A/N Hey guys thanks for all the reviews and alerts. It's been a great ride I cant believe this is the last chapter. I think because I was maybe going to split this but I decided just to keep it one. It's very hard ending a fic so go easy on me. A million thanks to Beetlebum 101 for being an amazing beta and all round person. Wouldn't have been able to do this without her:]
P.s read note at the end concerning epilogue.
I let my head fall back onto the pillow, as Alice sat on the edge of my bed. We were waiting for Charlie to get home so I could tell him about Coach. I didn't want to think about it; and I didn't want to be thinking about my dad when I had a beautiful girl sitting on my bed.
"Do we really have to tell Charlie? I mean, it's only, like, three months until graduation. I can stay on the team, you can stay on the team, the scouts can see you and then we can both get out of here."
Alice placed her hand just above my knee, giving it a squeeze. "I can't let you do that. And we can't let him get away with what he did. It wasn't right."
I sat up, meeting Alice's eyes. I was just always so used to taking care of things myself. I didn't know how to let other people care for me, not even Charlie. "But he was right, I have no proof. And him threatening to cut you from the team isn't illegal."
"But he blackmailed you, that must count for something. Even if it doesn't, I'm not going to be in the same room as that man again."
This is what I was afraid would happen. "You need to think about what's best for your future, Alice."
"I want what's best for our future." Alice put her hand over mine and I couldn't help the smile that tugged on my lips at the mention of our future. "You've got to stop worrying about pleasing other people. Even now, all you're talking about is how this affects me. What about you? What do you want?"
I didn't know what I wanted. Before this all happened I just wanted time to think and try to find out who I was, away from swimming. For so long I tried to keep my mother happy and now I was just doing the same with Alice. "I don't know."
"And you're never going to find out if you keep living your life for other people."
I huffed a laugh, grabbing the pillow behind me with my free hand and whacking Alice softly on the back. "When did you get so smart?" I questioned. Alice's parted lips gave way to a shocked expression. She pushed the pillow back, moving her hand to my chest and pushing me back against the bed.
"No one ever tell you Jocks are supposed to be dumb?" I added, as she began to force me back onto the mattress, my body yielding under her touch.
Soft laughter filled the room. Alice kneeled over me, her face inches from me as she tried to keep a stern look, but it kept breaking. "I am very smart. And a Jock? You shouldn't use stereotypes. I mean, you don't look gay, if we were using stereotypes."
"What does gay look like?" I questioned.
"Like a unicorn – mystical and beautiful," Alice chuckled.
"You are so gay," I laughed, rolling my eyes.
"Gay for you," she added, leaning down and placing a kiss on my lips.
I placed my hand on her hot cheek, holding her there for a moment longer, trying to memorize the feeling of her lips as she smiled against my mouth.
The sound of the front door slamming shut tore us apart. I looked at Alice, fear suddenly coursing through my body. Alice squeezed my hand. It's now or never, I thought, squeezing back.
Alice led me out of my room and down the small staircase. We stood at the bottom of the steps, our hands still intertwined as I stared holes into Charlie's back. He hadn't even taken his rain jacket off yet.
"Dad, I need to talk to you about something," I spoke, my voice laced with hesitation.
"Sure, what is it, Bells?"
"Um… maybe it's better if you sit down."
Charlie ran his hand along the creases in his brow. "What's going on?" he asked, unmoving.
"Well… Uh, I don't…" I stuttered.
"Just spit it out, Bells."
"The coach of the swim team has been blackmailing me."
Charlie's eyes scrunched together, all the lines in his forehead forcing down his brow. "Blackmailing you? How? He hasn't touched you, has he?" Charlie's hand twitched towards his gun.
"No! No, nothing like that," I mumbled quickly, looking to Alice for help.
"Chief Swan, Coach Damon said that if Bella didn't join the team he would cut me and Bella knew how much being on the team meant to me." Alice's grip tightened on my hand as she looked up at me reassuringly. "He manipulated her and used her own feelings against her to get her to join the team."
"I see." Charlie ran his hand through his hair. "Why didn't you tell me about this before?" He asked, his brown eyes tired and weary.
"I don't know. I'm just used to taking care of things myself. I thought I could handle it."
Charlie frowned. "You should know you can talk to me about anything."
Charlie opened the front door again and I instinctively asked, "Where are you going?"
"I'm going to sort this out," Charlie said, simply.
"What are you going to do?" I spoke, making my way across the living room.
"I'm going to go talk to the principal. Then I'm going to get a restraining order and see what other information I can get on this Coach Damon. Lock the door, I'll be back in a few hours." I had never seen Charlie like this; so cold and calculated. "Don't worry, he won't get away with this, Bells."
The door clicked closed and I stood staring into the empty space where Charlie had been standing.
"It's gonna be fine." Alice's voice was suddenly beside me. I turned my head to her and she grabbed my hand, sliding her fingers in between mine. "Let's watch some T.V.," she added, pulling me into the living room.
I sat on the space Charlie usually occupied. I could tell it was his space because of how warn out the support had become. It must have been almost perfectly shaped for him. Alice curled her legs under her tiny frame, grabbing the remote and turning on some sitcom. I stretched my arm over the back of the couch, mimicking that move you only see in old movies now, and Alice cuddled into my side. I placed a kiss into the soft spikes of her hair, inhaling the sweet flowery scent of her shampoo.
It felt odd having to place all my faith in Charlie. I guess that meant I didn't have faith in people. I looked down to Alice and the soft glow from the T.V. was lighting up her features. Did I have faith in Alice? I imagined her holding a gun to my chest and tried to think if I would be scared she'd ever pull the trigger. All the images of the past seemed to rush through my head. Even when she was mad at me, and rightfully so, I couldn't imagine her ever hurting me.
I sighed, focusing on the Television. We sat like that for an hour before a text to Alice's cell broke the silence.
"My mom is going to be here in five minutes. I wish I had my own car," Alice whined.
"I'm sure you will get your own car one day," I smiled.
"Yeah, one day I'll be able to buy myself anything I want, and I will have a bright yellow Porsche and an apartment that overlooks the city." Alice's eyes glazed over as she thought about her dream.
"Will I be there?" I found myself really hoping I would be.
"Of course. Someone has to clean and look after the cars," she giggled, adorably.
I joined her in laughing, before a honk signaled that our time was up. I walked Alice to the door and she sprung up on her toes a little, as I wrapped my arms around her waist and leaned in for a kiss. I kept my arms around her, not wanting to let go, but there was another honk from outside and I slowly loosened my grasp.
I opened the door, leaning on the frame as Alice stepped out into the cold. "You know, there will be a day when I don't have to let go," I sighed.
"And I cannot wait for that day," Alice added, skipping down the steps and getting into her mom's car.
I waved goodbye until the car disappeared behind the trees and I closed the door, falling back against the glass. Edward was right, I really was whipped. What's worse is that I loved it.
I went back to the couch, lying down and brushing my face against the warm fabric. I feel safe here, I thought, before my eyes started to feel heavy.
"Bells…. Bells, wake up," Charlie's voice called out in my dream. "Wake up." I felt a hand shake me and I realized it wasn't a dream. I shot up, rubbing my eyes furiously, trying to get them to focus.
"Charlie?" I called out, still half blind. "What happened?" My voice was full of sleep but then I remembered what he had gone to do and a rush of nerves eliminated any tiredness that lingered.
"It's okay, you should go to bed."
"I want to know what happened."
"Well, it turns out James Damon has a few outstanding warrants in Utah and Tennessee for illegal gambling. He's been put on suspension from the school and I don't think he'll be coming back for a while. He will have to go back to Utah to stand trial. The bail bondsman should be here tomorrow to pick him up."
Not surprising, I thought. "I think he bet on the last match we had but I don't know who with."
"Don't worry about it." Charlie squeezed my shoulder and I knew he would handle it.
"So, that means I have to go to school tomorrow." I yawned, stretching my arms above my head.
"I'm afraid so, bud."
I put my arms over his neck, quickly giving him a small hug. "Thanks, dad," I breathed.
Our laughter filled the small home and Charlie looked a lot like his old self again. I thought about how stupid I was for not telling him. I always had the best intentions but then I remembered what they said about the road to hell.
xxxx
I was in English when it happened. Alice and I were sharing her textbook and she was still catching me up on things I had missed, when someone came into the class with a note. Everyone quickly noticed it wasn't a student – it was the principal – and like a heard of sheep, everybody's head flicked up as Ms. Jacobs read the note over, her eyes quickly scanning over the words.
"Could any members of the swim team please go with Miss McFarlane."
Alice's eyes flicked to me and I raised my shoulders a fraction indicating I had no idea. I had told her everything I knew this morning. We packed up our things and Alice, Emily and I all left. As we did, the class seemed to be taken over with a roar of chatter, everyone wondering what could possibly have happened.
We followed her silently to her office and as she opened the door, everyone else from the team seemed to already be there waiting.
"Charlie?" I gasped, as my eyes rose to see him standing behind the desk in full
uniform, his arms crossed over his chest.
"Bella, we will talk about this later," he noted, authoritatively
Miss McFarlane sat at her desk. She was an older woman but her title gave away the fact that she wasn't married. Or maybe she was divorced like Charlie. She wore a burgundy blazer and skirt that seemed a size too big for her and she tried to flatten it as she spoke.
"Girls, it has come to my attention that Mr. Damon was blackmailing a student at this school and I am asking everyone that had contact with him, especially those under his supervision, if he has ever done or said anything untoward to them. If so, please come forward and talk to us. If not now, you can call the school to make an individual appointment with me or to talk to a school counselor. For this reason, Mr. Damon will no longer be teaching here and your team will now be supervised by Mrs. Hill."
Miss McFarlane spoke, making eye contact with everyone individually, but when she got to me I dropped my gaze, unable to look at her. She knew it was me that had started this whole thing; but it was all true. What if he did it to someone else and they were like me and thought they could handle it?
"Chief Swan is also here for the rest of the morning in case anyone wants to make an official statement."
They let us go, saying we could have the rest of the period off but to make it back by third period. As we exited, the gossip began.
"I can't believe they brought in the cops, this must be serious. I never thought Coach would do something like that," Kate stated, throwing her backpack over one shoulder.
"I bet it was one of the boys on the baseball team. Maybe he touched one of them. I bet it was Edward; he's never been interested in any girls at this school."
"Shut up, Tanya," I cut in, flaring with anger that she would talk about my friend like that. Alice grabbed my hand, squeezing it tightly and keeping my focus as she spoke.
"Just because he's rejected you every time you've asked him out. What is it? Five times, now? Six?" Alice tried to recall, as I snickered under my breath.
"Whatever," Tanya waved off. "Come on, Jane, let's go hang out in the cafeteria." With that, they walked off.
"This feels so weird," Emily spoke up, gathering our attention. "A new coach, the police… this is crazy."
Alice stayed silent and I did the same. I don't think there was any reason everybody had to know it was me, but I guess I would have to tell them eventually that I wasn't coming back to the team.
"Yeah," Kate replied, her eyes searching the lockers. "I have to go get my book for the next class. See you guys at practice."
Everything seemed to quickly move back to normal. I pulled Alice towards my normal route to media class, as we parted from the others with a small wave goodbye.
"What class do you have next?" I asked, curiously.
"Geography in building three. Do you think he did it to anyone else?" A mask of concern flooded her features and I realized what a good person she was.
"I don't think he did. I'm not sure, but it took a while for him to get me to join and I think he just got desperate in the end."
"I still can't believe you did that for me." Alice nudged me gently into the lockers and I stopped walking to face her.
"I couldn't let you give up something you loved so much for me. Plus, I got to spend a lot of time with you so it wasn't all bad."
Alice brought her hand up, touching the outside of my shoulder, then gently moving it down my arm as she spoke. "How are you feeling about all this?"
"I don't know; it feels weird. Like starting all over again." Or maybe I should have said ending. Would I finally get to stop competing?
"Well, maybe this will be a better beginning."
"As long as I have you by my side it already is." I hugged Alice close to my chest, planting a small kiss on her forehead as the bell rang.
I loosened my grip and we stood there as the halls filled with people rushing towards their next class. It seemed neither of us wanted to leave. I know I certainly didn't.
"I guess I'll see you at gym." I shuffled back slowly.
Alice looked at me for a moment, a sad smile covering her lips.
"Alice," a male voice called and both of our heads moved towards the sound.
Jasper stood there, holding a thick textbook against the dark denim of his jeans. His eyes cast down momentarily before he looked between Alice and I again.
"Bella," he nodded. "I just wanted to ask if you guys were okay. I heard about the coach. They brought in the whole baseball team this morning. I had no idea he would do something like that."
"Jazz." Alice's voice shook and I knew there were probably a thousand things she wanted to say.
The silence was palpable and I wondered if I should say something. Alice opened her mouth slightly but then closed it again.
"We are good, Jasper. Everybody on the team is okay."
Jasper looked to me, nodding in acceptance and moving his textbook nervously between hands. "Well, I better get to class." He took a few steps, moving past us as I looked to Alice, trying to convey that she should talk to him before it was too late.
"Jazz." Alice spun on her heel and he stopped in his tracks, turning to us again. "Will you sit with us again at lunch?"
He took a deep breath, his chest rising and falling quietly. "I'll think about it."
I guess that was better than a 'no,' I thought inwardly, as Alice seemed to take this all in. I took her hand, squeezing it slightly and trying to get her to look at me. "You okay?" I whispered.
"Yeah… Yeah, I'm fine." She shook her head quickly, coming back into the moment. Surprisingly, her hair still managed to stay perfect, falling gently back around her face.
The bell rang, signaling the start of third period. I didn't even notice that the halls had become completely empty.
"I better run," Alice said, getting back to her usual perky self.
"Yeah, me too. See you later," I repeated, jogging up the steps to third period.
"Sorry I'm late," I mumbled, softly closing the door behind me as I entered the class.
"Bella, this is the third time you have been late to my class. It's unacceptable. I'm going to have to give you a detention."
What?! My mind yelled. I'm sure it's only the second… no, no, there was that time last week. But the other time was my first day; that shouldn't count.
Mr. Mason wrote up a note on a pink slip of paper. "Today, after school, room 56C. Try not to be late."
I grumbled under my breath at how unfair this was as I snatched the pink note from his hand and took my seat beside Emmett.
"Tough break, dude," he whispered and I just nodded, reading over the stupid slip.
The rest of the period, and even gym class, went by rather uneventfully and I was glad. Emmett, Alice and I walked towards the cafeteria as Emmett still talked about his non-existent band.
"Last night I had the best idea for a band name," Emmett gestured wildly his massive bear paw of a hand, almost hitting me as he did.
Alice managed to pull me out of the way just before he did, like she knew it was going to happen. "What's the name?" I asked, regaining my footing as we entered the lunch line.
"Emmett and the Epic Brain Freeze."
I tried to hold back a laugh and the noise that came out was sort of like a strangled squeak.
"Em…" Alice spoke, her voice softening. "You weren't drinking a Slushy when you thought of this by any chance?"
"How did you know?!" Emmett's surprise rang through the whole cafeteria.
We took our usual seats at our usual table, with Emmett setting down the two trays and Alice moving her seat closer to mine as I began to bite into my apple. Then Rosalie and Edward showed up, bickering about something that soon stopped once Rosalie was beside Emmett.
The table relaxed into a quiet conversation but then silence hit. I looked across to Rose and she was staring at something behind me. I craned my neck around to see Jasper holding his lunch tray awkwardly, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.
"You guys got an extra seat?" He spoke, quietly.
"Hell, yes, we do!" Emmett said, grabbing a chair from the nearest table and spinning it across the floor until it was between Edward and his. He patted the hard plastic chair, a wide grin covering his face.
"So, you get sick of sitting with the Jocks?" Rosalie prodded.
"No, I just missed you losers," Jasper smiled, messing up Edward's always wayward hair. He couldn't have seemed happier about it, as he slapped him lightly on the back and the usual table of five became a table of six.
I looked to Alice who was trying to hide a smile as she looked at Jasper through her lashes, before focusing them back to her food. The creeping smile still pulled at her lips, though, and I could tell that she was happy her friend was back. I sought out her hand under the table, taking it in mine and giving it a small squeeze. I was happy she was happy.
Xxx
I dragged my feet out of Art, looking at the stupid pink slip in my hand and thinking how unfair this detention was.
Alice skipped up to my side, mouthing 'hey' and giving me a small wave before she reached me.
"I thought we could hang out today."
I closed my eyes, running my free hand through my hair, trying to expel the feeling of stupidity I had when I forgot to tell her I had detention.
"Sorry, I forgot to tell you at lunch, I got a detention for being late to Mason's class."
"Oh, that's okay, maybe tomorrow then." She smiled but it didn't reach her eyes. It was that fake smile people put on when they get presents they don't like.
"How come you didn't get a detention?" I asked, curiously.
"I just gave Mr. Stanley a wink and a smile and took my seat," she grinned mischievously, moving in front of me with a graceful spin as I began walking backwards along the empty hall.
"Yeah, I wouldn't give you detention either," I thought out loud, with a smirk.
She placed a hand on the neck of my shirt, stopping me in my tracks. "Well, if you were giving out detentions, maybe I would want one." With that she pulled me by the fabric of my shirt and it took my brain a few moments to catch up as she began to kiss me.
It was painfully slow and only lasted a few seconds. She pulled back and I let slip a low groan, almost like a growl.
"You are so bad," I whispered through my teeth, my body tensed and wanting more.
She moved back, a sly half-grin on her face as she bit her bottom lip slightly. "You can punish me later." Alice winked, sending my mind into a frenzy. "You better hurry if you want to make detention."
"Dammit," I spat, looking at the time and Alice just laughed. I took off down the hall, turning back at the very end to look at Alice's small form in the distance. "Miss you," I yelled, as she blew me a kiss and I pretended to catch it.
I made it to detention on the bell, opening the door to see Mr. Mason and two other students I had never met.
"Study. I'll be back in forty-five minutes," he said, simply.
I took a desk in the back, opening my book to study but thoughts of Alice seemed to flood my mind. I wondered what she was doing and thinking. If she was thinking about me.
"So, what you in for?" A kid with greasy, black hair asked me, sitting backwards on his seat.
"I was late three times; what about you?'
"Got caught smoking behind the gym."
I didn't want to talk to him but he continued to stare for a minute, before figuring out I was no fun to talk to. I kept my head in my book, letting myself get lost in a daydream. Mr. Mason came back early, slamming the door shut and boosting us all awake again.
"I guess you guys have learned your lesson. You can go now."
I walked out of the school happily swinging my bike helmet in the cool breeze. I reached the parking lot and stopped in my tracks. Rosalie's cherry red BMW was parked smack bang in the middle of the whole lot. Alice leaned against the hood, her arms resting back on the body of the car.
"What's this?" I asked, stunned.
"I thought I could take you someplace. I have something to show you."
I wondered what it could be as Alice took a seat in the driver's side. I walked along the side of the car, running my hand over the sleek red body.
"How did you get Rosalie to agree to this?" I asked, jumping in the front seat.
"She's really starting to like you…" Alice trailed off and I raised a speculative eyebrow. "And I may have let her borrow my favorite Louis Vuitton leather belt."
Alice drove fast and I hung on to the edge of the door for safety. Alice looked perfect: her dark sunglasses on and her grey scarf billowing in the wind. She reminded me of an old movie star.
"Sorry," Alice stuttered repeatedly as she looked at me. She must have registered the look of fear on my face.
"No, it's okay I'm good. So where are you taking me?"
"Rosalie never lets me borrow her car, it's like her baby. I'm taking you some place private." She grinned madly and if it was anyone else I would have been scared.
The car came to a halt on a hill with a small clearing, then just the view of the tree tops that seemed to never end. I opened the car door, staring out into the vast expanse, the quiet rustle of the wind gently swaying the leaves. It reminded me of when I was young and people tried to explain air or God or love and all your brain can process is: how can I believe in something I can't see? How do I know it's there? I relaxed onto the hood of the car, wondering when I started to believe in things I couldn't see.
Alice flicked the door shut with a short thump and I looked to her. As I looked into the blizzard blue of her eyes she smiled, and all I could think was: how could I ever not see her? She is like air and God and love all rolled up into one.
Alice sat beside me, nudging me playfully as she did. "What's got you thinking so hard?"
"Nothing," I replied.
"You know, nothing can be quite a lot, sometimes," she nodded, her eyes tightening seriously.
I huffed a small laugh. "Oh, really?"
"Yeah, like the nothingness of space that holds the whole universe." Alice looked out into the trees, her hands on her knees, scratching at the fabric; almost like she was telling herself she still existed.
"So, we are all nothing?" I questioned.
"Yes; everything and nothing."
I felt the oddness of this conversation increasing with every second. "Well, you are a beautiful nothing," I laughed, hoping that it wasn't an insult. It didn't feel like one.
"Thank you," she smiled and like a light bulb went off, her eyes lit up. "I need to tell you something." Alice looked down, twisting her fingers together. "And I'm hoping you won't be mad."
I wondered what it could have been. Hundreds of horrible things ran through my brain until it ran blank. "What is it?"
She moved to the side of the car, grabbing something from the back seat I hadn't even noticed. She walked towards me and I could see it was an envelope that had already been torn open at the top. Alice handed me the envelope slowly, like it was going to self-destruct. Or maybe it was me she was worried about. I took it, tentatively, still trying to work out what it was.
"I applied for you… and you got in."
I pulled up the first sheet of paper and read over my name and the acceptance. "How… How did you do this?" How did she do this without me noticing?
"I borrowed some sketchbooks from your room and Miss Henderson helped," Alice whispered, as I stared at the letter. I couldn't believe it.
Whatever she was going to say next was muffled, as I covered her lips with mine. The warmth of her touch was electrifying my body and I had to part for a breath, but managed to whisper out a thank you.
"It's time to start becoming who you are."
I chuckled at her insight. "What would I do without you?" I spoke, shaking my head.
"Hopefully we won't have to find out," Alice said, before kissing me lightly.
We cuddled together, just looking out towards the woods. I thought about how things change; about Leah, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett, Edward and Alice and what it meant to be a friend. I thought about what it meant to love someone and then about my mom. I wondered if she would still be proud of me; if she was out there somewhere in the nothingness looking out for me. Then I thought about nothing.
A/N Thanks for reading. I'm thinking about posting an epilogue for this story. I have it mostly written but I do warn it is very different from this which is why I'm asking. Would you as a reader prefer it posted here or as say a future outtake on its own? It was originally an idea for a different story but I decided to tie it in with this one.