A/N

Hey readers.

Sorry this took so long; as always, I'll try not to take too long before the next update: but no promises, school is crazy right now!

Enjoy and Review : )

Chapter Twenty One- One Million Billionth Millisecond of a Sunday Morning

"That tickles!" Spencer moaned though a giggle, shaking the sleep out of her eyes and rolling onto her back. Emily smirked as Spencer drew her bony knees up to her chest, knocking into Emily as she did and sending the taller girl sprawling on top off her. The tan girl's features curved into a sly smile as her hands darted out towards her best friends body, drifting over her skin before delving under her arms, digging themselves into a spot that she'd long ago learnt drove her best friend crazy.

"E-em-Emily!" She giggled through a series of pants, locking her arms determinedly against her sides and trapping the younger girl's body against hers. Relenting, Emily stilled her hands and collapsed on top of her best friend, flattening her entirely underneath her.

"This is what I love about you." The brunette sighed, the cogs whirring fiercely in her thirteen year old brain as she tried her hardest to comprehend what she was feeling, "I don't have to be perfect for you." The taller girl grinned, nestling her face into her best friends neck,
"No," She whispered, shyly placing a soft kiss against the pale skin of her collar bone, "You're already perfect to me."

Skin.

Before Emily, Spencer had never seen the appeal of it before, the raw sexual magnetism that a thin layer of epidermis could provide.

Before Emily, Spencer had never seen the appeal of anything. She'd just never realized it.

Without even a single trace of sleep in her head, Spencer pulled herself up off of the pillows that she'd been lying in a mess of, and angled her body so that she was directly over Emily. Her eyes widened, her pupils dilating so widely she was sure that, if she tried, she could capture the entire moment.

Gently, her hand rose from her side and slowly swept her girlfriend's long, dark hair back off of her neck, spreading it out across the sheer white pillows, creating a pit of temptation that she would have gladly fallen into; leaving a thin patch of skin open to her, like a glowing patch of light in the darkness of the dawn. Swallowing hard, the brunette wet her lips tentatively, pressing them to her girlfriend's burning skin like Eve to the apple that the snake forbade.

Sweetness flooded through her body.

She sucked, gently at first, getting harder and more fervent as she moved south, using each kiss that she dropped onto her girlfriend's body as a way to delve deeper inside her, sucking more of her soul, her pain, her desire, into her own body with each taste she dared steal.

Gently she relinquished the reigns that had held her in such perfect position for the most part of her life, allowing her hands to wander to her girlfriend's chest, fumbling with shaking fingers around the top button of the oversize shirt that her girlfriend had adorned to sleep in.

"Hmmm," The taller girl moaned in her sleep, "Spence…" Her eyes flickered slightly, as she subconsciously grabbed Spencer's head and pulled it closer to her chest. The brunette smirked, indulging her girlfriend and rubbing her face against her breasts, kissing gently between them.

With a sudden sense of clarity, Emily sat bolt upright, knocking Spencer fully into her lap as she looked the situation up and down. Her eyebrow quirked questioningly and Spencer grinned in response, a mischievous smirk lighting her eyes and radiating warmth through her girlfriend's body.

"Not that this isn't a pleasant way to wake up, but what the hell are you doing?" Spencer laughed, playfully pushing against the taller girl's shoulders and guiding her back toward the mattress again,
"What do you think I'm doing?" She teased, straddling her girlfriend's stomach and hovering inches above her lips, both seduction and moisture dripping from her.

"I, uh, I honestly don't know." Emily said lamely, looking away and down, deliberately avoiding Spencer's eyes. Truthfully, she did know what Spencer was doing, she definitely knew; the real question was, what was she doing? She'd wanted this for weeks. She'd wanted Spencer. Long, gut wrenching days of sitting through classes, staring at the brunette's empty seat; tedious hours of relentless studying, without that winning smile and the stolen glances over their books. And even longer nights; alone, with only the memory of her girlfriend's touch for company.

But now she was here.

And Emily was rejecting her.

"Right." Spencer murmured curtly, rolling off of Emily and on to her back, staring up at the ceiling and trying to count the slats of wood that hung there. The taller girl groaned internally, squeezing her eyes shut as she tried to articulate the whirling in her brain. "You don't want me."

"God no, Spencer." She moaned, kicking herself for even hesitating, "It's not that. It's this. Us." Keeping her eyes fixed on the ceiling, she felt around blindly until she found her girlfriend's hand under the sheets; slotting their fingers together, she gave it a light tug, pulling the smaller girl's attention in her direction.

"Last night gave me a lot to think about."

"Last night gave me new perspective."

"I know."

"I know."

"It scared me."

"Me too."

"I know."

"Okay."

"Okay."

Feeling the sorrow emanating from Spencer's eyes as she blinked slowly at the ceiling, Emily reached tugged her hand out of Spencer's grasp and ran it over to rest on the soft, warm skin of her best friend's stomach- Spencer was a little too warm for her liking (probably from their escapades last night in down by the lake) and she had to bite her tongue from asking if she felt feverish. But she wasn't willing to jeopardize this newly sprung calm.

"Spencer…" She whispered, rubbing her hand up and down , "You need to know that nothing that you said last night changes anything. Okay? The way I feel about you will never change, I need you to know that. And no matter what happens between us, I am always going to be there for you; one way or another."

Spencer gulped and Emily could feel the knots forming underneath her hand.

"You know," She choked, her voice cracking as she did, "It sounds an awful lot like you're breaking up with me right now."

Emily had opened her mouth to respond, but was forced to clamp it shut again as her girlfriend started to cry, biting her tongue hard in the process. In a desperate, flailing attempt, she squeezed the brunette's hip.

"No."

"I'm going to get you for that!" Spencer yeller gleefully, a devilish smirk crossing her features as Hanna squealed and began thrashing about in the water, headed in no real direction at all. Droplets of water spiraled through the air in her direction, spattering her face with moisture and flattening her waterlogged hair to her head; so far, the blond had done a good job of keeping herself dry from her shoulders up, not willing to sacrifice her freshly washed hair or the make-up that the others weren't even sure why she'd applied.

Within seconds, the brunette had the shorter girl by the waist, pulled tightly against her and splashing about with all her might as she emitted a constant stream of squealing laughter.

"Say you're sorry!" The brunette demanded, holding the blond further above the surface of the water, feeling her pale legs kicking against her own.

"Never." Hanna giggled.

Spencer quirked an eyebrow, a small smirk gracing her blue tinged lips as she dropped her best friend from her hold, grabbing her head in one hand and ducking her underwater, laughing as a string of bubbles rose up to the surface around her waist. Not wanting to hurt her, she relinquished her hold quickly; laughing all the time at the blond's shocked expression as she surfaced.

"Thanks, McCullers." Hanna spluttered in Spencer's direction, spitting lake water out of her mouth as she spoke. Spencer ignored the retort and poked out her tongue, sending a small, rippling splash in the direction of her best friend.

"They grow up so fast." Aria cooed sarcastically from the bank of the lake, where she was sat with Emily, dangling her feet in the cool water,
"Or not, as the case may be." The tan girl laughed, gesturing out in front of her to where her girlfriend was attempting to dunk her blond counterpart's head underwater for a second time,
"Yeah, or not." Aria agreed quietly.

It was around midday, and for the spring it was surprisingly warm out by the water- they'd had a good few days of sun, before they'd driven out, and the water now resembled something along the lines of inviting, at least it had done to Spencer.

She'd been adamant since breakfast that she'd wanted to swim, and Emily hadn't had the heart to tell her no, especially after the great deal of emotional pain she'd caused her, both that morning and the night before. Try as she might, she couldn't fathom out her girlfriend's odd behavior; so much so, she'd even contemplated telling Aria about what had happened between them out by the lake, after she and Hanna had excused themselves the night before- but she was pretty sure that Spencer wouldn't be too thrilled if she found out, so she'd bitten her tongue so far.

Her eyes drifted across the surface of the lake to where her girlfriend was splashing around in its center, the soft blue motions of the water rippling around her.

Even in the water, Spencer was the center of everything.

Dressed in a sleek black swimsuit, her pale skin looked unhealthy, paper white and thin beyond compare, even more than usual, her prominent ribs protruded dangerously, her tiny arms doing nothing to cover them from sideways on- even from a distance, it looked to Emily like she was turning blue.

"She's fine." Aria assured her best friend, placing a comforting hand on her thigh, "Seriously, she's a big girl- she can take care of herself. Besides, Hanna's watching out for her.

Emily smiled wryly, her eyes trained on the spot beside her where her fingers were tracing patterns in the dirt,
"I know…but she's sick, Aria." She bit, her bottom lip threatening to tremble as she flicked her eyes back upward towards her best friends huge, brown orbs, "She only got out of the hospital yesterday! She needs someone to take care of her. And that should be me. Not Hanna, not you. Me!" She was losing her temper fast now, and she had no idea why. Aria hadn't done anything to upset her, not really, all she'd meant was that neither Emily, nor Spencer, were alone in all this.

But there was something about the way that Aria looked at Spencer that made her feel impotent. Something about the way that Hanna made her laugh. They way that the blond always seemed to sense what she was thinking, and seemed to know exactly how to handle it.

Sometimes Emily even thought that they might be better suited than she and her girlfriend were.

It was crazy, she knew. Spencer was in love with her, and she reciprocated that fully, but things with Spencer were so different to anything that she'd ever experienced before that it scared her. With Alison, everything had been entirely ambiguous, but she knew she could always count on her, if she really needed her to come through; with Maya, things were intense, so much so that she'd often tried to convince her girlfriend to stop spending time with the others, to give them more time to themselves (not that Emily would ever have admitted that to Spencer).

Spencer was neither.

Spencer was both.

Ambiguity and intensity.

Different.

Good different.

Scary different.

"Emily." Aria warned slowly, removing her comforting hand and staring pointedly at her best friend's turned face. Before she could say anything more, the tan girl had already shot her an apologetic look and her signature weak smile.

"I'm sorry." She murmured.

Aria nodded. As much as she wanted to stay mad at the younger girl, she knew she couldn't: she knew what she was dealing with. She'd been there, with Mike; in that dark place where she'd been so ready to help, so able, and her brother had just pushed her away without a second thought. It had taken her months to convince herself that she had to let him make his own mistakes.

She was about to relay this anecdote to Emily, but she thought better of it- advice was the last thing Emily needed to hear right now. Especially after last night.

As subtle as they'd thought they'd been, Aria knew what had happened between them the night before; or, at least, she knew that something had happened. She always did. Like a sixth sense. She found that it happened with Hanna mainly (something to do with the blond's transparency), but there was something about Emily that she found strangely predictable. Like a book that she hadn't quite finished, but had read enough of to guess the ending.

She knew enough to know that she was floundering in her relationship.

She was floundering, and Spencer was sinking.

"Em?" She asked softly; the dark haired girls eyes had glossed over and she didn't want to wake her too harshly, "How about we go inside and start preparing lunch? They're going to be hungry when they get out." She pulled her feet out of the water and rubbed them dry on the towel she'd been sitting on before slipping on her shoes. She glanced down at her best friend- from her great height of five feet- and smiled at her lack of response, before taking her by the shoulder and giving her a gentle shake.

"She's going to get cold." Emily whispered almost inaudibly, her eyes still trained on her girlfriend's prone form, now floating contently on her back in the center of the lake.

"She'll be fine, Em." The brunette whispered sternly, crouching down beside her best friend and giving her hand a light squeeze, "Hanna's looking out for her, and she's having a good time. You need to loosen the leash a little."

The leash comment had stung, and she knew it, but it was what Emily had needed to hear. Reluctantly, she lifted her feet out of the water and slipped them, still wet, into her battered sneakers, never once taking her eyes off of Spencer. Once upright, she stood for a second on the bank, gazing out across the lake toward the same figure that she'd been watching for years.

"Come on Em," Aria tugged on her hand, the note of gentility still in her calming voice, "They need some time."

"This is nice, isn't it?" Hanna asked lazily, floating on her back next to her best friend. Spencer smirked, lifting a hand up to her face to shield her eyes from the sun as she turned toward the blond,
"Yeah, I guess it is."

"You shouldn't be mad at Emily, you know." She probed. That was, secretly, possibly Spencer's favorite things about the blond; never, in all the time that she'd known her, had she once bothered to bite her tongue regards something that she thought might have an effect on her friendship. Between the two of them, there were no secrets. No lies.

It was refreshing.

"She's only trying to help."

"She's worried."

"She cares about you."

"She loves you."

And she was persistent. Possibly the most persistent person that Spencer had ever met- besides herself, of course.

There was an eerie silence that surrounded them once Hanna ceased to speak, knowing that she'd said enough already. The silence brought with it an unfamiliar calm, the same sort of anxious relief that they'd both been filled with on the night that they'd unmasked A- before Maya's body had been uncovered.

Before the ground had been ripped out from under them once again.

Before everything had changed.

"Hanna?" Spencer asked shakily, all of the usual Hastings' self certainty having disappeared from her voice. "I did something really stupid last night."