A/N: So here is the new chapter. It is longer then most chapters since I could not stop writing once I finally figured out what I wanted to say, but a lot happens, some of which will make you mad and some that will make you super happy. It takes place over the first week of school for Jude, mainly the first day and that Friday. I hope everyone likes it. Please please review, I love hearing from y'all. Enjoy
Chapter 19
Dear Diary,
It has been a week since I came back home from camp, one long, confusing week. My brain has been firing no stop trying to figure out what everything means. Why the hell is Tommy being so bipolar? Why the hell can't he just figure things out already? Why the hell did Lance kiss me? There are so many questions and I have absolutely zero answers. I haven't seen Tommy or Lance since that night, but tomorrow I will get to see Lance seeing as tomorrow is the first day of high school. I still can't believe I am in high school. I am super excited for all the things I get to do. I have marching band, twirling, upper level classes, and my own music. It is going to be crazy trying to keep up with all this, but it will be nice to have distractions from all the boy drama. I hate all this stupid crazy shit. Tommy keeps being all bipolar with me, saying he needs me one second and the next saying he can't be my friend. I don't understand what is going on with him, and I really wish it would all just stop. He needs to decide already how he feels before I lose my mind. Then there is Lance. I can't believe he kissed me. I didn't know he even thought of me in that way. I know he was trying to help in his own way, but all it has done is confuse me more. It doesn't help that after he kissed me he just walked away with a smirk leaving me in the hall backstage dumbfounded. The kiss made me feel so strange. It was an amazing kiss, but nothing like a Tommy kiss. Lance is a sweet guy but I don't think I like him like that. Hopefully he doesn't say anything and we can just get back to being friends. I rather not screw up a new friendship because of a silly kiss. Here's hoping that tomorrow goes great.
XOXO Jude
"Jude wake up or you are going to be late for school." Stuart says turning on my bedroom lights.
Groaning I roll out of bed and to the bathroom to get ready. Since it's the first day of school I decide to put some effort into my look. I straighten my hair and apply my make-up then walk to my closet to pick out an outfit. I eventually decide on a blue skater skirt and white blouse with ruffles across the sweetheart neck line. I slip on my blue strappy sandals and head to the kitchen for breakfast.
"Whoa, who are you and what have you done with my sister?" Ryan asks sarcastically
"Ha ha very funny Ryan." I state sticking my tongue out him before eating my poptarts.
"We leave in five minutes Jude." Ryan says walking back to his room.
"Fine" I reply.
Five minutes later Ryan and I head out the door and get into his car. It only takes ten minutes to get to school and when we arrive we head to the band hall to meet up with our separate group of friends. I find Alice and engulf her in a hug.
"I've missed you." We say at the same time.
"So are you excited?" Alice asks as we go sit down the hall waiting for first period to start, which is band thank God.
"Hell yes. I still can't believe we are in high school." I say excitedly.
"I know right? So did you happen to see Lance on your way in?" Alice questions.
"No thank God." I reply with a little sigh of relief.
"Wait, I thought you two were close?" Alice asks confused.
"We are it's just something happened after the concert." I reply shyly looking down at my lap.
"What happened?" Alice asks excitedly.
"He kissed me." I mumble out hoping she didn't hear.
"He what!?" Alice shouts
"Shit, be quit." I reply trying to get her to calm down.
"I so knew he had a crush on you." Alice states with a smile.
"You did?" I ask glaring at her.
"You didn't?" Alice asks shocked
"No idea. Was it that obvious?" I ask
"Very obvious seeing as he was actually nice to you. He always tried to be around you no matter what." Alice explains
"I didn't even notice." I reply looking down at my lap.
"Well you are kind of oblivious to anything that isn't Tommy related." Alice says
"I am not." I reply shoving Alice playfully.
"Are too." Alice replies shoving me back. "So do you like him?"
"I don't know, he is super sweet but I don't think it be smart to get into anything with all my Tommy problems." I explain
"Maybe this is what you need, a nice distraction from you Tommy problems." Alice says with a smile.
"I don't know, I would feel horrible for using Lance like that." I reply with a hint of sadness in my voice.
"Hey, it is just a suggestion, and between you and me I doubt he would even notice if you were using him." Alice says as the bell rings. We walk into the music room and start our first class of the day.
After band my next three periods were completely uneventful. Alice and I had two of those classes together which is nice so I don't feel alone. It is now lunch and I walk into the cafeteria and scan the room for any familiar faces. My eyes land on Alice and instantly walk over to her.
"Jude" I turn at my name being called from behind to see none other than Lance. Shit I thought I was going to get through the day without seeing him.
"Lance, hey" I hesitantly say
"How is your first day?" He asks
"Good, yours" I reply trying to keep this conversation short.
"Good, so do you want to sit with me and my friends?" Lance asks gesturing towards a table full of seniors.
"Thanks, but Alice is saving me a seat." I reply pointing towards Alice
"Oh, well can I join y'all?" Lance asks
"Don't you want to sit with your friends?" I ask trying to say no in a nice way.
"I see them all day, and I miss my camp friends." Lance replies with a smirk.
"Okay I guess." I reply walking over to Alice with Lance following.
"Hey" Alice says
"Hey, I hope you don't mind Lance wanted to join." I say taking my seat next to Alice and Lance across from us.
"It's cool, how are you Lance?" Alice asks trying to be polite.
"I'm good, you?" Lance replies
"I'm good" Alice replies.
We eat in silence the rest of lunch. When there is about five minutes left of lunch we get up and head outside to enjoy the sun before being cooped back up for another three periods.
"So Jude can I talk to you, alone?" Lance asks
"Umm sure, Alice I'll see next period." I say as I walk off with Lance. "So what's up?"
"Well I think we need to talk about that kiss." Lance says a little shyly.
"Lance can we not." I say looking down at the ground.
"We need to." Lance says
"Fine, talk" I say crossing my arms across my chest still looking at the ground.
"Jude, could you look at me?" Lance asks reaching out his hand to lift my chin up. "That's better, now I can see those beautiful blue eyes."
"Lance" I say shyly as a blush forms on my cheeks. Shit why am I blushing? I should not be blushing right now. I don't like Lance like that. Right?
"So that kiss, I know that you have this thing for that dumb ass Tommy but you so deserve better. I get it if you don't feel the same but I need you to know that I like you, a lot." Lance confesses staring me dead in the eyes the whole time.
"Ummm…" I reply looking back down at the ground not being able to hold his gaze anymore. What the hell should I say?
"Jude I total get if you only like me as a friend, but I think that we would make a great couple." Lance rambles out with a hint of sadness in his voice.
"Lance, I just…the whole Tommy thing, I just don't know if this would be a good idea." I say still looking at the ground.
"Jude, I don't care about Tommy. I know that once we get together you will get over him." Lance says with a little smirk.
"Wow, someone is cocky." I reply with a chuckle.
"That's not what I meant, I just…" Lance says before I cut him off.
"I know that isn't what you meant." I say with a smile finally looking back up at him. I lock eyes with him and my mind goes fuzzy. What is going on with me? I thought I didn't like Lance. Maybe he is right though about the whole getting over Tommy thing. Maybe being with Lance is a good thing. He is sweet, and he seems to really like me. Maybe this would be a good thing.
"Jude," Lance says pulling me out of my thoughts. "As I was saying, I think we would be good together. I guess what I am trying to say or ask is, well…will you go out with me?" Lance asks a little shyly.
"Ummm…yes. I would like that very much." I reply with a smile.
"Really?" Lance asks shocked
"Yes really" I reply with a smile.
"I didn't think you would say yes. This is great." Lance says pulling me into a hug. "So you do know that this means we are boyfriend/girlfriend, right?" Lance asks
"Yes" I simply reply
"Good" Lance replies with a smile just as the bell rings for next period. "I'll see after school?" Lance asks
"I have twirling practice right after school then band. I'll text you." I reply as I walk towards my class.
"Okay" Lance replies before walking towards his own class.
"Sooooo, what happened with Lance?" Alice asks as I sit down next to her.
"He asked me out and I said yes." I reply with a smile.
"No way!" Alice squeals out.
"I know it's crazy, but I think this is going to be good for me." I explain
"Well I am super happy for you." Alice says pulling me into a hug.
"Thanks" I say
The rest of the day passes without anything eventful happening. My twirling and band practices were uneventful as well. By the time I got home I had 15 unread text messages, all from Lance. I unlock my phone and read over the messages, all saying the same thing, 'Text me now.' Wow, a little demanding of him. I told him I would be busy all afternoon and that I would text him after. He needs to chill.
I text him back 'Hey, I just got home from my practices.'
'Oh, sorry I didn't realize they would run this late.' Lance replies back within seconds.
'It's cool, so how are you boyfriend? :)' I reply
'I'm great girlfriend :)' Lance replies.
After about an hour of texting none stop about random things, I fall into a nightmare filled sleep.
The next few days are full of Alice and I goofing around and trying to pay attention in class, and Lance and I acting like a barf inducing cute couple as Alice likes to put it. It is finally Friday which means my first football game.
"So boyfriend, are you coming to the game tonight?" I ask as I kiss Lance on the cheek and sit down next to him at lunch.
"Why the hell would I go to that?" Lance asks with a chuckle.
"To see me of course" I reply with a smile.
"I don't know Jude; I'm not really into that school spirit thing or football." Lance replies
"Oh come on, it is my first football game in high school and I really want my boyfriend to be there to support me." I say with a fake pout.
"Don't give me that face. You know I can't say no when you make that adorable pouty face." Lance says leaning in to give me a kiss but I turn my head before he can.
"No kisses unless you come tonight." I reply with a smirk
"That is so messed up." Lance replies with a little hint of anger in his voice.
"So you will come tonight?" I ask with a smile.
"Fine, what time?" Lance says with a sigh.
"The game starts at 7, but I have to be here at 5:45 for band stuff and we march out at 6:30. You could come by the band hall before going into the game so you can see me." I reply with a triumphant smile.
"Okay" Lance replies leaning into give me kiss but I turn my head again with a chuckle. "I said I was going to go so why won't you let me kiss you?" Lance questions
"You know I don't like the whole PDA thing." I reply shyly
"Fine, can I at least give you a peck on the cheek?" Lance asks
"Of course" I reply as Lance leans in and kisses my cheek.
"You two are so gross." Alice says as she starts making gaging noises.
"Shut up" Lance and I reply at the same time. The bell rings signaling the end of lunch.
"See you tonight." I say as I peck Lance on the cheek before heading to class.
"See you then." Lance replies
"Where is he?" I ask as I pace back and forth in the hallway.
"He will be here." Alice says trying to calm me down.
"It's 6:20, he told me he would be here at 6." I say starting to get frustrated.
"Jude, just calm down, he probably just got stuck in traffic." Alice says with a reassuring voice.
"You are probably right." I reply just as a familiar face walks into the hall.
"Hi Jude."
"Tommy" I simply reply.
"You look really nice." Tommy says
"I know that is a lie. I look like a total clown with all this make-up on." I reply with a chuckle.
"True, but that leotard looks good on you." Tommy says with a smile.
"Thanks" I reply with a small smile.
"So how is high school?" Tommy asks breaking the short silence.
"Good, I actually like my classes and have made new friends. I even…" I say but am cut off by someone picking me up from behind.
"Hey gorgeous" Lance says with a laugh.
"Put me down, you are going to mess up my leo." I say playfully smacking his arms.
"Fine" Lance says put me down a little forcefully.
"Thank you" I say as I turn to him and give him a peck on the cheek leaving behind a little lipstick.
"Did you really have to do that?" Lance asks a hint of anger in his voice.
"Sorry, I thought you wouldn't mind being marked by your girlfriend." I reply with a hint of attitude.
"Well I do, and what the hell are you wearing? You look like a striper who has loss her way to the pole." Lance says laughing at his own joke.
"I have to wear this for twirling. Thanks for that sweet complement hun." I bite out.
"Jude you know I was just joking." Lance says noticing the hurt in my eyes.
"Whatever, look I have to go. I'll see you after the game." I say as I walk away from Lance who looks pissed off.
"Jude, are you okay?" Tommy asks as I pass him.
"I'm fine." I bite out a little to forcefully.
"Damn, don't get pissed at me. I wasn't the one who said it." Tommy says throwing his hands up like he was surrendering.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to say it that mean. Then again I didn't think my boyfriend would say anything like that to me." I say a hint of sadness in my voice.
"That douche is your boyfriend?" Tommy questions
"Yes and he isn't a douche. He just has a different sense of humor." I reply
"Jude, he is a major douche." Tommy says
"You should know." I reply under my breath hoping Tommy doesn't hear.
"Excuse me?" Tommy asks with anger in his voice.
"Nothing, look I really need to go." I say trying to walk into the band hall.
"No you don't, you still have a few minutes before they march out." Tommy says grabbing me by the arm and pulling me back into the hall.
"Tommy let go of me." I say trying to pull out of his grasp but he is too strong.
"Why did you say I was a douche?" Tommy asks
"Because you are." I simply reply.
"Why on earth would you think that?" Tommy asks
"Well let's see, you constantly change your mind about your feelings for me. You always tell me you need me and then the next second you are telling me you don't. Oh and there is the whole treating me like shit." I reply ticking off the different ways with my fingers.
"Jude, I do not treat you like shit." Tommy replies
"Bull shit." I say getting mad.
"How exactly do I treat you like shit?" Tommy asks finally letting go of my arm to cross his arms across his chest.
"Tommy I really don't have time to deal with you and whatever mood you are in today. So if you don't mind I really need to go." I say as I walk away from Tommy.
"Fine, we can talk after the game seeing as I am staying at your house tonight." Tommy replies causing me to turn around at the last part.
"You are what?" I ask shocked.
"Oh Ryan didn't tell you. I am crashing at your house tonight; it has kind of become our after game ritual. I thought that we should keep it going even if I graduated." Tommy replies with a smirk.
"Whatever, I don't care because Alice is staying over too." I reply with my own smirk.
"Good for you, but we are still going to talk." Tommy says
"No we aren't. Don't even think about coming near me tonight." I reply with anger in my voice.
"I will do as I please." Tommy replies with a smirk before walking off. "Good luck tonight." Tommy says over his shoulder.
"Screw you!" I yell back at him before heading out to join the band.
After the game, which we won, I find Lance waiting for me in the band hall.
"Hey" Lance says shyly.
"Hi" I say trying to hold back my anger.
"Look Jude I am so sorry about my comment earlier." Lance says reaching for my hand but I pull it away. "Jude, come on. I was just joking. I think you look gorgeous in everything you wear."
"Lance that comment really hurt." I say looking down at the ground.
"I know and I am so sorry. I never should have said that. I should have just said you look gorgeous, which is true by the way." Lance says bending down a little trying to meet my eyes.
"Fine, I guess I can forgive you. Just don't say anything like that again." I reply looking up from the ground.
"Good, you did amazing tonight by the way." Lance says leaning in to kiss me.
"Thanks" I reply with a blush.
"You are so adorable when you blush." Lance says with a smile.
"Stop it; you are going to make it worse." I say shyly as my blush turns a darker shade of red.
"I like it though." Lance says pecking my cheek.
"Gross" Alice says walking up behind us.
"Oh you are just jealous." I reply shoving her shoulder a little.
"Am not" Alice replies sternly.
"Whatever you say, so are you ready for a fun filled night a casa de Harrison?" I ask with a smile.
"Yes mam." Alice replies chuckling.
"I'll text you." I say as I turn to Lance and kiss him goodbye.
"Later" Lance says as Alice and I leave.
When we get back to my place Ryan, Tommy, and all there other friends are already there playing video games in Ryan's room.
"Sorry about my brother and his obnoxious friends." I say to Alice but making sure it is load enough for the boys to hear.
"We are not obnoxious!" The boys yell at the same time.
"It is totally okay. It's kind of cool that you get to hang around all these hot guys." Alice says with a smile.
"Some of them are fun but others are just asses." I say still being loud enough for the boys to hear.
"Are not!" The boys yell again.
"Whatever, let's go to my room." I say pulling Alice upstairs towards my room.
"Wow Jude, this place is nice." Alice says looking around my room.
"Thanks" I reply plopping down on my bed.
"You have a lot of trophies." Alice says admiring my trophy cabinet.
"They are mainly from twirling; some are for some music stuff but nothing major." I reply nonchalantly.
"So are you going to explain your behavior downstairs?" Alice asks plopping down next to me.
"I have no idea what you are talking about." I reply acting dumb.
"You sure as hell know what I am talking about." Alice replies
"Fine, I talked to Tommy before the game and he was being a real ass." I say frustrated.
"What he do?" Alice asks concerned.
"He overheard a comment Lance made about me, which wasn't the nicest thing. This in turn made Tommy call him a douche and when I told him Lance was my boyfriend he said Lance was a major douche. I then commented that Tommy would know. Tommy got pissed and questioned me. I explained all the reasons why which only pissed him off more and in turn pissed me off. We fought some more and then he left after messing with my head by telling me he would be here tonight and that we would talk more tonight." I explain getting more frustrated.
"Jude I'm sorry. Wait, what did Lance say." Alice asks
"It was nothing." I reply reluctantly not really wanting to talk about it.
"Jude, tell me." Alice asks concerned again when she notices me being reluctant about it.
"He just said that I looked like a stripper that had lost her way to the pole." I say
"Jude that is so mean. Please tell me you slapped him or something." Alice replies
"I got mad but I forgave him after the game. I know he was just joking." I state
"I don't care if it was a joke; it was so not nice of him to say it." Alice says the anger in her voice growing.
"Alice chill" I reply as my phone goes off signaling I have a new text.
"Lance?" Alice asks looking over my shoulder at the text.
"Yes" I reply reading the text which was just simply 'Hey gorgeous.'
"You don't mind if I text him do you?" I ask before replying.
"Go for it, but we are still going to have our girl talk." Alice says with a chuckle.
"Thanks and okay." I say as I look at my phone to reply to Lance. 'Hey'
Lance and I text while Alice and I have our girl talk, which wasn't really much just us going back and forth telling each other stupid secrets. At around 1 in the morning Alice had fallen asleep and Lance stopped texting me about an hour ago. I lay in bed staring at the ceiling not being able to sleep.
I get out of bed and quietly walk out of my room and downstairs to the kitchen to get something to eat.
"Jude" Tommy says from behind me.
"Tommy I really don't want to do this." I reply
"Then let's just talk, like normal people, no fighting." Tommy says with a small smile.
"Fine, what do you want to talk about?" I ask as we head to the screening room so we don't wake anyone.
"I just wanted to see how you were doing." Tommy replies sitting down next to me on the couch.
"I am great. I have a new boyfriend, new friends, and school is super fun." I reply with a smile.
"That is great." Tommy replies a hint of sadness in his voice.
"Tommy what's wrong?" I ask before I can stop myself. Shit why do I have to care so much?
"It's nothing" Tommy replies looking own at his lap.
"I know you well enough to know when something is wrong with you." I reply
"Fine, I'm upset because of what you said earlier, the whole me being a douche thing." Tommy replies look up at me afterwards.
"Oh" I simply say avoiding eye contact.
"I get that you are pissed at me for the whole thing that happened at camp, but I never knew you hated me so much." Tommy says the hurt in his voice growing.
"Tommy, I don't hate you. I just…" I say but stop trying to pick my words carefully. "I just can't take all this back and forth shit you are putting me through. I know I told you we shouldn't be friends at your grad party, but over the summer I realized that I wanted you in my life even if it is just as friends. Then you go and say you need me then change your mind not five seconds later. It is really confusing and it hurts." I explain
"Jude, I know I have been all back and forth lately and I am sorry for that." Tommy says as he grabs my hand. "I really want to be friends, if that is even possible."
"I would really like that." I reply with a smile.
"Good" Tommy says smiling. "So tell me more about school and this new boyfriend of yours."
"Well I guess maybe I should start with Lance." I say my smile growing at the thought of him. "We met at camp over the summer and he helped me a lot with my music. He is a senior and he his super sweet, despite that comment he made." I say with smile.
"He is a senior?" Tommy questions with a hint of concern in his voice.
"Yes" I simply reply.
"Is that really a good idea? I mean guys his age are only thinking about one thing and you are so young." Tommy says
"He isn't like that." I reply
"If you say so." Tommy says with a little chuckle.
"Whatever, so my classes are all advance and Alice is in most of them with me, which rocks." I say changing the subject before either of us gets mad.
"That is cool. How is band?" Tommy asks
"It's fun, I love it so much." I reply with a smile.
"I kind of miss it." Tommy confesses with a smile.
"You are such a band geek." I say pushing his shoulder playfully.
"I know, speaking of music, how is your music going?" Tommy asks
"Great, I wrote so much over the summer, but I haven't really written anything since I got back. It's like I have writers block or something." I explain
"Maybe I can help with that." Tommy says with a smile.
"Oh really, and how is that?" I reply with a chuckle.
"We can write together." Tommy simply says
"I would like that, maybe tomorrow though. I am super tired thanks to the fact that I haven't been…I mean thanks to that football game." I say catching myself before confessing the real reason for my exhaustion.
"Jude, you are so lying." Tommy says
"Am not" I reply as I get up to leave.
"You are having them again, the nightmares?" Tommy asks his voice full of worry.
I stop in my tracks at the mention of my nightmares. I simply nod in response and Tommy quickly joins my side.
"Jude, how long have they been back?" Tommy asks his voice sounded even more worried.
"A while" I simply say looking down at the ground and crossing my arms to hug myself a little.
"How long is while?" Tommy asks
"Since I got out the hospital" I whisper out hoping Tommy doesn't hear.
"Jude, why didn't you tell me?" Tommy asks pulling me into a hug.
"We weren't exactly talking." I reply as tears start to form in my eyes.
"Jude, I don't care if we aren't talking, when these nightmares happen I will be there for you. Always." Tommy says hugging me tighter.
"Thanks" I reply as Tommy lets go of me. "I'm just going to go to bed now." I say as I start to leave but Tommy pulls me back.
"Why don't we sleep in here? I'll keep the nightmares away." Tommy says with a reassuring smile.
"Tommy, I have a boyfriend." I reply looking down at the ground.
"I promise, no funny business, just sleep." Tommy says
"Fine" I reply as we walk to the couch. Tommy gets comfortable then I join. He wraps his arms around me and I rest my head on his chest. I fall into a peaceful sleep to the sound of his heart and him running his hands through my hair.