Stephenie Meyer owns the characters.

Songs in this chapter are owned by: Bon Jovi – Always

Incubus – I miss you

Alice Cooper – Poison

Blink 182 – I miss you

Def Leppard – Torn to shreds

Thank you for all the wonderful reviews and for supporting this story.

Always

Chapter 19

It's been raining since you left me
now I'm drowning in the flood.
You see I've always been a fighter
But without you I give up

(Bon Jovi)

Edward's POV

"Come on" I yelled to the guy in front of me and honked my Volvo's horn.

Great! I'm stuck in traffic…again. This never happened to me before but lately I'm permanently stuck in this fucking line of cars.

"Now your pictures that you left behind are just memories of a different life…some that made us laugh, some that made us cry…one that made you have to say goodbye. What I'd give to run my fingers through your hair, to touch your lips, to hold you near…when you say your prayers, try to understand…I've made mistakes, I'm just a ma-"

I frowned at the radio and quickly changed the station. What I'd give to run my fingers through her auburn locks again or to touch her lips…

"Urg" I punched my steering wheel in frustration.

It's been four months since she left. Four frustrating fucking months. I have not been able to forget about her. She's constantly in my thoughts not to mention my dreams…fuck.

"I see your picture, I smell your skin on the empty pillow next to mine…you have only been gone ten days…but already I am wasting away…I know I'll see you again…whether far or soon…but I need you to know, that I care…and I miss you-"

My eyes narrowed at my radio again. I quickly changed the station again, annoyance crawling deeper into my heart and soul.

The other day I drove to her apartment where I've first laid eyes on her. I only did this because I knew she wasn't at home. I sat in front of her door for hours as if I could feel her somehow. As if her presence lingered there. I remember that while I sat there; perfect, clear memories of her danced in front of me and two single tears ran down my cheeks. I could hear her soft voice clearly, her cute as hell giggle and her gorgeous smile. I could see her deep chocolate pools, glistening with passion.

"Your mouth…so hot…your web…I'm caught…your skin…so wet…black lace…on sweat"

"Couldn't they play normal fucking music?" I yelled out in frustration and switched to another radio station.

I was heartbroken in the beginning and missed her with every breath I took. Then I started getting frustrated and angry…not just at Bella but at this stupid fucking case. It was taking a long time and I was starting to have doubts about going after her once the last of the Volturi-brothers were behind bars. My mind was playing tricks on me whether she lied about using me or not. Now, the frustration has made a permanent residence inside of my heart.

I feel so confused all the time; I miss her one second and then the next I'm blinded by fury because she just fucking left without a word.

I was finally driving towards the office after sitting in that traffic jam for what felt like hours. And since the traffic didn't kill me the radio stations thought they might finish the job with their torturing songs. Every single fucking song reminded me of her. And I miss her…more than words can say.

I've made love to her so many times in my dreams that it's not even funny. The result of my sex-dreams…is waking up with a constant boner. My dick is obviously not happy with me right now and the end result of my unhappy dick is simple…I'm in a constant pissy mood. It takes me hours to even attempt to smile.

"Where are you…and I'm so sorry. I cannot sleep, I cannot dream tonight…I need somebody and always…this sick strange darkness…comes creeping on so haunting every time…and as I stared I counted, webs from all the spiders…catching things and eating their insides…like indecision to call you and hear your voice of treason…will you come home and stop this pain tonight…stop this pa-"

"What the fuck? Is it torture-Edward-to-death-day today?" I growled and switched the radio off.

I pulled into my parking space and parked my car. I sighed before I climbed out. I really need a vacation…a long vacation. I need to get away from everything and be by myself for a while, just to think…really think. I'm sick and tired of everyone's constant fussing over my well-being and my broken heart. I just want to be alone.

I sighed again while riding in the elevator to our floor. The doors opened and I stepped onto our floor but regretted it instantly when I heard the wining voice of Alice. Great! They're bickering again. I clenched my jaw and made my way to my desk.

"Last time I'm going to tell you Emmett" Alice cried and slammed her tiny hands on his desk, "Don't answer my phone, use my computer, read my mail, look through my purse, scan my PDA or touch my cellphone. E-V-E-R!" she said angrily.

I grinned. I don't know why Emmett does these things. Why the hell would he find it necessary to go through Alice's things?

Emmett grins.

"Just so we're clear Alice, I didn't do any of those things…zero…zip…nada" he raised his eyebrows and gave her a sarcastic smirk.

"Then how the fuck did you know where I went for breakfast?" she sneered with her hands on her hips and her left foot tapping furiously on the floor.

So this is what it's about. Breakfast? I grinned. Don't they have better stuff to bicker about?

Emmett falls back into his chair and taps on his head with his index finger.

"The logo on your coffee cup in your waste basket" Jasper answered Alice's question with a smirk.

Her eyes widened in anger as she points to her waste basket.

"Who invited you into this conversation, Jazz?" Emmett asked annoyed. Jasper only shook his head and continued with his work.

"You looked through my trash?" Alice shrilled.

"Did you say that was off-limits? Huh? Did you?" Emmett grinned and I chuckled. Emmett turned his head to me and winked.

"Un-fucking-believable. Why do you do these things?" she shrugged and walked back to her desk.

"I'm just sharpening my investigating skills" he grinned, flashing his perfectly white teeth. She rolled her eyes with a huff.

"Why do you piss her off?" I asked.

"Dunno, been doing it for so long that it's hard to not do it" he smirked.

I chuckled.

"Have you seen my father?" I asked.

"He's in forensics with Esme" Emmett flashed his teeth again. I just shook my head and went down to forensics.

"Edward" my Mom smiled and embraced me. I kissed her on her cheek.

"Hey Mom, Dad" I nodded in my Dad's direction.

"How are you doing?" Esme asked and I sighed. I need to get away from these people. I know they are just trying to help but I don't need their pampering…I need to be alone.

"Fine Mom" I shrugged.

"Hey Dad, I was thinking" I started. Carlisle looked into my eyes and raised his eyebrows.

"What were you thinking, Son?" he asked.

"Since we caught Marcus two weeks ago, I was wondering if I could take some of my leave?" I asked carefully.

Carlisle and the three agents, who were watching Volterra, caught Marcus two weeks ago. They caught him completely off-guard. He walked into Volterra and before he reached the inside they arrested him. He had no idea what hit him. Dad received a lot of information from Felix and knew off all the clubs and warehouses owned by the Volturi. They are now closed down.

Carlisle smiled at me.

"I think that's a great idea. What did you have in mind?" he asked.

"Urm…I was wondering if you'd mind if I go to Isle Esme?" I asked.

"That's a brilliant plan" Mom smiled.

"When did you want to leave?" he asked.

"Urm…yesterday" I smirked.

Carlisle and Esme chuckled. Mom embraced me again and I groaned inwardly at the pity in her eyes. I hate that the most. All of them have it in their eyes.

They probably have good reason to be worried about me. There were days that I looked completely suicidal, even after Emmett's harsh or comforting words. There were days that I couldn't even get out of bed. And all this because of a woman.

"I'll book your ticket and get the boat ready" Carlisle offered.

"Thanks Dad" I smiled.

"Anything for you, Son" he slapped my back.

That night after I've packed my bags, I switched my stereo on and I went out onto my balcony and stared down on DC while sipping on a beer. I really miss her…so much. My arms are empty at night, my lips are cold, not to mention my heart. There's a constant aching pain in my chest and sometimes it's really excruciating. I swallowed hard as I felt the all too familiar prick of tears in my eyes. Never thought I'd turn into a cry-baby either, yet, here I am, bawling my eyes out most of the time.

"I can't help the way I feel…that something's got a hold of my heart…it hurts but I can't let go…yeah, I just wanna let you know…I need you more than words can say…they never turn out right, but here goes anyway. Every day I miss your touch…never thought it would mean so much…all the words I could've said got me reeling torn to shreds…every road I go is nowhere…but I know you're out there somewhere…these voices in my head got me feeling torn to shreds"

Yeah, my music's really trying to kill me. My head rose up to the sky but it was cloudy…another grey day. I wondered where she was and what she was doing. Might as well go to bed since I have to get up early tomorrow to start my vacation…

"You're so beautiful" I whispered against her lips before I locked my lips with hers. She tasted like sweet strawberries and I deepened our kiss. Her body writhed beneath mine and she raised her hips to press against me. I chuckled.

"Patience, Love" I whispered and trailed kisses up and down her silky neck. Her hands spread out and grabbed the black satin sheets that covered my bed. I smiled while I kissed down her collarbone. I took my time scorching her skin with my lips and tongue

"Edward…please…" she moaned rolling her head from one side to another, clutching my sheets into her fists.

I raised myself on my knees and looked down on her perfect, creamy white body; her hair sprawled over my sheets, her eyes dark with burning desires, her bottom lip sucked in-between her teeth.

I lowered my head and slowly swirled my tongue around one perfect nipple. I moaned when the familiar sweetness filled my mouth and turned hard under my tongue. I tenderly sucked her erect nipple into my mouth and nibbled ever so gently. Her back arched and she moaned loudly, her body writhing even more.

"Please, Edward…please" she begged loudly and out of breath. Her chest heaved in anticipation but I wasn't done with my torture.

I trailed my mouth down her ribcage and smiled widely when goose bumps erupted on her body. I moved to her abdomen, gliding my tongue along her navel, and then dipping my tongue into her navel. She cried out and pleaded with me again. My mouth moved to her hips and she bucked them upwards. I took my time exploring every inch of her body. I moved to her left leg and trailed kisses down her outer thigh.

She cried out in passion. I know I was increasing the sexual tension inside her body, eliciting her body with my tongue and lips…scorching every inch. I could almost imagine how heated her folds would be right now but I waited.

I glided my tongue back up her outer thigh and moved to her inner thigh. I almost lost control when I was a mere touch away from her heated center. I raised her leg a little and started my scorching-torture on her inner thigh. I placed open-mouthed kisses on her thigh and my dick yelled that I was a fucking prick for putting us through this torturous events. I ignored him completely. When I finally enter her tonight, I want her to scream my name from the top of her lungs. I want her to be so ready and so wet for me that she would have a mind-blowing, intense orgasm.

I nibbled the soft skin on her inner thigh and her body writhed again. She pulled her fist to her mouth, my black satin sheet still clutched between her hands. She bit down on her fist and while I was watching her, I nibbled again. She arched her back again and I've never seen anything sexier than that. She was absolutely perfect. I could cry at how fucking beautiful she was.

I trailed my kisses down her leg and took her foot into my hands. I started kissing the bridge of her foot and glided my tongue to her big toe. I sucked it into my mouth and she wiggled her toes. She propped herself up onto her elbows and looked at me through passion-filled eyes. My tongue glided over her other toes and her eyes fluttered and she let her head fall down. Her hair sprawled beautifully. She moaned when I repeated my actions on her right leg. My control was crumbling when I nibbled on her inner thigh again and the heat radiated from her center.

I moved over her and started torturing her lips again. I nibbled and sucked and licked at the same time. Our tongues danced around each other and every time her tongue graced over mine, I groaned.

"Please" she begged against my lips and I couldn't take it anymore.

I pushed inside her with one quick movement and I smiled when she screamed my name out. Literally screamed my name out. I paused for a second…enjoying the scorching heat and wetness of her center. I pulled out and pushed in again, moaning in pure pleasure at her wetness.

"You feel so good" my voice trembled. She raised her legs and I buried myself deeper inside of her. She screamed out again and locked her legs around my hips.

I shifted my weight onto my arms. I wanted to see her. I wanted to see her writhing under my body and I wanted to see her beautiful face when she finally falls over the edge.

"Look at me, Love" I commanded her. Her eyes fluttered open, dark with lust. I moved faster and she met every thrust.

"Edward" she screamed out, digging her nails into my back.

"Aah…open your eyes love" I yelled out. Everything was so much more intense after I've tortured our bodies.

Her eyes rolled back and darkened even more when her body convulsed beneath mine. She screamed my name over and over again. I couldn't keep my eyes off of her…she was so radiant…so fucking beautiful…an absolute vision to see. I don't know if it was the fact that her body was still writhing underneath mine or if it was the fact that she was so hot that her center actually burned me, but I saw stars after that and I cried out and screamed out her name as wave upon wave of ecstasy washed over me. My own body convulsed in pure and complete pleasure. It was so intense that I had a single tear rolling down my cheek. I collapsed on top of her in complete exhaustion.

I raised my head and opened my eyes to look down at her.

"Bella, I love you so fucking much" I smiled.

I jumped up and gasped for air. My chest heaved and my breathing was ragged. It took me a while to control my breathing and calm the fuck down. I fell back down onto my bed and sighed, rubbing my forehead vigorously.

I hate it when I dream about her. The problem is that the dreams seems so real that I could feel her body underneath mine, I could even feel her body convulsing after an orgasm. Fuck!

I ran my hands through my hair and groaned loudly.

"When will you leave my heart, my dreams, my thoughts and my soul?" I asked loudly to her. I could almost hear her mocking voice answering back 'never'.

I can't wait to get to the island and get away from this place. I can't wait to be alone for a while…

So a few months has passed…What do you think happened to Bella? Where is she?

What did you think about Edward's dream? (blush)

What do you think about his vacation?