WARNING: for explicit sexual content

Chapter 21 - Welcome Home, Son by Radical Face

All my nightmares escaped my head
Bar the door, please don't let them in
You were never supposed to leave
Now my head's splitting at the seams

Sometimes, he wished he could be a mind-reader.

He wished he could hear Astrid's thoughts as she stared out the window of Helga's into the streets of downtown Berk.

They'd come here for a lunch date-thing, which they had spent mostly in comfortable silence.

How had he gotten so lucky?

He loved it all.

From the soft slope of her nose to the way her blue eyes shone in the daylight. Each individual freckle and strand of hair in her brow. The slight smile line she got when the corner of her lips upturned. Her fingertips curling on her mug because she was crazy enough to have coffee at lunchtime in summer.

The way the sun shone on her blonde hair, and the spark in her.

He loved all of her.

"Babe?" said Astrid, eyes still on the window as she set her mug down.

"Yes?"

"You're staring," she said, pretending to be annoyed, but there was a mischievous turn to the corner of her lips.

"Oh." He cleared his throat, "Well, it's your fault."

One of her eyebrows cocked up as she smirked, "my fault?"

"Yes. You…" He gestured in her general direction. "You were over there, and the sun…" he trailed off, his face heating and his vocal cords drying as he attempted a chuckle.

"Oh, I know what you think about the sun," she said with a wink.

He frowned, "you do?"

"Yeah," she boasted, "you think I'm pretty, and when the sun is on me my hair is like… I don't remember the exact wording, but you said it was verynice." She paused to gulp down some coffee, "Gold!" she almost jumped, "you said it looked like gold! Wow, you're cheesy!"

Hiccup tried to ignore the way his face heated up, "you did say you like cheese sticks."

"I do," she admitted, finishing her coffee and setting her mug down. "Here," she said, offering her palm.

His brows furrowed, and he extended a hand over the table to inspect her hand, yelping and then laughing when her hand shot up to grab his.

"Gotcha," she winked at him, a wide smile spreading through her face as their hands settled, linked together over the diner's table.

Hiccup smiled, running a loving thumb over her knuckles.

There was a shadow crossing over Astrid's blue eyes, and it defused her smile into something tight.

Astrid had been like this since her friend Heather had come to visit her.

Maybe bad news from New York she hadn't shared yet?

Ah… there it was.

His own touchy subject.

The fact that she'd go home in a week was the dark cloud looming above his blue sky.

And the truth was;

They hadn't really talked about the future.

What would Astrid do with him? She had such an exciting life just waiting for her back in the United States.

How long would it be before she forgot about him?

He let go of her hand, pretending to want to show her something from his phone.

The door's bell jingling distracted them both, Astrid shutting her jaw closed from whatever she was about to say, and Hiccup had to push back his glasses (He'd lost one of his contacts a few days prior and was waiting on the replacements,) so he could clearly see Finn Hofferson entering Helga's and walking towards them.

"Have you seen Sig?" he said to them both.

Hiccup shook his head, but Astrid frowned, "not since you both left in the morning. Why?"

Finn paled, which was a strange look on his normally stoic face, "I drove her to the ranch," he turned to Hiccup, "which is why I thought you'd seen her there."

"I've… I'm actually making arrangements to bring at least Natt Fury to the house. Permanently. I haven't been over there as often."

There was a brief questioning look on Finn and Astrid's face, but Finn shook his head, frowning, "regardless, we'd agreed on me picking her up for lunch at the door, but she wasn't there. Her horse was gone too. Hiccup. If you know where she could be…" he pleaded.

Astrid started to put their things away, taking some bills from Hiccup's wallet and setting them on the table, as Hiccup thought hard, biting his lip.

"Well?" urged Finn.

"I… maybe…" Hiccup hesitated before shaking his head. Finn sighed in disappointment. Hiccup groaned, his hands that were covering up his face went to grip at his hair.

"Did you check the house?" said Astrid, shouldering Hiccup's leather satchel.

Finn sighed, "obviously," he said but sent a regretful look in Astrid's direction when he saw her frown.

Hiccup burst, "I know!"

Finn grabbed both by the sleeve, Astrid hiding her face and Hiccup smiling tightly at the other customers as Finn dragged them into his van.

The van wobbled as they settled, Finn firm behind the steering wheel. "Where to, Hiccup?"

Hiccup hesitated in the front seat, "I could be wrong… but… Sigrid has been feeling down since we visited Frieda, I thought…"

Astrid gasped, "the gravels… place!"

The only response from Finn was the gear lever jerking into action, and Finn's van's tires screeching.

Their trip to Berk's Gravelskammer was silent, except for Finn's murmuring as he thought, and Hiccup's loaded look to Astrid through the rearview mirror.

Icy rain had started to fall as they pulled up in the parking lot. Finn shut the car off as they got to the front and started unbuckling his seatbelt, and he jumped out.

Astrid made to do the same, but Hiccup shot a hand back, blocking her path.

"Wait," he begged as Astrid tried for the other side, "if Sigrid's there, we will only be in the way, but I don't think she is; I don't see Stormchaser anywhere," he advised as he looked around.

Astrid settled back, realizing then how fast her heart had been beating.

"You alright?" said Hiccup, twisting back as Astrid grabbed his hand and squeezed.

She nodded, but her answer was cut off by what she saw.

"He's coming back!"

Hiccup turned back as best as he could and frowned as Finn stormed his way back through the rain, getting on his van and slamming the door behind him, fists grabbing on to the steering wheel.

"She's not in there," he said to them.

"Love, what har you mit?" he lamented to himself.

"Guys," started Astrid, "aren't we overreacting? Maybe she forgot and went somewhere else for lunch?" offered Astrid.

Finn leaned his forehead on the steering wheel, thinking.

Hiccup shook his head, "Sigrid never forgets appointments or duties. There's only another place she can be," he assured Astrid, "but I'm not sure… Mr. Hofferson…" he looked at Astrid's uncle. Frieda's father. "Finn… are you up to it?"

Finn trembled, shaking his head, but still starting the car.

"Where are we going?" asked Astrid to Hiccup, leaning towards his seat as he arranged the front heating vents, so the warm air would hit Finn.

"You've been there before," he murmured back, "Frieda's field."

Her mouth went dry. Her hands eased their clutch on Hiccup's seat, and she leaned back.

The rain was gone as quickly as it came, a cold taste of summer rain.

The van lurched when Finn hit on the brakes, staring ahead in silence.

In the distant green, a blonde woman was laying in the middle of the field.

"Finn…" begged Hiccup with a whisper, but Finn's grip only tightened over the steering wheel.

Astrid reacted first, but by the time she was off the van, Hiccup was already running ahead of her.

Heart beating at his throat, Hiccup rushed at the slumped form of Sigrid, until his left leg gave out when his prosthesis-aided limb slipped on the wet grass and he was down. Instants later, Astrid was there, picking him up, mumbling his name and they tried to run together, him slightly limping until they reached Sigrid.

"Auntie!" cried Astrid and went to kneel by her. Shaking Sigrid's shoulder and getting no response, Astrid shouted back at Hiccup who had stood back, heart hammering in his throat. "She's cold!"

As much as he wanted to be by Sigrid, he found he couldn't move.

"Hiccup! She's cold!"

His voice tore from his throat, "Sigrid!"

He ran to her and saw what Astrid meant. Sigrid's lips were purplish but putting his fingers under her nose he felt Sigrid's warm breath on his skin. He had to look up at Astrid, finding her blue eyes wide and as terrified as his must be.

"She's breathing. She's cold."

Astrid wasted no time taking off her jumper, shivering as the cold mountain wind went through her cotton tank top. Hiccup thought she had the right idea, unshouldering his jacket and placing it over Sigrid's body as Astrid had with her jumper.

They both tried to wake Sigrid and managed a couple of grunts from her before her eyes started to blink awake.

"Sig!" shouted Finn, running towards them. Hiccup went to sit by Astrid, who was whispering at her aunt.

Finn landed on his knees where Hiccup was, and took Sigrid's hand, feeling it, then feeling her pulse, then grabbing her face, directing Hiccup and Astrid to help him move Sigrid towards the van, with her feverish limping steps and solemn silence.

He didn't start shouting until the van was driving. "Of all things! Sigrid!"

Hiccup cringed in the back, Sigrid's face over his lap as Astrid held her aunt's feet.

Sigrid didn't respond to Finn, instead focusing on Hiccup. "I knew you were up there a lot," she whispered, "but I didn't know you'd add more stones."

He threw a careful glance at Finn before answering, "One for each year, you said. But you only added the first."

"It was too hard," said Sigrid's trembling voice. "She would have been eighteen."

Astrid's arms tightened around Sigrid's feet.

Finn drove faster.

"I loved her so much," continued Sigrid, as new tears pooled in the corner of her eyes and leaked down her face. "I love her so much."

"I know you miss her," said Hiccup, gently. "We all-"

"Today," interrupted Sigrid, "I had to look at her pictures. I'd forgotten," she choked up. "I'd forgotten. She was so clever. So brave." She couldn't say more, little gasping sobs tearing from her.

Hiccup held her tighter, Sigrid crying out as the van jumped from a pothole. "Uncle Finn!" reprimanded Astrid.

"What?! What is it?" grunted Finn as the van skidded on a curve of the wet road.

"Uncle Finn!"

The van lurched into a stop in a straight road a while after the curve, Finn punching the steering wheel and climbing off the van, slamming the door, and walking off into the forest.

Hiccup threw Astrid a look, and she quickly took over soothing Sigrid, who was still crying and mumbling apologies.

He lifted Sigrid's head and set it down gently, going after Finn.

His feet crunched the wet foliage under them as he advanced into the forest, following the sound of Finn's grunts.

He had to duck under a thrown branch before Finn realized who he'd almost gotten.

"Sorry," said the older man, resorting to pacing with hands crossed.

"Everything alright?"

Finn threw his hands up, scoffing, "alright?! Hiccup! It's not-!" He sighed, pinching his nose.

Hiccup schooled himself with a shaky breath. "Sigrid needs your help."

"Oh, she needs my help!" cried Finn, "I wonder if she'll ever fucking take it."

"I don't… I don't know what to say…"

"It's been ten years…!" shouted Finn. "I… I don't know how to help," he admitted to himself. And to Hiccup.

Finn did a double take at Hiccup's helplessness and rubbed the frustration off his face with a loud grunt. "I'm sorry," he said finally. "We should get back," he said and started off out of the woods, a very confused but resigned Hiccup following.

They stopped at the van, Finn begging Hiccup to help him with a look.

Hiccup nodded and stepped towards the driver's side.

"She fell asleep," Astrid informed them as Hiccup shifted the gear lever into the first and started the van on a march, and Finn cradled Sigrid gently in his lap.

At the hospital, they had to carry Sigrid in, and as the doctors examined her and her intake was completed Hiccup joked to Astrid that she had been twice in Berk's hospital than she'd ever been in a hospital back in New York.

She smiled at him in appreciation, squeezing his hand, but said nothing, waiting for Finn to come back with news as they sat in the waiting area.

Astrid ended up dozing off as she laid her hand on Hiccup and he curled an arm around her shoulders.

Slurry voices brought her back.

"Tomorrow I'd like for you to search for the horse," said Finn, as Astrid wiggled to stretch.

"Oh, good morning, Milady," murmured Hiccup as she straightened and rubbed the sleepiness from her eyes.

Finn was giving her a soft, tired smile.

"Where's Sigrid?"

"She's being taken to the psychiatry ward," said Finn, his smile vanishing.

"The psych ward?!"

Finn nodded. The waiting room's lights were harsh on them all, cut off from the daylight.

"But… but why?"

He opened his mouth to answer, but Hiccup cut in. "It's Stormchaser."

Astrid turned to him, "the horse?"

"Yeah. We don't know what happened to her, but Sigrid hadn't ridden her since…" Hiccup shared a look with Finn, then turned back to Astrid. "Right. It's just Stormchaser hadn't been ridden since she threw me and Frieda off her back," he took a shivering breath, feeling comforted by Astrid's hand on his knee.

"For some reason," continued Finn, "Sigrid took Stormchaser and rode her -for the first time in ten years, might I add- up the mountain, and now the horse is missing, and my wife has terrible bruises. She must have gotten them when she fell off."

"Something happened up there," said Hiccup, "but what exactly? And," he shivered, "how much of it was intentional?"

"Can't we just ask her?"

Finn shook his head, his arms crossed, "she will be evaluated by a doctor first, so she's in isolation."

She sighed, "so what now?"

"I take you home," said Hiccup standing up and offering his hand. As Astrid took it, he gave Finn a querying look.

"You both go. You can drive the van downtown. I'll pick it up later," said Finn, placing the keys in Hiccup's hands.

Astrid hugged Finn before taking Hiccup's hand and walking off.

They drove down and switched cars methodically, and the drive to the Hoffersons' property was eerily silent.

When they arrived, he killed the engine and wordlessly got off the car and went around, opening the jeep's door for her.

His steps were constantly behind her, like a reassuring ghost, and she opened the door to Sigrid's house and left it open behind her for him to follow.

But he didn't follow her as she took the first steps upstairs. Instead, Hiccup waited by the foot of the stairs, a question in his nervous green eyes.

Astrid extended her hand, and he took her invitation, joining her before she continued, now with his hand secure in hers.

Hiccup paused again as they reached her bedroom, but she pulled and then he was walking again beside her.

It was all silence between them as she sat him in his bed and grabbed her robe and her towel and kissed him a whispered 'wait here'.

As she showered, she was thinking of Sigrid back in the hospital, and her sobbing, and how time was running out for her and for them all.

For her and Hiccup.

How even when everything seemed fine it could be turned upside down at any moment.

How everything precious could be lost in the blink of an eye if you took it enough for granted.

With her forehead against the tiled wall, she cried.

First, as her eyes burned, she had to blink, and blink, and then she realized she was crying.

That's when the little gasps turned into quiet sobs as she let the hot water hit her back and her hand curl into a fist and then splayed over the shower stall's wall.

Still, not a word said, Astrid finished her shower and donned her robe and pajamas after wringing her hair out like her mother's stylist had taught her, ignoring the cold tiles of the bathroom floor as she changed.

Hiccup had followed her instruction, sitting on the bed with his hands on his face, and shoulders slumped.

"Hey," she whispered, confident he'd hear her from the doorframe.

He straightened, standing up. "I should go," he mumbled as he approached her, kissing her on the cheek.

"Don't," she pleaded, grabbing on his jacket sleeve, and then locking her arms around his waist.

Hiccup sighed, returning her hug. "You know, Mr. Hofferson might kill me if he finds me here."

"But he's not going to, right?" she looked up at him. "He'll be at the hospital all day."

He breathed out, a corner of his lips lifting. "Alright."

Soon, they were both under the covers, Hiccup having taken off his jeans, jacket and leg.

Her fingertips were cold on his neck as she snuggled closer.

"Goodnight, Astrid," he said to her, leaning forward to press his lips against her forehead.

Astrid caught his lips on his way back, "goodnight," she said, her nose hiding in the crook of his neck.

She sighed, the texture of his skin so comforting under the slight brush of her lips.

When she went back to New York, she wouldn't have this.

His arms around her.

His heartbeat in her ear.

"Hiccup," she tried after a while.

And was proven right, "yeah?" he said, clearly not asleep.

Astrid opened her eyes, glad to find his green eyes staring at her in the moonlight.

She couldn't resist it, tilting her face up, pressing her lips against his, fingertips clutching at his t-shirt.

He followed her lead, his arm around her bringing her closer as she tilted her head, her tongue testing him as he opened his mouth to let her in with a moan.

She rolled his tongue over hers, then pulled back, pulling on his lower lip with a gentle bite.

They paused, her hand cradling his jaw as they breathed each other's air. Eyes closed and warm cheeks.

Goosebumps erupted over his skin when she twisted them around, brushing her lips over his neck, earning her little gasps from his lips when one of those kisses was open mouthed, and she sucked on the skin over his racing pulse.

Her hand went from his shoulder, down his torso, pausing at his navel.

She didn't want to stop, but did he?

Astrid looked down to him, flushed cheeks and bobbing Adam's apple as he swallowed, searing green looking back at her, and the squeeze of his hand over her waist stopped her hesitation, rucking his t-shirt up and off him, pressing open mouthed kisses over his uncovering lithe chest, teasing his skin, breathing steam.

Throwing the t-shirt off somewhere, she was left sitting over him, his big hands resting on her thighs, his thumbs where her legs met her hips.

She kissed him again, straightening to unbutton her pajama top, not ignoring the way his hungry gaze followed her fingertips over each button, sighing when her top was off, his hands reaching up eagerly when she leaned on him, resting on her ribcage, relishing her pleased shiver when he ran his thumb over her breast.

He leaned up to press a kiss on her collarbone, sucking on her skin. The hand that wasn't holding him up massaging her breast, the thumb rubbing circles around her nipple, and she quivered above him, her center grinding on him and his head thrown back with a groan.

It was a terrible effort, but he stopped her, scooting back to sit up, Leaving Astrid in front of him.

"Why did you stop?"

"It's… Before we do… this, I had to know. I'm sorry. I just had to know."

"Know what?"

He paused, wondering if this would be the moment it'd all end. He breathed in some courage.

"I love you," he said, "I do. I think I've made it pretty clear before..." he added at her blank look.

Astrid blinked. He shuffled awkwardly, before he started shifting towards the edge of the bed.

"Gods, I… never mind that. I'll just… You don't have to say anything," he stammered, reaching for his leg. "I'm so sorry. I'll just-"

"Wait," she said, arms around his shoulders, her chest pressed against his back. "Wait."

His hands froze over his prosthesis.

"I love you," she whispered at his ear. "I love you, too."

"You do?" he asked, not daring to look at her.

"I do. I love you," she repeated. "I don't want you to go."

"Really?"

She chuckled, "yes, you dork. How many times do I have to say it?"

"One more?" he joked.

Astrid pressed her lips to his neck, lingering. "I'll just show you," she said, kissing his lips again.