Picture Perfect

[The episode begins with Lincoln in his room making something]

Lincoln: (to the viewers) The key to the perfect anniversary present for your parents for parents is simple: know your audience. And since my folks love what i bring to the table, i make them the same thing every year: this awesome coffee mug! (raises what supposed to be a coffee mug but doesn't look like one)

Lori: Coffee mug? I thought it was a paperweight.

Lynn: Paperweight? That thing is definitely a pencil holder.

Anastasia: Me and Jerry think otherwise. It looks like a mess up tea pot.

Lisa: Negatory. Clearly it's a bust of German philosopher Immanuel Kant.

Luan: (in her gag glasses) I Kant even tell what it is! (laughs)

Lola: Clearly no one can figure out what that thing is. No wonder Mom and Dad just throw all your old gifts in attic.

[Everyone except Anastasia gasp at what Lola just said and Luna cover her mouth so she can't say anything else]

Lincoln: (flabbergasted) WHAT?!

[In the attic, Lincoln is looking around for evidence of what Lola just said]

Lincoln: Lola must've been messing around with me. Mom and Dad love my paperweights. I mean, coffee mugs. (notices a box) What's this? "Do not open." Okay. (he open the box and find out that Lola was telling the truth and gasps) It's true...Mom and Dad do hate my gifts!

[Anastasia walks up to Lincoln]

Anastasia: Dang, they did you wrong, uncle. Also, how come no one told me about this?

Everyone except Lincoln: Because you can't keep your mouth close!

Anastasia: That's unfair! I mean Ms. Piggy over there just told him about his stuff being up here and we all know how big of a snitch than i am!

Lori: She does got a point there, Lola. You are a bit of a tatter tell.

Lola: I am not!

Her siblings and Anastasia except Lincoln: Sure you aren't.

Luna and Lucy are looking at the mug Lincoln working so hard on.

Luna: If you turn your head to the side and squint, it almost looks like Aunt Shirley.

[An image of Aunt Shirley shows up and a scream of horror is heard upon her appearance]

Lucy: Or an inflamed liver.

Anastasia: Again, it's a mess up tea pot.

Lori: When he's this pathetic, it takes all joy out of making fun of him.

Logan and Lincoln said simultaneously.

Lincoln: (insulted) I CAN HEAR YOU!

Logan: HE CAN HEAR YOU!

Girls: WE KNOW!

[Logan and Lincoln facepalms]

Lincoln: Mom and Dad's anniversary is tomorrow. What am i gonna do?

[He sat down on a box that caused a flash to occur. He examines it and finds his Dad's old camera and finds out there's still some film in it]

Lincoln: Oh, i think an idea's developed! (walks backwards and falls down the stairs)

Anastasia: Uncle! Are you ok?!

Lincoln: I've figured out the perfect present for Mom and Dad! (holds up the old camera) Ta-da!

Lana: You're giving them Dad's old camera?

Lola: Wow! You are cheap.

Anastasia: Very cheap.

Lincoln: No! Not the camera. A photograph of all of us!

Lori: Why use that old thing when you can use a cellphone? (holds up her phone)

Lincoln: (defensively) Because that would be like painting the Mona Lisa with a crayon. (sees Anastasia with several drawings of Mona Lisa with different colors she use on all of them)

Anastasia: You was saying?

Lori: Wow. This may be the year you don't fail miserably and crush Mom and Dad's souls.

Lincoln: (sarcastically) Thank you for the vote of confidence. (confidently) Everyone, to the backyard!

[Everyone headed outside]

[In the backyard, Lincoln is focusing the camera to make everyone, kids and pets, stays perfectly in the frame]

Lincoln: Okay, that's it. Leni, scooch to the left. (Leni moves to her right which is Lincoln's left) Your other left. (Leni scooched to her right spot which is her left) Perfect! Someone grab Lily. (Lucy grabs Lily and puts her back in the frame) Thank you. Good. Just gotta set the timer, and... (sets it and joins the others in the shot) Everyone, say cheese!

Loud kids: (while holding big smiles) Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

[The camera still hasn't gone off yet]

Lynn: (holding her smile) When is it gonna flash? My jaw's cramping up!

Loud kids: ...eeeeeeeeeeeeee...

Lincoln: (holding his smile) Give it a second!

Loud kids: ...eeeeeeee...

[Logan hears his phone ringing and answers it]

Logan: Hello? Oh, hi hon, how are you? Uh huh, that's good to hear.

Lori: (gives up) Yeah, i knew he'd blow it. (bring out her phone) Let's do selfies instead.

Leni: (brings her phone out as well) Totes!

Lincoln: No, wait!

[Lori and Leni take a selfie with Lincoln getting caught by the flash and gets dazed by it]

Lincoln: DOI!

Luan: I nose just what this picture needs. (puts on her gag glasses and laughs)

Lincoln: Come on, Luan. You can't wear those in the photo.

Luan: oh, don't be such a Groucho. (laughs and squeaks a squeaky cigar)

Anastasia: If this the case then i might as well adjusts my look. (took out her ponytail and let her hair free and put on her lipstick and some makeup on her face) How do i look, uncle? Do i look beautiful enough for the picture?

Lincoln: Why does that matter? All you have to do is-

Luna: (with her guiter) What this photo needs are some tunes.

Lincoln: No, no, no, no, no. Photographs don't have-

Luna plays a loud chord and blows Lincoln away.

Lincoln: -SOUND! (thuds)

Logan: Do you mind, Luna? I'm on the phone.

Lola: You're ruining the picture! Maybe you should take off that gross hat.

Lana: Maybe you should take off that gross face!

[Lana threw mud at her but Lola ducks and the mud hits Lincoln and Anastasia instead]

Anastasia: (Enraged) You two are going to pay! (gets into a fight with Lana and Lola)

Lincoln: (sees Lily walking around naked) Lily! Where is your diaper?!

Everything is not going Lincoln's way as his siblings, his niece, and his pets are being who they are, chaotic.

Lincoln: GUYS, PLEASE! CAN WE ALL JUST SETTLE DOWN?!

The camera finally took the picture.

[Lincoln is now looking at the photo that was token with worry]

Lincoln: Look at us. We're like a vision of insanity. Which is what Anastasia is already is. (focus on what's important) Anyway, i can't give this to Mom and Dad. (holds up the coffee mug he made earlier) That's worse than Aunt Shirley. Argh! I mean, my coffee mug! I gotta give them a better picture. (came up with an idea) The perfect picture! Time for a do-over.

In Lana and Lola's room, Lola has been working on her face.

Lola: Mirror, mirror in my hand. Who's the prettiest in the land.

Lana emerge from their closet covered in mud.

Lana: Not you, once Mudzilla gets a hold of you!

[Lana roars and Lola reviles in horror. Lincoln sprays Lana with the hose]

Lana: (coughs) Hey! You washed off my mud!

Lola: Ha ha! You got spray-

[Lincoln got her with the hose too]

Lincoln: Perfect!

Lola: Hey! You washed off my makeup!

Lincoln: Good news, guys! We're taking another family photo!

Twins: But we already did one!

[Lincoln ties them with the hose. Anastasia appears]

Anastasia: Do you mind? I'm trying to read here!

Lincoln: Oh, hi, Anastasia. We'll going to make another family photo.

Anastasia: Didn't we already did one?

Twins: That's what we try to tell him!

Lincoln: Well, we are making another one. And these two agree to join.

Anastasia: By tying this up in a hose? Oh yeah, I will call that "joining" you. (she said sarcastically) Well while you three are whatever this is, I'm going to go back to reading.

Lincoln: That's what you think. (went in the twins closet, grab Lana's rope, and grabbed Anastasia with it and tied her in it and drags her and the twins back into the backyard)

Anastasia: (angry) Hey! Do you want a death wish? Let me go!

Lincoln: Sorry, guys, but i need you three to stay here. And no more mud or makeup. Or novels.

Anastasia, Lana and Lola: WHAT?!

Lincoln: Thank you for understanding.

[The three young ones pout. Lincoln is now thinking to Lily]

Lincoln: Look. I'm all about self-expression, but this new picture needs to be perfect, so I'm gonna need you to keep your diaper on. (Lily babbles) Thanks for understanding. (puts her diaper on)

Lily: (takes off her diaper and throws it at Lincoln) Poo-poo (toddles around)

Anastasia: Ha ah! That's what you get!

Lincoln: Let's just put a pin in this fow now...

[Lisa is working on her studies]

Lisa: If the hypotenuse of a right triangle is the mean proportional between segments, then-

Lincoln: Hey, Lisa! We're doing another family picture. How about we lose the glasses and do something with your hair? (fixes up Lisa's hair in different styles such as a shaggy wild do, an afro, and even a horned style until he settles on her normal style) Or just lose the glasses. (takes her glasses)

Lisa: (blind) But, Lincoln, my astigmatism! (falls down the stairs) It's okay! It's just a hairline fracture!

Leni: Did i hear we're taking more photos? Yay! (her shades drop over her eyes) Uh-oh. Guess we'll have to wait till after the solar eclipse.

[Lincoln just looks exasperated and removes her shades]

Leni: Whoa. You're like a wizard. Or a weatherman.

Lincoln gets an idea of switching the glasses around and gives Leni Lisa's glasses.

Lincoln: Maybe you should wear these for the picture, Leni. They make you look...um...even smarter than you already are.

Leni: (blind) Wow! Thanks! (falls down the stairs) I'm alright! I landed on Lisa!

Lisa: Okay, now it's a break!

[Lincoln facepalms and drags the two blind opposite minded sisters to the retake]

Lincoln: Okay, just stay here. (heads off)

Leni: But...

Lincoln: Here's some ice packs and a bandage! (tosses them to his blind sisters who are still waiting, unaware of that)

Leni and Lisa: Okay! Throw them!

[Lynn and Lucy's room]

Lincoln: Okay, guys, time to take a new picture.

Lynn: A new picture? No way.

[Lincoln grabs her football and she starts acting like an eager dog]

Lincoln: You ready, Lynn? Fetch, girl!

[Lynn ran on all fours out to the retake. Lincoln tosses her the ball and she catches it in her mouth]

Lincoln: Good, Lynn! Now stay! (after get Lynn out, Lincoln grabs Lucy's macabre book and holds it with her, escorting her to the retake)

Lucy: (unaware of her surroundings) When did we get grass in our bedroom?

[Luna and Luan's]

Lincoln: Time to take a new picture!

Luna: Sweet! Let me just grab my axe.

Luan: And I'll get funny nose and glasses.

[Sadly, they couldn't find their stuff.]

Luna: Dudes! Where's my axe.

Luan: And where are my glasses?

[Logan enters his sisters wondering where's the whereabouts of his phone]

Logan: Hey guys, have any of you seen my phone? I can't find it anywhere.

Lincoln: Uh...silly props and other stuff are going to be in this picture. You'll get them back after we get the shot.

Logan and Luna: You took our stuff?

Luan: Then we're not gonna be in your picture!

Logan: That's right.

Lincoln: Hmm...sure would be a shame if something happened to your things.

Logan, Luna, and Luan strike shocked poses and head to the retake in those exact same poses.

Luna: This picture thing has changed you, dude.

Anastasia: Tell me about it. I'm still tied up in aunty Lana's rope. He is forcing us to take a picture we already took!

Lori: Which is exactly why I'm not going to be in it.

Lincoln: Which is exactly why i took the liberty of replacing you.

Lori: (angered) You what?!

[The doorbell rings and Lincoln answers it. It turns out to be Lori's arch rival, Carol Pingrey at the doorway]

Lincoln: (smugly) Oh, Lori. I believe you know Carol Pingrey. Didn't she beat you out for homecoming queen?

[Lori slams the door on Carol]

Lori: (reluctantly) Let's get this over with...

Back at the retake, Logan and the others does not look pleased about this.

Lincoln: Okay, everyone excited? So am i! (noticed Lily wandering around naked) Ah! There you are! (picks her up and tapes her diaper tight) You aren't getting that diaper off now! Okay. pets, move on in!

[Enter the reluctant pets]

Lincoln: Okay, almost there. Just a few more fixes. (takes out a package of marshmallows and takes out two of them) Open up!

Lola opens her mouth and Lincoln puts the two marshmallows in the gap where her two front teeth would be.

Lincoln: You too!

[Lincoln does the same to Lana like he get with her twin. Lana and Lola noticed how ridiculous they look with those fillings]

Twins: (with a lisp) You look thilly!

[Lincoln looked at Anastasia has he was going to do the same thing to her]

Anastasia: I swear if you touch me uncle, I'm going to tear you apart limb by limb! Also, there's no use on putting those in my mouth as i got all my teeth, see? (shows him her teeth) Beside, there's no way those are going to fit in my gap even if i didn't have my two front teeth.

Lincoln: But don't want to be set free from the rope?

[Anastasia thought about it for a second]

Anastasia: Fine! But if you try and change me to be something I already am, so help me, i will paint this whole backyard red with your blood!

Lincoln: Ok, ok! Geez. (unties Anastasia) There!

Anastasia: Ahh, now that's better. But I'm still mad at you for forcing us to redo something we already did. Therefore, I'm not smiling.

Lincoln: Not even if- (whispers something in her ear which caused her to smile) That's better. (sees Lily) Your turn again!

[Lincoln puts a pacifier with a big smile print onto Lily's mouth]

Lincoln: (coaxing Lynn) Okay, give it her, here, girl.

[Lynn growls in refusal and Lincoln gives her the "drop it" command and she acquiesces]

Logan: It's sad that i can tell what Lynn's future is going to be like.

[Lincoln then looks at Luna's hair]

Luna: (bitterly) What?

Lincoln: That hair.

Luna: What about it?

[Lincoln puts a long wild wig on her]

Luna: But this hair isn't me, dude!

Leni: And this glasses isn't i, either.

Lincoln: Trust me. You guys look great. Okay, Lucy, I'm gonna need you to smile.

Lucy: I can't see that happening.

Lisa: I can't see anything happening!

Lincoln: (coaxing Lucy) You know, some folks think taking someone's picture actually steals their soul.

Lucy: Oh?

Lincoln: Yeah! Just think of it. Your soul trapped and tormented inside a camera for all etenity.

[Lucy gives a small smirk]

Lincoln: Close enough.

Anastasia: (holding her smile) I'm beginning to lose mine's along with what little sanity i have left.

[Lincoln looks at Logan]

Lincoln: Logan-

Logan: Don't even think about it, bro. I love you and all but if you put anything on me or try to make me smlie, i will pummel you to the ground.

Anastasia: (still holding her big smile) You tell him, daddy!

Lincoln: Well, sadly I'm going to take that chance because there's something i almost forgot about.

Logan: Oh yeah? What's that? (cut to Logan and the others in matching sweaters) Now I'm beginning to lose what little control i have of keeping my anger in check.

Lincoln: Now this is a perfect picture.

Lori: What was wrong with the other one?

Lincoln: (nervous) Oh, well, uh...it was kinda...you guys were a little...

Lori: (curiously irked) A little what, Lincoln?

Logan: Yeah, bro. Time to spill the beans.

Lincoln: ...yourselves?

[Logan, Anastasia, and the others are offended by that reason and chastise Lincoln for it]

Lori: So, that's what this is all about! You don't like us the way we are.

Lincoln: (with his tongue tied) Well, i-you see, that is to say-i, uh...

Logan: So, you force all your siblings and your own niece to take another picture just because the way we acted ruining your first picture? That's just cold, bro.

Anastasia: Yeah! That's also low, even for me!

Lori: (spiteful) Okay, guys, let's all put on perfect smiles for Lincoln's perfect picture, because heaven forbid we be OUR ACTUAL, LITERAL SELVES!

[Logan and the others put on the supposed smiles Lincoln wanted]

Logan and the others: Cheeeeeeeee...

Lincoln: (talking over their saying) Lori, i didn't mean... (takes a look at their smiles) Actually, that's pretty perfect.

[They all hold their smiles and the photo is taken]

Lincoln: Thanks so much, guys! I really appreciate your- (sees that everyone are gone) Guys? Guys? Huh. Guess they must have had something else to do.

[Lincoln has gotten the photo framed]

Lincoln: My days of giving lame anniversary presents are over. (notices the others tossed all their matching sweaters in the trash but focuses on the photo) Mom and Dad are gonna love this! Look at us. We're like a vision of perfection.

Lola: (having fixed herself up) Mirror, mirror in my hand. Who's the prettiest in the land?

Lana: (covered in mud once again) Not you, after the mud monster gets you!

[Lana roars and Lola screams. But rather than picking on each other, they're treating it like a game. Lincoln looks on and sees how much fun they're having and takes a look at their smiles in the picture]

Lincoln: (went inside) Hey, guys! I got the picture framed! (sees Lucy reading her macabre book and looks at her smile in the picture)

[Luan and Lily are playing and laughing together. Lincoln sees them them and reflects upon their smiles in the picture. He then sees Luna and Logan rocking out with each other and looks back on their smiles and the wig he had Luna wear in the picture. He sees Anastasia talking to her mother on the phone and looks at her smile in the picture. Lisa is continuing her studies]

Lisa: Computing of the original formulation, Okay, parameters...

[Lincoln sees her studying and recalls how he made her smile and wear Leni's shades. Leni and Lori are taking selfies together and giggling with joy. Lincoln remembers how he mademade Leni wear Lisa's glasses and what Lori said to him and how she got everyone to wear the fake smiles. Seeing his siblings and Anastasia being happy to be themselves causes him to rethink his decision on the so-called perfect picture]

[It's the loud parents' anniversary]

Loud kids: HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

Rita: Thanks, kids.

Lynn Sr: Ooh. Whose present should we open?

Lincoln: Mine!

[The other loud kids and their pets resent this. Lincoln hands his parents his present]

Lori: (sarcastic) Oh, come on, guys. Let's all let Lincoln give his perfect little present.

Luan: (just as sarcastic) Yeah. I sure hope it's perfect enough.

[It turns out Lincoln gave his parents the original picture from before]

Rita: Oh, Lincoln, this is wonderful! It's the best gift we've ever gotten.

Lynn Sr: It's going above the mantle right now. (places it there)

[Everyone, except Logan, are confused and unhappy with Lincoln's last-minute decision]

Lola: Lincoln, you bonehead! You gave them the wrong picture!

Anastasia: Yeah! Where's the other picture you wasted all our time on?! I swear there something is wrong with this family!

Lori: Yep! I knew you'd blow this, too.

Logan: Not really, Lori. He actually use the right picture.

Lincoln: Right you are, Logan. I gave them the right one. The one that shows the real you. The perfect you.

[The girls embrace Lincoln in gratitude and happiness]

Girls: Aww! Thank you, Lincoln!

Lincoln: By the way, you might all wanna put your presents for Mom and Dad in here. (shows them the box the discarded coffee mugs were once in) Since they'll all look super lame next to my awesome gift!

[Everyone are taken aback by that comment and start arguing with him, which puts a smile on his face]

Lincoln: Just perfect.

Lily: (throws her diaper at Lincoln) Poo-poo.

Anastasia: Ha ha!