~ is internal conversation between host and symbiote

bold is symbiote speaking with symbiote voice

Sam POV

I slowly wake up, and to my surprise I find myself in my bathroom, sitting in our large bathtub. The last I remember is walking out of my room, so I don't know how I ended up here.

~I apologize." Jilinet tells me. ~I blocked you out, as you asked, and then I removed your memories of everything that happened with Apophis.~

~I told you not to block me out!~

~You changed your mind. Believe me, you did. I can show you that particular memory if you want to, but I would rather not think of it myself.~

I shudder, at the sound of her voice. ~I believe you.~

I move to take the shampoo, and when I do I feel a slight soreness in much of my body, centered between my legs.

~The rest of the pain will be gone very soon,~ Jilinet promises me. She sounds exhausted.

~Jilinet? Are you okay?~

~I am fine, it was just a long and not very pleasant night. Apophis is not a good or considerate lover, but he is most vigorous. I look forward to sleeping.~

I nod, and start washing my hair. ~Go to sleep, then. I'll wake you up if someone knocks on our door.~

~Thank you.~

I feel her slip off to sleep. As I finish bathing, drying off, and then dressing, I do my best not to think of what Jilinet must have experienced tonight. I again feel guilty that I let her suffer alone, but I am more grateful than anything else.

After sleeping, we spend a few soothing hours with Martouf and Lantash, being comforted by them.

I feel guilty, but they again assure me that I am not betraying them.

Somewhat soothed, we bathe again and dress in sexy clothes.

We will be having dinner with Apophis again tonight, before again sharing his bed.

Tomorrow will be the same, as will the night after, but then we can hopefully convince Apophis that conception has taken place, and then soon after, his scientist will examine us and confirm it.

Hopefully, we will not have to sleep with Apophis again after that, and hopefully he will not learn that the child is not his, but Martouf and Lantash's.

Apophis ended up insisting on sex one more night, just to 'make sure', but now we are finally no longer required to do so.

The scientist will be making the first scan soon, to make sure that all is well, and then he will soon after start the treatments that will turn Jilinet into a queen.

I hope those treatments will not be too unpleasant, but anything that gets the Tok'ra a queen is worth it.

Unfortunately, Apophis does not invite Jilinet to his meetings with other Goa'uld, so the amount of information we can gather and send to the Tok'ra is minimal. Hopefully that will change, when Jilinet is starting to become an actual queen?

Of course, truth be told, I do not wish to spend more time with Apophis than I absolutely have to!

I keep feeling guilty for sleeping with Apophis, even if I have no choice, and I do not even remember it. I know Jilinet is hurting over it too. We both feel like we are betraying Martouf and Lantash, despite all. I have a nagging suspicion that my memories from Jolinar and Rosha having to sleep with Bynar to escape Netu, is making it worse.

Fortunately, we do not have to share Apophis bed anymore, it helps.

"You have found what?" I ask.

"Another exit from the secret room. And entry, but it can be blocked from the other side." Martouf tells us.

"Where is it?" I ask, nervously. "It's not easily discovered, is it?"

He shakes his head. "No, it is in what I think is a library. A sideroom to a larger room, but I did not explore further. The entrance is hidden from the other side, better than this one, I believe. It is part of a large statue."

I nod. "No one saw you, did they?"

"No, don't worry. No one was there. I was only in the library for a short time, then I returned to the secret room. I have blocked the entrance from my side, so even if the entrance is discovered, which I am sure it never will be, then no one can open it."

"All right." I say, feeling slightly more reassured. "Let's hope you're right." I hug him, worried for him. Now when I have him back, alive and well, I cannot stand the thought of anything happening to him.

"Samantha? What is the problem?" Martouf asks, pulling us closer.

It is the middle of the night, and we are lying in our bed, after having made sweet love with Martouf and Lantash.

"Nothing." I tell him.

"It is not nothing! You seem distant. Are you regretting being our mate?" Martouf asks, worried.

"Of course not! I would never regret that!" I say, hotly, then add in a low voice. "I thought maybe you were regretting being our mate..."

"What?!" Martouf looks at me in shock.

"You know..." I shake my head. "Never mind."

"You will tell me at once, why you get such foolish ideas!"

I look directly at him and tell him, despite Jilinet telling me not to. "Because we slept with Apophis. Just like Jolinar slept with Bynar. Yes, she didn't have a choice, and we don't have a choice, but it must still hurt. I mean, you must feel doubly betrayed when I, with Jolinar's memories, have done this."

"No, Samantha!" Martouf grabs my arms and looks directly at me. "Never! I would never think you and Jilinet - or Rosha and Jolinar - betrayed me! You had no choice! Just as you say! What you are doing is both to give the Tok'ra a queen, and to save us all from being discovered! It is a role you must play, we understand that! All Tok'ra understand this! Please, do not torment yourself!"

He gives Lantash control. "Samantha, what Martouf said is correct. We would never be angry at you, nor hurt that you have done something wrong. The only one we are angry at is Apophis, whom we would like to kill! Slowly. We are also somewhat angry at Anise, for sending you on this dangerous mission, of course."

"But had she not done so, we wouldn't have found you, and saved you." I point out.

"Very true, though we would rather be dead, or even Apophis's prisoner, than you and Jilinet risking your lives... or having to do something that repulses you."

I hug Lantash to me. "To have you both alive and well means everything to us. We would do anything for that!"

"Thank you. And then accept that we feel the same for you?"

"Yes." I smile at him. "We love you so much."

"We love you."

We kiss, and soon we are making love again.

Afterwards, as we are lying in each others arms, we are feeling much better.