am i late? i am late, aren't i? i'm sorry. life has been a little too hectic for me recently. i'm pretty sure it won't let up until i'm settled in college. but still, i love you guys which is why i took the time to come up with this one. it's a pretty heavy one so brace yourselves!
about the running away thing she did last chapter, i know some of you are angry at Quinn for that but you have to understand, she is still a nineteen year old girl. sometimes, she just have to be irresponsible.
response to reviews
Faberry45: faberry will always come back to each other
Guest1: Quinn has been so used to running away for most of her life, so yeah, it may be wrong but it's like the only thing she knows to do.
LuckyVV: please keep leaving reviews! i wanna hear as much feedback as i can :)
cyrstals: first i still don't believe you, second i thought of them myself, third i'm sorry? lastly haha i'm good at multitasking
LaurenKnight13: you're like the only person who truly understands the Quinn in this fic
now read, ponder and enjoy
Of course she would end up falling asleep at the park. Yesterday's events were much too exhausting for her that she'd ended up passing out as soon as she closed her eyes. Something felt different when she woke up. She didn't immediately open her eyes or stir, but she regained consciousness and she just had the feeling that something was different.
Quinn didn't feel scared though. In fact, the weird thing was that she felt safer.
"I know you're awake." She froze, part of her was surprised and part of her sort of knew this was coming. "Get up. We have to leave before we get caught," the voice commanded. The owner of the voice sounded resigned and haggard, like she hadn't slept for days.
Quinn rolled onto her back and slowly blinked her eyes open. The sun hadn't come out yet but the sky's already starting to brighten up. She twisted her head to the left and saw a jean clad butt that she had unashamedly touched less than 48 hours ago. Her eyes then traveled upwards to the owner's face.
Rachel looked paler than she'd ever been and the bags under her eyes were prominent. She didn't look too hot, to put it bluntly. "Come on, Quinn," Rachel said weakly and pushed herself up to her feet.
The tone Rachel was using – tired and defeated and slightly impatient – indicated that the woman wasn't Quinn's biggest fan right now. She stayed on her back for a few seconds, looking up at Rachel who refused to look at her. She licked her lips, nervous and scared, before she gradually got up to her feet, standing next to her.
Was this the breaking point? Was this Rachel's limit? So many questions ran rampant in Quinn's mind as she followed the woman back to where they'd come from. She was so distracted that she nearly slipped on top of the fence had Rachel not reach out to steady her with her hands on Quinn's hips.
"Thanks," Quinn muttered when she got to the other side safely.
Rachel nodded, looking anywhere but at Quinn. "I saw your car at a hotel on my way here. I'll bring you there and then we're gonna go home."
The blonde winced at the sound of home and cleared her throat, shoving her hands in her back pockets. "About that –"
"No," Rachel snapped.
Quinn closed her mouth abruptly, staring at the woman with wide eyes. Rachel held up a finger between them as she gazed down at her shoes. Quinn watched as she breathed slowly repeatedly, her chest expanding and contracting visibly. Her head was slightly lopsided and Quinn spotted a sardonic smile.
The fear in Quinn's heart intensified. She'd gone too far this time. She pulled a disappearing act and got them so worried that now Rachel was probably going to leave her. Quinn stiffened her posture to stop herself from trembling. Screw that, Rachel was going to leave her.
Rachel looked up, eyes focused on Quinn's nose. "We are going home," she insisted and whirled around to her car.
The car ride to the hotel took ten minutes, but it felt more like decades than ten minutes. She'd never heard silence quite this loud. Palpable frustration was radiating off Rachel like never ending waves as she drove towards the hotel. Quinn spent the ride with her eyes closed, anxious to look at the woman at all.
Thankfully, there were barely any vehicles before sunup so Rachel could easily find a parking space behind Quinn's car.
"I'm gonna follow you back to Lima," Rachel said in monotone, staring straight at the steering wheel.
"Wha – Rachel, there is no need for that!" Quinn protested.
Rachel clenched her jaw, still refusing to look at her. "Yes, there is," she said, accompanied by a curt nod.
"Rachel!"
"No, don't you Rachel me!" She whipped her head around to scowl at Quinn. Quinn had never seen Rachel looking quite as furious as this before. And it honestly scared the hell out of her. "We are going back to Lima and you are going to talk to your family. You are going to call Santana and tell her that you are very much alive and not off rotting in the woods somewhere as the aftereffect of some crazy nightmare serial killer lurking in public because that is what she's thinking right now. When you're done talking to whoever it is you need to talk to, then you come to me. And then we're gonna talk."
Quinn wanted to argue. She didn't wanna go back to Lima. She didn't want to face her family, especially her patriarchal father. She didn't want to talk to anyone. Frankly, she didn't even want to face Rachel for now. But judging by the furious expression Rachel had on right now, Quinn figured it wouldn't be a good idea to argue.
"Can I at least grab my things and check out?" she snapped, unable to prevent the resentment from slipping into her voice.
It took a moment but Rachel nodded in acquiescence. "I'll be waiting," she said like it was a warning in case Quinn chose to run away again.
Quinn didn't take long to pack up her stuff since she didn't bring anything except the clothes she wore last night. The receptionist seemed surprised that she was checking out this hour in the morning but she only offered a curt smile and word of gratitude before heading out.
True to her word, Rachel followed her back to Lima. Since it was early in the morning and there was barely any vehicle, they managed to reach Lima in two hours. Quinn spent the entire car ride trying and failing not to think about the effect her actions might have on her relationship with Rachel. She didn't imagine it would come to this. Or maybe she had expected it but refused to imagine it. Rachel had the rights to be pissed, but Quinn thought she of all people would understand.
Quinn wasn't sure she could bear to lose the woman. No, Quinn wasn't dependent on Rachel. No, Quinn wouldn't be unable to live without Rachel. But Quinn didn't want to live without Rachel. In all her eighteen years of life, her several months with Rachel were perhaps the happiest time of her life.
When Quinn rolled into the driveway, Rachel didn't follow suit. She stayed in her car by the sidewalk, obviously ready to take off when she was sure Quinn wasn't going to take off herself. Quinn stood by her car as Rachel sat in hers, regarding each other. For the first time, Quinn couldn't identify the look in Rachel's caramel brown eyes. And that terrified her.
After a long while of beholding without speaking, Rachel gave a nod and drove off. Quinn released a breath that she didn't even know she was holding. It was shaky and didn't feel all that good. In fact, it just increased her pain and made her want to cry. She slumped against her car, head propped on her arms which were rested on the hood of the vehicle.
"Oh well, look who finally decided to come back from the dead." She lifted her head to see her sister standing at the threshold of the house, looking madder than Quinn had ever seen her mad. Frannie had her arms crossed over her chest and her face set into a glower. "What? Aren't you going to pull off a disappearing act for another two or three days? Or maybe even never come back?"
Quinn sighed. She didn't need this. "Frannie," she started.
"Where the hell were you?" her sister blew up, rapidly descending the steps and approaching her. "Did you have any idea how worried we were? Mom was set on calling the cops this morning!"
"Frannie," she tried again.
"I even tried to put up a notice on Twitter and Facebook and fucking Tumblr but Santana stopped me. Santana's worse! She wanted to go as far as Cleveland to look for you!" Frannie ignored her and kept yelling. "Dad locked himself up in his study for the entire day until bedtime and I swore to god he was crying when he was in there!"
"Frannie!" Quinn stopped her in a louder voice. The older girl crossed her arms, evidently displeased to be interrupted. "Please, can we just talk inside?" she asked, rubbing the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger.
"Fine," Frannie spat and pivoted on her heel.
Quinn followed her sister into the house and took her time getting her jacket and beanie off. She was stalling and judging by the way Frannie was glowering at her, she knew. She made a gesture for Frannie to lead the way when she was done. Frannie brought her into the dining room where everyone was gathered there – even Santana and Brittany.
As Quinn took a glance at Santana and her father's expressions, she gathered they must have been in an argument just before she walked in. And then Santana's terse expression immediately went livid when she saw Quinn while her father only got sterner if that was even possible.
Santana leaped out of her chair; Brittany's face brightened with a wide grin; her mother gasped; her grandfather seemed to be struggling between anger and joy; Mercedes just looked relieved. Quinn stood in the doorway, uncertain of what she should do next.
"What the fuck, Quinn?" Santana seethed in a low tone.
Quinn knew that if she was speaking in that manner, she was legitimately irate. Quinn sighed and ran a hand through her messy hair. "I'm sorry," she breathed.
Santana clenched her hands into tight fists. Quinn fully expected the girl to go ahead and sock her in the face. Instead, she just looked away and sat back down.
Judy scrambled from her chair and engulfed Quinn in a tearful embrace. "Oh god, Quinn, my baby," she whispered in relief. Quinn wrapped her arms around her mother and hugged her back.
"I'm sorry," she repeated.
Her mother drew away and clasped Quinn's face with her hands gently. She was smiling happily with watery eyes. "I'm so glad you're home," she whispered. "Don't ever do that again, okay?"
Quinn nodded, feeling the want to cry herself as she looked at her mother.
Judy took her by the forearm and dragged her towards her chair, adjacent to her father and next to her grandfather. Quinn glanced at Russell, who still refused to look at her, and reluctantly sat down. Grandpa Fred then patted her on her thigh with a smile, having decided on being joyful instead of angry.
"I didn't raise you to be that irresponsible, Quinn." She looked to Russell, who was still not looking at her. "You put everyone in a very difficult position yesterday. They were floundering not knowing where you were." She kept mum, knowing she'd only make things worse if she answered. And then there was silence. "Speak, Quinn!" he spat.
She barely jumped at the sharp tone he'd adopted. She just sighed heavily and shook her head. "What do you want me to say?" she asked. He snapped up to her, eyes glaring daggers at her. She rubbed the edge of her brow with a sardonic smile. "I've said everything I've got to say, Dad. Since you're the judge, jury and executioner of this family," she said with dripping sarcasm, "why don't you do what you usually do? Pass your judgment and let us hear it."
Russell looked utterly livid at that point, nostrils flaring and eyes fiery. "Watch your tone, young lady."
"Quinnie, we're all just really surprised," Judy attempted. "We didn't expect you to be involved with a…a woman, much less a woman twelve years older than you!" Quinn didn't miss the almost blanch on Judy's face when she said that.
"Neither did I, Mom," Quinn disclosed. "Not the woman part; that I've always known." Her mother gasped and her grandfather's clasp on the arms of his chair tightened. "What's that they say? Love knows no boundaries."
"You have always been a good Christian daughter," Judy said in vain, as if that could change anything.
"Well, I think some parts of the Bible are utter bull," Quinn retorted just as quickly.
Russell slapped the table surface hard, calling everyone's attention. "How dare you insult the –"
"I didn't insult! I'm just pointing out that there are some parts of the Bible that don't make any sense!" she countered vehemently. She frowned at her father. "Are you angry about the fact that Rachel's a woman or that she's twelve years older than me?"
He curled his fingers inwards to form a hard fist. She stared back at him with vehemence. "Both," he snapped.
She snorted and shook her head. "Then how are Santana and Brittany in our house right now?" He gaped at her. "I mean, you couldn't have not known that they're a couple! You're not that blind. Do you just turn a blind eye to them?"
"Actually, he wanted us out of your house before you came in," Santana joined in with much too fake smile of her own.
Quinn nodded in understand. "I see."
"It is wrong," her mother opined pitifully.
"It is –" Quinn closed her mouth abruptly, realizing that her voice was louder than she intended it to be. She took a couple of deep breaths in attempt to pacify the turbulence arising in her chest currently. "Then what is right, Mom?" she asked. "Mentally abusing your child? Lying to your child? Watching your child being mentally abused by your spouse and not doing anything about it?"
"Wha –"
She laughed humorlessly with a cruel smirk. "Oh, don't even pretend you didn't do all those things; both of you," she hawked nastily. "Mom, you've been watching him taunting me with every opportunity he gets for the last five years and you didn't do anything. You just pretend that our family is normal and happy. You pretend and you drink and you ignore. It's all you do."
Judy was driven speechless from Quinn's verbal attack. She closed her eyes and diverted her gaze to the glass of whiskey she had in her hand. Point proven.
"None of you did anything," she accused, her eyes welling with unshed tears.
She looked around the table, giving each of her family member a few seconds of her attention and they all looked predictively remorseful. When she looked to Santana, the Latina looked somewhat guilty too – maybe because she'd been watching Quinn suffering from Russell's mental torment for years and didn't do anything about it either.
She could see her father was striving arduously to not display any emotions he felt but he failed, because his expression swiftly went from cold to repentant.
As they sat there in silence, Quinn came to the realization that the sole reason this family was falling apart was her and her father. Their objection to do anything in order to mend their relationship was the main reason that this family was falling to shambles. She leaned forward and tiredly propped her elbow on the table, supporting her head with her hand. Her sigh was audible as she exhaled and she closed her eyes.
She wished she was still back in Cleveland. She wished Rachel hadn't found her. She wished Rachel was here by her side.
"You can't blame me for running away at the first chance I get," she whispered, slicing the air of silence with her whispered words. "It's all I've known to do: run away and hide whenever a problem arises." She stopped again, choosing her words carefully. "I'm sorry that I let you down. I'm sorry that I made you feel embarrassed or ruined your reputation. I'm sorry for whatever it is that made you feel so disgusted and hateful towards me for the last five years."
"Quinn, your father does not find you disgusting," Grandpa Fred voiced from beside her.
She turned towards Russell slowly. "Do you?" she asked feebly. Russell didn't answer. She sighed. "I was afraid to play anymore because every time I tried, I would be reminded of Grammy dying in a hospital bed without me there. I would remember how I literally ran off the stage in public. I would hear you calling me self-entitled brat." She could still hear his venomous voice in her head now. "But Rachel helped me. She's helped me through so much. She helped me overcome the fear of playing. I started playing again because of her."
"Wait, you're playing again?" Judy remarked in disbelief from across the table.
"Yes, Mom, I started playing again. But this time, I don't intend to play for anyone else but me. I'm not gonna compete or do a showcase or whatever it is you wanted me to do when I was a kid. I'm going to play on my own terms."
Judy nodded, looking far too delighted to be unnerved by Quinn's stern tone. "Yes, of course, Quinnie."
She looked around the table and said slowly, "Rachel Berry is the gentlest and kindest soul I've ever met. She didn't force me into doing anything I didn't want to. She is patient and thoughtful. What's most important is that she loves me. You'd be surprised by how much she's willing to go to because of her love for me." Quinn remembered when they almost did it at the park but they didn't because she wasn't ready and Rachel was so considerate. Or when Rachel would just go out and meet her in the middle of the night for an ice-cream because she asked her to. "And I love her. Believe it or not, I am in love with her.
"Believe me, I was scared too when I realized I had feelings for her. I mean, you guys said it yourselves; she's twelve years older than I am. She's more mature and she is a woman while I am just a girl barely out of teenage hood."
"But she still loves you," her mother declared, in a manner that indicated that it was finally dawning upon her. Judy lifted her gaze from her glass of whiskey and stared at Quinn, her blue eyes a new kind of bright. "She still loves you."
Quinn huffed a laugh and nodded. "She still loves me." Quinn couldn't be so sure about that right now but whatever.
"Oh Quinnie."
Quinn licked her lips and shrugged. "You guys can ground me or disown me or send me to a camp or whatever, but I'm still going to love her." She furrowed her brows slightly and stiffened her posture. "So yeah, Dad, go ahead. Be the judge, jury and executioner. Just tell me right now if you want me out of this house and I will pack my bags immediately."
It was supposed to be just ten minutes, but it felt a lot like a millennia to her. The air was so still Quinn was sure they would hear a pin drop. The grandfather clock ticked and ticked, counting the seconds in rhythmic ticks. Grandpa Fred's increased breathing was audible next to her. And she just waited for her father to bring down the gavel.
"I think you've spoken more to me these couple of weeks more than you ever had in five years." And the gavel was dropped. His lips curled slightly into an almost there smile. He looked sad and regretful and somewhat remorseful. "It's depressing because while you talk to me for the first time in five years, we have to discuss matters such as this." He sighed and shifted in his seat, patting his chest for a second. "You are my daughter; my flesh and my blood. I can't change that." That sentence was supposed to sound empowering, but instead it just sent dreads down her spine. "I regret employing Miss Berry; I really do." He was kicking her out. "Maybe if I had trusted you two months ago and believe that your sister can do it without a tutor, then maybe you wouldn't have met Miss Berry and all these wouldn't happen. Maybe if I had tried to be more of a father to you than the monster you obviously think I am now, I would have realized that you're different from all of us."
Just say it, she snarled mentally. Just be the monster and throw me out.
"It's wrong," he sighed. She decided that she wasn't going to listen to his monologue when it would just end up one way. She placed her hands on the surface of the table, ready to stand up. "But the real reason that I'm so mad about this is because I can't bear the thought of losing my baby girl." She stopped, staring at her father in surprise. "You and Frannie are going off to college later this year and that fact has already pained me enough. The house is going to be quieter and lonelier and I won't be able to hear the piano or you singing to whatever pop song in your room." When he lifted his head, she gasped when she saw the tears brimming his eyes. "And I have to find out that I'm going to lose you to that woman more. You're gonna spend less time at home because you will want to spend more time with her. And I can't…" He stopped and breathed deeply. "I guess I'm just not ready."
"Dad," Quinn breathed, partly in disbelief and partly astounded. "You're not gonna lose me. Hell, I was so afraid of losing you that I refused to talk to you until you do something about your heart!" she exclaimed. "I promise you, Dad, you're not going to lose me."
They stared at each other for a moment. She let him study her, to search the truth in the eyes he'd given her. Then he nodded. "I've lost you once, Quinn. I'm not going to lose you again." A slow grin stretched out on her face. "I am going to try to accept Miss Berry as your…girlfriend," he choked. "Because I can see that you are indeed very much in love with her. And my daughter's happiness is what's important to me."
She displayed a full blown grin and she couldn't help but leap a little in her seat. "Thank you." And then her smile dimmed a little. "Will she still…tutor Frannie?" she asked reluctantly.
He looked at her sharply that she was sure her heart stopped. And then he turned to his older daughter. "Do you still want Miss Berry as your tutor?" he asked.
Quinn's head spun to look at her sister so quick that it was a fortune her neck didn't roll off her shoulders. They were staring at each other, knocked for six. Russell Fabray had actually asked for their opinion. Frannie swallowed and gradually turned back to Russell.
"Well, I've still got a week until the showcase. It'd be kind of a waste to not make the most out of it," she said nervously.
Russell nodded in acquiescence. "Okay. Then Miss Berry will continue as your tutor for the rest of the week." He looked almost constipated each time he spoke Rachel's name.
"Dad, if I may be so bold," Quinn said.
"You've been bolder than you've ever been for the past week, Quinn," he snapped, not maliciously.
Grandpa Fred and Frannie snorted simultaneously while Quinn heaved a nervous laugh. "Yeah, if you all are going to try to accept Rachel," she directed a glance at Judy who looked expectant, "you might want to actually start calling her Rachel."
He was upright and rigid like a sergeant major. If they didn't know better, they would have thought he'd been asked to betray his own country. "Fine," he choked and looked away from her.
She smiled and nodded. "Thank you, Dad," she said tenderly. He looked back at her, softening a little. "I do love you, you know."
He sagged a whole lot more and he offered a barely there smile.
Then she narrowed her eyes a little in contemplation. "Am I…grounded?" she asked, picking her nails.
"Yes."
"Oh yeah."
"You bet."
"Your ass is so grounded."
Her parents, her grandfather and her sister all spoke simultaneously – her father was trying to look as stern as possible, her mother with a nonchalance, her grandfather with a teasing smile and her sister with a twinkling smirk.
She winced and then glared when Santana and Brittany cackled across the table. "Can I, at least, have a day off today?" she requested. "What I did last night didn't just affect you." She shrugged helplessly, shooting pointed glances at her parents, hoping they would get the hint.
Russell looked like it took him all his energy to grant his approval. Her mother just drank more from her whiskey glass with a sigh and a nod. She shared a long look with her husband, like they were having a telepathy conversation. Quinn shouldn't be surprised that they shared a bond as deep as that but she was grateful because as a result, he nodded begrudgingly.
A broad grin showed itself on her face. She stood up abruptly, knocking the chair over. "I'll be back tonight…I think." Russell glared at her. "Definitely," she corrected. "And then you can ground me for as long as you want. Well, hopefully not too long. I mean, I gotta have a life before I go to college, right? So –"
"Quinnie," Judy stopped her, her lips curled into a bemused smirk. "Stop digging a hole."
She shut up and nodded. "Right. I'll see you tonight." She then looked across the table at her best friends who were ready to leave as well. Santana stopped when her eyes met Quinn's. "I'll talk to you later, I promise."
Santana presented an understanding smile. "I'll hold you to that."
Quinn laughed and bade them another goodbye before rushing out of her house. She denied herself the luxury of thinking as she drove towards her destination. She'd never been there before so she only had an address in her memory. She hoped she could find the location. And then she was beaming proudly when she saw Rachel's car parked outside a home.
It disappeared almost immediately as she remembered her purpose here. She was really glad that the discussion she had with her family that was long overdue was finally out of the window. That wasn't to say that it was all solved now but at least, they found a way to get around it.
But now this, the salvation of her obstacle full relationship. The universe seemed hell bent on wrecking her relationship with Rachel, presenting an obstacle whenever she thought it was sailing smoothly. This time, the obstacle was her. She would not let her nerves stop her from trying to salvage this one. Rachel Berry was the one thing she could not afford to lose.
She guzzled down a bottle of water before stepping out of the car and trudging up the driveway to the patio. She pressed the doorbell twice and waited for it to open. She listened as heavy footsteps sounded behind the door and a few muttered words were heard before she heard the lock unlock. And then it opened to reveal a tall man in glasses, white hair covering his head.
One of Rachel's fathers, Quinn was sure. He was smiling. She was slightly creeped out. Who the fuck smile at a stranger? "Quinn Fabray, I presume?" Her eyes widened and her throat dried. "You're more beautiful in person than Leroy and I had imagined you to be."
She dug her fingernails into her palms, biting her lips. She wasn't sure how she should respond to such parental friendliness. She had no experience of that herself, after all. "Um…"
Another set of feet announced another intruder. "Hiram, who is it?" Another man – Rachel's other father – appeared next to the man in glasses, significantly shorter. His eyes widened and his lips stretched into a shit eating grin, as if he saw god himself. "Oh, is this her?" he gasped, smacking his husband's arm repeatedly.
"I think she is," Hiram responded with a similar grin. "You are Quinn, right?"
She tilted her head and laughed uncertainly. "I am."
Quinn didn't know a wider grin was possible but Leroy just did it. Quinn worried that his face would split if he grinned any wider. Hiram, on the other hand, leaped and whooped with joy – literally. Quinn didn't know what to do except to laugh more uncertainly.
"What's all the commotion about?" She stopped laughing, frozen on the spot. The two men were pushed apart by a petite woman, Rachel. Rachel's eyes widened when she saw her at her doorstep. "Quinn," she pronounced.
Quinn swallowed and nodded. "Yeah."
"Oh, Rachel, this girl seems really nice. You have to keep her!" Hiram urged cheerfully, evidently unaware of the tension between the girl and the woman.
"Yes, yes, Rachel. Invite her to dinner tonight," Leroy joined in.
All the while, they just stared at each other, Rachel in surprise and Quinn in nerves. "I think it's time for us to talk."
"Lucy, do not let your nerves stop you from doing something that you want or have to do. You'll regret it sooner or later. The more nervous you are, the more you should do it."
there are not even breaks! all in one go! whoa!