't know who much I've missed you". I stiffen as he says those words, but he doesn't seem to notice. He pulls away but remains standing close to me, his arms travelling down my arms to hold my hands. He grips them tightly, but when I don't respond, he begins to notice how unreactive I've been.
"Is everything alright?" he asks, finally noticing my mood. "I don't know Steve, you tell me" I reply, sounding more childish than I had anticipated. Steve is clearly confused by my outburst, his eyebrows furrowed together as he asks "Katie, what's wrong? I remember your friend telling me you've been in a mood. But I thought you'd feel better when-"
"When I saw you?" I finish the sentence for him, clearly annoyed at this point. "I've written you 3 letters Steven. 3 letters! And you've yet to respond to a single one!" I try to keep my voice level, but my emotions get the best of me. "Do you know how worried I've been. This whole time I've been thinking, 'what if he isn't getting time for breaks', 'are they taking care of him', 'is he getting enough rest'. But then I come down here, and what do I see? A lot of women Steven. And that can only lead me to wonder-"
"No" Steve cuts me off, his voice sharp and more levelled than mine "Don't you dare even think that. You know I would never do that to you Katie. I love you." He says this with such intensity that I could feel my rebuttal crawling back down my throat. His eyes appear anguished, and his face looks distraught. "Katie, you can't think like that. You know I care deeply for you, and only you. I would never, not even for the world, do such a thing" Steve's eyes water up. He's hurt by the mere thought of me thinking he'd cheat on me. He couldn't even bring himself to say the actual words.
And suddenly I feel foolish.
But the letters. "The letters..." I whisper hoarsely, feeling guilty for being so angry towards him. "I'm really sorry Katie, but since the tour started, I've been receiving so many letters from supporters. It must've been buried with all of them. I've been trying to sort through them, and I try to read all of them, and it takes a lot of time, and-"
I hug him. I hug him because he's too good for me. I hug him because I feel bad for hurting his feelings. I hug him because I should have thought better than him betraying our trust. I hug him because he cares so much. I hug him simply because I love him.
"I love you" I whisper "And I'm sorry that I've been angry towards you."
"I love you" he whispers back "And I'm sorry I haven't written back to you."
Suddenly my world is okay again. I wasn't angry, anguished or guilty anymore. I was just happy. Happy that I get to be in love with a faithful and kind man like Steve. It didn't matter to me that girls drooled after him, or that he's surrounded by beautiful women everyday. Because I know he loves me. And for that, I love him even more.
A/N this was so long, sorry :/