As always, wow you guys are amazing! Thanks for the amazing response to this!
Thanks to kelly2727 & the regulars! Shout out to Pretzel- Mandy lol.
Welcome to the newbies!
Chapter 21- Can't Turn It Off.
"Need a ride home?". Sam suddenly blurted out. He was not doing this here.
"Traci...". Andy turned around to find Jerry sitting in the chair that she had occupied next to Traci. "Will be okay without me".
Sam dropped some cash on the bar while Andy went to say goodbye to Traci and hello to Jerry, collecting her jacket and purse as she did so.
Andy found Sam leaning against a silver truck in the parking lot when she came out of the Penny, she had wondered what kind of car he drove, and although it wasn't what she imagined; it suited him.
He opened the door for Andy before getting in and driving out of the Penny's parking lot.
He turned right, when he knew that a left was in Andy's condo's direction; but he wasn't taking her home to her house.
She noticed straight away that he wasn't taking her home but she didn't feel threatened. Sam noticed it too, so maybe he had been wrong about the lack of trust he thought she had in him.
After driving for a while they pulled up outside a house and Sam signaled for her to get out, so she did.
He walked around the front of the truck and reached out for her hand before leading her up a few stairs and towards the front door.
He fished keys out of his pocket and unlocked the door, ushering Andy in while he switched a few lights on.
When Andy looked up, she found Sam missing so she took the chance to look around. She took in the homey lounge and the few photos that adorned the walls.
"Want something to drink?". Sam asked, his voice pulling through her blank mind.
"I'm good thanks".
Now she looked nervous, like she felt out of place.
"Anything you want to know about me, you'll find here, anything else you want to know, you can just ask".
Sam's words kind of caught her off guard as she stared at him blinking rapidly.
Sam watched her bend down and look at the collection of photos on the lower shelf of the wall in the far corner of the lounge.
He was starting to understand why she was so reluctant to get any closer to him- she didn't really know him, or anything about him other than what she had learned when they were at the farmhouse.
He wasn't one for talking and divulging personal information, but if he didn't do something soon, he would loose his mind and she would be unobtainable.
So for her, he was willing to do what it took for her to get to know him, the real him.
Step one- bringing her home to his house.
Where she could still run, if she wanted too. But he was willing to take the risk. This time he wanted to see if she would stay because she wanted too.
"Why do you do undercovers?"
She finally broke the silence by starting with something easy.
"Nothing to make me want to stay?". It was true. He was good at it, loved doing it but he only did it because there was nothing keeping him at home.
"Gonna take another one?". She asked really softly, they were still aimlessly standing around in the lounge but he knew that she would sit down if she wanted too.
Sam couldn't help but wonder if that was another reason that she wouldn't let him in; her words of something about people leaving her drifting to mind.
"Maybe". He watched her as he answered, her face falling a little at his answer. "Unless there's something keeping me here".
That managed to earn him a timid smile, and a light blush. She knew that he was referring to her.
"Why aren't you married?". Andy clamped her mouth closed the second those words flew out. She seriously never intended on asking something that personal.
But it was too late to take them back now.
"Never wanted to be before".
She was sure that she saw Sam blush when he answered.
Andy took a breather and kept quiet for a while, making her way over to the couch and sat down.
Sam followed, sitting opposite her, if she wanted to talk he wanted her to see him when she asked a question and he answered.
"How's Bo... Sarah?".
"She's really good. She asks about you every time she calls. She feels really bad about everything. She'll be down soon for the trial...".
Andy had forgotten about that. Luke had given her a list of court dates that she had to be available for her court appearances.
"She really loves him doesn't she?".
"Yup". That was all he could say about Sarah's feelings for Damian.
"So why did you say it?". Back to her original question.
Sam shifted around uncomfortably, he had been hoping to avoid it, but now that really wasn't looking like it was going to happen.
"Because I was in trouble".
Andy stared at him like he wasn't making sense at all.
"I needed to push you away, and that was the only thing I could think of. I just don't know if I meant it then, or now too".
What was that supposed to mean?
"Real life, undercovers". Sam added to explain.
Not what she was hoping to hear.
"Why mean it about now?".
"Because I'm still in trouble, and we don't exactly have the safest jobs".
He had been worried about her safety everyday since she had been back at work. It was the reason that she was still riding with Oliver. He had requested it under the pretense of having Oliver keep an eye on her because he thought she was 'fragile' after her experience.
Frank bought it officially, but unofficially, he knew that Frank saw through the excuse.
"Trouble". Andy finally murmured, slightly under her breath.
Like she found the word ironic.
Sam really had no idea what more to say. He didn't do the whole relationship thing, so he was figuring it out as they went along.
He was also assessing them now that they were in a friendly environment, and now that they were themselves.
Although Andy had always been.
After a while Sam got up and headed into the kitchen, Andy following after the noise level rose drastically.
Leaning against the doorframe she found him setting out to make dinner, a shy smile falling over her lips as she watched him.
He found her watching him from the doorway, as he turned to find her looking like she suddenly felt like she belonged here.
She was doing that thing that drove him insane, where she would bite down on her bottom lip so hard that it would change color.
He would need to do something about that.
"I've still gotta feed you". Sam said before turning away, watching her any longer would cause him to do something that he would regret.
Sam made them dinner and coffee, Andy just lingering around watching him.
It was comfortable, normal and it felt right.
Andy did the dishes when they were done, refusing to let Sam help. Both of then avoiding the subject of her needing to go home.
They had more coffee after dinner, settled on the couch; Sam telling Andy stories of what it was like growing up with Sarah.
Sam took their empty coffee cups to the kitchen and came back, but didn't sit down. He stood in front of Andy and held out his hand.
She was trying to hide her yawns as she tried to stay awake a little longer. She was really tired.
In the two weeks that they had been back, he doubted that she had been getting much sleep; he knew he hadn't been.
It felt weird to suddenly have to sleep alone in an empty bed, without her. Even though he had slept perfectly fine in his own bed before he met her.
He dragged her through the house in silence and into his bedroom where he dropped his hand from hers and retrieved sweats out his cupboard for her.
Sleeping in jeans was uncomfortable, and it made her restless.
He left her alone and came back a short while later after locking up and switching the lights off, to find her already in his bed sound asleep.
He stopped in the doorway to take the sight in; it really felt surreal. But it looked perfect.
The next morning Sam woke up to Andy shifting around. She was still asleep, having crept closer during the night again.
But she was not sound asleep right now.
It was still dark outside, no sunlight peeking through the curtains, so it was really early.
Sam called her name and ran his hand over her hair, smoothing tousled strands out of her face as he leaned over her.
When her eyes snapped open, she blinked them rapidly like she was surprised to see him there.
"You okay?".
She could only nod to that question, not trusting her voice not to betray her right now.
Sam cocked his head to the side slightly, a sign that he really didn't believe her.
She still couldn't lie to him convincingly.
"Nightmare?". He could tell, he just knew when he saw her eyes milling around behind closed lids.
It was most likely the reason that she was so tired. She really wasn't sleeping.
"Wanna talk about it?".
Andy shook her head, she really didn't want to. Her face was still slightly scrunched up, a clear sign that the images in her mind were still vivid and fresh.
Sam moved away feeling like crap. It wasn't hard to ascertain what her nightmares were about, but she wouldn't share until she was ready too.
They were his fault, if things hadn't gotten out of hand she wouldn't be having them.
"They change. Sometimes you, sometimes Sarah. But it's always almost the same thing".
Sam had his head back down on his pillow, his eyes closed as his hand pinched the bridge of his nose.
He had; had a few too.
Then it was always Andy that got shot in the house and not Scott when she came running up the stairs in the middle of the gunfire.
But each time they ended the same, those lifeless eyes staring up at him from the floor when he went to say sorry.
Sam let go of his nose, and turned to face her, wide eyes peering at him in the dark.
"I really thought it was you".
Andy turned away and threw back the covers, defensive mode slipping over her face.
She had listened to what Sam had said earlier, really heard his words but still found the concept hard to believe.
She had tried convincing herself that it was going to go away, that she would feel differently but after spending time with him now; it only entangled her more.
Nothing had changed, she still felt the same.
Sam found her in the kitchen pouring herself a glass of water in the dark. She didn't feel the need to switch on any lights so he left them off too.
"Andy, I know it's hard but I need something to go on here".
He was guessing at what was going on in her head, and if he was wrong it could lead to them going down a road he didn't want to go down.
Andy downed the glass halfway before setting it down on the side of the basin.
Sam noticed her hand shake slightly as she let go of the glass, the clear liquid sloshing against the sides of the glass.
"Why is this so hard? Why can't I just accept it for what it is?".
Sam scratched the back of his head, she was about to have another meltdown, like she had the day he was packing his gear up at the house.
She would have more to say, when she was ready, so Sam waited.
"This is why I don't date cops, this is why I stay away from the whole bad-ass kind of guy, but it still doesn't work".
Sam cocked an eyebrow up at the bad-ass statement she had just made, hopefully that wasn't meant as a label for him.
She had tried to sum everything up into logic, each time the same single thought the answer.
Andy blew out a really long breath, her gaze shifting to the floor and hanging there.
"Andy?".
"I was so sure it was you Sam, and do you know what it felt like? Then you're there, and you're okay but you couldn't even look at me. In holding too, you looked away. But at the barn, you were always watching me, like you expected something from me, and I just don't know what".
When Sam answered he was a lot closer, his feet in view.
She felt Sam's finger graze over her chin as he lifted it up to find sadness in her eyes.
The cracks were finally starting to show.
"I didn't want to see you look at me like this. Like you hated me".
Andy's eyes shifted between his, looking for something. Maybe clarity, maybe confirmation.
"I tried to give you a clean break, but it isn't working really well". Sam added after a few heartbeats.
"Why would you do that?". Andy's voice was so frail he wasn't even sure that she knew what she was saying.
"Because I don't know what you want. I don't know if I'm ready for this".
Sam was still holding on to her chin, his other hand running up and down her arm as he spoke.
He wasn't sure if it was to sooth her, or pacify himself.
He ran his hand down her arm to her hand before lifting her hand up and putting it flat against his chest over his heart.
He wasn't big on words, but maybe if he showed her she would understand.
Andy let out a soft gasp when she felt Sam's heartbeat through the material of his shirt.
It was slow and stable for all of two seconds before it changed and became erratic and picked up its pace.
"I can't switch it off". Sam said as he pulled his hand away from hers still resting on his chest.
Sam suddenly took a step back, out of Andy's reach. Being that close to her wasn't helping his self control.
She still had this amazed expression on her face, like she was completely bewildered by what he had just shared.
And let her hand fall to her side, a large amount of fear slipping with it.
She had been scared that what was there had faded, but apparently she had been wrong.
"I need to go home" she suddenly blurted, Sam stepping to the side to let her pass when she ambled for the doorway.
Sam let her go.
He leaned against the wall, the cold seeping through his shirt.
That really hadn't gone well.
He had probably done what he really didn't want too; scared her away.
He found her ready to leave as soon as he threw some clothes on.
She had mumbled cab and one pointed look from him and she waited for him to get dressed.
Did she really think he'd let her catch a cab at four am?
He drove them to her condo, the silence escalating to awkward and uncomfortable.
He would steel glances her way, but she kept staring out the window.
When he pulled up outside her building, he turned to face her, her face really close as she leaned over to release her seatbelt.
She suddenly leaned closer, her lips brushing over his cheek as she whispered "Thank you" before opening the door and getting out.
Sam got out once she was through the front doors and waited for her lights to go on, so that he would know she was safely inside.
He just stood there wondering what he had done to deserve this kind of punishment.
*****Thanks for reading, hope you're still here & enjoying? Let me know!
Have an awesome day!
Jelly Bean Jenna©