Apologies for not updating sooner, I've been way too busy lately! So I've decided to go more in the direction that the show has implied Morgan was when she was younger; quite rebellious and not as introverted. I hope this isn't too much of a drastic change but I tried to keep her in character :) Hope you enjoy, and please review! They make me smile :)
XXI
The beginnings of the summer after what had to have been the most stressful, up and down school year of my life seemed to have been bringing out a new side of me. I had actually been going out with my friends consistently; something that didn't happen during the school year partly because I had been bogged down by work, and partly because I didn't see the fun in any of it. My brief experience at that one party had given me some sort of bias; a bias that after a few more parties, I had deemed completely unnecessary. Had I been missing out all this time? I had definitely thought so. Lying through my teeth to get myself to said parties was a downside, definitely, but once I was there, it was always forgotten.
I hadn't completely changed, though; it wasn't like I had been getting blackout drunk every night or smoking in my friends', or friend of friends', or friend of friend of friends' basements, but I was certainly different. I guess I had just finally decided to tag along with my friends, and when I finally discovered that there are always variables in situations; they're not consistently good or bad situations, I had sort of changed my mind on things. I was careful about it, for sure, because if my parents ever found out, I would've been dead.
"Hello?" I said as I answered my phone in my room. I had been stuck at a family dinner the night before, so I had missed out on whatever adventure my friends had gone on the night prior.
"Hey! What are you doing tonight?" Natalie asked me, and I smiled. It was nice for people to ask, because it finally felt like I had people who actually cared about me and wanted to be around me being my friends.
"Nothing, yet. What's the plan?" I asked, and I had started to lower my voice in fear that my mom was eavesdropping.
"You know that girl that you used to be friends with, Jeanette?" she asked, and I raised an eyebrow, despite the fact that nobody but the cat had been able to see me. "Well, guess who's on the guest list for her party?"
"Who?" I asked dumbly.
"Us, Morg! Who'd you think?" she laughed. I sighed.
"Do you really want to go? She's kind of a bitch," I said honestly, not wanting to ruin the night but also not wanting to go somewhere that was just an uncomfortable situation waiting to happen.
"Uh, yeah, we have to go. It will be fun! We don't have to hang out with her," she said convincingly. I sighed yet again, walking over to my closet and looking for something to wear.
"Fine, we'll go. But only if Serena and Brittany go, too, because I don't want to be stuck with you all by myself when you're throwing up in the bushes," I said, giggling yet oh so sincere at the same time.
"That happened once! And look who's talking, Morg. But yeah, they'll be there," Natalie confirmed, and I could hear the excited smile on her end of the phone. Maybe it wouldn't be that bad.
"I'm not drinking tonight," I said later, when we were all at Brittany's house getting ready. All three of my friends turned their heads to stare at me.
"Why?" Serena asked, somewhat incredulously.
"Gotta be at my sharpest when we're at what's basically my enemy's house," I replied, coating more mascara on my eyelashes. Everyone laughed. "I'm serious!"
"You're so paranoid. It's not going to be that bad. You do realize there's going to be more people there than just us and her, right?" Natalie chirped at me, and I rolled my eyes, all while I narrowly avoided poking myself in the eye with the mascara wand, which I'm still convinced is one of the most painful things to ever be invented.
"Yes, I'm aware," I deadpanned. "What difference does it make anyway? It will still be fun."
"No difference, we're just wondering," Serena replied. I nodded absent-mindedly, giving myself a final onceover in the mirror. I would make the best of tonight; something I never would have agreed to do a few months back. It's all character development, right?
"What are you doing here?" My back immediately went up as Jeanette walked up to me, probably already tipsy.
"You invited my friends, and they invited me," I explained calmly, trying to turn to Brittany to start a conversation. "You got a problem with that?" I raised an eyebrow, liking the assertiveness that wasn't even a product of being tipsy myself.
"Jeez, I was just wondering," Jeanette replied, and with that, she miraculously left me alone.
"See? That wasn't bad," Brittany said happily, turning away from the guy she was probably hitting on. I nodded, feeling awkward. Serena, who was on the other side of me, suddenly stood up.
"I'm going to get a drink. You want anything?" she asked, and I hesitated. I guess I had hesitated every time someone had asked that question, no matter what I had or hadn't said prior to arriving at various events.
"Yeah, sure," I eventually said, giving in. I had been pretty bad at the whole 'not giving into peer pressure' idea. Usually, I said yes before it even started, in fear of what would be said about me if I didn't. Serena chuckled at me; like me, she was certainly remembering an hour earlier when I had pledged my sobriety for the night.
"Thought you weren't drinking, Morg," Brittany teased, nudging my shoulder.
"I'll just have one! I swear," I replied, laughing along with her.
"Alright, nobody's counting, you know," she replied, finding my rediscovered insecurity slightly humorous. I hadn't been caring as much about other people's perception of me as of late, and it was nice, but being at Jeanette's house reminded me of the times before my newfound confidence.
Shortly after Serena's departure, a guy I had not recognized in the least sat down beside me. One of his arms wrapped around my shoulders, which I passively pretended not to notice. He smelled strongly of alcohol, so I really should have moved far away, but I secretly always loved the attention from intoxicated guys who were usually a year or two older. It was kind of cool, I had to admit. I couldn't communicate with them without making a complete fool of myself, of course, but it was still cool.
"Hey," he said, sounding completely out of it. I resisted the slight eye roll and smiled back.
"Hi," I said, just a little intimidated. Brittany turned to me again, trying to figure out what I had managed to get myself into.
"Who are you?" he asked. I laughed nervously.
"Morgan Brody," I replied, smiling. "And you?"
"Chris," he said. "Are you a freshman?" Brittany burst out laughing at that, and I glared at her. Unfortunately, I got this question a lot.
"Nah, I'm a junior now," I said, trying to suppress my laughter. I swear I will get questions like that for the rest of my life.
"Oh. Sorry," he said quickly. I shrugged and continued to keep myself from joining Brittany's uncontrollable giggling.
"It's cool," I dismissed, smiling. "I get that a lot." I had always figured that I would embrace my rather youthful appearance as I got older, and I had been right.
"Can't imagine why," Brittany commented, now only half interested in whoever had been sitting on the other side of her. I scoffed and pretended her comment and general amusement had been far off.
"Anyway," I said casually, "What about you?" Despite his intoxication, I had kind of thought he was cute, even though my conscience had been telling me to run far, far away. As if the world wanted me to attempt to dull said conscience even more, Serena came back and handed me a glass, which I graciously accepted as she raised her eyebrows much like Brittany had earlier at my current situation. Looking back, I would have done the exact same thing, if not more dramatically, if the roles were reversed.
"Graduating next year," he replied as I took a sip of the incredibly sharp substance I had been given. "This will be my second time doing senior year," he added, and my eyebrows essentially skyrocketed to the ceiling. He laughed, even though he had sounded pretty proud of his earlier statement. To each their own?
"Oh," I said, laughing hesitantly. "Interesting." I continued my reluctant; not wanting to offend him (because I really cared about what drunk guys thought of me at the time, obviously) but also completely unsure of what I wanted him to think I thought of that.
Thankfully, the conversation picked up from there, as I believe people who fail senior year don't like to spend a whole lot of time talking or thinking about school. Despite the amount of alcohol coursing through his veins and my lack thereof, we got along really well… Surprisingly well.
I had been feeling slightly wired, so to speak, from my one drink; my low alcohol tolerance had never disappeared, really. I had elected to not have anything else, as my friends were not abiding by the same rules as me, and at least one of us was going to have to have enough cognitive ability to find a way home. My conversation with Chris had continued throughout the whole party, which was nice, because all of my friends had found other people to hang out with as well. He had definitely been much drunker than me, of course, but I didn't mind all that much. I had always been willing to forgo the quality of conversation when there was a guy paying attention to me; the fact that he was acknowledging my existence was enough for me, really. I would definitely be bragging to all of my friends later about the experience.
Suddenly, in a brief pause in conversation, his lips were on mine, and I was stunned. My instant thought was to get out at that very moment, but somehow, I ignored that. The initial shock lasted all of a few seconds, and before I knew it, I was kissing him back. I could taste the alcohol more than anything, but for some reason, I didn't really care in the moment. Neither of us seemed to have any concept that we were sitting on a couch in the middle of the party, or if we did, neither he nor I cared in the slightest. I could almost feel the stares, but I chose to ignore those along with the alarms that were sounding in my head. What was I doing? I had never considered myself a likely candidate for making out with a guy I had known for all of three hours at a party while we were both drunk… Well, him more than me, but I think that made it worse. I grabbed his hand and moved it off of my thigh, as it had moved significantly higher in the past few minutes. He essentially ignored my action, though, so I guess I just dropped the issue.
I felt an elbow jab into my back, so I turned away briefly, looking to see who had distracted me from what had seemed to be the higher priority. It was Brittany, with an incredulous look on her face.
"What are you doing?" she exclaimed. I shot her a glare.
"What's it to you?" I asked, giggling a little. She continued to stare at me, dumbfounded.
"He's two years older than you, Morg, and he's so drunk. You don't even know him. Stop," she instructed, trying to convince me to turn away. "Why don't we just go home?"
"It's fine. Nothing's going to happen," I said sincerely, but likely unconvincingly. I turned back to Chris, who immediately resumed kissing me as I heard Brittany sigh. She had been right, of course, but I didn't think that at the time; I just saw her as someone who was ruining the fun.
In between kisses, I could hear him mumbling something about going back to his place, and upon hearing this, I panicked, but didn't exactly do anything about it. The previous alarm bells that had been sounding in my mind increased in volume, but I still pushed the thoughts away. I guess the desire for attention that I had never really received before was stronger than my morals, which I cringe at now, but it hadn't been a problem at the time.
"Morgan?" I pushed Chris away for a second, even though I could tell he really wasn't into that idea, and looked to the voice that had just uttered my name. It was Natalie, with tears running down her face, sniffling.
"What happened?" I asked sympathetically. She sniffed again. It was probably just the usual tears that she always had after a few drinks, but still.
"Can we go home?" she asked, and after a bit of consideration, I nodded. I turned to my new found friend… If that's what you could call him.
"I have to go, sorry," I said passively, kind of feeling bad, even though I don't want to admit that now.
"Seriously?" he replied, sounding mad, and I looked away. "She can go home herself, right? We can go back to my place," he suggested, but it sounded like more of a statement, and I shook my head.
"No, I want to find out what's wrong and make sure she gets home, or somewhere safe," I said, knowing that going to any of our houses was a bit risky considering what we had all just been up to. "I had an awesome night, though," I said, smiling at him a bit. He didn't smile back.
"Morgan?" Natalie asked, with Brittany standing beside her, talking to her, probably about what was so upsetting.
"One second," I said quickly, starting to get up. Chris, who had been perfectly amicable five minutes ago, held me back a bit.
"Come on, just stay, it will be fine," he said. I had been slowly feeling more and more uncomfortable, therefore more and more assertive, or at least that's what I had hoped I could convey.
"No," I said simply. "I have to go. My friends need to get home." That probably didn't really resonate with him, but I didn't even need any excuse. "And you're really drunk, anyway, so I'm not going back to your place." Well, I wouldn't have gone even if he was sober, but that was a slightly different story.
"So? Why not? What's the harm?" he asked icily, and I flinched, finally getting up.
"So, I don't need a reason. I said no, alright? Forget it," I snapped at him, trying to turn to my friends, but he was standing in front of me before I could think of it.
"That's really cold of you. I thought you were cool," he said. I tried to look to my friends to help me, but they were definitely too intimidated. I had been as well.
"I'm not staying here with you, okay? I don't have an obligation to go anywhere with you," I stated, looking at him straight in the eye.
"Yeah, man, leave her alone," another male voice added, and I turned. It was Ethan, of all people. I gave him a half smile.
"Thanks," I said quietly. He nodded.
"Just go, okay Morg? I'll deal with this asshole," he told me. I gave him a bigger smile, nodding in major appreciation. Thank god he hadn't held a grudge like I had.
"Thank you," I said again, leaving with my three friends. I heard the stream of profanities thrown at me from Chris, but I tried to ignore it. Brittany wrapped an arm around my shoulder when she noticed the tears in my eyes.
"You did the right thing… Well, eventually. I was worried about you," she said. I nodded tearfully.
"Now, how are we getting back to my house? My parents aren't home, so we're good there," Serena asked. I shrugged; I had absolutely no idea.
"You guys need a ride home?" a girl asked, sounding like she was definitely not fit to drive.
"Oh, no thanks," Brittany said. "You can't drive." A light bulb went off in my head; a dim one at that, but a light bulb all the same.
"I can drive," I offered. My friends looked at me like I was insane.
"No, you can't," Serena said simply. I shook my head in disagreement.
"I can. It's fine. If I'm driving her car, and she's in the car, it's fine, right?" I asked, knowing that it wasn't at all fine.
"No. She's drunk, you're probably a bit drunk, and it's just a bad idea," Serena replied.
"I just had one drink a while ago, so it's fine. I know what I'm doing now, and it's not a long drive." I established with the essential stranger that she actually lived quite close to Serena's house, so we could walk from there. After learning that, I looked at my friends hopefully.
"Morg, it's not a good idea," Natalie said, still teary.
"I swear it's fine. We're not going to get caught. I already ruined Brittany's night with her worrying about me, so it's the least I can do, alright?" I explained. The other girls glanced around at each other. I had really felt bad for what I did; especially since I had to deal with some consequences that I hadn't wanted to have any part of, so I felt I owed them all.
"I'm cool with it, but the second you drive into a curb or something, I'm out," Brittany said lightheartedly. I had laughed, because I was fully aware that Natalie and Serena, along with the very agreeable stranger, seemed to just go with that.
The somewhat tipsy girl, who we really didn't know at all, led us to her car, handing me the keys, and I took a deep breath before getting in and starting the car. It was weird driving a car that I had never been in before; hell, it was still weird driving at all. So, that was a positive thought as I was driving four people, one being a complete stranger, home.
It had been going fine; I wasn't feeling drunk at all, not even a little bit, so I wasn't too worried about that. I hadn't done anything wrong, and I had avoided curbs completely, all while telling Brittany each time I narrowly avoided one. I was terrified of messing up or doing something, but it had all seemed completely fine.
My knowledge and experience with actual traffic was sketchy at best, so driving along a road with other people and arriving at an intersection had definitely been terrifying. I had tried not to show that to the girls, because it only would have worried them more, but it was pretty scary. I think we all had a bad feeling, but nobody said a word.
In the brief moments before everything went black, I hadn't known if the time I had chosen to turn had been right or wrong. Was it my fault? I had wondered that as I saw a car heading towards us, coming at the driver's side, first. I heard what I thought was Natalie scream, but it really could have been all of them. My life didn't flash before my eyes at all, even in the split second after the car had hit us and I was still conscious. The consciousness only really lasted a millisecond, though, and maybe my life did flash before my eyes, because I can barely remember. But I remember the car's headlights streaming towards me, as I actually pondered what I had done wrong. I had known all along that this whole night and everything that had come with it was a stupid idea, but I had never thought that it would end with me and all of my friends in a car crash. How was I going to get myself out of this one?
I didn't love the way I ended that but I hope it was okay :) I hate being mean to Morgan haha, but I am happy I got to include how assertive she is in there, because that's something that's very prevalent on CSI. I will try and have the next chapter up as soon as possible!