That night Lilly stared at the glass jar sitting on her wooden windowsill.
It's s contents: 100% grain alcohol, valerian, and chamomile. Her 'knock-your-stubborn-ass-out' tincture that she was brewing for the Captain. It had been 6 weeks since she started this jar. She had started it before she enlisted in the scouts, and now it was finally ready. Every day she would shake the jar to make sure the contents were mixing well and to increase it's potency.
Her parents had taught her this method using the sun's heat, and each day her love and thoughtfulness went into it too.
It was her intent to give it to the Captain tomorrow before they left on the expedition. But now she wasn't sure if he even wanted to talk to her.
Was he going to ignore her now? Was it because Petra saw?
She looked past the jar on the windowsill and up at the moon that glowed along with the millions of stars in the night sky. It was a crescent moon that night.
It was funny to her how something could appear so close but in reality, be so far away.
Or someone.
She sighed to herself as she sat up in bed. The off white sheets were cool and smooth under her bare legs as she adjusted them, trying to get more comfortable. Sleep was escaping her. She couldn't afford it. Just then she heard April snore in her sleep and twist in the bunk above her head.
She really couldn't afford it.
She got up quietly and walked over to the windowsill. She lifted the jar to the moonlight and breathed in. She then bent over to get her funnel and cheesecloth out of her cloth bag, along with a glass dropper bottle. She then sat on the floor with her bare legs crossed and put the neck of the funnel in the dropper bottle. She then lined the funnel with the cheesecloth and slowly poured the contents of the jar into the funnel.
The room was silent except for the quiet dripping of her tincture liquid and the soft snoring of her dear friend.
She then lifted the cheesecloth and squeezed the remaining liquid out of the rag and discarded it in the rubbish bin. She put the dropper cap on her bottle and gave it a good shake before taking the dropper back out and squeezing 4 drops into her mouth. The typical dosage was only 3 drops, but she really needed to sleep now.
To get her rest.
To stop thinking about him.
She climbed back into bed while holding her tincture. She rubbed her thumb against the smooth glass bottle. She thought of Levi, the way she remembered him in the moonlight when he fell asleep in the chair in the weight room that one night. How exhausted he looked. He always looked so tired. In that sense, she pitied him.
But he was always handsome to her anyways, sleepy eyes and all.
She closed her eyes gently.
She'd give it to him. Even if he ended up truly pushing her away.
It didn't matter.
Because she cared for him, regardless of what was or wasn't between them. After all, Humanity's strongest needed his rest.
Slowly, Lilly drifted into dark and dreamless sleep.
...
"Lilly, wake up. It's time to go!" April shook Lilly out of her sleep by her shoulders.
"Huh? Wha-" Lilly looked up at April's big brown eyes. "Oh. Right.
Expedition day. How could I forget." Lilly mumbled as she climbed out of bed, holding onto her tincture.
In a hurry, she threw on her clean uniform and ran out to the supply room with April to go put on their ODM gear. After leaving the supply room, they quickly ran to the and nervous chatter filled the morning air. Lilly wasn't surprised to find that it was very crowded there with all of the scouts hurrying to get their horses ready. Lilly saddled her white horse whom she ended up naming Hvid, and mounted him. She then rode with April to meet with the rest of the scouts at the headquarters gates.
Commander Erwin was already giving formation location maps out when she waited in the crowd of riders.
Ben road up next to April.
"Good morning ladies, rest well?" Ben asked in a rather cheerful tone.
"I slept good, and Lilly slept like a rock. I had to wake her up!" April laughed.
"Well I'm glad to hear that you're well rested. I hope I'm positioned close to you." Ben said sweetly to April as he rode closer to her.
Just then, Commander Erwin rode up to them and silently handed them their maps with their formation responsibilities and location written on them.
Lilly looked down at her paper.
Communications rear right 3/5
She'd be shooting off flare signals.
"What'd you guys get?" Ben asked quietly.
"Horse support rear left 1/3. Guess I'll be handling back up horses incase anyone loses theirs." April said.
"That's not a bad job...though I worry with you being in rear.
I'm communications front left 2/5" Ben said rubbing the back of his neck.
"We all are separated." Lilly said quietly as she looked down at the paper in her hands.
They were quiet as they waited on their horses and then a cool breeze blew between them all. Lilly lifted her hood to block the wind, and then saw Captain Levi and his Special Operations
Squad approaching with Eren Jaeger.
Eren looked particularly nervous, as he should be. He was surrounded by the very squad who'd kill him if he couldn't control himself. She'd be afraid if Captain Levi was watching her that closely in a circumstance like that.
"No worries. We will all be fine. I heard we are just leaving and coming back after we plot the route!" April said optimistically, but still Lilly sensed the nervous undertone in her voice.
"Scouts! Onward!" Erwin shouted across all of the cloaked riders.
Slowly the scouts started making their way out of headquarters and started riding on the dirt road headed for Karanes District. Lilly looked off into the green grassy fields they passed that were speckled with red clovers and dandelions. The smell of sweet hay filled the air and a cool breeze lifted the loose hair around her face. She listened as Ben and April talked to each other, whispering sweet encouraging words as they rode alongside each other.
It must of been scary for the two of them. This whole situation. But at least they were in it together. Conny was riding with Sasha and Lilly suspected that they might be an item at this point. Or maybe not, guys and girls could be friends without anything serious to it right? Of course. Maybe she and Levi could still be friends?
It didn't matter anyways.
She was just trying to keep her mind busy.
Then her horse went over a bump and she felt the glass tincture bottle bounce inside her pocket against her hip.
It reminded her once more.
Her eyes then searched the many riders around her, looking for him.
For Levi.
She glanced behind her and saw he was a few horses back. Her eyes met his and she quickly whipped her head back around. Her heart raced in her chest as she wondered what he was thinking.
Hell, she wished he'd just talk to her. Clear the air and let her know what was up. She gripped her hands tighter around the leather reigns and frowned.
She'd just give it to him later, and if he wanted to talk, they'd talk. If not, that will be enough to let her know where he stands.
Why was she constantly going back and forth in her mind about him?
It was exhausting.
The clouds were limited in the bright blue sky as the sun rose more. It truly was a beautiful day. Soon the buzzing of cicada songs rang in the air and Lilly whipped her head towards the direction of the trees. She took her time to appreciate the green fullness of the trees as she remembered fall was approaching. Fall was always her favorite. She wondered if she'd live to see the leaves turn color, or even live to turn another year older in November.
She thought in this exhausting up-and-down cycle for two more hours before the finally reached Karanes.
Once inside the gate, everyone started to nervously chatter amongst themselves. They trotted through the city, with many civilians standing alongside the cobblestone road observing. Horses hooves clicked against the streets, and fresh baked breads filled the warm sunny air. Children watched from the windows in awe and waved. Some tossed flowers down at the soldiers.
Lilly waved and smiled back to one blonde little girl in a green dress standing beside her mother who looked about Lilly's age.
"Mommy! Did you see that?! That girl soldier waved back to me! I want to be a soldier like her some day!" The little girl exclaimed while tugging on her mother's dress.
Lilly smiled to herself. How sweet that was. She needed that honestly.
They eventually reached the outer gates where they got into their temporary scouting formation, and Lilly found herself placed next to Jean. A wave of relief flowed through her and she sighed.
Although she still hadn't spoken with him about that night.
She supposed now would be a good time since there was no telling what would happen once they were outside those gates.
"Hi Jean." Lilly said sheepishly.
Jean continued to look forward with a scowl.
"Hi Lilly." He replied in a low tone.
"I just wanted to apologize for that night." Lilly said quietly.
He didn't answer and she swallowed.
"There's no telling what could happen out there...to me...to you." Lilly frowned and paused as she looked down. "I never wanted to hurt you. You've been a great friend to me, always. I guess this has just been a confusing time for me...finding myself." Lilly continued.
He looked at her in a less annoyed fashion and sighed. His body relaxed on his horse.
"I shouldn't have acted the way I did. I'm the one who should apologize." He said.
"We were both kinda jerks I guess." Lilly said with a weak smile.
"Yeah." He smiled back.
"Friends?" Lilly asked as she stuck out her hand.
"Friends." Jean shook it with a grin.
"I got your back if you got mine."
"You know it." He smiled and turned his face forward as a voice called out way ahead of them.
"This is it! The day has come for humanity to take another step forward! Let's show those titans exactly what we're made of!" Lilly and the soldiers raised their blades and cheered proudly.
The crowd cheered and whistled around them.
"Open the gate!"
Just then they could hear the cranking of the metal chains as the gate lifted, almost shaking the ground under them. The gate was massive and obviously heavy. It had to be to do its job.
"FORWARD!" Commander Erwin shouted.
The sounds of the horses neighing and trotting echoed ahead of them as the formation slowly moved forward. Soon Lilly's horse was running across the brick road headed towards the gate next to Jean.
"It's officially begun! The 57th Recon Mission! Move out!" Erwin shouted.
Lilly gripped her reigns hard as she rode through the gate and out into Titan territory within Wall Maria. Her jaw dropped as they rode out and into the old remains of a quaint little town.
Some of the old cottage style buildings were still intact, but ivy and vines started growing up them. Some buildings had obviously been destroyed and some were even only halfway torn in half so Lilly could see the old furniture sitting within the levels of the houses like a dollhouse. She frowned at the thought of the people who had once lived here. She wondered if they had escaped or were eaten.
She continued to ride over old bricks and rubble, old wooden beams and even an old teddy bear. Lilly glanced to her right and saw an old windmill that had a giant hole in the center, bricks scattered around it's base.
It was a ghost town, and it gave her the chills.
Lilly then whipped her head to the side when she heard giant footsteps approaching.
"We have a 10 meter approaching on the left!" Hange shouted from the front.
Lilly watched as two veteran support soldiers whirred off to battle the Titan. One launched his anchor into the neck of the titan and tried to go for the kill but the cut was too shallow.
She swallowed as she was grateful she had been training her strength so she herself would hopefully not run into that problem.
She'd see if it'd pay off.
"Forward!" Erwin shouted again.
Then as the riders ahead of her moved, she spotted Oluo, Petra, Levi, Gunther, Eld and Eren.
Her eyes were glued to the back of Levi's head, watching as his black hair lifted in the wind.
"Long range formation, let's go!" Erwin shouted.
Soon, all the soldiers had spread out into their formations. Lilly continued to ride with Jean, and then readied their flare guns in their hands as they looked at each other. The formation was huge and widely spread out, Lilly couldn't tell who was who or who was where anymore.
Levi was no longer in sight.
This formation spread over a large amount of land. Far larger than Lilly had expected, but this was exactly what the flares were for.
They continued to ride for awhile longer, then they started seeing red flares being shot off in the distance. Lilly took in a deep breath and continued to survey the area with alert eyes. She shot her flare to relay the message to center rear.
But not too much longer, black flares were being shot into the air.
An abnormal already? Shit.
Lilly looked at Jean and they both shot their flares to relay the message.
Lilly felt anxiety rise up in her chest but she quickly swallowed it and rode faster.
In situations like this, it was only natural to feel afraid. It was going against that natural reaction and being able to calmly assess the situation that took real strength. And Lilly was finally starting to master this.
They rode for about half an hour longer and then another black flare was shot ahead of them.
"Another one? What the hell?" Jean gritted his teeth.
They shot their flares off and continued to ride. But suddenly as they rode past some trees, a 10 meter jumped out at them. It wore a nasty wide grin with huge bulging eyes as it quickly reached out for them.
"Fuck!" Jean yelled in shock as his horse reared up.
Lilly quickly shot her anchor out into the titans shoulder and launched off her horse. As she was pulled in by the anchor, she sliced the titan's fingers off in quick succession before it could grab Jean.
She then grunted as she used her fuel to propel her up above the titan and shot another anchor into its fleshy neck.
"Hold still." Lilly spoke out as she wound up and spun down, double slicing the nape of the Titan.
Hot blood sprayed over her face and her hair as she rode the Titan down to the ground. She put her blades back in her blade box and whistled for her horse.
"Thanks Lilly...that was pretty quick thinking." Jean said as he stared up at her.
She stood there with the titans blood evaporating off her face before jumping off its steaming body and back onto her horse.
"Let's move forward." Lilly said quietly.
The two continued to ride in silence through a field and soon they were spotting multiple yellow flares in the sky to their right.
What was going on?
"Shit that was right next to us! The right wing spotters are too overwhelmed to continue to fight. That's what that signal means. Whatever it is, this is serious. Let's ride to the right to see if we can help anyone!" Jean shouted.
They rode slightly out of formation and into a small group of trees. What they saw was nothing less than a bloody graveyard. Fallen soldiers, and what remained of fallen soldiers were scattered everywhere. Bloodied blades were sticking out of the ground, a green cape blew in the wind. The silence was deafening.
They stood there in silence with their mouths hung open.
"Whatever did this, did it quick and moved on." Lilly said quietly.
"Let's move. Let's ride forward and see if we can find anyone." Jean said in a brave voice.
Lilly nodded her head as they turned and rode off. Something was wrong. What would happen if the whole right wing was gone? That left the center ranks wide open. Was the left wing doing okay? That's where April and Ben were. Worry took over her as her horse carried her.
She needed to stay strong and focused. She needed to have faith that they were okay.
They rode as fast as they could and still couldn't find anyone. It was quiet. Too quiet.
Soon enough they spotted two riders ahead of them.
Reiner and Armin.
"There's Armin and Reiner! Let's catch up to them!" Lilly shouted.
"Armin! Reiner!" Jean yelled.
The two ahead turned around and slowed down so they could catch up. Armin looked like he had seen a ghost.
"The right wing spotters have been wiped out completely. There must have been a horde that they couldn't have seen coming." Jean said.
Lilly looked ahead of them and saw a 15 meter abnormal titan running ahead of them.
Was that a female titan?
"That was the same direction she came from. Could it have been her? Did she bring a horde? Like a commander?" Armin asked, he almost seemed to be talking to himself.
"Her?" Jean looked ahead at the female titan. "Why the hell is she running from us by the way? Is she an abnormal?" He asked.
Lilly watched as Armin looked up at the titan and frowned.
"No, I don't know how it's possible, but there's a human in that titan. Someone who has the same power as Eren." Armin said.
Jean looked to Armin with wide eyes as they continued to ride onward.
"Please tell me you aren't serious." Jean said.
"Why do you think that Armin?" Lilly asked.
"Titans may eat us but they aren't murderers. Sure they kill us in the process but it's not their intent. They just feed on instinct like any creature." Armin said as they continued to ride after the Titan.
"Okay so what's your point?" Jean asked impatiently.
"This one was different. When the others went for her nape, she struck them down in cold blood. Swatted them down like flies. She didn't eat them, she killed them and moved on. That's out of character, even for an abnormal. The titans that took out the right wing, I think she brought them here. Just like the colossal and the armored titans when they struck. I just know it!" Armin said.
Lilly watched as Reiner seemed to be studying Armin's face. It was rather hard to digest. Lilly had to hand it to Armin, he was a pretty smart kid.
"She's got bloodlust, but I think she may be after someone in particular. But the question only becomes who and why?" Armin added.
They rode quietly for a few more minutes. Lilly looked up at the female titan. She didn't realize that titans could have a female form. Whoever this Titan was, she was very athletic. She could run.
"Wait, could it be Eren?" Armin asked.
"Eren? He's with Levi's squad." Jean said.
Lilly looked up quickly.
"They're spear-heading the right wing, or they were." Reiner said.
Lilly felt her heart sink. Oh no.
"Wait Levi's team? I'm pretty sure you're wrong there big guy. My copy of the plan had them in the left wing." Jean said.
Lilly looked at Jean with a confused expression.
"That's odd, my copy had them at the front of the right wing too. Now that I think about that, it doesn't make sense. Putting them in the vanguard like that wouldn't be smart strategically." Armin said.
"Then where is he?" Lilly's asked as her heart sank.
"Where else? The safest spot in the formation. I assume at least... rear of center rank." Armin said.
"Armin. Now is not the time to be chasing our own tails about this. We have to go warn everyone how dangerous this titan is. Smoke signals aren't going to cut it. At this rate she will tear down the command squad and if that happens, the formation goes to hell and we all die." Jean said.
"You're right. We have to go warn them. Do you have a plan?" Lilly asked as she sucked in a breath.
"Kind of. And a prayer. I say we try and distract her so they have a chance to retreat. If we are careful, from this distance we may be able to manage it and make it out alive. Well...maybe." He looked down and then looked to Lilly and gave her a weak smile.
"We could buy them time that way..." Lilly said quietly.
"She's smarter than the ones we usually deal with, you can take my word for it. From her perspective, we are no more than tiny insects. One swipe of that arm and we are dead." Armin said.
Jean glanced back up at the titan they were following and frowned.
"Is that right? What a terrifying thought." Jean laughed nervously.
"Seriously. What have you done with the real Jean? No offense, but the Jean I knew only looked out for himself." Reiner said.
"Your people skills need work. Believe me friends, I'm still all about number one. And number two." Jean paused and looked at Lilly with a small smile. "But I don't want to end up a pile of bones that no one knows where to find. I get it now. I get what needs to be done if we're gonna survive this fight. Last time I checked, no one forced us to take this position. Now are you with me or not?" Jean asked.
"I'm proud of you Jean. Let's do this." Lilly smiled warmly and gave him a salute over her heart.
Lilly then looked over at Reiner and Armin who were obviously thinking hard about what they were going to do. Armin lifted his hood over his head and looked at Lilly and Jean as they continued to ride.
"Pull your hoods all the way over so it covers you. She won't try to kill you if she can't see who you are. If she's looking for someone specific, she won't mow us down unless she's sure we're them." Armin said in a serious tone, his blue eyes flashing in the sunlight.
"Good idea. As far as she knows, anyone of us could be Eren underneath this cloak." Reiner grinned.
"Not gonna lie, the way you always used to cling to Eren like a security blanket used to creep me out, but I always knew you were brilliant." Jean grinned.
Lilly laughed as she brought up her hood along with Jean and Reiner.
"Not exactly sure how I'm supposed to take that...but thanks...I guess." Armin said as he looked forward again.
Lilly looked forward at the female titan and narrowed her eyes to focus.
Here goes nothing.